-People around here are having very mixed reactions to the Patriots drafting of Arkansas quarterback Ryan Mallett. Some people are pleased that we got a guy who was projected as a first-round talent in the third round, while others are annoyed that we drafted a quarterback when we had much more pressing needs at other positions. (I contend even these people would have been ok with taking Mallett if we had at least taken a pass-rusher with one of our earlier picks.) Personally, I'm looking at it like this: at least we know Belichick isn't going anywhere for a while. This tells me Bill is already thinking ahead to the post-Brady days and doesn't want to draft a quarterback out of need (like Carolina did this year) and then be forced to play him even if they don't think he's ready because he's their only option (like has happened to many teams in the past). The only question is whether or not Mallett has the patience to sit for three years. If he does, it's a great move. If he doesn't then you can only hope someone is willing to take him off our hands for at least an equal pick.
-Speaking of quarterbacks, let me go on record as saying I don't like the Panthers' selection of Cam Netwon. This has nothing to do with me being a Notre Dame guy and the fact since Newton is now there it will push Clausen further down the depth chart. It also has nothing to do with the fact that Newton had off-the-field concerns, because every player has those. I wouldn't have taken him because he only played one year of big-time college football, didn't seem to grasp the offense when questioned about it during various TV segments and threw a grand total of 280 passes during that one year. In today's pass-happy NFL he'll be asked to throw that many by week 7. I'm going on record as saying he'll end up a thinner JaMarcus Russell.
-It was announced this week that Tiger Woods has suffered a mild MCL sprain and is going to be out of action for another couple of weeks. While this would screw up any other player's rhythm, in reality it will only cost Woods a couple of tournaments because he doesn't play nearly as much as the rest of the PGA. The interesting statistic that came out of this was that since 2008, Woods has only participated in 28% of the PGA Tour's tournaments. Basically, he's the Yao Ming of golf - don't expect him and anything you get when he shows up should be considered gravy. People always wonder what will become of the PGA Tour after Woods retires, but I say that have a pretty good idea of it now.
-Despite protests from owner Frank McCourt, Major League Baseball continues down the path of a hostile takeover of the Dodgers, appointing one of its own to run the team. If I were a Dodger's fan, this would annoy me greatly. Not because I think McCourt has been doing a great job, but the guy they brought in used to be President of the Rangers. Up until about five minutes ago the Rangers were terrible. I mean, if you are going to take over the team against the owners' wishes, the least you could do is install a guy who knows how to run a successful franchise.
-In an interview with Yahoo sports, former Michigan Head Coach Rich Rodriguez now admits that he was never really comfortable during his time at the school and, in retrospect, making the move from West Virgina was a mistake. Finally, something Rich and the Michigan alumni can agree on.
-A couple weeks back I said I doubted that Norm MacDonald's new "Sports Show" was going to be any good. Well, I'm man enough to admit when I am wrong. It's basically back to MacDonald doing his "Weekend Update" roots but only covering sports stories and it is really funny. I find myself laughing out loud at least once an episode. If you like sports you should really give it a try.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
Seemed Bigger Last Year
So, I coaxed my dad into playing a little hooky today and heading down to Wareham to open up the beach house. Now, after years and years of having to spend the first day down the beach trying to repair pipes which had burst over the winter, my family decided a couple of years ago to make the excellent decision to have someone else blow out the pipes every fall. What this does is make sure there is no water left in the pipes to freeze and makes opening up the cottage the following spring approximately 3,000% easier. It is, year in and year out, one of the best decision we make.
You see, I am not a small man. I have come to accept this. Also, I do not like spiders. Therefore, crawling under a house and through cobwebs with a torch to try and seal a broken pipe is not my idea of a good time. By having someone else take care of it months beforehand all I have to do it go in a couple of feet, put on some plumber's tape around a nut and plug one valve. It takes four minutes. In fact, there is only one issue and that is that every year the door to get under the house seems smaller. I'm not even talking narrower; I mean the door seems physically shorter. Every year it feels like I have to get lower to the ground just to crawl under the house. Once I'm under the house the space seems the same, it's the act of getting there that feels like more of a journey. Honestly, do you think there is any chance I'm getting taller?
-So, I didn't watch a second of the Royal Wedding this morning, but I know four little girls that did. Apparently, they were mesmerized by the entire process. (I mean, what were the odds that four girls who have been obsessed with princesses for the last two years would be interested in someone becoming a real, actual princess?) Also, Abigail now thinks Westminster Abbey is named after her. No one is in a hurry to correct her.
You see, I am not a small man. I have come to accept this. Also, I do not like spiders. Therefore, crawling under a house and through cobwebs with a torch to try and seal a broken pipe is not my idea of a good time. By having someone else take care of it months beforehand all I have to do it go in a couple of feet, put on some plumber's tape around a nut and plug one valve. It takes four minutes. In fact, there is only one issue and that is that every year the door to get under the house seems smaller. I'm not even talking narrower; I mean the door seems physically shorter. Every year it feels like I have to get lower to the ground just to crawl under the house. Once I'm under the house the space seems the same, it's the act of getting there that feels like more of a journey. Honestly, do you think there is any chance I'm getting taller?
-So, I didn't watch a second of the Royal Wedding this morning, but I know four little girls that did. Apparently, they were mesmerized by the entire process. (I mean, what were the odds that four girls who have been obsessed with princesses for the last two years would be interested in someone becoming a real, actual princess?) Also, Abigail now thinks Westminster Abbey is named after her. No one is in a hurry to correct her.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Ditto
Yesterday, with the release of his long-form birth certificate, President Obama (hopefully) laid to rest the issue surrounding where he was born, even though it should never have been an issue to begin with. All day I was walking around angry that this was ever taken seriously by some people and even angrier at the news media for giving those people a platform to be heard. I was all set to go on a 2,000 word rant about the need for editorial discretion in the face of having to fill 24 hours or programming... and then "The Daily Show" took care of it for me. Consider this my long-form version of a re-Tweet.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
A Lot Riding On This Question...
Faced with an 'eh'-level of sports and re-runs on TV last evening, I ended up landing on SpikeTV and their new game show, "Repo Games". (Believe me, I was constantly checking the guide for something else to turn to, but nothing else came up.) If you haven't seen promos for the show or couldn't figure it out from the title, the premise is that a team of repossession men go to the homes of people who are scheduled to have their cars seized, put the car up onto the tow truck and then ask the person five questions. If they answer three of the five questions correctly, the vehicle is taken off the tow lift and the remaining balance on the car is paid in full. However, if they get it wrong they have to watch as the car is towed away to the impound lot. Again (and I can not stress this enough), I am not proud of myself for watching this.
Now, your first thought may be that this is exploitative of people who have fallen on hard times and the people put in this position would be embarrassed about their current situation. Well, I can safely tell you that wasn't the case. Most of them seemed happy for the opportunity - not to win their car back and get out of debt, but for the chance to be on television. Also, they didn't seem like the type to be worried about what their neighbors might be thinking. Without trying to sound too judgmental, I feel like half the contestants woke up the next morning and were like, "Man, I had the craziest dream last night. I was on a game show, but it was in my driveway..."
I'll tell you the one thing that did bug me was how rigged I felt the game was. While the first two contestants were asked fairly easy questions and were able to keep their vehicles the third one was asked much more difficult ones, as if the producers had a meeting before filming started where they agreed to that they had to take at least one car away per episode. I mean, if they are going to keep doing this to people the producers should at least keep the game honest. Otherwise, the people watching at home might feel dirty about another human being losing both their dignity and their ride for our amusement.
Now, I was going to complain about how easy the questions appeared to be, but in taking a moment to think about it, they actually seem to be fair when you stop and consider the prize people were walking away with. It wasn't as if they were getting a brand-new car or even getting their old car repaired - at the end of the day they were getting the same used, dented, 1986 Buick with the bumper hanging off that they woke up with that morning. When you think about it in that context, it feels more even. I feel like knowing what three letters are on the #2 keypad of a phone are worth about the same as a 1998 Toyota Pathfinder. It certainly makes a lot more sense than winning an absurd amount of money just for knowing that Kentucky bluegrass is actually green (which, hand to God, was the $10,000 question on this afternoon's "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?"). At the very least, I know the answer to another trivia question: what has two thumbs and is going to make sure he gets to the library this week so he has a book to read next time there is nothing on TV? Answer: this guy.
Now, your first thought may be that this is exploitative of people who have fallen on hard times and the people put in this position would be embarrassed about their current situation. Well, I can safely tell you that wasn't the case. Most of them seemed happy for the opportunity - not to win their car back and get out of debt, but for the chance to be on television. Also, they didn't seem like the type to be worried about what their neighbors might be thinking. Without trying to sound too judgmental, I feel like half the contestants woke up the next morning and were like, "Man, I had the craziest dream last night. I was on a game show, but it was in my driveway..."
I'll tell you the one thing that did bug me was how rigged I felt the game was. While the first two contestants were asked fairly easy questions and were able to keep their vehicles the third one was asked much more difficult ones, as if the producers had a meeting before filming started where they agreed to that they had to take at least one car away per episode. I mean, if they are going to keep doing this to people the producers should at least keep the game honest. Otherwise, the people watching at home might feel dirty about another human being losing both their dignity and their ride for our amusement.
Now, I was going to complain about how easy the questions appeared to be, but in taking a moment to think about it, they actually seem to be fair when you stop and consider the prize people were walking away with. It wasn't as if they were getting a brand-new car or even getting their old car repaired - at the end of the day they were getting the same used, dented, 1986 Buick with the bumper hanging off that they woke up with that morning. When you think about it in that context, it feels more even. I feel like knowing what three letters are on the #2 keypad of a phone are worth about the same as a 1998 Toyota Pathfinder. It certainly makes a lot more sense than winning an absurd amount of money just for knowing that Kentucky bluegrass is actually green (which, hand to God, was the $10,000 question on this afternoon's "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?"). At the very least, I know the answer to another trivia question: what has two thumbs and is going to make sure he gets to the library this week so he has a book to read next time there is nothing on TV? Answer: this guy.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Shorts Are Good
I have long held the belief that because New Englanders are so beaten down by winter, we appreciate the warmth more than other places once it finally arrives. I mean, if you're waking up in sunny, 75-degree San Diego 300 days a year, one more day like that isn't going to mean as much to you as when you've been getting a foot of snow dropped on you every Wednesday for a month. Because we're so desperate for it, New Englanders start looking out for the first string of warm days in March, just hunting for any sign that it will finally be Spring. Up until now this Spring has been kind of annoying, in that we would get the occasional day where the temperature was near 70, but those warm days would be surrounded by a week of cold, rainy days during which the thermometer topped out around 45. You could never tell what tomorrow was going to bring. (This is why I'm also convinced the saying, "If you don't like Massachusetts weather wait a minute and it will change" was coined during the month of April.)
However, the last couple of days have been warm, almost stuffy, and have given me hope that I might (I said might) finally be able to put the shovels back into the shed. With this warm weather came the other rite of a New England spring - people anxious to finally reveal parts of their body to sunshine that haven't seen it in months. It's a simple truth: New Englanders love their shorts. In any northern city you can find the occasional fat guy who wears shorts regardless of the weather, but most of us are smart enough to wear pants when it snows. We're not happy about it, though. Instead, we wait for a hint of warmth (our standards for what should be considered 'shorts weather' is much lower than a warm-weather climate) and then they all come out at once; with the stretch of those first warm days in New England comes a parade of some of the most pale calves the world will ever see.
The problem is that New Englanders are also notoriously stubborn. Once we decided that it is safe to start wearing shorts for the season, we're not going back no matter what the weather reports might be. We'd rather freeze than put jeans back on for an abnormally cold June day. Even this morning, as the temperature hovered around 50 (just cold enough that it is not shorts weather, especially not with a steady breeze in the air), you could almost hear the collective decision of New Englanders everywhere who were going to wear shorts to work, come hell or high water. "It'll get warmer as the day goes on," we said, trying to talk ourselves into this being a sound decision, but ultimately knowing that we're just lying to ourselves.
And because New Englanders are so determined to stay in shorts until early September, this is the time of year you see quite possibly the dumbest thing you will ever see: people wearing shorts and winter coats simultaneously. It is almost as if they believe wearing warm clothes from the waist up will somehow transfer body heat down to the legs. That is the length some of us are willing to go to just to stay in shorts and it is absurd. Especially when you consider that you will never see this in reverse - not once will you see someone wearing ski pants and a tank top. Even the guy wearing shorts standing in a snowbank would think that is a stupid look.
However, the last couple of days have been warm, almost stuffy, and have given me hope that I might (I said might) finally be able to put the shovels back into the shed. With this warm weather came the other rite of a New England spring - people anxious to finally reveal parts of their body to sunshine that haven't seen it in months. It's a simple truth: New Englanders love their shorts. In any northern city you can find the occasional fat guy who wears shorts regardless of the weather, but most of us are smart enough to wear pants when it snows. We're not happy about it, though. Instead, we wait for a hint of warmth (our standards for what should be considered 'shorts weather' is much lower than a warm-weather climate) and then they all come out at once; with the stretch of those first warm days in New England comes a parade of some of the most pale calves the world will ever see.
The problem is that New Englanders are also notoriously stubborn. Once we decided that it is safe to start wearing shorts for the season, we're not going back no matter what the weather reports might be. We'd rather freeze than put jeans back on for an abnormally cold June day. Even this morning, as the temperature hovered around 50 (just cold enough that it is not shorts weather, especially not with a steady breeze in the air), you could almost hear the collective decision of New Englanders everywhere who were going to wear shorts to work, come hell or high water. "It'll get warmer as the day goes on," we said, trying to talk ourselves into this being a sound decision, but ultimately knowing that we're just lying to ourselves.
And because New Englanders are so determined to stay in shorts until early September, this is the time of year you see quite possibly the dumbest thing you will ever see: people wearing shorts and winter coats simultaneously. It is almost as if they believe wearing warm clothes from the waist up will somehow transfer body heat down to the legs. That is the length some of us are willing to go to just to stay in shorts and it is absurd. Especially when you consider that you will never see this in reverse - not once will you see someone wearing ski pants and a tank top. Even the guy wearing shorts standing in a snowbank would think that is a stupid look.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Caring About Not Caring
A recently-released CNN poll revealed that only 15% of people in the United States are interested in the upcoming Royal Wedding and only 6% say they plan to get up and watch the ceremony. (A further breakdown of this group shows it's basically girls under the age of 12, some gay men and the women who go in groups to romantic comedies on the first night they open.) However, you would never have surmised that lack of interest from the news around here, because coverage of the wedding is in the A-block of every nightly newscast. Every day we get speculation about the dress, the guest list, the food and the weather forecast. It is just another example of the loud few being able to get a spotlight shone on their topic of choice while the silent majority are left to sit back and wonder just why the hell this is considered news.
Not that I can really blame the news directors for assuming people care - the Charles/Diana Royal Wedding brought in huge ratings and with their son involved the networks are trying to duplicate that success. 15% might not seem like a lot, but in this day and age of 300 channels and a million potential distractions online it's a huge number. Plus, there are no other ongoing sagas to cover right now: no elections, oil spills or pregnant Pandas to keep us glued to the TV. Take all those away and you're left with the reality that rest of the news is depressing. It's all war, violence, car accidents and people getting stabbed at baby showers in Lawrence. [Sidebar: at this point I almost feel bad for the Lawrence Police Chief. That guy is on TV more than Mayor Menino, desperately trying to reassure us that his city is not one step away from Thunderdome.] When compared to those other options it's no wonder a news team would jump at the chance to report on a story involving a pretty princess and a wedding.
Besides, there is a bonus for the remaining 85% of us who don't really care about this wedding - bitching about how much we can't stand the Royal Wedding and how much coverage it is getting has become the new, "So, how about this weather?" If at any point this week you find yourself with a pause in a conversation just bring up the Royal Wedding I guarantee people will start talking again, even if it's only to yell about how annoying it is. We finally have something to bring us all together. Complaining about the amount of coverage the Royal Wedding is getting on the news could almost be it's own news story. (And before you say anything, yes, I appreciate the irony that talking about how much you can't stand the attention something is getting is just another way that thing gets attention.) Frankly, I'm surprised some enterprising people out there haven't begun selling anti-wedding plates to go along with the commemorative ones currently for sale.
The good news is that we are almost done with this. The best thing about an event getting too much news coverage is that at least you know for sure when it will be finished. After Saturday we can go back to our normal lives of ignoring everything about the Royal family. (Which, I will remind you, is a choice we made way back in 1776.) Once this wedding is over we just need to figure out expiration dates for the other annoying stories which get too much attention, such as the NFL lock-out and anything involving Lindsey Lohan. We'll have to go back to talking about the weather, but in my mind that is a small price to pay.
Not that I can really blame the news directors for assuming people care - the Charles/Diana Royal Wedding brought in huge ratings and with their son involved the networks are trying to duplicate that success. 15% might not seem like a lot, but in this day and age of 300 channels and a million potential distractions online it's a huge number. Plus, there are no other ongoing sagas to cover right now: no elections, oil spills or pregnant Pandas to keep us glued to the TV. Take all those away and you're left with the reality that rest of the news is depressing. It's all war, violence, car accidents and people getting stabbed at baby showers in Lawrence. [Sidebar: at this point I almost feel bad for the Lawrence Police Chief. That guy is on TV more than Mayor Menino, desperately trying to reassure us that his city is not one step away from Thunderdome.] When compared to those other options it's no wonder a news team would jump at the chance to report on a story involving a pretty princess and a wedding.
Besides, there is a bonus for the remaining 85% of us who don't really care about this wedding - bitching about how much we can't stand the Royal Wedding and how much coverage it is getting has become the new, "So, how about this weather?" If at any point this week you find yourself with a pause in a conversation just bring up the Royal Wedding I guarantee people will start talking again, even if it's only to yell about how annoying it is. We finally have something to bring us all together. Complaining about the amount of coverage the Royal Wedding is getting on the news could almost be it's own news story. (And before you say anything, yes, I appreciate the irony that talking about how much you can't stand the attention something is getting is just another way that thing gets attention.) Frankly, I'm surprised some enterprising people out there haven't begun selling anti-wedding plates to go along with the commemorative ones currently for sale.
The good news is that we are almost done with this. The best thing about an event getting too much news coverage is that at least you know for sure when it will be finished. After Saturday we can go back to our normal lives of ignoring everything about the Royal family. (Which, I will remind you, is a choice we made way back in 1776.) Once this wedding is over we just need to figure out expiration dates for the other annoying stories which get too much attention, such as the NFL lock-out and anything involving Lindsey Lohan. We'll have to go back to talking about the weather, but in my mind that is a small price to pay.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Why Not?
First off, I want to wish everyone who celebrates a Happy Easter.
Hope you are having a wonderful day.
Hope you are having a wonderful day.
Now, because of the holiday, you may be expecting an Easter-themed musical interlude. Well, so did I - at first. But, further searching revealed that it's actually kind of hard to come up with an Easter song that isn't for children. Really, every song about rabbits or eggs that I came across was some nursery-rhyme I didn't feel like using. I did find several rock songs with resurrection in the title or as a theme, but I kind of felt they were a little too heavy for the day. Instead, we're keeping it light and going with some Billy Idol, for the very deep and meaningful reason of I heard it on the radio this week and remembered how much I enjoy it. Good enough for me.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Weekly Sporties
-On Thursday Real Madrid was celebrating it's Copa Del Ray championship (according to people on TV, it's apparently the equivalent to the Super Bowl for Spain). They were riding through the streets on a double-decker bus when one of the players held the trophy out in front for the fans to see. Unfortunately, that was when he dropped it. (Hey, if he was good with his hands he would have played a different sport.) Had he just dropped the trophy it wouldn't have been so bad, except it was promptly run over by the bus. For the time being they have a replica ready to go as they attempt to fix the damage. Personally, I don't think they should. Much like the Stanley Cup gets a few new dings every year, I feel incidents like this just add character. I mean, you hand it to another team next year after it's been crushed by a bus they are at least going to know they can't make it any worse.
-Tuesday night ESPN and the NFL made a big deal of releasing the schedule for the upcoming season. They even had a ticker going across the bottom of the screen counting down to the moment the schedule was to be revealed to the world. I think I speak for all of America when I say the following: How about you come to a labor agreement, then release the schedule? I'll be much more excited about the Patriots chances to win specific games once I am sure they are actually going to play those games. As of right now the NFL schedule carries all the significance of saying we're landing on Mars in 2020. Could it happen? Maybe, but a lot of things have to happen first.
-After the entire world saw the officials totally blow an offensive goaltending call during the first game of the Nuggets/Thunder series, the NBA was force to come out and admit it. They said the play was called completely wrong and the Thunder should have had two points taken off the board. Fine, but what else you got? It doesn't help the Nuggets after the fact and it's not like the last two minutes of the game are going to be replayed. When it comes to stuff like that, I would almost rather sports leagues don't admit they got the play wrong. Seriously, stick to your very wrong guns. Hell, go the other way and tell us a play we could all tell was called incorrectly was actually called correctly. I mean, the Denver fans are already pissed, you may as well embrace the villain role and make them really hate you. It might even make them feel better.
-While we're on the subject of the NBA playoffs: every year I develop an irrational level of hatred towards a member of the team the Celtics are playing, which goes away as soon as the series is over. It's not usually a star player, but some bench scrub that I can't stay talking trash when he hasn't taken his warm-ups off yet. However, for this year's Celtics/Knicks series the guy annoying me the most isn't even a player, it's Spike Lee. He's not even on the team, yet he gets more camera time than most of the coaches. Every time the Knicks make a basket we have to see Spike's reaction. I wouldn't be so annoyed if he was at least entertaining me in other areas, but look at his IMDB page: the man hasn't made a good movie in a decade (and calling "25th Hour" a good movie is sort of pushing it). Frankly, I'm left to wonder how he can still afford to pay for those seats.
-With their playoff loss to the Detroit Red Wings, this could be the end of the line for the Phoenix Coyotes. The team has been losing money for years, to the point the NHL had to take over and run the team just to make sure they could make payroll every week. Now, even though contracting them would probably be for the best, the league is trying to sell the team instead. So far the only people to step up with an offer is a group from Winnipeg, who would move the team there. Ironically, that is where they moved from 15 years ago, when they were known as the Jets. As much as I like Phoenix as a city, I have no problem moving the Coyotes back to Winnipeg; hockey in Arizona has never really worked. The only condition I have is that they make the team revert back to the nickname the Jets. This would lend hope to all of Connecticut that maybe one day the Mighty Whale would rise again.
-Tuesday night ESPN and the NFL made a big deal of releasing the schedule for the upcoming season. They even had a ticker going across the bottom of the screen counting down to the moment the schedule was to be revealed to the world. I think I speak for all of America when I say the following: How about you come to a labor agreement, then release the schedule? I'll be much more excited about the Patriots chances to win specific games once I am sure they are actually going to play those games. As of right now the NFL schedule carries all the significance of saying we're landing on Mars in 2020. Could it happen? Maybe, but a lot of things have to happen first.
-After the entire world saw the officials totally blow an offensive goaltending call during the first game of the Nuggets/Thunder series, the NBA was force to come out and admit it. They said the play was called completely wrong and the Thunder should have had two points taken off the board. Fine, but what else you got? It doesn't help the Nuggets after the fact and it's not like the last two minutes of the game are going to be replayed. When it comes to stuff like that, I would almost rather sports leagues don't admit they got the play wrong. Seriously, stick to your very wrong guns. Hell, go the other way and tell us a play we could all tell was called incorrectly was actually called correctly. I mean, the Denver fans are already pissed, you may as well embrace the villain role and make them really hate you. It might even make them feel better.
-While we're on the subject of the NBA playoffs: every year I develop an irrational level of hatred towards a member of the team the Celtics are playing, which goes away as soon as the series is over. It's not usually a star player, but some bench scrub that I can't stay talking trash when he hasn't taken his warm-ups off yet. However, for this year's Celtics/Knicks series the guy annoying me the most isn't even a player, it's Spike Lee. He's not even on the team, yet he gets more camera time than most of the coaches. Every time the Knicks make a basket we have to see Spike's reaction. I wouldn't be so annoyed if he was at least entertaining me in other areas, but look at his IMDB page: the man hasn't made a good movie in a decade (and calling "25th Hour" a good movie is sort of pushing it). Frankly, I'm left to wonder how he can still afford to pay for those seats.
-With their playoff loss to the Detroit Red Wings, this could be the end of the line for the Phoenix Coyotes. The team has been losing money for years, to the point the NHL had to take over and run the team just to make sure they could make payroll every week. Now, even though contracting them would probably be for the best, the league is trying to sell the team instead. So far the only people to step up with an offer is a group from Winnipeg, who would move the team there. Ironically, that is where they moved from 15 years ago, when they were known as the Jets. As much as I like Phoenix as a city, I have no problem moving the Coyotes back to Winnipeg; hockey in Arizona has never really worked. The only condition I have is that they make the team revert back to the nickname the Jets. This would lend hope to all of Connecticut that maybe one day the Mighty Whale would rise again.
Friday, April 22, 2011
They're Just As Dysfunctional
A couple days ago Major League Baseball was stunned by the announcement that Commissioner Bug Selig was invoking his "for the good of the game" clause and taking control of the Los Angeles Dodgers. [Sidebar: How does David Stern, the most controlling Commissioner of them all, not have this weapon in his arsenal?] The Dodgers have been in financial turmoil for the past couple of years as their owners, Frank and Jamie McCourt, work through the details of a bitter and contentious divorce. According to court documents the McCourts had to leverage themselves just to buy the Dodgers and with their money tied up in legal fees the Dodgers had to borrow $30 million from Fox, who are part owners of the team, just to make payroll. (Count your blessings, Red Sox fans, because McCourt is from Boston and was a finalist to get the Sox before they were awarded to the Henry/Lerner group. Talk about dodging a bullet.)
Anyway, there is a big stink going up right now because people are questioning if Selig had the right to do this. After all, the Dodgers have ultimately been making their payments, they have made the playoffs several times in the last few years so it's not like the baseball operations are a mess and at the end of the day all the McCourts really did was borrow money from a part-owner of the team. Meanwhile the Mets are in just as much of a financially mess due to their owners business ties to Bernie Madoff and they are terrible on the field, yet the Commissioner has shown no signs of stepping in and taking control. Personally, I go the other way with this, because I think some franchises would be better off if they were seized by their sport's respective commissioners. Here are five that spring to mind:
5. Timberwolves: Look, I love the Wolves, but this clearly isn't working right now. They can't bring in any free agents and every decision they make regarding the look of the uniforms and the court are incorrect. They just need someone to step in and make a correct hire, then give it back. At least take over long enough to stop them from drafting yet another point guard who can't play.
4. Raiders: They keep making weird draft choices, they hire and fire coaches like most people go through Kleenex and they can't decide if they want to stay in Oakland or keep playing footsie with Los Angeles. Plus, I think Al Davis is a vampire. This should be one of the flagship franchises in football and they've been an also-ran for a decade. I know Davis won't go down without a fight, but at some point the league needs this team to get its act together.
3. Thrashers: Can you tell me where this team is located? How about what sport they play? No on both questions? Well, there is your answer. Take them over and move them.
2. Clippers: Another team that should be so much better than they are. They play in a major city with great weather, but their owners is such a repulsive human being that no one wants to go there, so they are non-factors in free agency unless they are being used as leverage against the team the player actually wants to go to. Not only is Donald Sterling cheap and a racist, but he's also perfectly content to play second fiddle to the Lakers. You can almost forgive a guy for being a creep if he's at least trying to win. (Relax, I said almost.)
1. Pirates: They haven't had a winning season in 20 years, which is a shame because they have an awesome stadium in a town that is passionate about their teams. It's one thing to have a plan that ultimately ended up failing, but I don't even think they are trying anymore. At least other teams that rebuild can claim to being building through their deep farm system, but they don't even have that. No good major leaguers, no good prospects, lousy attendance ratings and even worse TV ratings. I mean, if they don't sound ripe for a takeover, I don't know who does.
Anyway, there is a big stink going up right now because people are questioning if Selig had the right to do this. After all, the Dodgers have ultimately been making their payments, they have made the playoffs several times in the last few years so it's not like the baseball operations are a mess and at the end of the day all the McCourts really did was borrow money from a part-owner of the team. Meanwhile the Mets are in just as much of a financially mess due to their owners business ties to Bernie Madoff and they are terrible on the field, yet the Commissioner has shown no signs of stepping in and taking control. Personally, I go the other way with this, because I think some franchises would be better off if they were seized by their sport's respective commissioners. Here are five that spring to mind:
5. Timberwolves: Look, I love the Wolves, but this clearly isn't working right now. They can't bring in any free agents and every decision they make regarding the look of the uniforms and the court are incorrect. They just need someone to step in and make a correct hire, then give it back. At least take over long enough to stop them from drafting yet another point guard who can't play.
4. Raiders: They keep making weird draft choices, they hire and fire coaches like most people go through Kleenex and they can't decide if they want to stay in Oakland or keep playing footsie with Los Angeles. Plus, I think Al Davis is a vampire. This should be one of the flagship franchises in football and they've been an also-ran for a decade. I know Davis won't go down without a fight, but at some point the league needs this team to get its act together.
3. Thrashers: Can you tell me where this team is located? How about what sport they play? No on both questions? Well, there is your answer. Take them over and move them.
2. Clippers: Another team that should be so much better than they are. They play in a major city with great weather, but their owners is such a repulsive human being that no one wants to go there, so they are non-factors in free agency unless they are being used as leverage against the team the player actually wants to go to. Not only is Donald Sterling cheap and a racist, but he's also perfectly content to play second fiddle to the Lakers. You can almost forgive a guy for being a creep if he's at least trying to win. (Relax, I said almost.)
1. Pirates: They haven't had a winning season in 20 years, which is a shame because they have an awesome stadium in a town that is passionate about their teams. It's one thing to have a plan that ultimately ended up failing, but I don't even think they are trying anymore. At least other teams that rebuild can claim to being building through their deep farm system, but they don't even have that. No good major leaguers, no good prospects, lousy attendance ratings and even worse TV ratings. I mean, if they don't sound ripe for a takeover, I don't know who does.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Too Many Characters
Every now and again I just can't fit my thoughts onto Twitter. This is one of those times...
-I was hanging with the next generation this afternoon, which means some "Sesame Street" time, which in turn means seeing "Elmo's World". Now, for those of you without kids, at one point of Elmo's segment he asks a baby how they do some various activity. The baby never answers and instead looks at the puppet, trying to figure out just what the hell is going on. Every time I see this I am torn as to whether this is awesome or traumatic for the baby. On one hand, once they learn to talk they can say they met Elmo, which carries tons of street cred in the toddler world. On the other hand, it's a creepy puppet with a guy's hand up its butt talking to you. Either way, I think it reflects badly on the parents involved.
-One other kid observation: I'm noticing children are aware of camera phones at an earlier and earlier age. What this means is that you can't take pictures of them anymore because as soon as you take out your phone to snap a picture of them doing something cute, they realise what is in your hand, stop doing the cute thing and want to play "Angry Birds". So much for capturing memories.
-There was a story in the news this week about First Lady Michelle Obama's flight being waved off from its scheduled landing because an Army cargo jet was taking too long to taxi off the runway. This is the exact same thing that happens to the rest of us when we fly and most of the time we don't even know it's happening. However, since the First Lady was involved the press felt the need to include dramatic words, saying the planes had gotten "dangerously close." The actual distance apart was 3 miles. Now, I get that 'dangerously close' in aircraft terms are dramatically different from a dangerous distance for a car, but even for a plane I feel like 3 miles is pushing it. Even at one mile I doubt there is any real danger.
-On Tuesday the SWAT team was called to the Burlington Mall after reports of a weapon in the area. It turns out it was an umbrella. Given that they never said what kind of weapon someone thought it was, I can only assume there were two umbrellas and a couple of idiots acting out a very involved sword duel. Maybe they even took it up a notch and made lightsabre noises, in which case SWAT was a wise call.
-To the creators of SPAM mail viruses: if you want to trick me into clicking on a link that will infect my computer with tons of viruses, might I suggest hacking into the email account of a person who actually sends emails. I got a message from someone the other day whom I haven't gotten an email from in years and it was nothing but a link, which I obviously didn't click. I would have been less suspicious of an email from an African Prince with an investment opportunity for me.
-While waiting for a package to arrive via UPS, I was able to track it online. I saw that it left the local distribution center (located less than three miles from my home, which in airline terms is dangerously close) at 6 AM. The package was dropped off on my door at 8 PM. 14 hours to travel three miles. Talk about taking the long way around.
-I was hanging with the next generation this afternoon, which means some "Sesame Street" time, which in turn means seeing "Elmo's World". Now, for those of you without kids, at one point of Elmo's segment he asks a baby how they do some various activity. The baby never answers and instead looks at the puppet, trying to figure out just what the hell is going on. Every time I see this I am torn as to whether this is awesome or traumatic for the baby. On one hand, once they learn to talk they can say they met Elmo, which carries tons of street cred in the toddler world. On the other hand, it's a creepy puppet with a guy's hand up its butt talking to you. Either way, I think it reflects badly on the parents involved.
-One other kid observation: I'm noticing children are aware of camera phones at an earlier and earlier age. What this means is that you can't take pictures of them anymore because as soon as you take out your phone to snap a picture of them doing something cute, they realise what is in your hand, stop doing the cute thing and want to play "Angry Birds". So much for capturing memories.
-There was a story in the news this week about First Lady Michelle Obama's flight being waved off from its scheduled landing because an Army cargo jet was taking too long to taxi off the runway. This is the exact same thing that happens to the rest of us when we fly and most of the time we don't even know it's happening. However, since the First Lady was involved the press felt the need to include dramatic words, saying the planes had gotten "dangerously close." The actual distance apart was 3 miles. Now, I get that 'dangerously close' in aircraft terms are dramatically different from a dangerous distance for a car, but even for a plane I feel like 3 miles is pushing it. Even at one mile I doubt there is any real danger.
-On Tuesday the SWAT team was called to the Burlington Mall after reports of a weapon in the area. It turns out it was an umbrella. Given that they never said what kind of weapon someone thought it was, I can only assume there were two umbrellas and a couple of idiots acting out a very involved sword duel. Maybe they even took it up a notch and made lightsabre noises, in which case SWAT was a wise call.
-To the creators of SPAM mail viruses: if you want to trick me into clicking on a link that will infect my computer with tons of viruses, might I suggest hacking into the email account of a person who actually sends emails. I got a message from someone the other day whom I haven't gotten an email from in years and it was nothing but a link, which I obviously didn't click. I would have been less suspicious of an email from an African Prince with an investment opportunity for me.
-While waiting for a package to arrive via UPS, I was able to track it online. I saw that it left the local distribution center (located less than three miles from my home, which in airline terms is dangerously close) at 6 AM. The package was dropped off on my door at 8 PM. 14 hours to travel three miles. Talk about taking the long way around.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Too Good To Be Made Fun Of
I think one of the quickest ways for a celebrity to make themselves more likable to the general public is to show they have a sense of humor about themselves. After all, they get paid large sums of money to do something most people would be willing to do for free, so acknowledging they got very lucky and can laugh at their own good fortune shows they don't take themselves too seriously and realise they aren't exactly curing cancer. That is why I was surprised this afternoon when I read a story alleging that Lady Gaga had shot down a proposed parody of her song "Born This Way" by artist 'Weird' Al Yankovic. Al wanted to change the song to "Perform This Way" and make it all about how Gaga dresses weird. Not the funniest thing I have ever heard of, but of all the people I figured would have been ok with a having a laugh at her own expense, a woman who once wore a meat dress would have been near the top of my list.
Whatever you may think of him as an artist, there is something unseemly about artists who do not allow their songs to be parodied by Weird Al, as if their music is somehow better than everyone else's. Personally, I know whenever I hear an artist refused to sign the necessary waivers I immediately think less of them. I was never able to look at the Red Hot Chili Peppers the same way after they complained about how Al turned their biggest hit into a song about "The Flintstones" (because when you go on stage just wearing a sock to sing about your heroin addiction, you are clearly the voice of a generation). I also lost all respect for Coolio when he waited until he won a Grammy to say that he never allowed Weird Al to do a copy of his song, when we all know that he did. It's not like Al makes these decisions on his own. If the record label and their army of lawyers never got permission, they never would have released the single. I'm sure Coolio happily cashed the checks at the time, so don't try and act high and mighty after the fact. Karmicly, he deserves being banished to the world of marginal celebrity reality shows... (Let's move on, because I'm actually getting angry at Coolio as I type this.)
Furthering the bad vibes from this story comes allegations from Yankovic that Lady Gaga made him jump through all sorts of hoops while leading him to believe she eventually intended to sign off on the parody. Originally she just wanted to see the lyrics (which Weird Al agreed to) but changed her mind and wanted to hear the final product, making Yankovic go through the entire process of recording the song, only to have Gaga deny permission once he was done. Also, just to add another bad karma log to the fire, because he thought the original song was a great human right anthem, Yankovic had planned to donate any proceeds from the track to the Human Rights Campaign, which won't happen now that the song won't be included on his album. Instead, Yankovic is allowing people to download the track for free through his website and asking them to donate to the HRC anyway. (By the way, Team Gaga, that's how you create good PR.)
But, here's the main reason this was all unnecessary: the song is terrible. I heard a copy of it this afternoon and it's not funny or very clever. I mean, I didn't have high expectations to begin with and yet this didn't even meet those. I'm sure Lady Gaga isn't suffering financially, but she could have signed off, gotten a little extra money in the bank and the tune would have been forgotten by the time the checks cleared. Instead she comes across as someone who thinks her music is above reproach. Then again, I guess when you surround yourself with people willing to tell you being carried into an awards ceremony in a giant egg is a wonderful idea, a balanced sense of self-worth is out of the question.
Whatever you may think of him as an artist, there is something unseemly about artists who do not allow their songs to be parodied by Weird Al, as if their music is somehow better than everyone else's. Personally, I know whenever I hear an artist refused to sign the necessary waivers I immediately think less of them. I was never able to look at the Red Hot Chili Peppers the same way after they complained about how Al turned their biggest hit into a song about "The Flintstones" (because when you go on stage just wearing a sock to sing about your heroin addiction, you are clearly the voice of a generation). I also lost all respect for Coolio when he waited until he won a Grammy to say that he never allowed Weird Al to do a copy of his song, when we all know that he did. It's not like Al makes these decisions on his own. If the record label and their army of lawyers never got permission, they never would have released the single. I'm sure Coolio happily cashed the checks at the time, so don't try and act high and mighty after the fact. Karmicly, he deserves being banished to the world of marginal celebrity reality shows... (Let's move on, because I'm actually getting angry at Coolio as I type this.)
Furthering the bad vibes from this story comes allegations from Yankovic that Lady Gaga made him jump through all sorts of hoops while leading him to believe she eventually intended to sign off on the parody. Originally she just wanted to see the lyrics (which Weird Al agreed to) but changed her mind and wanted to hear the final product, making Yankovic go through the entire process of recording the song, only to have Gaga deny permission once he was done. Also, just to add another bad karma log to the fire, because he thought the original song was a great human right anthem, Yankovic had planned to donate any proceeds from the track to the Human Rights Campaign, which won't happen now that the song won't be included on his album. Instead, Yankovic is allowing people to download the track for free through his website and asking them to donate to the HRC anyway. (By the way, Team Gaga, that's how you create good PR.)
But, here's the main reason this was all unnecessary: the song is terrible. I heard a copy of it this afternoon and it's not funny or very clever. I mean, I didn't have high expectations to begin with and yet this didn't even meet those. I'm sure Lady Gaga isn't suffering financially, but she could have signed off, gotten a little extra money in the bank and the tune would have been forgotten by the time the checks cleared. Instead she comes across as someone who thinks her music is above reproach. Then again, I guess when you surround yourself with people willing to tell you being carried into an awards ceremony in a giant egg is a wonderful idea, a balanced sense of self-worth is out of the question.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Who's Featuring Whom?
Every now and again, I will feel like a song is following me. Typically a song which has been around for a few months, it will be playing in every single store I go into and will then come on the radio within five minutes of getting into the car after I leave. Currently, the song following me is Jason Aldean's "Don't You Wanna Stay? (featuring Kelly Clarkson)". For the most part I don't mind being stalked by this song because I actually like Jason Aldean. (Trust me, I have been followed around by much worse songs in the past.) It's the second part of that title I have a problem with, (featuring Kelly Clarkson). And 'problem' is probably the wrong word because other than making the God-awful movie, "From Justin to Kelly", Kelly Clarkson has done nothing to wrong me on a personal level.
It just reminded me of a question I have always wanted an answer to, which is how come when two people sing an equal amount of a song one person gets top billing while the other person's name has to be put into parenthesis like the guy imputing the song listings had to be coerced into including their name at all? I understand that the song appears on Aldean's record, but that seems a fairly arbitrary way to decide things, especially when you consider Aldean didn't even write the thing. Seems that they did equal work and therefore should get equal billing. If anything it should be ladies first, because Clarkson has had the longer career with more Top-20 hits, even if she isn't thought of as a country artist.
This is not a new issue in my mind, because for as long as there have been duets in music the question of which name should appear first has existed. And I'm sure that where you stand on the artist goes a long way in defending who should have top billing. If you hold one artist in higher regard then you will obviously believe their name should go first, whereas if you can't stand a person you may feel they are lucky to even share a microphone with a certain artist. For example, who can say whether David Bowie was appearing with Bing Crosby or Crosby was appearing with Bowie? (Actually, I can: Crosby should have gotten top billing. He was the much more established star at the time.)
To be honest, this is hardly the worst offending song, because I can think of several rap tunes that have 'featured' a guest performer who ended up doing 90% of the singing. Recently, Chris Brown released a song "Deuces", which featured two other rappers and while they each took one verse apiece those two ended up saying a lot more than Brown did and yet he was the lead guy on the credits. Not to mention every time a rap artist releases a song featuring some great singer performing the chorus, that is who people end up remembering the most. (Always annoying to go searching for a song thinking it was by one particular artist, only to discover it was on the other guy's album.) So, here is my solution: I don't care who's album the song is on, just list the contributors alphabetically. It will make songs easier to find and save someone from being trapped in by parenthesis. Also, if we could start diversifying the music played in retail locations I would appreciate that as well.
It just reminded me of a question I have always wanted an answer to, which is how come when two people sing an equal amount of a song one person gets top billing while the other person's name has to be put into parenthesis like the guy imputing the song listings had to be coerced into including their name at all? I understand that the song appears on Aldean's record, but that seems a fairly arbitrary way to decide things, especially when you consider Aldean didn't even write the thing. Seems that they did equal work and therefore should get equal billing. If anything it should be ladies first, because Clarkson has had the longer career with more Top-20 hits, even if she isn't thought of as a country artist.
This is not a new issue in my mind, because for as long as there have been duets in music the question of which name should appear first has existed. And I'm sure that where you stand on the artist goes a long way in defending who should have top billing. If you hold one artist in higher regard then you will obviously believe their name should go first, whereas if you can't stand a person you may feel they are lucky to even share a microphone with a certain artist. For example, who can say whether David Bowie was appearing with Bing Crosby or Crosby was appearing with Bowie? (Actually, I can: Crosby should have gotten top billing. He was the much more established star at the time.)
To be honest, this is hardly the worst offending song, because I can think of several rap tunes that have 'featured' a guest performer who ended up doing 90% of the singing. Recently, Chris Brown released a song "Deuces", which featured two other rappers and while they each took one verse apiece those two ended up saying a lot more than Brown did and yet he was the lead guy on the credits. Not to mention every time a rap artist releases a song featuring some great singer performing the chorus, that is who people end up remembering the most. (Always annoying to go searching for a song thinking it was by one particular artist, only to discover it was on the other guy's album.) So, here is my solution: I don't care who's album the song is on, just list the contributors alphabetically. It will make songs easier to find and save someone from being trapped in by parenthesis. Also, if we could start diversifying the music played in retail locations I would appreciate that as well.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Not Better Than Sleep
In anticipation of the premiere of its newest show, "Game of Thrones", HBO decided to offer people a free preview this passed weekend. I guess the thinking was that, much like with drugs, just a taste of the show will get you so hooked on the series that you feel compelled to order the channel full-time. (Alas for you, Home Box Office, I will be passing. The show was fine, but not interesting enough that I would want to order 50 additionally channels specifically for this one program. Also, just a bit of constructive criticism, go a little easier on the black eyeliner for some of the guys. It doesn't make them look bad-ass, it makes them look like sad Emo kids.) Anyway, even though I wasn't interested in the actual reason for the free weekend, I was interested in all the other movies that came along with 72 hours of free HBO and Cinemax. I finally got around to viewing the Russell Crowe version of "Robin Hood", "MacGruber" as well as rewatched "Clash of the Titans" (which I should have let quit while it was ahead after going into the initial viewing with low expectations). Still, there were enough movies On-Demand to keep me occupied for the three days.
The thing about only having movie channels for a limited time is that you feel practically obligated to watch them. For example, Saturday night I was ready to go to bed when I thought I should give the movie channels one last check, just in case there was something coming on that I had missed. I managed to time it just right so as to catch the opening minutes of "She's Out Of My League". (For those of you who have never seen the movie, it is about a nerdy kid who starts dating a ridiculously attractive girl. There is slightly more to it than that, but that's the main premise.) Now, I like the kid who stars in it well enough, so I thought I would see if there were any laughs to be had. Big mistake. The first 10 minutes were ok and the second 10 were also ok, but at that point I should have cut my loses and turned off the TV. Instead I figured I was 20 minutes in to a 90 minutes movie and since I only had the channel for another day I had better watch it, because I certainly wasn't going to put the title on my NetFlix list when I've already seen almost half the film.
So up I stayed until almost 2 AM (which wouldn't have phased me 5 years ago, but is now an absurd hour for me to still be awake), watching a movie I wasn't overly interested in exclusively because I felt compelled to finish what I started. I've talked before about weighing the time wasted while doing something versus how much you value the other things you could be doing (in this case sleeping) when trying to decide if an activity is a waste of time and after calculating the total on this night it's not even close - I should have gone to bed. It's one thing to stay up very late watching a fantastic film, but that wasn't what I was doing. I was watching a pretty nondescript comedy where a nerdy guy gets a girl he couldn't possibly get in real life, with the message that this could happen to you, only we all know it really can't. It took me another half an hour to fall asleep after the movie was over because I was berating myself about being so stupid as to stay up for this. It's not that the movie was really bad but, under the circumstances, it was not worth sacrificing sleep for. The only good news is that the preview is over, so I can resume going to bed at a reasonable hour.
The thing about only having movie channels for a limited time is that you feel practically obligated to watch them. For example, Saturday night I was ready to go to bed when I thought I should give the movie channels one last check, just in case there was something coming on that I had missed. I managed to time it just right so as to catch the opening minutes of "She's Out Of My League". (For those of you who have never seen the movie, it is about a nerdy kid who starts dating a ridiculously attractive girl. There is slightly more to it than that, but that's the main premise.) Now, I like the kid who stars in it well enough, so I thought I would see if there were any laughs to be had. Big mistake. The first 10 minutes were ok and the second 10 were also ok, but at that point I should have cut my loses and turned off the TV. Instead I figured I was 20 minutes in to a 90 minutes movie and since I only had the channel for another day I had better watch it, because I certainly wasn't going to put the title on my NetFlix list when I've already seen almost half the film.
So up I stayed until almost 2 AM (which wouldn't have phased me 5 years ago, but is now an absurd hour for me to still be awake), watching a movie I wasn't overly interested in exclusively because I felt compelled to finish what I started. I've talked before about weighing the time wasted while doing something versus how much you value the other things you could be doing (in this case sleeping) when trying to decide if an activity is a waste of time and after calculating the total on this night it's not even close - I should have gone to bed. It's one thing to stay up very late watching a fantastic film, but that wasn't what I was doing. I was watching a pretty nondescript comedy where a nerdy guy gets a girl he couldn't possibly get in real life, with the message that this could happen to you, only we all know it really can't. It took me another half an hour to fall asleep after the movie was over because I was berating myself about being so stupid as to stay up for this. It's not that the movie was really bad but, under the circumstances, it was not worth sacrificing sleep for. The only good news is that the preview is over, so I can resume going to bed at a reasonable hour.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Found It!
As a child I remember hearing a song a local artist made during the Celtics' 1987 playoff run. Even though I never heard it again after that year it stuck with me and as an adult I have been searching for a copy for years with little to no luck. Well, just in time for the Celtics playoffs to start tonight, I found it. It's comforting to know it remains as cheesy today as it was back then. God, I love the Internet sometimes.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Saturday Sporties
-So, Wednesday the judge in the Barry Bonds trial declared a partial mistrial after jurors said they were hopelessly deadlocked on 3 of the 4 charges against Barry. He was only found guilty of Obstruction of Justice. Now, not that I want to make light of a guilty verdict for Obstruction of Justice, but with that result this entire thing feels like a waste of time. Tens of millions of dollars spent and years of peoples' lives wasted only to have it come out that Bonds most likely won't do any jail time. The prosecution has said they will consider re-trying Bonds on the other 3 crimes, but I'm begging them not to. I know that technically they didn't win, but Bonds has already been convinced in the court of public opinion and he will never, ever make the Hall of Fame. Take that as your win and move on to something more important... like anything else.
-Harvard Head Basketball Coach Tommy Amaker decided to stay at Harvard this week, despite the advances of a much bigger basketball program, the University of Miami. While this has to feel great for Harvard coming off the best year the program has had in decades, you have to wonder what this does for Miami. I mean, if a guy is willing to stay at Harvard versus take your job, you have to wonder where your next coach is coming from. If an Ivy League coach doesn't see your job as a step up, then who will? You're already reaching pretty deeply into the barrel. Pretty soon you might find you've hit the bottom.
-Chris Paul was interviewed before a game against his hometown Charlotte Bobcats earlier in the week where he said that, since he grew up in Charlotte and idolized Bobcats owner Michael Jordan, he would give Charlotte serious consideration as a free agent destination when his contract ends in 2012. Sure he will. Just like Kobe seriously "considered" the Clippers a few years ago until the Lakers sweetened their offer. Pardon my skepticism, but unless Charlotte can offer a lot more money than New Orleans or more exposure than New York (both unlikely to happen) then I fully expect Paul to end up in one of those two cities. I would be shocked if he ended up in Charlotte on his own free will.
-On Thursday, PGA Tour player Kevin Na made a 16 on a par-4. (Actually, he thought he made a 14, was told he made a 15 and then when he checked the tape discovered it was a 16, meaning it somehow managed to get worse as the day went on.) Now, normally when I watch a professional golfer make a bad score I look at the TV and say, "Been there, man." But, I can't even say that in this situation because, bad as I am, I've still never made a 16. Most courses ask you to pick up your ball after 10 or 12 shots to keep the pace of play moving (which is the only reason I've never made a 16), but the PGA makes you finish the hole no matter what you are shooting. Credit to Na, though, because even though he was 12-over on that one hole, he finished only 8-over for the round, meaning he was 4-under on the other 17 holes. That is what separates the professionals from the rest of us, because we would have followed that 16 with a 10.
-Late Friday afternoon news broke that several online poker sites were being investigated for illegal gambling. Apparently they had advertised as practice-only sites where no real money was supposed to change hands, however it turned out that was exactly what happened and the owners of the sites allegedly hid this illegal money in off-shore accounts. So, you're telling me that people so addicted to gambling that they started a poker site wanted to trade real money? And that they were the type of fellows who might know the kind of people who could launder money so that they could illegally hide from the government how much money they actually were making? I am shocked. SHOCKED I tell you. Usually professional poker players seem like such fine, upstanding citizens.
-Harvard Head Basketball Coach Tommy Amaker decided to stay at Harvard this week, despite the advances of a much bigger basketball program, the University of Miami. While this has to feel great for Harvard coming off the best year the program has had in decades, you have to wonder what this does for Miami. I mean, if a guy is willing to stay at Harvard versus take your job, you have to wonder where your next coach is coming from. If an Ivy League coach doesn't see your job as a step up, then who will? You're already reaching pretty deeply into the barrel. Pretty soon you might find you've hit the bottom.
-Chris Paul was interviewed before a game against his hometown Charlotte Bobcats earlier in the week where he said that, since he grew up in Charlotte and idolized Bobcats owner Michael Jordan, he would give Charlotte serious consideration as a free agent destination when his contract ends in 2012. Sure he will. Just like Kobe seriously "considered" the Clippers a few years ago until the Lakers sweetened their offer. Pardon my skepticism, but unless Charlotte can offer a lot more money than New Orleans or more exposure than New York (both unlikely to happen) then I fully expect Paul to end up in one of those two cities. I would be shocked if he ended up in Charlotte on his own free will.
-On Thursday, PGA Tour player Kevin Na made a 16 on a par-4. (Actually, he thought he made a 14, was told he made a 15 and then when he checked the tape discovered it was a 16, meaning it somehow managed to get worse as the day went on.) Now, normally when I watch a professional golfer make a bad score I look at the TV and say, "Been there, man." But, I can't even say that in this situation because, bad as I am, I've still never made a 16. Most courses ask you to pick up your ball after 10 or 12 shots to keep the pace of play moving (which is the only reason I've never made a 16), but the PGA makes you finish the hole no matter what you are shooting. Credit to Na, though, because even though he was 12-over on that one hole, he finished only 8-over for the round, meaning he was 4-under on the other 17 holes. That is what separates the professionals from the rest of us, because we would have followed that 16 with a 10.
-Late Friday afternoon news broke that several online poker sites were being investigated for illegal gambling. Apparently they had advertised as practice-only sites where no real money was supposed to change hands, however it turned out that was exactly what happened and the owners of the sites allegedly hid this illegal money in off-shore accounts. So, you're telling me that people so addicted to gambling that they started a poker site wanted to trade real money? And that they were the type of fellows who might know the kind of people who could launder money so that they could illegally hide from the government how much money they actually were making? I am shocked. SHOCKED I tell you. Usually professional poker players seem like such fine, upstanding citizens.
Friday, April 15, 2011
I'm Awesome, Just Ask Me
Late this afternoon I came across an interesting story via Gawker concerning Scott Adams, the creator of the comic strip "Dilbert". It appears that Mr. Adams has been going on to various message boards under an assumed name to not only talk about how smart Scott Adams is, but how great his comic strip is. Now, I could use this post to talk about how unfortunate it is that a man who is clearly set financially and professionally could still be so insecure that he would take the time to create an alias just for the sake of defending himself from the faceless Internet masses, most of whom would never be brave enough to say any of this to his face, while also trying to promote his own material, but that isn't what I'm going for here.
After all, everyone who has ever had a blog, a Twitter feed or LiveJournal has at one time or another linked to their own material in an attempt to get some new readers. Much like musicians hand out demo CDs after gigs, writers are constantly trying to build a new audience any way they can. (By the way, there is nothing wrong with this: if they didn't want people to read their stuff they wouldn't put it out there to be read.) Also, every writer knows doing this comes with the risk of someone reading your stuff and not liking it, which sucks, because most of the time you work really hard on the material and finding out someone didn't like it is on par with a personal insult. But it comes with the territory: you either come to grips with or cave and start keeping a private journal. So, while I'm not a fan of "Dilbert" (at least it's not "Zippy") I'm not about to kill Scott Adams for wondering what people are saying about him or his work.
What I took exception to was when Adams was caught and finally decided to fess up that the alias was really him, he signed off with, "I'm sorry I peed in your cesspool." Sorry, he lost me - I am officially not on Scott Adams' side anymore. You can't try and subvert a message board using a fake alias to tell everyone that you have a genius-level IQ, get caught (which, by the way, really shouldn't happen to a genius) and then still try to act like you are too cool for the room. Like I said, I get that Adams was curious what people were saying about him but acting like he was above these people when he just showed us that he is as self-conscious as the next guy is a super-douche move. I think most of the people there would have respected him more if he had simply signed in under his real name and defended his position in an open and honest manner. Now, instead of that, he has opened himself up to more ridicule and criticism because he looks like the kind of person who feels as though people don't appreciate him enough. Honestly, this was a minor step above hiring a lawyer and suing the message board for slander.
Frankly, I see only one way out of this for Mr. Adams: he has to make fun of himself in a cartoon. Really, it is the only way to show that he has a sense of humor about not only himself, but the absurd situation he has put himself into. And, as a bonus, if he does that I might actually read "Dilbert". (See, Scott, there is a way to get new readers out of this after all.)
After all, everyone who has ever had a blog, a Twitter feed or LiveJournal has at one time or another linked to their own material in an attempt to get some new readers. Much like musicians hand out demo CDs after gigs, writers are constantly trying to build a new audience any way they can. (By the way, there is nothing wrong with this: if they didn't want people to read their stuff they wouldn't put it out there to be read.) Also, every writer knows doing this comes with the risk of someone reading your stuff and not liking it, which sucks, because most of the time you work really hard on the material and finding out someone didn't like it is on par with a personal insult. But it comes with the territory: you either come to grips with or cave and start keeping a private journal. So, while I'm not a fan of "Dilbert" (at least it's not "Zippy") I'm not about to kill Scott Adams for wondering what people are saying about him or his work.
What I took exception to was when Adams was caught and finally decided to fess up that the alias was really him, he signed off with, "I'm sorry I peed in your cesspool." Sorry, he lost me - I am officially not on Scott Adams' side anymore. You can't try and subvert a message board using a fake alias to tell everyone that you have a genius-level IQ, get caught (which, by the way, really shouldn't happen to a genius) and then still try to act like you are too cool for the room. Like I said, I get that Adams was curious what people were saying about him but acting like he was above these people when he just showed us that he is as self-conscious as the next guy is a super-douche move. I think most of the people there would have respected him more if he had simply signed in under his real name and defended his position in an open and honest manner. Now, instead of that, he has opened himself up to more ridicule and criticism because he looks like the kind of person who feels as though people don't appreciate him enough. Honestly, this was a minor step above hiring a lawyer and suing the message board for slander.
Frankly, I see only one way out of this for Mr. Adams: he has to make fun of himself in a cartoon. Really, it is the only way to show that he has a sense of humor about not only himself, but the absurd situation he has put himself into. And, as a bonus, if he does that I might actually read "Dilbert". (See, Scott, there is a way to get new readers out of this after all.)
Thursday, April 14, 2011
That's It?
Having grown up in world of the Big Dig, I am quite familiar with road construction projects which take a very long time to finish. There was some of that very construction happening on Route 1 near my house which felt like it had gone on for approximately the last four years. It was a little down the road from Gillette Stadium and crossing over Route 95, so I figured they were widening the bridge for the increased game-day traffic or something along those lines. Every time I had driven through this area they were down to one lane of traffic and at this point I was so used to it I was actually surprised when I rolled through this afternoon and found the project was finally done. After years of delays and reduced speeds there were no cones, workers or police details in sight. Do you know what was left? A bridge. A bridge that very much resembled the one that was there when the whole thing started: no new lanes, not even much wider than before. Basically, nothing changed.
Are you kidding me? It took that long to replace a simple two-lane bridge? Now, I wasn't expecting a loop-de-loop in the middle or anything preposterous like that, but I was expecting it to at least be a slightly fancier bridge than was there previously. Nope. It was a run-of-the-mill bridge: two lanes and barriers on the sides. As I've stated on numerous occasions, I am not a civil engineer, but I'm pretty sure that I could build a bridge in less than four years, especially when I'm essentially just replacing what is already there with new parts. It would be like building a model from a package, just with bigger decals. I can't believe they took this long and didn't make any improvements. At least with the Big Dig we got some new tunnels, a park and a very good ice cream out of the deal.
-Speaking of things with design flaws: last night I was getting some gas at the local station. This particular station is the kind which takes several cents off the per-gallon cost of gas when you pay cash, so it has become almost exclusively a cash-only business as fuel prices have gone up. As a result about a year ago they brought in all new pumps that featured a slot to put your cash into directly and skip walking to the cashier booth. After all, why interact with another human being for three whole seconds? (...he wondered while taking full advantage of the 'pay-at-the-pump' feature like a hypocrite.) Anyway, last night I noticed a pretty severe design flaw with these machines. It rained for all of yesterday and by the time I was at the station last night water was dripping from anywhere it could find a leak. After I inserted my first bill I tried to put in the second one, except the machine wouldn't take any more money until it was done recalculating my gas prices.
This would have been fine if the machine wasn't molded in such a fashion that a ridge created a drip right over the money slot. So, during the two minutes I spent trying to shove my money in it was getting water dripped on it at a fairly steady stream. That would be the first design flaw. The second flaw comes from the fact that the machines do not accept wet bills. So, now the machine had taken some of my money, but not all of it and I was taking so long trying to put the rest of my bills in the machine told me I now had to go see the both attendant. Fine. I gave the guy in the booth the rest of my money and went to pump my gas, only to be called back to the booth over the loudspeaker. Awesome, because what I want is everyone else at this station to think I can't figure out how to pump gas. But, back to the both I went, where I was told by the guy that he couldn't add any more money and I had to pump the $10 I already paid. Alright.
Back to the pump I went, only to find that because I hadn't started pumping gas fast enough the machine had cancelled my transaction. Thus, I went back to the booth a third time where I finally was able to get everything bundled into one transaction, pump my gas and be on my way. To think, the entire process could have taken 1/3 the time if they only thought to put a small piece of plastic on that ridge and funnel the water away. It's a good thing all that time was totally worth the forty cents I saved.
Are you kidding me? It took that long to replace a simple two-lane bridge? Now, I wasn't expecting a loop-de-loop in the middle or anything preposterous like that, but I was expecting it to at least be a slightly fancier bridge than was there previously. Nope. It was a run-of-the-mill bridge: two lanes and barriers on the sides. As I've stated on numerous occasions, I am not a civil engineer, but I'm pretty sure that I could build a bridge in less than four years, especially when I'm essentially just replacing what is already there with new parts. It would be like building a model from a package, just with bigger decals. I can't believe they took this long and didn't make any improvements. At least with the Big Dig we got some new tunnels, a park and a very good ice cream out of the deal.
-Speaking of things with design flaws: last night I was getting some gas at the local station. This particular station is the kind which takes several cents off the per-gallon cost of gas when you pay cash, so it has become almost exclusively a cash-only business as fuel prices have gone up. As a result about a year ago they brought in all new pumps that featured a slot to put your cash into directly and skip walking to the cashier booth. After all, why interact with another human being for three whole seconds? (...he wondered while taking full advantage of the 'pay-at-the-pump' feature like a hypocrite.) Anyway, last night I noticed a pretty severe design flaw with these machines. It rained for all of yesterday and by the time I was at the station last night water was dripping from anywhere it could find a leak. After I inserted my first bill I tried to put in the second one, except the machine wouldn't take any more money until it was done recalculating my gas prices.
This would have been fine if the machine wasn't molded in such a fashion that a ridge created a drip right over the money slot. So, during the two minutes I spent trying to shove my money in it was getting water dripped on it at a fairly steady stream. That would be the first design flaw. The second flaw comes from the fact that the machines do not accept wet bills. So, now the machine had taken some of my money, but not all of it and I was taking so long trying to put the rest of my bills in the machine told me I now had to go see the both attendant. Fine. I gave the guy in the booth the rest of my money and went to pump my gas, only to be called back to the booth over the loudspeaker. Awesome, because what I want is everyone else at this station to think I can't figure out how to pump gas. But, back to the both I went, where I was told by the guy that he couldn't add any more money and I had to pump the $10 I already paid. Alright.
Back to the pump I went, only to find that because I hadn't started pumping gas fast enough the machine had cancelled my transaction. Thus, I went back to the booth a third time where I finally was able to get everything bundled into one transaction, pump my gas and be on my way. To think, the entire process could have taken 1/3 the time if they only thought to put a small piece of plastic on that ridge and funnel the water away. It's a good thing all that time was totally worth the forty cents I saved.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
The Silent Majority
In a previous post I talked about how annoyed I get when people try to tell you how things work at a place they haven't been to in a decade. For example, it drives me crazy when people tell you where you should go on your vacation and it turns out half of their "suggestions" for that area closed in 2007. Still, that is not nearly as aggravating to me as when people make grand, sweeping conclusions about a people or place they are no where near and have never spent any great amount of time in. I'm talking, of course, about the national media and their generalizations of Boston sports fans concerning the 2011 Boston Red Sox.
When last night's loss to the Rays dropped the Red Sox to 2-9 (the worse record in baseball), I knew what was coming. ESPN has continued to act as though the pre-2004, the-sky-is-falling mentality which used to be a staple for Red Sox fans still exists today, when the reality is two World Series wins in the past seven years have mellowed us considerably. But, finding something like that out would require research and getting off their asses to ask normal people what they thought, while working off the old stereotypes is just so much easier. Therefore the "Panic in Red Sox Nation" headlines on SportsCenter this morning were not only expected, but I actually would have been shocked had they not been on there.
The reason I get so angry with stuff like this is because I feel like it does nothing but empower the lunatics. 98% of the baseball fans in this city are well aware that the season in extremely long and what happens the first three weeks doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things. The problem is that, much like political discussions, the lunatic fringe that make up that last 2% get all the attention because they are the loudest. They are not any more passionate about the team than other die-hards, they just have the time to sit on hold for two hours simply to hear themselves on WEEI or write horribly spelled, 1,000 word rants on message boards and as such are seen as the voice of Red Sox Nation, when they really only represent the extremists. (This is also why I stopped listening to local sports talk stations and going on message boards years ago.)
Are the 98% of us happy that the Red Sox have gotten off to such a slow start? Of course not. But we're not "panicking". With 151 games left in the season, the majority of Sox fans remain optimistic that Crawford will start hitting and the pitching will round into form. It's only the crazies that are already flipping out now. The rest of us are calm, restrained and able to see the big picture... at least until the Celtics and Bruins are out of the playoffs and we have nothing else to curb our sports cravings. (However, if the Sox hit the quarter pole at 15-25 there are going to be riots in the streets. At that point SportsCenter can run all the graphics they want.) But until then, I would appreciate not being judged by our worse characters.
When last night's loss to the Rays dropped the Red Sox to 2-9 (the worse record in baseball), I knew what was coming. ESPN has continued to act as though the pre-2004, the-sky-is-falling mentality which used to be a staple for Red Sox fans still exists today, when the reality is two World Series wins in the past seven years have mellowed us considerably. But, finding something like that out would require research and getting off their asses to ask normal people what they thought, while working off the old stereotypes is just so much easier. Therefore the "Panic in Red Sox Nation" headlines on SportsCenter this morning were not only expected, but I actually would have been shocked had they not been on there.
The reason I get so angry with stuff like this is because I feel like it does nothing but empower the lunatics. 98% of the baseball fans in this city are well aware that the season in extremely long and what happens the first three weeks doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things. The problem is that, much like political discussions, the lunatic fringe that make up that last 2% get all the attention because they are the loudest. They are not any more passionate about the team than other die-hards, they just have the time to sit on hold for two hours simply to hear themselves on WEEI or write horribly spelled, 1,000 word rants on message boards and as such are seen as the voice of Red Sox Nation, when they really only represent the extremists. (This is also why I stopped listening to local sports talk stations and going on message boards years ago.)
Are the 98% of us happy that the Red Sox have gotten off to such a slow start? Of course not. But we're not "panicking". With 151 games left in the season, the majority of Sox fans remain optimistic that Crawford will start hitting and the pitching will round into form. It's only the crazies that are already flipping out now. The rest of us are calm, restrained and able to see the big picture... at least until the Celtics and Bruins are out of the playoffs and we have nothing else to curb our sports cravings. (However, if the Sox hit the quarter pole at 15-25 there are going to be riots in the streets. At that point SportsCenter can run all the graphics they want.) But until then, I would appreciate not being judged by our worse characters.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Ghost Town
Let me ask you a question: is there any place creepier than an empty mall? Yesterday I was up at the Walpole Mall, looking for jeans. Technically, I started just outside the mall, because the Old Navy doesn't have an entrance into the main building, which makes sense because inside is downright depressing. After going next door to the Barnes & Nobles, I used their entrance in and was greeted by silence. I went from a well-lit bookstore with the latest non-offensive pop music playing in my ears (Taylor Swift, naturally) to a dim hallway where the only thing I heard was the hum of the light fixtures. It was like the exact opposite of Dorothy opening the door of her black-and-white farmhouse and stepping into the dazzling land of Oz.
Now, the Walpole Mall has never been what you would categorize as a bustling shopping center, but there were at least enough stores to keep you window shopping. Not anymore. Even the stores that had been there forever (like the Irish shop you never saw people in that I was convinced was a mob front) have given up the fight and moved on. I'm not sure if it is the economy, the fact that two new, high-end shopping centers have opened up in the adjacent towns or if rent in the mall is unrealistically high, but the place is barren.
At this point it's a Kohl's at one end, a fabric store on the other and practically nothing in between but an Old Country Buffet and a manicure place. (Also, amazingly, a video arcade. I would have thought that would have closed first, especially when you consider they haven't upgraded their games since 2005, but it's still hanging in there. I guess the opportunity to spend $150 to win enough tickets to get a $40 popcorn maker is recession-proof.) I didn't even see any people for the first 200 feet, which made the entire experience even odder. When was the last time you walked 200 feet in any shopping center and didn't see another human being? I think the expectations of human contact are what made the lack of it even more blaring.
The strangest part of this entire thing is that the outside has recently undergone massive renovations. They've built an addition (which all the chain stores that were in the mall moved to) and added multiple stand-alone buildings on the outskirts of the parking lot filled with restaurants and new businesses. It would be like spending thousands of dollars on your landscaping while forgetting to put furniture in your living room. And everyone talks about how the new stores are great for business, but it seems to me that spreading the stores farther apart is the reverse of what a mall is supposed to do. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that if anyone has an idea for a store, I know some retail locations that are available. You might want to supply your own music, though.
Now, the Walpole Mall has never been what you would categorize as a bustling shopping center, but there were at least enough stores to keep you window shopping. Not anymore. Even the stores that had been there forever (like the Irish shop you never saw people in that I was convinced was a mob front) have given up the fight and moved on. I'm not sure if it is the economy, the fact that two new, high-end shopping centers have opened up in the adjacent towns or if rent in the mall is unrealistically high, but the place is barren.
At this point it's a Kohl's at one end, a fabric store on the other and practically nothing in between but an Old Country Buffet and a manicure place. (Also, amazingly, a video arcade. I would have thought that would have closed first, especially when you consider they haven't upgraded their games since 2005, but it's still hanging in there. I guess the opportunity to spend $150 to win enough tickets to get a $40 popcorn maker is recession-proof.) I didn't even see any people for the first 200 feet, which made the entire experience even odder. When was the last time you walked 200 feet in any shopping center and didn't see another human being? I think the expectations of human contact are what made the lack of it even more blaring.
The strangest part of this entire thing is that the outside has recently undergone massive renovations. They've built an addition (which all the chain stores that were in the mall moved to) and added multiple stand-alone buildings on the outskirts of the parking lot filled with restaurants and new businesses. It would be like spending thousands of dollars on your landscaping while forgetting to put furniture in your living room. And everyone talks about how the new stores are great for business, but it seems to me that spreading the stores farther apart is the reverse of what a mall is supposed to do. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that if anyone has an idea for a store, I know some retail locations that are available. You might want to supply your own music, though.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Wave Hunters
When I am in my car, I am a big fan of the courtesy wave. I know it is just a simple flick of the wrist but it goes a long way in saying, "Hey, I know you didn't have to let me go first, but you did. I appreciate that." It is nice of the person you let through to acknowledge the gesture. Conversely, I am vehemently against those people don't give a courtesy wave when you allow them to merge, as if not only were you expected to let them go first but, frankly, you're lucky to be on the same road as them to begin with. It is those drivers who make me want to carry a paintball gun around in my truck and tag their cars with a couple of quick (brightly-colored) shots. I figure the benefits will be three-fold:
1. I'll feel better.
2. They will think twice about forgetting to give a wave next time.
3. In the future other drivers will be aware it is not worth letting the driver of this vehicle go first because they are rude.
However, as much as we all like getting a courtesy wave, that doesn't excuse the people who go wave hunting. These are the people who stop and want you to go first, even when it isn't that pressing of an issue. What they really want is for you to feel beholden to them. I had this happen today when I was driving through some side streets in a not-at-all busy section of my town. I was driving down a cross street when I came to the intersection with one car approaching; the other driver was on the main street and I was looking to turn onto that street, so the other car obviously had the right of way. But there were no cars behind me, none behind her and none coming the opposite directions, so I was going to have to wait a grand total of about thirty seconds before it was my turn. Not a big deal in the slightest. But, instead of simply continuing on this woman slammed on her brakes, stuck her hand out the window and violently (I feel this is the best adjective) waved her hand back and forth, demanding I turn first.
I almost felt like putting my car in park, rolling down my window and informing this woman that not only was making me go first unnecessary, but during high volume times her actions would actually slow traffic. However, knowing that would make me look rather insane, I instead just pulled out onto the street and gave her a half-hearted wave as I passed. Still, I was annoyed with feeling obligated to give a courtesy wave for something that wasn't actually a courtesy. She's just lucky I didn't have a paintball gun on me.
1. I'll feel better.
2. They will think twice about forgetting to give a wave next time.
3. In the future other drivers will be aware it is not worth letting the driver of this vehicle go first because they are rude.
However, as much as we all like getting a courtesy wave, that doesn't excuse the people who go wave hunting. These are the people who stop and want you to go first, even when it isn't that pressing of an issue. What they really want is for you to feel beholden to them. I had this happen today when I was driving through some side streets in a not-at-all busy section of my town. I was driving down a cross street when I came to the intersection with one car approaching; the other driver was on the main street and I was looking to turn onto that street, so the other car obviously had the right of way. But there were no cars behind me, none behind her and none coming the opposite directions, so I was going to have to wait a grand total of about thirty seconds before it was my turn. Not a big deal in the slightest. But, instead of simply continuing on this woman slammed on her brakes, stuck her hand out the window and violently (I feel this is the best adjective) waved her hand back and forth, demanding I turn first.
I almost felt like putting my car in park, rolling down my window and informing this woman that not only was making me go first unnecessary, but during high volume times her actions would actually slow traffic. However, knowing that would make me look rather insane, I instead just pulled out onto the street and gave her a half-hearted wave as I passed. Still, I was annoyed with feeling obligated to give a courtesy wave for something that wasn't actually a courtesy. She's just lucky I didn't have a paintball gun on me.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
A Masterful Interlude
So, I have kind of a love/hate thing going with Augusta National, site of the Masters, which wraps up today. You see, every year the club ranks as the best golf course in the world. It is the promise land to anyone who picks up a golf club. What makes it different from the rest of the Top-10 ranked courses in the world is that it is the only completely private club on the list. All the others I could play if I had the money and felt like taking a trip. No such luck with Augusta; I am never going to play there, which is kind of an annoying reality. I'm never going to play Pebble Beach, either, but that's because I simply can't justify $500 for a round of golf, not because they won't let me. So you see, in my head it's my choice. Big difference.
Still, I do love the Masters tournament and since this song gets played at the end of the telecast, it seems to fit the weekly musical interlude. Darius Rucker did a great version of this song a couple years back just for the telecast but, as always, I go for the original when available.
Still, I do love the Masters tournament and since this song gets played at the end of the telecast, it seems to fit the weekly musical interlude. Darius Rucker did a great version of this song a couple years back just for the telecast but, as always, I go for the original when available.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Opening Day Ramblings
Just a few thoughts collected while watching the Sox end their losing streak...
-I know technically the season started last week, but it never feels to me like the season has begun until the Red Sox play their first game at Fenway Park. It could be why I was so calm about starting the season 0-6; mentally, I was treating the games in Texas and Cleveland as though they were still exhibition games (apparently so were the players). However, it's much more likely I wasn't freaking out because the team still had yet to play 96% of their games.
-People kept saying this was the 100th Opening Day at Fenway Park, which I don't get. I'm no math major but, seeing as how the place opened in 1912, shouldn't next year be the 100th Opening Day? Or is this one of those "The new decade started at 2010, no it started at 2011" kind of things? Then again, I read this in the Boston Globe and the other day they got the score of the Women's Final Four wrong despite the fact it was on the front page of the sports section. You know, I don't expect a lot from sports journalism in this day and age of saying outrageous things just to get noticed, but I do at least expect you to have the scores right.
-One of the thing about the Opening Ceremonies I wasn't a fan of was there seemed to be a lot of the Fenway Trust patting themselves on the back about all the new features. I get that they spent a lot of money on the new HD video boards and they look very nice, but having it lead off the ceremonies felt as though they were saying to the crowd, "We did all this. You should thank us. Now would be a good time for that." (Personally, I won't care about any upgrades until they figured out a way to increase the legroom.)
-It's obvious why a home team would want to take the time and introduce all the clubhouse personnel - these guys don't get a lot of recognition, but do a lot of work and have to spend just as much time away from their families as the players. This is their one moment every year to shine and get a standing ovation. But, what is the need to introduce the Yankee's staff at Fenway Park? It's the exact opposite thinking. Like the Yankee's bat boy has done anything to warrant being viciously booed. For all we know he hates the Yankees as well, but there are only 32 of these jobs in the world and the Mets weren't hiring.
-I was clearly ready to be jaded about the Opening Ceremonies... right up until the flyover. I know it's contrived, expensive and unnecessary but, damn, it is impressive.
-I've said it before and I'll say it again: I remain convinced that with no baseball skill or training in my history, I could step in today as a first base coach. Really, all you do is wait for someone to get a hit, then pat the guy on his ass and take his gloves and protective gear when he gets to you. It's one step away from holding a purse at the mall and I am all-world in that department.
-While I was happy that the game returned to being a day game a year after the Sox opened Fenway with at night, I really wish they would stop scheduling the Yankees as Opening Day opponents. Opening Days are special; all games against the Yankees are special. By combining them it almost feels like a waste. It's like putting frosting on top of more frosting - at some point you're just begging for a stomach ache.
-The other reason I don't like combining those two events is that it brings the people who only go to games to be seen out in full force. You get a lot of that crowd for Yankee games, you get even more for Opening Day, so today was just a sea of people who have money, but didn't know about this team prior to 2004. This was clear by the fact that in the 8th inning of a 3-run game, people tried to get a wave going. Interesting. Perhaps you should be paying attention to the actual game now.
-I do have one thought about the wave: one of my favorite things about old games at Fenway was when the wave would hit the wall and the people in the bleachers would wait, almost as if guessing how long the wave would take to travel that distance before starting a new wave. Always made me laugh. Of course, with Monster Seats that is gone. (Don't get me wrong though, I like those seats. Hell of a view up there.)
-I'm going to miss Papelbon when we trade him. Look, we all know it's coming so we might as well face it. He'll be someplace like Atlanta by July. But, at least he made things interesting while he was here.
-I know technically the season started last week, but it never feels to me like the season has begun until the Red Sox play their first game at Fenway Park. It could be why I was so calm about starting the season 0-6; mentally, I was treating the games in Texas and Cleveland as though they were still exhibition games (apparently so were the players). However, it's much more likely I wasn't freaking out because the team still had yet to play 96% of their games.
-People kept saying this was the 100th Opening Day at Fenway Park, which I don't get. I'm no math major but, seeing as how the place opened in 1912, shouldn't next year be the 100th Opening Day? Or is this one of those "The new decade started at 2010, no it started at 2011" kind of things? Then again, I read this in the Boston Globe and the other day they got the score of the Women's Final Four wrong despite the fact it was on the front page of the sports section. You know, I don't expect a lot from sports journalism in this day and age of saying outrageous things just to get noticed, but I do at least expect you to have the scores right.
-One of the thing about the Opening Ceremonies I wasn't a fan of was there seemed to be a lot of the Fenway Trust patting themselves on the back about all the new features. I get that they spent a lot of money on the new HD video boards and they look very nice, but having it lead off the ceremonies felt as though they were saying to the crowd, "We did all this. You should thank us. Now would be a good time for that." (Personally, I won't care about any upgrades until they figured out a way to increase the legroom.)
-It's obvious why a home team would want to take the time and introduce all the clubhouse personnel - these guys don't get a lot of recognition, but do a lot of work and have to spend just as much time away from their families as the players. This is their one moment every year to shine and get a standing ovation. But, what is the need to introduce the Yankee's staff at Fenway Park? It's the exact opposite thinking. Like the Yankee's bat boy has done anything to warrant being viciously booed. For all we know he hates the Yankees as well, but there are only 32 of these jobs in the world and the Mets weren't hiring.
-I was clearly ready to be jaded about the Opening Ceremonies... right up until the flyover. I know it's contrived, expensive and unnecessary but, damn, it is impressive.
-I've said it before and I'll say it again: I remain convinced that with no baseball skill or training in my history, I could step in today as a first base coach. Really, all you do is wait for someone to get a hit, then pat the guy on his ass and take his gloves and protective gear when he gets to you. It's one step away from holding a purse at the mall and I am all-world in that department.
-While I was happy that the game returned to being a day game a year after the Sox opened Fenway with at night, I really wish they would stop scheduling the Yankees as Opening Day opponents. Opening Days are special; all games against the Yankees are special. By combining them it almost feels like a waste. It's like putting frosting on top of more frosting - at some point you're just begging for a stomach ache.
-The other reason I don't like combining those two events is that it brings the people who only go to games to be seen out in full force. You get a lot of that crowd for Yankee games, you get even more for Opening Day, so today was just a sea of people who have money, but didn't know about this team prior to 2004. This was clear by the fact that in the 8th inning of a 3-run game, people tried to get a wave going. Interesting. Perhaps you should be paying attention to the actual game now.
-I do have one thought about the wave: one of my favorite things about old games at Fenway was when the wave would hit the wall and the people in the bleachers would wait, almost as if guessing how long the wave would take to travel that distance before starting a new wave. Always made me laugh. Of course, with Monster Seats that is gone. (Don't get me wrong though, I like those seats. Hell of a view up there.)
-I'm going to miss Papelbon when we trade him. Look, we all know it's coming so we might as well face it. He'll be someplace like Atlanta by July. But, at least he made things interesting while he was here.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Friday Sporties
-So, Basketball Hall of Fame Committee, let's review: You take so long to induct Dennis Johnson into the Hall that he had to be put in posthumously, but Dennis Rodman gets in after just a couple years of waiting? Are you kidding me? I'm not disputing that Rodman is a Hall of Famer - he was an amazing rebounder and defender and, most importantly, every team he went to got better with his arrival. However, he is in no way better or more important to the game than Dennis Johnson was, meaning he should have had to wait just as long for his induction. Also, I know DJ had some off-court problems, but they are nothing compared to Rodman, so don't even try to tell me that was the reason. I just wish the voters would be a little more consistent with their standards.
-I find myself chuckling at all the sports writers who spent the week saying that this Butler-UConn Championship Game tainted the entire tournament and we'll remember it as the worst ever. No, we won't. Not because the game wasn't that bad (it was), but because no one remembers details of sporting events anymore. It's simply how people roll nowadays. I'm willing to say that if you bet 10 people $100 bucks each to name the last 10 National Championship games, winner and loser, that not only would you not lose any money, you wouldn't even have to sweat it out. Hell, the other day someone had me remind them of who won LAST YEAR. All we'll remember is that UConn won and Jim Calhoun got his third title. Anything more than that will have faded into the memory banks within a couple of seasons.
-Late this afternoon word broke that Manny Ramirez was retiring from baseball. Apparently, the league offices wanted to talk to him about another positive drug test and, facing a 100-game ban, Manny just said 'no mas' and walked. Now normally I would say that this looks bad and by running from the issue Manny risks having this be the first thing people think about when his legacy is brought up. Rather than knowing what the test actually said, people are just going to start speculating what it might have said, and rumors do more damage than the truth, no matter how bad that truth may be. If he's not careful, this could really impact Manny's Hall of Fame chances. That's what I would normally say. But since this is Manny, who I'm not sure has ever given two seconds of thought to what his legacy might me, I'll just say I hope he enjoys his retirement.
-I have a friend who insists that, due to the number of games they have to play, baseball players are just as tough as football or hockey players. Well, his argument took a big hit with news that Rockies pitcher Ubaldo Jimenez was forced to go onto the disabled list with a cut on his thumb cuticle. I understand that it was on his throwing hand and pitchers need to be able to grip a baseball with their fingers in specific places, but there is no way you are going to convince me someone is tough when they have to be shut down over something that sounds like a mishap that occurred during a manicure.
-As if you needed more proof that LeBron James is only going to look after himself and work to build his brand and imagine versus worrying about actually winning, look no further than the news that he is partnering with the owners of the Red Sox in purchasing the Liverpool football club. James, who famously wore Yankee hats to Indians games while playing for the Cavaliers and said he was a die-hard Yankee fan even though he'd lived in Ohio his entire life, is now essentially sleeping with the enemy. God, the guy can't even be loyalty to a team he cherry-picked as a front-running fan. Looking back, I can't believe anyone ever thought he would stay with in Cleveland.
-I find myself chuckling at all the sports writers who spent the week saying that this Butler-UConn Championship Game tainted the entire tournament and we'll remember it as the worst ever. No, we won't. Not because the game wasn't that bad (it was), but because no one remembers details of sporting events anymore. It's simply how people roll nowadays. I'm willing to say that if you bet 10 people $100 bucks each to name the last 10 National Championship games, winner and loser, that not only would you not lose any money, you wouldn't even have to sweat it out. Hell, the other day someone had me remind them of who won LAST YEAR. All we'll remember is that UConn won and Jim Calhoun got his third title. Anything more than that will have faded into the memory banks within a couple of seasons.
-Late this afternoon word broke that Manny Ramirez was retiring from baseball. Apparently, the league offices wanted to talk to him about another positive drug test and, facing a 100-game ban, Manny just said 'no mas' and walked. Now normally I would say that this looks bad and by running from the issue Manny risks having this be the first thing people think about when his legacy is brought up. Rather than knowing what the test actually said, people are just going to start speculating what it might have said, and rumors do more damage than the truth, no matter how bad that truth may be. If he's not careful, this could really impact Manny's Hall of Fame chances. That's what I would normally say. But since this is Manny, who I'm not sure has ever given two seconds of thought to what his legacy might me, I'll just say I hope he enjoys his retirement.
-I have a friend who insists that, due to the number of games they have to play, baseball players are just as tough as football or hockey players. Well, his argument took a big hit with news that Rockies pitcher Ubaldo Jimenez was forced to go onto the disabled list with a cut on his thumb cuticle. I understand that it was on his throwing hand and pitchers need to be able to grip a baseball with their fingers in specific places, but there is no way you are going to convince me someone is tough when they have to be shut down over something that sounds like a mishap that occurred during a manicure.
-As if you needed more proof that LeBron James is only going to look after himself and work to build his brand and imagine versus worrying about actually winning, look no further than the news that he is partnering with the owners of the Red Sox in purchasing the Liverpool football club. James, who famously wore Yankee hats to Indians games while playing for the Cavaliers and said he was a die-hard Yankee fan even though he'd lived in Ohio his entire life, is now essentially sleeping with the enemy. God, the guy can't even be loyalty to a team he cherry-picked as a front-running fan. Looking back, I can't believe anyone ever thought he would stay with in Cleveland.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Feeling Extra Stupid
It's human nature to feel foolish when you don't know how to do something. No one likes to admit that they aren't capable and having to do so comes with an ego-crushing feeling of inadequacy. And the simpler the task you don't know how to do, the stronger that feeling of stupidity is. I'm fully convinced that most of the world's problems come from someone being unwilling to admit that they aren't familiar with some procedure, trying to figure it out on the fly, getting angry at the person who comes along and actually does know how to do that task and the next thing you know we're in the middle of a world war.
Still, as bad as that is, the worst of these feelings happens when you realise you have completely forgotten how to do some simple task you have previously done a dozen times. The other afternoon I needed to cash a check. Now, for the past few years I have been simply depositing my money and going back for it later, but it was a small check and I just needed gas money, so I figured straight cash would serve me better, give me one fewer stop and save me time. However, as I was gathering my stuff to head out for errands, it occurred to me that I wasn't sure what went into the act of cashing a check. Did I need an ID? Did I have to go to the bank the check was written from or could I use my own bank? Was there a fee involved? The fact that I couldn't remember was actually kind of alarming. I mean, I know it has been a few years, but it isn't like I was trying to remember a complicated surgical procedure. I'm almost ashamed to admit this, but I ended up looking it up online.
Making this even more annoying to me is that I'm usually quite good at remembering things. Therefore, you would imagine that I would have retained this knowledge, especially when you factor in that things I have no need to remember stick with me for years. For example, right now I could tell you exactly how my previous workplace was organized and I wouldn't go back to that place if they offered me a raise and put a gun to my head. Yet this task which people do everyday (and I'm clearly going to have to do again in the future) left my brain. It's extremely annoying to feel this stupid.
-Another reason that this bothered me more than it should is because not remembering how to cash a check came shortly after another incident of brain freeze. Earlier this week I was driving when I came to a red light. Sitting there, a large truck came around the corner, making a wide turn. So wide, in fact, that the driver had to keep turning even after he was on the street to make sure his trailer could make the turn with him. As a result, for a moment it appeared he was about to ram me. Therefore, out of instinct, I turned my wheel away from him. This would have been wonderful evasive driving if I had been moving, but at the time I was sitting perfectly still. Essentially, all I was doing was trying to turn a park car. To make matters worse, the truck didn't even come that close to my car. Clearly, it has not been my brightest week. So, if you talk to them, don't mention this to the MENSA people.
Still, as bad as that is, the worst of these feelings happens when you realise you have completely forgotten how to do some simple task you have previously done a dozen times. The other afternoon I needed to cash a check. Now, for the past few years I have been simply depositing my money and going back for it later, but it was a small check and I just needed gas money, so I figured straight cash would serve me better, give me one fewer stop and save me time. However, as I was gathering my stuff to head out for errands, it occurred to me that I wasn't sure what went into the act of cashing a check. Did I need an ID? Did I have to go to the bank the check was written from or could I use my own bank? Was there a fee involved? The fact that I couldn't remember was actually kind of alarming. I mean, I know it has been a few years, but it isn't like I was trying to remember a complicated surgical procedure. I'm almost ashamed to admit this, but I ended up looking it up online.
Making this even more annoying to me is that I'm usually quite good at remembering things. Therefore, you would imagine that I would have retained this knowledge, especially when you factor in that things I have no need to remember stick with me for years. For example, right now I could tell you exactly how my previous workplace was organized and I wouldn't go back to that place if they offered me a raise and put a gun to my head. Yet this task which people do everyday (and I'm clearly going to have to do again in the future) left my brain. It's extremely annoying to feel this stupid.
-Another reason that this bothered me more than it should is because not remembering how to cash a check came shortly after another incident of brain freeze. Earlier this week I was driving when I came to a red light. Sitting there, a large truck came around the corner, making a wide turn. So wide, in fact, that the driver had to keep turning even after he was on the street to make sure his trailer could make the turn with him. As a result, for a moment it appeared he was about to ram me. Therefore, out of instinct, I turned my wheel away from him. This would have been wonderful evasive driving if I had been moving, but at the time I was sitting perfectly still. Essentially, all I was doing was trying to turn a park car. To make matters worse, the truck didn't even come that close to my car. Clearly, it has not been my brightest week. So, if you talk to them, don't mention this to the MENSA people.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Know Your Role
A couple of weeks back we picked up a few of those "dinners in a bag" meals. The idea behind them is that all the prep work is done for you, so all you have to do is pour the contents of the bag into a skillet, cover, heat, occasionally stir and after just 12 minutes (it actually turned out to be less than that), viola! You're eating chicken and broccoli in Alfredo sauce with sun-dried tomatoes and portobello mushrooms. I have to confess, although you don't get a lot of food in the bag, it was really easy to make and the meal turned out a lot better than I was expecting it to, admittedly with the bar starting pretty low. That being said, I did not feel like I was eating at a Tuscan Villa like the package claimed I would.
The thing that stuck with me from the whole process was that next to the cooking directions was a suggestion for what wine to drink with the meal. Aiming kind of high, aren't we? Look, if I'm eating what amounts to a glorified MRE (that would be Meal Ready to Eat for those of you who have never been in the military or didn't watched copious amounts of G.I. Joe growing up), what makes you think I'm going to be fancy enough to be having wine with dinner? This, to me, is the same as offering several recipes on the side of Mac & Cheese box. If people are eating Mac & Cheese they aren't doing it as compliment to a larger meal - that is the meal. No one is ever going to confuse food that comes with powdered cheese with fine dining.
On more than one occasion on this blog I have said that accepting where you stand in life will go a long way to making oneself happy. Once you understand your role you can dive head first into making yourself the best damn whatever-the-hell-it-is that you can to be. These "meals in a bag" serve a very valuable role. I'm sure there are lots of people out there who appreciate the fact that they can cook for 12 minutes, make it look like they put in a lot more effort than that and still end up with something much better than they normally have for dinner. But, they are not about to use these to entertain clients or impress a first date. They are good... but only up to a point.
I would suggest that the makers of these bagged meals look to the gold standard of knowing your place: Ramen Noodles. The makers of Ramen Noodles long ago acknowledged that they exist to feed college kids at 2 AM who don't have access to anything more than a hot plate and need something to eat right now. That is why you can get six for a dollar, they take four minutes to cook and no where on the package will it suggest things that nicely compliment the noodles. You eat the noodles, then you get back to cramming for a test. There is no talk of side-dishes or delusions of grandeur. Sure, Ramen occasionally strays with more complicated attempts at dinner, but the best seller remains the simple noodles. They know their role and they do it well. We should all be so self-aware.
The thing that stuck with me from the whole process was that next to the cooking directions was a suggestion for what wine to drink with the meal. Aiming kind of high, aren't we? Look, if I'm eating what amounts to a glorified MRE (that would be Meal Ready to Eat for those of you who have never been in the military or didn't watched copious amounts of G.I. Joe growing up), what makes you think I'm going to be fancy enough to be having wine with dinner? This, to me, is the same as offering several recipes on the side of Mac & Cheese box. If people are eating Mac & Cheese they aren't doing it as compliment to a larger meal - that is the meal. No one is ever going to confuse food that comes with powdered cheese with fine dining.
On more than one occasion on this blog I have said that accepting where you stand in life will go a long way to making oneself happy. Once you understand your role you can dive head first into making yourself the best damn whatever-the-hell-it-is that you can to be. These "meals in a bag" serve a very valuable role. I'm sure there are lots of people out there who appreciate the fact that they can cook for 12 minutes, make it look like they put in a lot more effort than that and still end up with something much better than they normally have for dinner. But, they are not about to use these to entertain clients or impress a first date. They are good... but only up to a point.
I would suggest that the makers of these bagged meals look to the gold standard of knowing your place: Ramen Noodles. The makers of Ramen Noodles long ago acknowledged that they exist to feed college kids at 2 AM who don't have access to anything more than a hot plate and need something to eat right now. That is why you can get six for a dollar, they take four minutes to cook and no where on the package will it suggest things that nicely compliment the noodles. You eat the noodles, then you get back to cramming for a test. There is no talk of side-dishes or delusions of grandeur. Sure, Ramen occasionally strays with more complicated attempts at dinner, but the best seller remains the simple noodles. They know their role and they do it well. We should all be so self-aware.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
My Day With Addison
Yesterday I was all set to spend a couple hours of one-on-one time with my niece, Addison. When I showed up at her house she was literally running in a circle, telling me how excited she was to go on "an adventure." While that definitely upped the pressure to make the afternoon memorable, I just want to say it is really nice to walk into someplace and have there be someone there who is genuinely excited to see you. I gave Addison the choice of what we were doing with our day and she wanted to go bowling, so off we went as she yapped a mile a minute from the backseat: "Uncle Tommy your carseat has a cupholder, mine doesn't have that... Your car goes really fast [Editor's Note: I was not speeding at the time]... Look how spacious the back is..."
We got to the bowling alley, were set up with shoes and put in a lane with bumpers, but Addison still didn't quite make it to the pins with every throw. The lady behind the counter came out and told me that I was going to have to help her if we wanted to keep bowling. (It is at this point I feel the need to emphasis that there were a grand total of three people bowling at the time, so it's not like we were clogging the lanes.) Anyway, we ended up a with a system where she would use my arm and throw it, which meant I did 98% of the bowling and explains why my arm is killing me today. After a couple of frames Addison wanted candy and when you roll with Uncle Tommy there is no such word as no, so candy it was. This was a mistake because she would bowl, have some candy, bowl, have some more candy and eventually just wanted to skip the bowling part.
Everything was rolling along nicely until Addison declared she had to go to the bathroom. I was faced with a common dilemma that occurs when a guy is babysitting a little girl: whether to send the adult male into the ladies' room or the little girl into the men's room. I decided to go for the men's room and did a thorough sweep of the area that would have made the Secret Service proud. I was then guarding the stall when I had the following exchange:
Anyway, after bowling I was going to take her home, but Addison asked me what our next adventure was. Thinking on the fly I figured we would go up to Bass Pro shops and she could check out the large in-store fish tank, which is always a hit with her. But by the time we got to the last light to turn into the parking lot, Addison had had enough and just wanted to go home. I told her we could do that, but we were already there and we would be looking at this fish as soon as the light changed. This changed her mind and she sat quietly for a minute while waiting for the signal to turn before uttering, "How long is this light?" [Sidebar: does anyone know if the Twitter handle @ShitMyNiecesSay is taken yet?]
After we were in the store and had checked out the fishes, Addison proved the negotiating tactic of asking for something way more expensive than the thing you actually want is something people can be born with, because first she walked up to the very pricey deep-sea fishing rods and told me how much she would like of those. Since we're not about to go trolling for marlins anytime soon, I said no. But, she followed that up by asking for a $7 mermaid bathtoy. (Which would be the first thing her sister locked in on when she got home. As I told my sister, congratulations, I brought you home a fight.) Because I am easily manipulated by my nieces, that seemed like a bargain to me. Then, as we were heading for the exits a Bass Pro employee showed up with fish food and Addison got the fish jumping all over themselves and splashing as they went for the food. All in all it was a wonderful day and I accomplished my main goal which was returning Addison to her home with all her limbs still attached. Next time just remind me to bring some backup who can take her to the bathroom.
We got to the bowling alley, were set up with shoes and put in a lane with bumpers, but Addison still didn't quite make it to the pins with every throw. The lady behind the counter came out and told me that I was going to have to help her if we wanted to keep bowling. (It is at this point I feel the need to emphasis that there were a grand total of three people bowling at the time, so it's not like we were clogging the lanes.) Anyway, we ended up a with a system where she would use my arm and throw it, which meant I did 98% of the bowling and explains why my arm is killing me today. After a couple of frames Addison wanted candy and when you roll with Uncle Tommy there is no such word as no, so candy it was. This was a mistake because she would bowl, have some candy, bowl, have some more candy and eventually just wanted to skip the bowling part.
Everything was rolling along nicely until Addison declared she had to go to the bathroom. I was faced with a common dilemma that occurs when a guy is babysitting a little girl: whether to send the adult male into the ladies' room or the little girl into the men's room. I decided to go for the men's room and did a thorough sweep of the area that would have made the Secret Service proud. I was then guarding the stall when I had the following exchange:
Seriously, this passes for normal for me now. How the hell did I get here?Addison: I'm done.
Me: Ok. Did you clean up your... um... private... area?
Addison: Uncle Tommy, it's called a 'gina.
Anyway, after bowling I was going to take her home, but Addison asked me what our next adventure was. Thinking on the fly I figured we would go up to Bass Pro shops and she could check out the large in-store fish tank, which is always a hit with her. But by the time we got to the last light to turn into the parking lot, Addison had had enough and just wanted to go home. I told her we could do that, but we were already there and we would be looking at this fish as soon as the light changed. This changed her mind and she sat quietly for a minute while waiting for the signal to turn before uttering, "How long is this light?" [Sidebar: does anyone know if the Twitter handle @ShitMyNiecesSay is taken yet?]
After we were in the store and had checked out the fishes, Addison proved the negotiating tactic of asking for something way more expensive than the thing you actually want is something people can be born with, because first she walked up to the very pricey deep-sea fishing rods and told me how much she would like of those. Since we're not about to go trolling for marlins anytime soon, I said no. But, she followed that up by asking for a $7 mermaid bathtoy. (Which would be the first thing her sister locked in on when she got home. As I told my sister, congratulations, I brought you home a fight.) Because I am easily manipulated by my nieces, that seemed like a bargain to me. Then, as we were heading for the exits a Bass Pro employee showed up with fish food and Addison got the fish jumping all over themselves and splashing as they went for the food. All in all it was a wonderful day and I accomplished my main goal which was returning Addison to her home with all her limbs still attached. Next time just remind me to bring some backup who can take her to the bathroom.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Weekend Round-Up
-This weekend my parents used the free stay down on Cape Cod that I won at the Boston Golf Expo. As it turns out, they had chosen to share their hotel with a Santa Claus convention. Now, that there is a Santa Claus convention on Cape Cod in April would be odd enough by itself, but it is extra funny because if you know my father at all, you understand that little kids mistake him for Santa Claus in normal, everyday situations. Putting him in the mix with 20 other guys who are dressed like Santa is just asking for trouble. He had to spend the weekend explaining that, no, he wasn't with the convention, but yes, you were probably on the 'Nice' list.
-When did it become common for businesses to be closed on Mondays? I had to watch my niece for a couple of hours today (that story is coming tomorrow) and while searching the Internet for something for us to do, I kept coming across children's activity centers which were closed on Mondays. Are these business owners not aware people have children to entertain on Mondays? I understand they have to be open all weekend because that is probably when they get 75% of their foot traffic, but you would think they could get enough customers wandering in on a Monday to make it worth it. I'm just saying.
-We had a local election today and I have decided that I really should be doing more research before I vote. Of course I do a lot of thinking about who I will vote for for President, Governor, Senator and those kind of state or nation-wide elections, but I think it is time I start being more thorough in these smaller town contests. That way I won't find myself standing in the booth, voting for the other guy because I went to high school with one candidate's kid and thought he was a jerk. That really does not make for a good system of government.
-So, on Saturday I woke up with a stabbing pain in my ankle. It's not that terrible: just one sharp, shooting jolt that stops once I get going. It's getting through that first step after sitting for a couple minutes that is not fun. The only reason it is really an issue is because I'm not quite sure when or how it happened. I don't remember twisting it anywhere during the day, which makes me think I was asleep when it occurred. That's right - I am literally hurting myself while I'm unconscious. I can only hope I at least won whatever competition I was dreaming about.
-One of my favorite shows on television is a weekly program called, "Nothing But Trailers." (I assume you can figure out from the title what it entails.) Anyway, this week's episode featured not one, but two trailers with Natalie Portman in them: "Your Highness" and "Thor". Now, I'm sure I'm going to enjoy both of those movies, but they don't exactly scream Oscar material. I'm left to wonder if these were filmed pre- or post- "Black Swan". If Portman isn't careful about what she chooses to work on from here on out, film critics will start looking at her Oscar win the same way baseball fanatics look at Brady Anderson's 50 homerun season. Or worse, Adrian Brody's Oscar win. C'mon, Natalie, you're better than that.
-When did it become common for businesses to be closed on Mondays? I had to watch my niece for a couple of hours today (that story is coming tomorrow) and while searching the Internet for something for us to do, I kept coming across children's activity centers which were closed on Mondays. Are these business owners not aware people have children to entertain on Mondays? I understand they have to be open all weekend because that is probably when they get 75% of their foot traffic, but you would think they could get enough customers wandering in on a Monday to make it worth it. I'm just saying.
-We had a local election today and I have decided that I really should be doing more research before I vote. Of course I do a lot of thinking about who I will vote for for President, Governor, Senator and those kind of state or nation-wide elections, but I think it is time I start being more thorough in these smaller town contests. That way I won't find myself standing in the booth, voting for the other guy because I went to high school with one candidate's kid and thought he was a jerk. That really does not make for a good system of government.
-So, on Saturday I woke up with a stabbing pain in my ankle. It's not that terrible: just one sharp, shooting jolt that stops once I get going. It's getting through that first step after sitting for a couple minutes that is not fun. The only reason it is really an issue is because I'm not quite sure when or how it happened. I don't remember twisting it anywhere during the day, which makes me think I was asleep when it occurred. That's right - I am literally hurting myself while I'm unconscious. I can only hope I at least won whatever competition I was dreaming about.
-One of my favorite shows on television is a weekly program called, "Nothing But Trailers." (I assume you can figure out from the title what it entails.) Anyway, this week's episode featured not one, but two trailers with Natalie Portman in them: "Your Highness" and "Thor". Now, I'm sure I'm going to enjoy both of those movies, but they don't exactly scream Oscar material. I'm left to wonder if these were filmed pre- or post- "Black Swan". If Portman isn't careful about what she chooses to work on from here on out, film critics will start looking at her Oscar win the same way baseball fanatics look at Brady Anderson's 50 homerun season. Or worse, Adrian Brody's Oscar win. C'mon, Natalie, you're better than that.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
A Foolish Interlude
Friday was April Fool's Day. Now, I'm not one for pulling off pranks - I just don't have the poker face for it. Actually, I'm often the person who falls for pranks because I believe everything people tell me. Also, I usually forget that it is April Fool's Day so it's not even in my mind and my guard is down, making it even easier. But, I figure if you can get someone and no one gets hurt in the process then more power to you. In the meantime, enjoy The Main Ingredients.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
More Saturday Sporties
-Earlier this week, LeBron James made his second trip back to Cleveland. Admittedly, this visit had a lot less fanfare than his first trip back, probably because the Cavaliers are worse than expected and everyone thought the Heat would win by 35 points. (Surprisingly, the Cavs ended up pulling out a victory). Despite that, it turns out the most interesting parts of the day happened before the game. First LeBron James showed up for morning shoot-around with two cars full of his entourage. When he was in Cleveland James used to do this sort of thing all the time, forcing his teammates to park elsewhere as he took up several reserved spots for his friends. But this time the guards at the arena told James that visiting players weren't allowed to bring people into the arena and, oh yeah, he was supposed to be parking in the visitor's lot anyway. Petty move by the Cavaliers? Absolutely. Still kind of awesome? Yep.
-The other interesting this that happened was LeBron actually missed player introductions, claiming he was in the bathroom at the time. I would believe that if LeBron hadn't been part of thousands of previous starting line-ups without missing a single one. Dude, just admit you didn't want to get booed and move on. This move also makes James' earlier claim that he would love it if the Cavaliers eventually retired his number even more of a joke: he knows damn well how that city feels about him. He's the best player in that franchise's history, but I would be shocked to see his number in the rafters. Maybe if he came back to play for them at the tail end of his career, or if they got a new owner and waited a few decades, but I wouldn't hold my breath.
-There was a scandalous report out this week concerning the finances of the Fiesta Bowl. Apparently the chairman of the game has been using money to pay off politicians, wine and dine NCAA officials and pay for private functions. In other words, exactly what you would expect him to be doing. But, people are pretending to be shocked and outraged at this kind of behavior and are doing all the posturing that comes with pretending to be shocked and outraged, including threatening to remove the Fiesta Bowl's status as a BCS Bowl. The reason this amuses me is that people are making these threats with a tone in their voice like they are about to put Santa Claus in jail. The BCS has only been around 11 years and the Fiesta Bowl was only chosen as a BCS Bowl due to the wining and dining they are now in trouble for. It is not like the game is a National Treasure. Relax - we can find another bowl to take its place.
-A few days ago Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow unveiled a new commercial for some energy shake. It was nothing too ground-breaking, just the typical athlete spiel of "They said I couldn't do X, they said I wouldn't be able to do Y, they said I'd never..." Like I said, nothing new. But, I did want to clarify one thing Tebow said. He had one line, "They said I'd never be a first-round draft pick." Actually, Tim, what we all said was you shouldn't be a first-round draft pick, not that you couldn't. It's an important distinction. (One, by the way, that you haven't proven anyone wrong about yet.) Perhaps you could change people's minds by spending your offseason working on that new playbook instead of filming commercials.
-I'm no Yankee fan, but I did think this was an interesting fact: on Opening Day Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera and Jorge Posada became the first set of teammates in professional American sports to play together for 17 seasons. That's actually very impressive. For all of them to stay at that level for that amount of time takes a lot of hard work and dedication. Plus, who knew it was possible to be annoyed by one group of men for this long?
-The other interesting this that happened was LeBron actually missed player introductions, claiming he was in the bathroom at the time. I would believe that if LeBron hadn't been part of thousands of previous starting line-ups without missing a single one. Dude, just admit you didn't want to get booed and move on. This move also makes James' earlier claim that he would love it if the Cavaliers eventually retired his number even more of a joke: he knows damn well how that city feels about him. He's the best player in that franchise's history, but I would be shocked to see his number in the rafters. Maybe if he came back to play for them at the tail end of his career, or if they got a new owner and waited a few decades, but I wouldn't hold my breath.
-There was a scandalous report out this week concerning the finances of the Fiesta Bowl. Apparently the chairman of the game has been using money to pay off politicians, wine and dine NCAA officials and pay for private functions. In other words, exactly what you would expect him to be doing. But, people are pretending to be shocked and outraged at this kind of behavior and are doing all the posturing that comes with pretending to be shocked and outraged, including threatening to remove the Fiesta Bowl's status as a BCS Bowl. The reason this amuses me is that people are making these threats with a tone in their voice like they are about to put Santa Claus in jail. The BCS has only been around 11 years and the Fiesta Bowl was only chosen as a BCS Bowl due to the wining and dining they are now in trouble for. It is not like the game is a National Treasure. Relax - we can find another bowl to take its place.
-A few days ago Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow unveiled a new commercial for some energy shake. It was nothing too ground-breaking, just the typical athlete spiel of "They said I couldn't do X, they said I wouldn't be able to do Y, they said I'd never..." Like I said, nothing new. But, I did want to clarify one thing Tebow said. He had one line, "They said I'd never be a first-round draft pick." Actually, Tim, what we all said was you shouldn't be a first-round draft pick, not that you couldn't. It's an important distinction. (One, by the way, that you haven't proven anyone wrong about yet.) Perhaps you could change people's minds by spending your offseason working on that new playbook instead of filming commercials.
-I'm no Yankee fan, but I did think this was an interesting fact: on Opening Day Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera and Jorge Posada became the first set of teammates in professional American sports to play together for 17 seasons. That's actually very impressive. For all of them to stay at that level for that amount of time takes a lot of hard work and dedication. Plus, who knew it was possible to be annoyed by one group of men for this long?
Friday, April 1, 2011
Ruining Pictures For 125 Years
It seems like every website I go to nowadays also has a corresponding Facebook Fan page, where people can 'Like' the website or company. (You would think just going to the site was enough to show you liked it, but this mindset is probably why I don't have a Facebook page.) Anyway, because of this phenomenon most sites now also feature a box off to the side, showing the profile pictures of some of the people who have recently become fans via Facebook. It was through this and the various Twitter avatars I saw when clicking on what topics people were Tweeting about that I began to notice a very disturbing trend: people throwing up gang signs in photos, even though they are clearly not in a gang.
Now, I like the show "Gangland" as much as the next person and a marathon of it airing on Spike TV will bring my day to a halt, so I am aware that there are a lot more gangs in American than you may think. Still, I refuse to believe there are this many people in gangs. Not only is it statically impossible, but the vast majority of the people in these photos look like they work in accounting. I then thought perhaps the people were trying to be ironic or something, but there are just too many of them for everyone to be in on the joke and most people are trying very hard to look tough. My new theory was that the problem with people today is that we are so used to clicking away on our phones or tablets that, as a society, we simply have no idea what to do with our hands during pictures anymore, but still feel tremendous pressure to make every photo memorable, hence the gang signs. (As a person who has gotten much better in recent years about having his picture taken, I recommend simply shoving your hands in your pockets.)
This belief was working for me up until yesterday, when I saw this picture from Hauls of Shame (via Deadspin) which was part of a larger gallery of opening day photos throughout history:
It is from Red Sox Opening Day in 1886. Please note the gentleman in the left-hand corner of the back row, identified as Old Hoss Radbourn, who is flipping off the camera over his friend's shoulder. I know it seems like every groups shot today has somebody trying to be funny by either discretely flipping off the camera or throwing 'rabbit ears' onto the person standing next to them, but I wasn't even aware people gave the finger back then. Apparently, people not knowing what to do during pictures has been around as long as photography itself. This has led me to my newest theory: some people just don't like having their picture taken.
Now, I like the show "Gangland" as much as the next person and a marathon of it airing on Spike TV will bring my day to a halt, so I am aware that there are a lot more gangs in American than you may think. Still, I refuse to believe there are this many people in gangs. Not only is it statically impossible, but the vast majority of the people in these photos look like they work in accounting. I then thought perhaps the people were trying to be ironic or something, but there are just too many of them for everyone to be in on the joke and most people are trying very hard to look tough. My new theory was that the problem with people today is that we are so used to clicking away on our phones or tablets that, as a society, we simply have no idea what to do with our hands during pictures anymore, but still feel tremendous pressure to make every photo memorable, hence the gang signs. (As a person who has gotten much better in recent years about having his picture taken, I recommend simply shoving your hands in your pockets.)
This belief was working for me up until yesterday, when I saw this picture from Hauls of Shame (via Deadspin) which was part of a larger gallery of opening day photos throughout history:
It is from Red Sox Opening Day in 1886. Please note the gentleman in the left-hand corner of the back row, identified as Old Hoss Radbourn, who is flipping off the camera over his friend's shoulder. I know it seems like every groups shot today has somebody trying to be funny by either discretely flipping off the camera or throwing 'rabbit ears' onto the person standing next to them, but I wasn't even aware people gave the finger back then. Apparently, people not knowing what to do during pictures has been around as long as photography itself. This has led me to my newest theory: some people just don't like having their picture taken.
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