Endure The Cure

I've written this before but it bears repeating - chronic back pain sucks. There is nothing worse than hurting your back because even if the pain goes away the knowledge that you are never more than the simple act of turning too quickly away from being in even more pain is never far from your mind. Some people say you never really truly recover from a bad back, you just learn to live with it. However since a life sentence seems kind of harsh, back-pain sufferers such as myself are always looking for anything which promises it will relieve back pain. Even if you don't have back issues you probably noticed there are no shortages of things which claim to be the cure such as different levels of aspirin, stretches, diets, specially-designed chairs, shoes, lotions and natural remedies. Personally I don't like to listen to advice from anyone who hasn't themselves had back pain because how would they know whether or not their answer really worked? That is why the only positive thing about back pain is that it is so common and so many people go through it (it's like the worst, most inclusive club ever. We should have jackets made), which means you can always find another opinion to try. Everywhere you look there is another person telling you about all the failed methods they tried until they finally found the one that worked for them. In some ways it is discouraging that there is not one surefire way to fix this problem but on the other it is a little bit better knowing that there are so many different techniques to try because you are never out of hope. I mean, if you tried the one method which was supposed to work and still had back trouble than you would just be out of luck but with back pain you are just one internet search away from finding something else to try and a renewed sense of optimism that maybe this will be the one which finally works. I can guarantee you this - you're never going to find relief if you never try.

Now, sure there are proven ways to relieve back pain - strength building exercises and such - and I am doing those - but they take time. It's a patience issue and, frankly, I want to feel better now. That is why when I heard of a very simple method which had been getting good results I was interested to try it. According to this long-time back pain sufferer, all you had to do was take the smallest pillow in your house (a rolled-up towel would work in a pinch) and then put it under your ankles before you went to bed. It was important to make sure it was just under your ankles because that would raise your lower spine only slightly, but still enough to cause your alignment to shift. Allegedly this works like a charm and what I liked about it is that it was very simple. Most of these remedies involve rigging up some sort of elaborate pulley system around your bedroom which involves several expensive trips to a sporting goods store for all the right ropes but who doesn't have an extra towel laying around? Now I would love to tell you that I tried this method and woke up the next day feeling better than I had in years but I don't like to lie on my own blog. Yes, I did wake up and found that my back didn't hurt as much as normal but I certainly wasn't pain-free. However, I can't say it was a failure on the part of proposed back pain remedy. The problem was that I didn't take into account the one variable in this whole operation - me. It sounds hard to have operator error when the entire process is two steps - 1. put towel under ankles 2. go to bed - but I managed it.

The issue is that no matter how hard I try I just can't fall asleep while laying on my back. (Ironic, isn't it?) Typically I fall asleep on my side or my stomach and this has been going on long before my back started to hurt, which means it is not the kind of habit which can be easily broken. Even worse is that I already have trouble falling asleep as it is. You know how annoying it is when you are really tired, crawl to bed and suddenly you're wide awake again because your brain has decided this exact moment is the perfect time to think about things which happened in the third grade, even though weren't important at the time and are completely irrelevant now? Yeah, that's how my brain is every night. Anyway think about how obnoxious it is when that happens and then remember on how well it works when you lay in bed and order yourself to sleep. Now, on top of that add trying to lay perfectly still so as to not ruin this supposedly idiot-proof cure-all, which immediately means that all you want to do is roll to one side or the other because all humans ever want to do is the one thing you just told them they couldn't. It doesn't make for a very peaceful way to go to bed. Lastly, let's also remember that once you finally do fall asleep you lose all control of your body so there is virtually no chance anyone would wake up in the position required for this remedy to work unless they had been strapped into bed. (Let's also not gloss over the fact that if you know how to strap yourself down you probably have a set of issues way worse than a sore back.)

Making this whole thing even more annoying is that it is not as though I am trying to find a cure so I can go right back out and do something insane. Basically, I just want to be able to fold my laundry without my back seizing up on me. I'm always saying that the more tedious the job the less obstacles the universe should throw in your way but apparently the universe doesn't feel the same way. Now normally I would just give up on this particular exercise because it is not like there aren't about a thousand other ones I could try instead. However, the fact that the hour I spent laying in bed on my back before finally giving up and rolling onto my side so I could get some sleep seemed to help even a little has me thinking this solution could really work if I could just find a way to fall asleep on my back. It would appear the best chance is for me to either try and take short naps so I can get the relief a little bit at a time (unlikely since I am not a particularly good napper either) or wait until one night when I am super-tired about to pass out and essentially spring a trap on myself. I know this sounds like the ramblings of a crazy person but just know that if you had chronic back pain it would all make perfect sense. The people spending their hard-earned money on a what casual observers can obviously tell is a scam may seem desperate but I would just remind you that desperate times for desperate measures and that can lead to the occasional lapse in judgement. Besides just the idea that a remedy could be in the mail is sometimes enough to make you feel better. I would say hope springs eternal but back pain doesn't exactly put a spring in your step.