This Is Why You Don't Keep Giant Balloons in the Yard

So for a couple hours today people around the country were riveted to their TVs as a homemade weather balloon was 'accidentally' released in Colorado and went traipsing across the sky, allegedly with a six-year old aboard. Helicopters were scrambled and flights diverted from the area as stations broke into programming to watch this giant silver contraption slowly move through the air. Experts quickly appeared on TV, talking about what the kid could be experiencing and what would happen to him as the balloon kept rising through the air. Turns out that the kid was hiding in his house the whole time, afraid to come out because he thought his parents were going to be mad at him for playing around the balloon. In other words, parents, don't freak out if your kid breaks a lamp - at least it doesn't become national news.

Now, they kept saying the parents were extremely distraught over the whole thing, but they have already appeared on a reality television show, believe in aliens and the kid is named Falcon. To sum up: they're hippies (I know, shocking when you factor in they live in Colorado). Even the neighbor didn't want to go on record talking about them. In other words, do not be surprised if we learn that the whole thing was staged. If you're willing to put your family on TV for something as lowly as Wife Swap, I'm not putting anything past you.

-Speaking of reality TV, it appears America may finally have reached our limit of the stuff. Turns out that there is a channel called Fox Reality that has nothing but reality shows on it (even more surprising to me is the fact I actually have this channel on my TV. Oh, sure, I can't get the Golf Channel without ordering a totally new sports package that throws another 15 channels I wouldn't want on the bill, but you'll just give me the Fox Reality channel for free and without asking? It's like you don't even know me, Verizon.). The other day it was announced that they are going to stop broadcasting this channel in March. I didn't even know you could take channels away anymore, I just thought they got to be re-branded with a new logo. Well, now that the Reality Channel is gone, we just need to work on some of the 15 home shopping channels that are on my TV.

-So, Meghan McCain... I know that me not voting for your dad could make things a little awkward around Thanksgiving. But we can cross that bridge when we come to it. In the meantime... how you doing?