Halloween Pumpkins, '09

I don't know what happened to my family when it comes to Halloween. I don't remember us having very intricately carved pumpkins when I was growing up. But, at some point we stopped being able to just have triangles eyes with a crooked smile and started going online to find challenging patterns. Since we've expanded the family by another niece since last year, we had to expand the number of pumpkins as well (I didn't know that was a rule, but I guess it is). Anyways, with four pumpkins to go around, we went in all different directions.

My mom was in charge of these two and went a traditional route, with a silly and a scary face. If you look closely at the scary face's chin, it is actually a bat. See, it's a very intricate design.

My dad went with Elmo, because he thought the girls would like it.
As you know, the little ones are in charge now.
We've given up fighting that fact.

Now, I've never carved a pumpkin before, but I figured I would give it a shot.
I got into the act with a little design I found online called "Golf Ball to the Eye." You could also call it "Standing Too Close to the Fairway." Given the way I was hitting my drives at the end of the golf season it seems appropriate.

Skating By On Reputation

I don't claim to be a baseball expert. I know that managers have enough to do between filling out a lineup cards and then trying not to fall asleep for the first four innings, which is the earliest they would have to make another decision. But even I knew that pitching Pedro Martinez into the 6th inning last night was a bad idea because I own a simple piece of technology - it's called a calendar. Because of that handy thing I know it's October of 2009, not October of 2003, which was the last time that it was safe to pitch Pedro more than 5 innings against the Yankees. He was barely himself in the 2004 post season (everyone seems willing to forget the awful job he did in relief during Game 7) and after a year in the National League he was a 5 inning guy. I've never understood why baseball managers are so quick to pull a reliever if they walk one guy, but more than willing to sit back and let a starter face 4 batters too many. I think the better move also would have been to hold Pedro back a day and have him pitch in Philadelphia against a National League lineup. Now you could be looking at him pitching a do-or-die Game 6 back in New York.

-Speaking of a guy that is killing his reputation: if it makes you feel any better, David Spade, we're all regretting that commercial right along with you. Really man, you've been on like 10 televisions show and a couple dozen movies (and 3 of them were actually not bad) - do you need the money or something? Also, DirecTV, would you stop doing commercials that include dead people? Between this and the Poltergeist spoof I feel like you're pushing your luck. There are lots of perfectly fine movies where the cast has survived that you could re-create instead.

-So, I was checking out the photos of Liz and Simon's wedding online and of the 400+ pictures taken, I only appear in 3. Nice. As you know, I don't like having my picture taken, but at a wedding there are so many cameras that you just can't help it. Somehow I managed to appear in less than 1% - my picture avoidance kung-fu is strong.

Why Even Put the Decorations Away?

I'm extremely paranoid about being late to places. I hate that first awkward encounter when you roll in a couple minutes late and have to mumble out an excuse as to why you're arriving at a place later than when you said you would. It immediately shifts the power dynamic to the other person in the conversation (or, at least it does in my head - they may not have even noticed you were late). As a result, I find myself stupidly early to things like interviews. If it's scheduled for 1:30 then I'm usually in the parking lot by 1:10. I then kill five minutes and arrive 15 minutes early, so as not to appear too eager. Well, the other day I had an interview scheduled and I was convinced there was going to be traffic, so I left extra early. The result was arriving at my interview almost half an hour early. Not wanting to just hang out in their lobby for 20 minutes, I instead went to a nearby store, where I had no intention of buying anything, just killing some time. I walked into this store and was greeted by the sight of a large Christmas tree.

Ok, this is getting stupid. Every year Christmas seems to encroach on the fall season more and more. I love Christmas as much as the next guy, but can we at least get a couple days into November before we start seeing the holiday decorations go up? I mean, I haven't even settled on a Halloween costume yet (more on that in a second). I should not have to start thinking about Christmas shopping and fighting mall traffic yet. Really, I was quite proud of myself for having one Christmas present taken care of already. Don't take my satisfaction away by pointing out I have a long list still to go and the holiday is quickly approaching.

-Nothing like waiting until the last minute to pick a Halloween costume, so I'm still debating a couple choices. I could go as a golfer, because, let's be honest, I already have the clothes ready to go. The only question would be whether or not I would hike up my pants and go for the knickers look. But, the one I'm leaning more heavily towards is Notre Dame football coach Charlie Weis. Again, I feel like I could pull it off pretty easily. I've already got the crew cut - I would just need some khakis, a Notre Dame polo or sweatshirt (or both, cause it could be cold out), a headset and then a laminated card that I would hold in front of my mouth whenever I talked. Decisions, decisions.

The Best Night of the Year

I love all opening days, but Celtics' Opening Day is the best of them all. The energy of the building is always high, even for the beginning of a season where, deep down, we all knew the team was going to stink. Hope always springs eternal on Opening Day. Now the team is a legitimate title contender, so the crowd is even better. It's always just a ton of fun. Now, here are 3 quick thoughts on the season at hand:

-I say the team will win between 57-63 games. Frankly, it all depends on Garnett's knee. I hope Doc realises that he doesn't need to win a ton of regular season games because the rest of the teams in the Atlantic division are not as good as the Celtics, so they should have no problem clinching at least a 3 seed in the Eastern Conference. There is no need to run the veterans into the ground, let Orlando (who I think will have a monster regular season record) tire themselves out. This group can win on the road in the playoffs, they just need to be healthy when they get there.

-To that end, the Glen Davis injury is a real bad start. It means Garnett is going to have to play a ton of minutes early in the season, which is the exact opposite reason we kept Davis around. We wanted to ease KG slowly up to playing 35-40 minutes, not shorten the bench before the season even started. See, this is why we should have kept Leon Powe. At least going into the season we would have known he was going to miss some serious time. [Sidebar: when the news broke that Davis injured his thumb in a fight with a childhood friend, I was not exactly shocked. Davis lost a ton of weight this offseason, allegedly by taking up MMA training and he absolutely strikes me as the kind of guy who would tell his friend he wants to show him a move and then leave a choke hold on long enough to piss that friend off. Teaching Glen Davis fight moves was a recipe for disaster.]

-I love the fact that the Celtics are playing hardball with Rajon Rondo. I like the kid's game, but if you want to turn down $9 million annually and instead become a restricted free agent during a summer in which the salary cap is projected to go down as much as $6 million and the few teams that will actually have money will be going after the top-tier guys like James, Bosh and Wade, then be my guest. We'll get one year of Rondo in 'impending free-agency and pissed-off mode' and then probably get be able to resign him for less money than is offered now. Danny may have finally figured this whole G.M. thing out.

And on that note, Enjoy the Season.

World Series Ramblings

As you guys probably know, I don't really consider myself a hardcore Red Sox fan. I want to see them win and win often and I follow the team more than other people simply because I'm a single 29 year-old man from Boston with nothing much else to do during the summer, but my happiness does not hinge on their success like it does for the hardest of the hardcore. When they lost to the Angels I simply took it as a sign that they were not very good this year and geared up for Celtics' training camp (more on that tomorrow). At no point did I let it ruin my week or walk around bitching about the job the front office did putting the team together (though, I hope Theo has learned aged stars in the National League are not going to resurrect their careers in the American League). I was rather indifferent about the whole thing.

I also do not consider myself hardcore because I'm not that into baseball in general. I'll watch any two teams play basketball or football, but when it comes to baseball, if it's not one of three teams (the Red Sox, the Nationals or the Mariners) then I am not watching the game. It is my apathy towards baseball that separates me further from the rest of Red Sox Nation. Many of them have the attitude that, "if the Sox don't win but the Yankees don't win either, then that's just as good." I, on the other hand have the attitude that if the Sox aren't in the World Series, then you may as well cancel it because I don't care one way or another. I don't care if the Phillies or the Yankees win (my prediction, however, is Yankees in 6), but I just wish they would stop shoving Joe Buck down my throat, put the games on ESPN and give me something else to watch for the next couple of weeks.

You see, this is when the Fox network drives me crazy. They preempt shows for weeks at a time for the baseball playoffs, only for those shows to come back for a week... and then go on hiatus for the holidays. There are something like 15 Fox channels, do you mean to tell me you can't move new programming to one of those? In addition, this week every other station is showing re-runs, I can only assume because they don't want to conflict with the World Series. The end result is a pretty barren landscape for entertainment. Thank God the Celtics are starting to play games that count this week.

The NFL In London Ramblings

So, I've wavered back and forth on the whole "NFL regular season game in London" experiment that the league seems to be on. I'm still not totally sold on the idea, but I get it. The NFL wants to expand it's fan base overseas, tapping new customers and the game does appear to be a bit of an event each year. That doesn't mean there is a call to have more game in London each season or give England it's own franchise, which is a couple things the league talked about this week. A couple other thoughts on yesterday's game.

-I was told the Patriots are very popular in London. Add to that the fact that Manchester United fans have burned effigies of the Glazer family (who also own the Buccaneers) and I figured it would be a very pro-Patriots crowd. While that may have been the case, it was kind of hard to tell who the people in the stands were rooting for, because they seemed to make the same noise no matter what happened. I don't think they really cared who won as long as it was a good game. In that respect, there is always next year. Perhaps they could send two good teams next year and see if that works out better.

-The stands were a complete crapshoot for NFL jerseys. I saw about 16 different teams being represented, even an old-school Marino jersey in the crowd. Basically it seemed that if you were an NFL fan then you went to the game, regardless of who was playing.

-I was wondering which anthem they would play first, given that the game is American but the game is taking place in London. Would they go hosts first or guests first? Just as my dad was saying that it didn't matter because they never show the National Anthem on TV anymore, CBS did special coverage of the National Anthem followed by God Save the Queen. Oh, NFL, you know just how to get to my soft spot (not a good rendition by Toni Braxton, though).

-The anthem also answered the question of whether the game was full of Londoners or Americans who wanted to see London and used the game as an excuse, because the crowd was loud and proud with God Save the Queen. Americans couldn't be that loud, because we don't know any words after the first line.

-Most amazing aspect of the entire day? The Wave appeared to go counter-clockwise. And here I thought that only happened in the Southern hemisphere.

Overall it seemed like a successful week for the Patriots, but I still don't think American football is catching on in Europe. There seems to be no great call for it and I don't know why the NFL thinks it's good policy to rob one fan base of a home game every year. Really, we could send a preseason game over there - they'd never know the difference.

Attention Movie Makers

I love to watch movies. But, because I'm willing to watch a lot of movies that I've never heard of, I can usually be counted on to stumble upon some really terrible movies in that mix. Movies that never should have gotten past script-writing, let alone green-lit. The thing about it is, there are common threads throughout these bad movies and if people would just take the time to see if their movie has these then they could be removed and maybe a decent movie could be salvaged. Here are the ones that spring to mind:

-The characters are having a serious conversation when one of them comes up with this classic: "You act like this is just some big game. Well, it's not a game, it's my life!" See, up until then you were winning me over. Now I want the other guy to win.

-The movie features a scene when one character opens a door to reveal another character doing something they shouldn't (drugs, sleeping with someone's wife, etc). Rather than say anything they just lock eyes for a moment before the character in the wrong slowly begins to look away in self-disgust. The other character just wordlessly (and slowly) closes the door. This was once a powerful moment, now it's an over-done cliche.

-It has a musician in a starring role. Let me just break this one down for you - musicians can't act. That's why they became musicians. You might, might, be able to coax a good scene or two out of them, but if you expect a musician to carry a film then you should also expect that movie to go straight to DVD.

-It features one action scene that just over-does the laws of physics. I understand that watching movies requires a little bit of letting go of reality. But not to the point that it goes from far-fetched to impossible. What happens next is the movie watcher spends the rest of the time thinking, "They never would have survived that fall. Never."

-There are 15 plot shifts in the last 30 minutes of the movie. "We're friends... no we're enemies... well, we're enemies who can be friends for the moment... and now I've betrayed you once again." I see what you're doing. You want to be clever and have the trailer feature the phrase "with a twist you'll never see coming." Only we've seen every twist at this point so, actually, we probably did see it coming. All it really ends up doing is muddling up the movie and making us think you wrote it at the last minute.

So, there you go. Take a moment, screen writers of America, and think about whether or not your movie features any of these flaws. If they do, schedule a re-write and fix them. You'll thank me later.

Magic, Brady and Fat Babies

-You know, if Magic Johnson really wants to sell his new book to the American people by leaking revelations in advance of the book being released, he's going to have to do a lot better than "Isiah Thomas is a jerk." Isiah couldn't have a worse reputation post-playing career. It's no secret that he'll say one thing to your face and another behind your back, but everyone lets it slide because of who Thomas was as a player. Now, if the book had some juicy David Robinson stories, those would be shocking.

-See if you can spot the guy who is married to the supermodel. Dude, you're already the quarterback, you don't need to stick out anymore than you already do.

-Did you see the story about the baby whose parents were denied health coverage for him because he is in the 99th percentile for height and weight at 4 months old? First off, 17 lbs at 4 months is not that big, so that scale needs to be adjusted. Secondly, how fat a baby may be after a couple months is not a good indicator of how they'll be as they get older. Take my nieces: Abigail looked like a sumo wrestler the first couple of months, now she's wiry. It's all about how much they start to move once they get the coordination.

Well, If REM Thinks It's A Bad Idea...

So yesterday it was announced that the members of REM, Pearl Jam and Nine Inch Nails are joining an existing coalition to push for the closing of the prison at Guantanamo Bay in Cuba, where the United States are keeping all sorts of suspected terrorists. Perhaps this explains why none of those bands have put out a good album in years. Really, if it was 1997 and I was still in high school then this would have been major news. As it is, it's a bunch of bands that no longer put out good music joining together to stick their collective noses into politics. And, it's not even the prison that they're most concerned about, it's more that their music is being used as a form of torture to keep prisoners sleep-deprived. They are also allegedly using the Barney theme, but no one wants to step up and defend that song.

I'm pretty torn on this one. Now on the one hand, I'm with them that the prison should be closed and we shouldn't be torturing people to begin with. On the other hand, this goes into the territory of one of my biggest pet peeves. I've always had a problem with celebrities giving their opinions on politics. Most of them have no idea what they are talking about and don't bother to do the research to make an informed opinion. They just say whatever comes to mind. And while I don't usually mind people who do that but, in addition to being uninformed, these celebrities are full of themselves enough to think that society is waiting on what they say. It's their ego that drives me nuts. If you're willing to vote for something just because Sean Penn thinks it's a good idea then maybe you should be sitting out the next election. Penn has his own agenda and I highly doubt that it jives with yours, unless you also make $15 million a movie. How about instead of telling other people what to do with their lives you just do your thing and leave the politics to the politicians?

-Now, onto something I'm much more passionate about: balloon boy. Now that it has come out that the family staged the whole stunt and it was all in an effort to get a reality show I need the television network executives to stay strong: do not cave in and give this family a show. I know that most of you are unoriginal people and that giving them a show seems a quick and easy way to grab some ratings, but you need to think about the rest of us. If you reward these people with their own TV show then we will be inundated with people doing stupid stunts in an effort to catch national attention, even if it's just for a day. If you want to send Barbara Walters to their house to make them cry in an 'exclusive' interview then that's cool, but after that I never want to see these people on my TV ever again.

The Terminator and Hulu

I've said in this space before that a large public works project is a great way to get the economy going again, whether it's at the state or national level. It puts people to work and if you build a large thing then there are always people who want to travel across the country to see the new, big thing. That being said, a football stadium is probably not the best idea for that big, new thing. Today California announced a massive project to build a 75,000 seat stadium just east of L.A.. Trust me, I worked at one for two years (and it was one of the better ones in the world), football stadiums get action 10 days a year, maybe 20 if you get a good concert schedule. The remainder of the calendar is chocked with half-full soccer games and private functions. They just don't make you a ton of money the rest of the year. There is a reason that the Kraft family, despite having one of the longest sell-out streaks in the NFL, needed to surround their stadium with two malls.

Oh, and there is one other small problem facing this project: L.A. doesn't even have a professional football team. Now sure, there are 4 or 5 other teams that could be in the market for a new stadium, but the NFL isn't like the NBA when it comes to moving teams around. Just because they're building a stadium it doesn't mean they will be guaranteed a franchise to fill it. The fans in L.A. haven't had a team since the Rams and Raiders left in 1995 and no one seems to complain about it. I have a couple friends out in Los Angeles and they're actually doing fine without the NFL (they certainly don't want the Raiders back). This could end up as the nicest stadium no one ever goes to. I like where you're head is at Schwarzenegger, you just missed the mark with the final idea. You should have gone with a museum. As long as there are women, and men trying to show how cultured they are in an effort to impress those women, museums will always stay open.

-So, it was announced today that Hulu is going to start charging for people to use it starting as early as 2010. And in future news, Hulu is no longer relevant. Sorry gang, but you can't let people use something for free for a couple years and then start charging for it - the genie is out of the bottle at that point. Ask Napster how well trying to charge for a previously free service worked out for them.

This Is Getting A Little Ridiculous

I'm not usually a fan of dark beer. With the notable exception of Guinness, I tend to stick with the lighter stuff. I get crap from people all the time for this, as if liking domestic beers make me unique. There is a reason that Bud Lite has all that money to spend on Super Bowl ads - because they make that and more on sales. And, despite being from Massachusetts, I've never been a big fan of Sam Adams. It just doesn't work for me. Part of it could be that it's a little too bitter for me, but a larger part could be the fact that to really get the full effect it needs its own glass. That seems to be excessive to me.

There has always been a vibe about Sam Adams that it thinks it's more high class than any other beer. Look, Jim, I get it - you like the beer you make and you want everyone to like it as much as you do. But, to think that you need to buy a special beer glass to enjoy it fully is going a little too far. We're not talking about wine. It comes across as a little snobby to insist that you need special glassware to get the full aroma and flavor. No one really cares about full aroma when they're in a bar. Honestly, when was the last time you were in a bar and wanted to take a full whiff of anything around you? Also, please stop talking about the 'craft' of beer-making. It's beer, not a quilt. Shut up and drink it.

-You can tell we're gearing up towards the holidays, because the commercials touting products as a great holiday gift are increasing. The one I see over and over again are for Snuggies. Personally, I would have thought that the buzz about these things would have been dying down by now, but I guess not. It appears all you need to do to keep the fad alive is to put the same product out in new colors every couple of years. However, there is one thing about these commercials I can not get over: even for a TV commercial family, damn are those Snuggie people dorks. Really, has anyone 'raised the roof' since 1998?

So, It'll Be 90 Tomorrow

There is that old New England expression that if you don't like the weather just wait five minutes and it'll change. Well, it may have taken more than five minutes the last couple of days, but it has been vastly different each day around here lately. Friday it snowed in the morning, Saturday it was cold, but only rained at night (just as I was getting off the train, thanks for that) and then Sunday we got about half an inch of snow. We followed that up with beautiful days in the mid-sixties on Monday and today. I'm beginning to think even the weathermen have no idea what is going to happen here weather-wise in the next couple of days. Still, I figured it was time to do the semi-annual shit in the shed shift, which is where I put away the lawn mower and pull out the snow blower. In other words, you can thank me when we don't get the next snowfall until February.

-I also had to get one last mow of the lawn done today, to get the grass a little shorter and also get rid of the leaves that had fallen before they got too thick for the lawn mower to handle it. Now, since it had been so cold I hadn't needed to mow for a while and thus the mower had been sitting for about a month. Now, if you've ever wondered how many pulls it should take to get a lawnmower to turn over and stay running, the answer is around 4. Well, I was on about my 40th pull before it was finally willing to stay running. I was really close to saying forget it and just raking the damn lawn.

-I've never understood how a coach can get so mad they they can get themselves ejected from an exhibition game, but it happens all the time. What makes this story so great is that the coach refused to leave even after being ejected and a rabbi came out of the stands to try and negotiate a way with the refs to allow the coach to stay on the court. Dude, it's an exhibition game, who cares if the head coach sticks around? Also, Maciej Lampe was prominently involved, which is the first time you can say that he was prominently involved in anything that had to do with the Knicks (great drafting, Isiah!).

5 Things I Learned at Liz and Simon's Wedding

1. People never assume the Priest is joking. There was a heat issue at the church (which is to say there wasn't much of it). Father Ronan tried to play it off, joking that it was Simon's idea, as a way of making him feel as if he was still in Ireland. Ok, so it wasn't Conan O'Brien funny, but not a bad effort. Still, during the reception I must have heard 10 people asking, "Why would Simon want the church so cold?"

2. Finding out your football team lost a big game is a lot easier when there is an open bar. Damn USC. At least Notre Dame managed to keep it close and had a chance to win. After last season's game that is a marked improvement.

3. Neil Patrick Harris lied to me. Seriously, I 'suited up' to go to the bars after the reception and I got no special attention from the ladies. Now, it could be because some of the people in my group went a step further and 'tuxed up,' thereby contaminating the sample area. We'll never know. I will say this about wearing suits though:

3a. Everyday events look much more dramatic in a suit. Even if it's just running to catch a train. I think it has to do with the tie flapping in the breeze. People see a guy running down the street at night while wearing a suit and they start looking to see who he's chasing or who he's running from. (By the way, big thanks to the doormen at Mr. Dooley's for putting me on the right route to South Station. I was fully prepared to head the wrong way. Apparently, my sense of direction is not as sharp as I think it is.) Though, that does remind me...

4. The trains stop running way too early in Boston. Ok, so I knew this one already, but it was just reinforced. I wasn't nearly ready to go home. But at least the McDonald's would have been open had I budgeted more time for a pit-stop. Mmmmm, drunken McNuggets...

5. I'm a terrible photographer. I took about 50 pictures, most of which were either too dark or out of focus. I blame the camera. Here's the one good picture I got and it's doesn't even have anyone looking in my direction. It's a good thing the professionals will be posting the ones they took online.

Keep It Down

If you're reading this it means I had a great time yesterday, but it also means there is a good chance I'm moving very slowly, eating crackers and drinking Gatorade. There could be wedding pictures on the way, maybe not. My camera batteries could have died. Who knows, as I'm writing this on Thursday to cover my bases. Just don't talk so loud and do we need to have every curtain open? Now enjoy some morning after tales.

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Chris Porter - Liver Limits
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By The Time You Read This...

...I could very well be on my way to The Wedding Strikes Back. Because it is taking place near the Bunker Hill Monument and has an open bar, there is a fine chance we could get drunk and talk about history. Plus, Liz was the one who first showed me these, so it only seems appropriate. Enjoy (but don't have the volume up if you're at work).

Dear Medfield...

I was out and about today, at one point I was driving through Medfield, when I noticed something: almost every single road sign on Rt 27 had some kind of graffiti on it. Didn't matter what kind of sign it was - speed limit, do not pass, no parking - someone had taken some spray paint to it in an attempt to be clever. They usually failed in this attempt, though there isn't much you can do with a 'No U Turn' sign. It's not unusual to see some road signs that have been altered, but the fact that it was on so many signs was surprising to me. Either there is nothing to do in Medfield or someone had a big sale on spray paint. The only piece of advice I have to the kids on Medfield is that you either need to find a hobby or you should at least use white spray paint on road signs - when someone is driving past at 45 mph it makes it harder to tell that it's been messed with.

-While I agree that this is the first time in the Charlie Weis era that the Fighting Irish actually have a good chance to beat USC, I don't think it's a positive sign that the players are admitting this is the first time they believe they can win. Emotions are a huge part of college athletics, so the old 'believing you can win is the first step towards victory' is very true. To me that means Charlie isn't doing a good enough job of propping the team up. That being said, I have high hopes for the Irish this Saturday. Facing a true freshman quarterback, at home and USC is clearly having some growing pains after losing several starters to the NFL. If they can't get them this year than Charlie may never beat USC. In many regards I'm actually happy I won't be able to watch this game - if they win I can just enjoy it after the fact and should they come up short I won't be annoyed for the rest of the day.

-It snowed around here this morning. Now, it didn't stick and was gone very quickly, but what happened to the transitional weather this year? It seemed like in going from spring to summer we jumped from temperatures in the 70s to the mid 90s and now as we are going from fall to winter we've got snowflakes falling in mid-October. Usually we can at least make it into November before this kind of thing starts happening. I just hope this doesn't mean we're going to get buried this year.

This Is Why You Don't Keep Giant Balloons in the Yard

So for a couple hours today people around the country were riveted to their TVs as a homemade weather balloon was 'accidentally' released in Colorado and went traipsing across the sky, allegedly with a six-year old aboard. Helicopters were scrambled and flights diverted from the area as stations broke into programming to watch this giant silver contraption slowly move through the air. Experts quickly appeared on TV, talking about what the kid could be experiencing and what would happen to him as the balloon kept rising through the air. Turns out that the kid was hiding in his house the whole time, afraid to come out because he thought his parents were going to be mad at him for playing around the balloon. In other words, parents, don't freak out if your kid breaks a lamp - at least it doesn't become national news.

Now, they kept saying the parents were extremely distraught over the whole thing, but they have already appeared on a reality television show, believe in aliens and the kid is named Falcon. To sum up: they're hippies (I know, shocking when you factor in they live in Colorado). Even the neighbor didn't want to go on record talking about them. In other words, do not be surprised if we learn that the whole thing was staged. If you're willing to put your family on TV for something as lowly as Wife Swap, I'm not putting anything past you.

-Speaking of reality TV, it appears America may finally have reached our limit of the stuff. Turns out that there is a channel called Fox Reality that has nothing but reality shows on it (even more surprising to me is the fact I actually have this channel on my TV. Oh, sure, I can't get the Golf Channel without ordering a totally new sports package that throws another 15 channels I wouldn't want on the bill, but you'll just give me the Fox Reality channel for free and without asking? It's like you don't even know me, Verizon.). The other day it was announced that they are going to stop broadcasting this channel in March. I didn't even know you could take channels away anymore, I just thought they got to be re-branded with a new logo. Well, now that the Reality Channel is gone, we just need to work on some of the 15 home shopping channels that are on my TV.

-So, Meghan McCain... I know that me not voting for your dad could make things a little awkward around Thanksgiving. But we can cross that bridge when we come to it. In the meantime... how you doing?

What I Learned Today

I think that there are life lessons all around us, we just have to take the information and put it to good use. For example, here are 5 things I learned just today as we went down to close up the beach house for the winter:

-If you feel compelled to have personalized license plates that read "WE ROCK" just know, to the rest of us, it is proof that that is exactly what you do not do.

-Some things in life are just fun to see and when you pass them you just have to yell out their presence. For example, every time I drive next to this farm in Natick I feel compelled to point out the llamas. Well, you can add blimps to that list. Blimps are fun to look at, even when they're just park at an airport. (By the way, Snoopy 1 is not nearly as big as it looks on TV.)

-You can't put a price on making something someone else's problem. Every fall we pay a plumber to blow out the pipes to prevent any water left in the pipes from freezing during the winter. Should any problems arise next spring we just call them and they come out and take care of them for free. So far we've never encountered any issues, but just knowing that next spring I won't be under the house soldering pipes with a blowtorch is wonderful peace of mind. It is easily the best money we spend down the Cape.

-If you go to a Lowe's at mid-day on a Wednesday, do not expect the 'A' team to be on duty. Really, I think they're just happy to find people willing to work this shift. In this regard, Lowe's is exactly like a strip club.

-Because of the lackluster people working in the gutter section we bought the wrong thing. It is because we bought the wrong thing that I can say with confidence that no square measuring 2.5" x 3.5" will ever, ever fit into a hole measuring 2" x 3". You can try to bend or shape it anyway you want, it is just not happening.

Movie Snobbery

I'm usually very trusting when my friends give me recommendations. Afterall, these are my friends; we usually have the same taste in areas like music and movies, so why wouldn't I think that their opinion would reflect my own? But, it has come to my attention that one of my friends may be turning into a movie snob and this is beginning to cause some problems. Sure, I've been known to give movies bad reviews among my peers, but they skew more towards the plot or the action. Rarely do I take the time to critique the actors or the dismiss a movie as 'mindless.' I mean, when you get right down to it, mindless is where you will find some of my favorite movies of all time.

This recently came up because of the new X-Men movie, Origins: Wolverine. People who's opinions I have come to trust told me that, even for an superhero movie, it was pretty bad. I had no intentions of seeing it in theatres anyway, so this just sealed the deal completely in my mind. I even avoided seeing it after it came out on DVD. But, as we were updating our BlockBuster movie list I figured what the hell and threw the title on there, not knowing that that would bump it to the top of the list (live and learn). Anyway, it arrived the other day and I watched it yesterday, you know, to celebrate Columbus Day. The point is, it's not bad. You just have to go in knowing what it is, which is a silly superhero movie that is going to rely heavily on CGI and not at all on dialog. When I told my friend that I didn't think it was as bad as his review he began to talk about character development and plot structure. Dude, it's a superhero movie - I wasn't expecting Oscar material. I think I may have lost him to the dark side of movie critics.

-You know what's a terrible muscle to pull? A stomach muscle. I seemed to have aggravated one the other day and today I was stretching for something and it went from annoying to full-on pain. I just don't think you realise how often you use one muscle or another until you hurt one of them. I get a sharp pain every time I cough, sneeze or move too suddenly. This had better clear up by Saturday, I have a feeling the jams are going to be rocking that day.

President's Cup Ramblings

Watching the President's Cup this weekend (think of it as the Ryder Cup's less-famous sibling) was really enjoyable. There is something that makes sports that much more enjoyable when you have athletes competing for their countries. And sure, you can say that it's doesn't have the intensity that would usually come with something like the Olympics, but that is simply because the event is only 15 years old. Just give it time. If anything it proved that they should definitely use this format for the 2016 Olympics, because it's a lot more fun than a straight 72 hole tournament. Anyway, here are a few more thoughts collected while watching the matches:

• If this thing is ever going to really take off, the International team needs to win one occasionally. One team dominating another is never a good thing in a new rivalry. If this is just seen as a way for the U.S. to exert golf dominance every other year it'll kill the tournament before it has a chance to get going.
  
• I don't care how much he tries to justify it, Fred Couples will never be able to explain to me why Michael Jordan was a Captain's Assistant. I've seen Jordan play before and I don't think he should be giving anyone tips.
  
• At least the team uniforms were equal this year. It always feels like Europeans have the edge in that department when it comes time for the Ryder Cup. Of course, shirts like this do not help the U.S.'s cause.
  
• Whenever I see putts that are conceded, I can not get over how easily the pros can do that little "flip the ball to myself with the back of my putter" move. I've spent hours trying to do that and all I've accomplished is almost breaking a window.
  
• One thing that I do better than pro golfers? High five other people. You will not see a less coordinated celebration anywhere in the world than you do when golfers are forced to team up. These guys are not used to anything more than a handshake with each other and it shows. The whole weekend was a mess of one guy going in for a high five and his partner countering with an attempted fist-bump.
  

-The announcers were telling a story about the course in San Francisco, where the tournament was being held this year. Apparently the trees around the course have a reputation of catching any golf balls that hit the limbs and never giving them back. Following the earthquake of 1989 the groundskeeper came out the next day to find hundreds of golf balls on the course. You know what that tells me? You need to plant a different kind of tree around the place. No need to make golf more difficult.

-While we're on the subject of retrieving golf balls, I bring you the story a man in South Carolina who went to the water's edge to get a ball back and had his arm bitten off by an alligator. This is why, even in Massachusetts, I have a standing policy: if a ball goes in the water, it should remain there. Really, even the balls that are considered 'great' are still not worth having to be called "Lefty" for the rest of my life.

The To-Don't List

Usually, I am very productive during the spring and fall. If you live in the Northeast, working outside during the summer or winter can be a fight against extreme conditions, so I try to get the most done before the weather goes too far in one direct or another. There was a lot that I wanted to accomplish today. Unfortunately for my list, there may be no better month for sports than October. You've got playoff baseball, football is hitting it's stride, golf is winding down and basketball is starting up. It can spread a sports fan pretty thin. Just today, there was a lot of great sports going on all day long. It started right at noon when the Red Sox playoff game started at the same time as the final round of the President's Cup. Then the Celtics had a game at 1 and the NFL started at the same time. And while the Sox and Celtics' games were done by the time the Patriots came on at 4, the golf coverage still hadn't wrapped up (more on that tomorrow). All in all, my thumb got one hell of a workout as I tried to switch frantically between it all (I have got to figure out how to get the picture-in-picture feature working on my television again). Unfortunately, that is pretty much all I got done. Good thing tomorrow is a holiday.

-While we're talking about the Patriots, lets talk about those Denver uniforms. I don't know why they felt the need to go back all the way to the original Bronco uniforms. The 'Denver Crush' era ones would have been far enough back. Honestly, even 50 years ago those things were probably considered hideous. It was just that back then televisions were still in black and white, so fewer people could tell just how bad yellow and brown look together. There was a reason they went to a totally different color scheme, is my point. Also, I never believed the whole "white makes you look larger" thing, but after seeing my boy Vince Wilfork in the all-white Pat Patriots uniforms, I'm a believer. Those things were not slimming.

-Loyal readers know that I have a serious problem with popular musicians who release cover songs on their greatest hits album. It wasn't your hit, so why is it on your greatest hits album? Either try and sneak a new song on there to try and make people believe that it will be a hit, or just stick to the music that already made you a star. I'll sum it up like this: who told Mariah Carey she could cover Foreigner?

Stupid Baseball

Last night was a real reminder of why I ignore baseball once football, basketball, golf or anything else becomes available. If you've ever wondered why baseball has been lapped by football as America's real past time, it's because you can count on football to fix something when it has a problem. They saw the need to expand replay and it was done before the start of the next season (for all the crap I give the NHL they do it the best. They'll change the rules mid-week if they feel they need to). Baseball, on the other hand, is so determined to not change anything that might piss off the old-timers that they run the risk of losing this generation as fans. How can you add two umpires, one of whom is 20 feet from where a ball bounces a full foot in fair territory, yet they still mess it up and call it as a foul ball. Then, there is no replay to correct it and everyone just accepts it as part of the game. Baseball should be embarrassed today.

They should also be embarrassed by whomever is doing their scheduling. I know they want to avoid going head-to-head with college football, but they should have thought this out. It's not like they did the scheduling two weeks ago: they schedule the times a couple days in advance. If they had looked at the docket of games today they would have seen that the slate of college football is extremely weak this afternoon - baseball would crush any of the games on today. Instead, they're waiting until later this evening and now have to go against the only good college game on the docket, LSU vs Florida. Well done.

-While I was waiting for the Sox game to start (a lot of my anger at baseball can directly be traced to the fact that the Red Sox are barely putting up a fight this post season), I watched the Celtics' preseason game versus the Knicks, which I was infinitely more interest in. A couple quick thoughts before I end this post:

• I don't care if it is just the preseason, it's still great to beat the Knicks whenever you have the chance.
  
• Tony Allen should be leasing, not buying. He actually looks like he's regressed from last year. And that's saying something considering last year his nickname was "the human white flag."
  
• Good luck enforcing that 'no-standing for extended periods' rule with this Celtics team. They were jumping up and down in the fourth quarter as if it was the NBA Finals. Great sign for team chemistry.

We'll Just Make Our Own Crater

You may remember a couple months ago when I rambled about how we no longer go to the moon. Turns out that it's because we discovered that it's easier to just shoot missiles at it. It saves us all the time and money (this mission only cost $79 million) of having to train people to go and, as an added bonus, it makes a cool explosion. Plus, we just seem to have all these extra missiles lying around. Apparently, NASA has determined that there could be ice under the surface of the moon, which would prove that there is water on the moon. I guess they figured that the best way to find out if something is under the surface is to just make a hole and expose the lower layers for our eyes to see. Wouldn't have thought that you needed a degree from MIT or access to missiles to know that but, whatever. I'm just happy they thought it through enough to know to fire into an already-existing crater, thereby going even farther under the surface.

You could say that firing missiles at the moon is a bad idea, but it's not like these are nuclear missiles. As far as we know there's nothing up there to destroy (hey, this could bring moon aliens out of hiding!), and it's not like you're really going to notice another crater on the moon. Lastly, it's our moon anyways, rest of Earth, we'll fire missiles at it if we want. What we're going to do if we find water has yet to be seen, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Maybe we'll turn that water into fuel, maybe we can use it to help sustain a base on the moon or maybe we can just bring it home and charge a shitload of money so you can buy moon water at the science museum (hey, every little bit helps in this economy). The point is we're trying, which is at least a step in the right direction.

-I'm almost ashamed to admit this, but I watched the premiere game of the UFL last night. First off, I'm not sure who assigned the team colors, but it seems like the four teams all have to share from the same stock: white, gray, black, teal and neon green. Every uniform is the exact same style and features some variation of those 5 colors - they must have gotten a deal. As for the quality of the game itself, it falls somewhere around the 3rd game of the NFL preseason (and the starting line-ups are full of guys that would get lots of playing time in an NFL preseason game). Everyone wants to put up good numbers, but mostly it seems like they just don't want to get hurt, in case a 'real' team is watching and needs a replacement player. Unless they align with the NFL as some sort of feeder/minor league system then I see no way they survive beyond 2 seasons. Large sections of the stadium were vacant and last night's game won't exactly inspire anyone to put in effort to make the next game.

It's Gonna Be A Long Season

Last night was the first Celtic exhibition game that was going to be televised this season. Now, while pre-season games in any sport are pretty meaningless, exhibition basketball might be the worse of them all. No one plays much defense, the timing is off so there are a lot of bad passes and even the refs are out of it so there are a ton of fouls called (more on that in a second). After the first quarter you see even less coordination as end-of-the-bench guys finally get some run with the guys who were big names in college, but haven't been heard from since. Those guys are so determined to impress coaching staffs (theirs or any others that may be watching) that they frequently go 1 on 5 in an effort to pad the stats. It's like watching a pick-up game at the local Y, only these guys can actually dunk.

The main reason I tuned in, though, was because I was really anxious to see how Kevin Garnett played last night. Garnett is coming off some knee surgery, the extent of which was carefully guarded. There were reports it was just cleaning some bone spurs up, other reports were that his knee had to be rebuilt and is currently held together by gum, tape and dreams. No one is saying how bad it really was, or if he's even fully recovered yet. So, I went into last night's game expecting the worst and looked for any sign of a limp. He seemed to move ok and had nice rhythm on his shots. But, he also took a hard foul from a Rockets player that made me hold my breath. We're only going as far as Garnett's knee takes us this season, so having to worry every time he goes for an alley-oop is not going to be a fun way to spend the season. Every hard foul is a chance he re-injures himself and takes our title hopes with him. We went from having a dominant low-post player to a $21 million Faberge egg. Awesome. I'm going to have gray hair by January.

-When the NBA announced that it was locking out it's normal crew of NBA refs, every player and beat writer began to warn us how bad it was going to get. The new guys wouldn't have the guts to call fouls on star players, leading to players taking matters into their own hands and committing harder fouls, which would lead to fights and suspensions. Basically, the old refs were the keepers of the peace and no one would be able to replace their brand of justice. There's only one problem - no one goes to games to watch the refs. Honestly, until someone mentioned it in the third quarter I had forgotten all about it. Last night's game actually featured a high number of fouls, which tells me the new guys may go the other way on this. I still think the ref union will compromise and the full-time guys will be back in time for the regular season, but if they think anyone is going to complain if Joey Crawford isn't out there, they've got another thing coming.

I Think We Just Made Them Mad

On the strength of some tremendous work in getting us a lawn that would survive the summer, my parents decided to see what the landscaper had for ideas for the front of the house. Basically the shrubs on both sides of the front walkway have never come in all that well and so my dad wanted to try some new plants out front. So, my mom and the landscaper took some time to look around and pick out new types of scrubs that will try and survive the winter a little bit better. However, before the new plants could get put in they had to take out the old ones. So, the other morning a crew showed up ready to dig out the old shrubs, but they encountered a problem: bees.

Under one of the plants out front (ironically, the only plant that was not only growing, but thriving), some bees have a hive dug into the ground. First off, I never knew that bees would even have their hives under the ground. The landscapers sprayed the hive and came back a couple days later, only to find the bees are still hanging around. And while a couple days ago we never the bees were there, now I can't go to the check the mail without a few of them popping out of the ground. This is just awesome, given how much I like bees. At this point I think we're just hoping for a really cold night and we'll let Mother Nature wipe the damn things out.

-While I like what the NFL did with having players wear pink this week (honestly, without it I probably wouldn't have known it was Breast Cancer Awareness Month) it did bring one thing to my attention. I used to think that pink was a lot like khaki, which is to say that it goes with every other color. But, after seeing the Patriots try to add some pink to their typical red, white and dark blue I see that it's not the case at all. I think the Vikings and their primary color of purple seemed to mix in the pink best. It was like Easter.

To (Never) Be Continued...

The other day a friend of mine started complaining about how a show that had just started was already being cancelled two episodes into the season. She was bummed because now she was never going to know the ending of the various plots that were going on. She was never going to know who's baby it was or if two characters ever hooked up. It was really bothering her a lot more than I think it should. Personally, I fall in and out of TV shows pretty quickly. I couldn't take the hippies on Whale Wars for more than a couple episodes and The Colony fell out of my favor as soon as I stepped back and realised how much of it had to be staged. I just don't think you should get too attached to a TV show, especially any show on the CW.

Still, she raised a good point. Cliffhangers are a staple of television shows, but you should at least can make it through a season before they start to throw the 'To Be Continued..' at you. Also, I think it's irresponsible for a TV show that knows damn well it's not coming back (and I'm willing to bet that most of them can read the writing on the wall) to have a cliffhanger as the last episode ever. The one that has lived on best in pop-culture is from the short-lived Melrose Place spin-off, Models, Inc. The last episode of that show had one of the models kidnapped to South America, where I guess she just remained. Another one was Las Vegas, which always went way over the top with it's season-ending episodes to begin with. The last show had a plane crash, a pregnancy and three weddings hanging in the balance when it was cancelled. Anyways, I feel like if a network cancels a show they should appease the few fans that were left and show the first episode of the next season. Most of the time they start right where the previous episode ended, so everyone is already on set and the next scenes were probably already filmed to help with continuity. It seems like the least you could do.

-Am I the only one enjoying the irony of the guy being accused of secretly taping Erin Andrews through a tampered peephole and a locked door, getting pissed because there were so many camera waiting for him when he left the courtroom? What, sir, are you afraid your face could end up on the Internet?

Down In Front!

Recently the NBA announced that they will have a new policy this season telling players that they must refrain from standing for long stretches of the game. This is a response to a bunch of high-paying customers complaining that they can't see around the 6' 10" guys in front of them. Again, just like yesterday with the Tufts University story, this seems excessive to have to have a new policy installed when an usher at the game could actually do something about this. Obviously I get why the NBA is so eager to do this; they want to show fans that they come first so, please, continue to spend hundreds of dollars on courtside seats. Also, we're talking about a league that already has a dress code and a Twitter policy, so it's not like David Stern is hesitant to expand the player conduct rules.

I would feel better about this if the policy was only for the first 3 quarters of the game. As an NBA defender, one of the things that I always have to talk about when discussing the pros versus college is the fact that the college kids are crazy and always bouncing around while the pros mostly look bored during the dogs days. Well, when you have a team like my Celtics, who are usually going nuts on the bench even during a game in February versus the Grizzlies, that can make for a nice counter-argument. Now Stern is trying to take that away from me. You could at least let them stand when the game hangs in the balance. During that time I would have a policy in place that states the fans should just get off their asses if they can't see and watch the game instead of trying to get on the Jumbotron.

-I never thought I would have to defend a roughing the passer call, but after hearing the Ravens' players complain about Brady turning to the ref about a low-hit I feel I have to come to his defense. The rule is in place because the owners want it, not the quarterbacks. They're paying these guys the most and they rarely have two guys who can play at a high level so damn right they want them protected. Also, the flag was on it's way out when Brady turned to the ref, so it's not like the flag came because he asked for it. Brady is not Michael Jordan. Lastly, that call was a lot closer to the rule than the absolute terrible call that was made on a Mike Wright sack of Joe Flacco. But, the Ravens lost so I'm sure we'll never hear about that one.

What Happened to Putting A Sock on the Door?

Earlier this week, Tufts University entered the news by unveiling a new policy for the on-campus dorms that basically states "no having sex in your dorm room if your roommate is also in the room." I'm dying to know what was going on on this campus that made it necessary for them to put a new policy in writing. How many people had to complain about this and, more importantly, how did it come up in the first place? Really, I didn't like any one of my teachers at any of the schools I attended enough to complain about something like this to a school administrator.

Now, they didn't announce any kind of punishment if you are found to be breaking this policy. I would guess that the embarassment of someone coming in to enforce it would be punishment enough. Also, since campus police are slightly below mall security in terms of the power structure in this country, I'm assuming the honor system will have to be in place for this to even take effect. Personally, I would think that in and of itself could make any dorm situation worse. If you didn't like your roommate enough to the point you would be willing to rat on them for having sex while you're in the room, I can only imagine that the rocky relationship would be more strained by turning them in to the RA or RD. They say you can't put a price on peace of mind, so how could you ever put your guard down if you turned you roommate in? You could never again go to class without worrying that they're messing with your stuff back in the room. Is that constant nagging in the back of your brain really worth not having to simply turn up your iPod and pulling the covers over your head?

Furthermore, I feel like this policy robs the Tufts students of a staple of college life: having to slink to the dorm common room or study areas because you came back from class to find the room 'occupied'. It's a rite of passage and part of the college experience. In my case, I didn't make it out of the first week before my roommate came in and asked me to vacate the premises for a couple hours. As an added bonus I got to deal with his one-night stand calling every night for a week while he avoided her until she finally just asked me if she was wasting her time and if my roommate was a good guy. I was then put in the awkward position of trying to be honest (no, he was a giant asshole) and ratting out my roommate who I had known a grand total of 10 days or defending him for the good of dorm room peace. Ah, college. It should come as no surprise that after that I always fought for a single-person room when I had on-campus housing.

That's Just Odd

It was a weird weather day around here. While it was raining on and off with some major downpours, it was not particularly cold for October. It was almost like spending the day working on a shower, cause you would occasionally get sprayed with warm water, but not enough to need to go and change. (Trust me, that analogy makes sense in my head.) Anyway, the point is that while it was raining that was still not enough to deter most joggers, who it seems were out in force today.

I admire joggers, because they clearly have more willpower than me. Running was never my thing and something like rain would be a perfect excuse to blow the activity off and spend the day on the couch instead, watching College Game Day. But, not only did I see a bunch of runners while I was out doing errands, but they were suited up in all sorts of strange rain gear. The one that stuck in my head, though, one was the woman who was running along the side of Rt. 109 in Dover. She was wearing running clothes under a clear trashbag. I'm not sure what the point of this was. Did she want to keep her running clothes dry? Couldn't be that, because if you didn't want to sweat you shouldn't be running. Was she trying to keep her body temp up? It wasn't that cold, plus she could have run in pants, not shorts. I really wanted to pull the truck over and ask her, but it was getting close to kickoff. Instead, I'm left with more questions than I have answers.

-Do you think Bobby Bowden is actually listening to the plays his assistants are calling in to the guys on the field? The more I watch them "coach" the more convinced I am that I have more input on playcalling than college coaches like Bowden, who act like CEOs more than coaches. He just seems to watch the field, more than willing to let his assistants do the work while he gets the biggest paycheck and credit for the win. Now, sure, you can make the case that I'm not in every meeting and I don't know how much pre-Saturday game planning he does. But as an observer who doesn't care what happens to Florida State one way or the other, it just doesn't seem like he cares much anymore; just wants a good game and he'll be fine whether they win or lose. Personally, I think he's got Hank Williams Jr blaring in his ears.

-I've watched a lot of football in my life and I've never even heard of 'roughing the snapper'. How the hell do you rough a lineman?

Five For Friday

Just some quick thoughts to get us all to the weekend...

-I'm not that bummed about the city of Chicago not getting the Olympics. While it would have been nice for the U.S. to have a large public works project which would have spurred on the economy, I think we need to focus on something that will have a more immediate impact, not 7 years in the future. Not to mention we had an Olympics a couple years ago, while the entire continent of South America has never hosted one ever. They should be spreading the wealth. Lastly, I love the song "Rio" by Duran Duran (very weird video, though). When you factor all that in, the city of Chicago was fighting a losing battle.

-When I worked for Reebok I used to get free sneakers all the time because I was an employee. According to Mike Vick's people that means that Reebok and I had an endorsement deal. If you stop and consider these people are his financial advisers, losing $100 million doesn't seem too implausible.

-Last night I got into bed and didn't fall asleep immediately, which meant that my brain shifted into overdrive. By the time it was 1 AM, I had fully convinced myself that I should sign up for Facebook. (See, this is what happens when I am left to my own devices.) Also, the fact that I came to this conclusion means that Facebook is no longer cool.

-While trying to convince the baseball world that you are not a cheater, Bronson Arroyo, it would help if you hadn't already admitted that you are probably on the list of people who failed steroids tests back in 2003 and that to this day you're taking supplements that are not approved by MLB. When you're willing to inject yourself with unknown chemicals, putting pine tar on a baseball doesn't seem very far-fetched.

-Sometimes if you haven't seen a movie in a while you can forget just how fantastic it is. Showtime has been running The Usual Suspects this week and I had forgotten just how great it was. Kevin Spacey, Gabriel Byrne and even Stephen Baldwin at their very best. I admit when I first saw it at 16 I probably didn't get the whole movie as well as I do now. If you haven't seen it in a while you should give it a second look - every screening you see something different.

It Just Seems Wasteful

So, now that we've moved away from the warm nights of summer to the brisk nights that come with fall, I've had to start sleeping with the windows closed again. While a good cross breeze is nice during the day, at night it just makes my room way too cold. The side result of this is that the air in my room is pretty stale by the morning. So I've started to light the candles in my room to try and cover up the staleness as best as I can, just in the off chance I'm having company later. But, here's what I've noticed with candles today: they have the metal sort of weight on the bottom of the wick. While I'm sure there is alternative reason for it, all it seems to do is make the wick about a half an inch too short. There is plenty of wax at the bottom of the jar that never gets used, which is clearly a design flaw. I don't know why, but not using the whole thing up bothers me. I mean, don't these candle makers know there are starving kids in Africa who would love to use that wax for their candles?

-The other day I was watching the movie Taken, or as I like to call it "Every Father's worst nightmare." If you've seen the trailer you know what it's about. Basically, you have to sludge through 20 minutes of useless plot to get to the reason you're watching the movie, which is Liam Neeson killing nameless bad guys in brutal and calculating ways. Think of it as an updated version of the movie Death Wish, only without the benefit of 1970's sensitivity. There is no hiding of blood in this one. You knew this movie touched a nerve because I was watching it with my dad, who is about as non-violent as you can get, and during the scene when Neeson is confronting his daughter's kidnappers my father is practically yelling at the screen, "Shoot him. SHOOT HIM!"

-With his FedEx Cup win last week, Tiger Woods has allegedly reached $1 billion in career earnings. Tiger, at age 33, is still playing at a top-tier level while football and basketball players of the same age have to start thinking about retirement. Tiger can play competitive golf for another 15 years and then design golf courses at $10 million a pop for the rest of his life. He'll be a multi-billionaire by 40. In other words, it's official - my kids are playing golf.