Alarming Advertising

Outside of major events like the Super Bowl when advertisers don't care about demographics because they know everyone in the world will be watching, it's no secret that advertisers spend a lot of time researching just what kind of people are watching which television programs so they can tailor when their commercials air. And it goes beyond age and sex - they want to know the average income of people as well as their shopping habit and people are only too happy to give that information up. It is all about making sure the audience who is most likely to buy that product is in a position to see it as many times as possible. It is why you see a lot of video game and beer commercials on ESPN and reverse mortgage and steady cane ads when "60 Minutes" comes on. Obviously, this is not a perfect system because it paints people with a very broad brush and humans are more diverse than that. Not every ESPN viewer is a 23 year-old frat boy who is counting down the minutes until he can start drinking again and there are plenty of young people who enjoy a well-informed news magazine program. However, while the commercials for a show may not fit you exactly, they can be a good indication of just what kind of crowd you are being lumped in with. Frankly, that can be even scarier.

Sometimes when I am watching a show and keep seeing the same commercial over and over again it makes me worried that the product really is being aimed at me. It is one thing to see a bad commercial when someone else has the remote, but if the same bad product is repeatedly advertised during a show you have set your DVR to record, it starts to mess with your head. The latest commercial I would like to never see again is for a take-home HIV test. Just last week I wrote about how much I like working from home, but that it was time certain industries realized that it just didn't work for everyone. Chief among my targets was the medical community, because I just don't think things like dental surgery should be done in what used to be a study until the homeowner realized they never actually studied in there. Well, if you think I was uncomfortable with the idea of a licensed medical professional working in his living room, I think you can guess how I feel about the idea of people being able to conduct a test for a deadly disease during a commercial break of "The Big Bang Theory." Not to mention these people couldn't figure out how a condom works and we're supposed to believe they know how to make sure a DNA test doesn't get contaminated?

The advertisers say the home HIV tests should really be used more like a warning system and that if you get a positive result you should go and get tested a second time by a professional. Considering people who aren't sick don't usually feel the need to check if they have a fatal disease, I'm going to go out on a limb and say they should just get tested by the professional the first time around. I can understand the people who argue that having a take-home version of the test will inspire more people who are worried to check themselves out without embarrassment, but if you are really that worried then I think your dignity is just going to have to take a backseat on this one. Plus, if you got into the situation of needing this test due to some risky behavior than maybe a little shame is just what will inspire you to make a few life changes to insure you never find yourself in a situation like this again. I guess my main problem with these kinds of tests is that while I will also concede that people don't always have the time they need to make sure all their errands get done, I feel like you should make time for these. Checking whether or not you have HIV is not on the same level of picking up the dry cleaning.

As it turns out, take-home DNA tests are all the rage right now. You can use them to find out everything from what your child may be allergic to or if that really is your daughter. (I'm sure without the supervision of a law enforcement officer (and really, if it wasn't due to a court order why else would you be taking a paternity test?), they are extremely accurate because no one has ever felt the need to cheat on a take-home test.) What's next, including it as prizes in cereal? Normally I wouldn't take the time to write about a silly product I saw advertised on television because there are just so many of them. Also, it is not like I do this with every product - you certainly don't seem me taking to the internet to complain about how many luxury car commercials air during the average golf telecast. The problem here is that I keep seeing this commercial for something I would honestly be afraid to need over and over again. I have seen it on multiple channels during multiple shows I enjoy. I've always said once is an accident, twice is a coincidence but three times is evidence, so what does it say about me that research has determined people who enjoy the shows I do also have a high risk of fatal diseases? It has begun to make me wonder if these advertisers know something I don't. At the very least I feel like I should improve my viewing habits.