Let me paint you a picture: let's say you worked at a company that had a very good reputation within its industry, but it had hit a bit of a rough patch. The company was doing alright, but not as well as it used to and not as well as everyone else in the industry seems to think it should have been doing. So, the owner of the company decides to hire a new executive. This executive is coming from another company that also isn't doing so great, but no one thinks it was that guy's fault. At the first meeting you discover that the new executive is extremely charming guy: everyone completely buys in to his ideas and thinks that this is the guy to get the company back on the right track. The problems start a couple months later when it becomes clear the new executive doesn't have any idea how to execute the plans he laid out. The executive tells you all the company needs is some new personnel to make his vision into a reality and starts hiring new salespeople from other companies; except all he seems to be hiring are the salespeople nobody else wanted and, to make matters worse, he's giving them huge bonuses. The company starts to slide even further away from its glory days and goes from doing alright to doing horribly. What's worse, the executive keeps mortgaging the future to try and make an immediate profit, only his moves keeps sending the situation from bad to worse. All the while he's firing bright, young salespeople so he can hire more overpriced salespeople no one else wanted.
Just when everyone thinks the situation can't get any worse, executive gets caught up in a horrible scandal. He's caught embezzling money and has to have a lengthy trial, during which a lot of unsavory and embarrassing details come out. He sends your company to a level lower than people thought you could ever fall to. At this point most of your loyal customers decided they have had enough and stop doing business with you. They want nothing to do with you as long as that executive is around. In a last-ditch effort to prove that he wasn't an idiot to hire the executive, the owner of the company puts the executive in charge of production. While he's not as much of a disaster at this position, he still can't even start to fulfill the promises he made when first hired. Also, it doesn't bring back your loyal customers; many of whom have started to do business with the company down the street who used to be a laughingstock in comparison to your company. Finally the owner can't hide his mistake anymore and fires the executive. This day is generally hailed as the best day your company has had in a long time. The owner then brings in a old, wise executive who has been doing this for a very long time and has a long-term plan, but his first couple of years mostly have to be spent undoing all the terrible work that last guy did. Still, everything appears to at least be heading back in the right direction. The problem is that the owner still has a soft spot for that terrible executive. So, after a couple of years have passed and things are starting to look up, he decides that people would probably not notice if that guy was brought back. So, even though the executive is now doing a piss-poor job at a much smaller company, the owner re-hires him as a consultant to evaluate and hire new salespeople (in other words, the jobs he was fired from just two years earlier). That bad executive now has two jobs, neither of which he is particularly good at.
Could you imagine that ever actually happening or a company being owned by someone that stupid? Well, this week it did. The bad executive was Isiah Thomas, the owner was James Dolan and the company was the New York Knicks. Just two years after being run out of town as the worst executive in history, Thomas was brought back as a consultant and talent evaluator. There can be only three reasons Dolan would even consider this move: either he was dropped on his head as a child, Thomas has incriminating photos of him, or Dolan literally hates his own fans. There can be no other reason. I have never been happier to not be a Knick fan than I am right now. For three years they were promised that they would be getting LeBron James and Chris Bosh in free agency. They ended up with Amare Stoudemire: a man with a bad knee, questionable defensive skills and who won't be playing with an elite point guard for the first time in his career (but at least they didn't give him $20 million a year... oh, wait, they totally did). And now Thomas, the man who ran the franchise into the ground, is back in the fold. He's supposedly being brought in to court players like Carmelo Anthony, which should pretty much guarantee Anthony never signs with the Knicks. I've said before that one of the reasons I love sports is that there is a reason behind everything: nothing happens without a cause. Well, if Knick fans want to know why you continue to sink as a franchise, it's because you are owned by a man like James Dolan. There is nothing worse than being stuck with a bad owner, because it's not like they can be fired. You're only hope is that he goes bankrupt before he puts Isiah in charge of Madison Square Garden, otherwise the Knicks are going to end up playing at some outdoor court by the river.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Didn't I Just See You?
It's always weird when you see the same commercial actors repeatedly. On the one hand, it must be nice for those guys to be able to get consistent work as an actor. On the other, they obviously want to be professional actors, so you assume they have some formal training at it and they'd much rather be doing serious theatre work (or at least popping up as a dead body on Law & Order) instead of a series of commercials for a bank. Also, I would guess there is a certain amount of scorn from other actors when you are strictly a commercial actor. Otherwise, people like Brad Pitt and George Clooney wouldn't film commercials in foreign countries with the tight restrictions that they never run within the USA. Then again, those guys are established stars and clearly don't need the money, so they look worse than some young up-and-coming actor because they were just simply bought by the highest bidder like a piece of furniture. You can forgive a person looking for their first big break when they do something strictly for the money; it's harder to overlook the stars of the Ocean movies suddenly appearing as if they need the money when you know it's going towards a second Italian villa.
It has to be a tricky situation for a young actor, because they can't afford to turn down work, but the first impression they make is usually the ones that stick with the population. For example, it didn't matter what kind of comedic work he did afterwards on My Name Is Earl, Eddie Steeples will forever be the rubberband guy from the OfficeMax commercials. With that in mind, I bet it would suck to have to go through life being known as the guy who can't get on a airplane because he has an overactive bladder. It's even stranger when you see the same actor in commercials for two different products. Because I watch a lot of golf, I see a lot of commercials for banks. There is one series of ads where a man is basically acting like a bank and puts several restrictions on a group of kids, with the premise of the ads being that 'even kids know when something is wrong, so why doesn't your bank'? Only two commercials later when you see that same actor in a commercial for Home Depot and you can't help but think, "I'm glad you were suckered into buying crappy paint, because you were just being mean to children a minute ago."
-I find it very funny when someone is perfectly content to let something that others would view as a problem linger just to help their situation, but then the second it becomes a detriment it must be fixed immediately. Last night the Tampa Bay Rays were in a tight game with the Minnesota Twins when the Twins batter hit a high fly ball over the infield, at which point it hit one of the catwalks that run over Tropicana Field. Those have long ago been ruled in play and you have to play the ball off them. The ball took a weird carom, dropped in and the Rays lost the game. After the game Rays' manager Joe Madden said that is a prime example of why they need a new stadium in Tampa. First off, I can think of at least three instances in games against the Red Sox in which a similar carom helped the Rays and no one said anything at the time. It costs them one game and suddenly it must be remedied immediately. Secondly, everyone said thirteen years ago when the stadium opened that these catwalks were going to be a problem and Rays management was too cheap to fix it. The builders said a baseball could never get that high, but there have now been over a hundred balls that have hit the catwalks. This is just one of those aspects that prevented people from looking at the Rays as a serious franchise for years. That being said, I agree with Madden they should get a new stadium in Tampa - the Trop was a terrible stadium on the day it opened.
It has to be a tricky situation for a young actor, because they can't afford to turn down work, but the first impression they make is usually the ones that stick with the population. For example, it didn't matter what kind of comedic work he did afterwards on My Name Is Earl, Eddie Steeples will forever be the rubberband guy from the OfficeMax commercials. With that in mind, I bet it would suck to have to go through life being known as the guy who can't get on a airplane because he has an overactive bladder. It's even stranger when you see the same actor in commercials for two different products. Because I watch a lot of golf, I see a lot of commercials for banks. There is one series of ads where a man is basically acting like a bank and puts several restrictions on a group of kids, with the premise of the ads being that 'even kids know when something is wrong, so why doesn't your bank'? Only two commercials later when you see that same actor in a commercial for Home Depot and you can't help but think, "I'm glad you were suckered into buying crappy paint, because you were just being mean to children a minute ago."
-I find it very funny when someone is perfectly content to let something that others would view as a problem linger just to help their situation, but then the second it becomes a detriment it must be fixed immediately. Last night the Tampa Bay Rays were in a tight game with the Minnesota Twins when the Twins batter hit a high fly ball over the infield, at which point it hit one of the catwalks that run over Tropicana Field. Those have long ago been ruled in play and you have to play the ball off them. The ball took a weird carom, dropped in and the Rays lost the game. After the game Rays' manager Joe Madden said that is a prime example of why they need a new stadium in Tampa. First off, I can think of at least three instances in games against the Red Sox in which a similar carom helped the Rays and no one said anything at the time. It costs them one game and suddenly it must be remedied immediately. Secondly, everyone said thirteen years ago when the stadium opened that these catwalks were going to be a problem and Rays management was too cheap to fix it. The builders said a baseball could never get that high, but there have now been over a hundred balls that have hit the catwalks. This is just one of those aspects that prevented people from looking at the Rays as a serious franchise for years. That being said, I agree with Madden they should get a new stadium in Tampa - the Trop was a terrible stadium on the day it opened.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
More That Are Too Big For Twitter
-There is an old expression which says alcohol and prostitution are the only recession-proof industries. Well, with the news that tickets to Walt Disney World are going up to $82 for an adult, I think you can add the Mouse to that list as well. Parents were already paying through the nose just for the right to shop at the world's largest Disney store and stand in line for 2 hours to go on one ride and now Disney wants them to pay even more for that privilege? They aren't even opening any new attractions; it's simply more money for the same old rides. It seems like a rip-off to me. If I ever have kids I'm not letting them know who Mickey is until they turn 18 and they can plan their own trip to Disney if they want.
-There was a story on the news about a woman who was trolling on Facebook the one day and stumbled upon her husband's profile, featuring pictures of his marriage to a woman who was not her. Now there are all sort of weird details about how legal the marriage was and that kind of thing, but the thing I can't get over is the fact that he posted his wedding pictures on a Facebook page. If you're trying to hide your second marriage, perhaps using one of the most popular social networks on the planet is not the best way to go about it.
-I don't believe a word of the reports that Brett Favre hasn't decided what he is going to do this upcoming season. I would respect him a lot more if he would just come out and say, "You know what? I'm old, I'm tired and I know the offense. I don't need training camp. See you at the third pre-season game." This constant, "I'm retiring... Well, maybe not... I haven't decided... Ok, I'm back" melodrama got old when he first did it three seasons ago.
-So, it turns out that the only true statement ever to come out of the Golf Oil spill happened when the oil first started leaking and British Petroleum said that it would probably take until August for the thing to be fully sealed. Because of that track record I do not believe the report that 75% of the lost oil has either evaporated or been collected. I still suspect that we're going to start seeing balls of oil washing up on East Coast shores in the Fall.
-I really like that Notre Dame football will be added a four-game tilt with the University of Texas to their schedule in the future to go along with a series against the University of Miami. While I liked Charlie Weis, one of the things that bothered me was the soft scheduling that started to occur while he was there. I would rather the Irish lose games against tough opponents than beat up on the likes of Nevada and San Diego State. (Of course, I'm pretty sure that Charlie never envisioned losing to those alleged 'soft' opponents, which was what got the Irish a new coach to begin with.) Still, I'd be happy to see them go back to the days when the opened against schools like Georgia Tech and the Naval Academy was the easiest school on the schedule.
-There was a story on the news about a woman who was trolling on Facebook the one day and stumbled upon her husband's profile, featuring pictures of his marriage to a woman who was not her. Now there are all sort of weird details about how legal the marriage was and that kind of thing, but the thing I can't get over is the fact that he posted his wedding pictures on a Facebook page. If you're trying to hide your second marriage, perhaps using one of the most popular social networks on the planet is not the best way to go about it.
-I don't believe a word of the reports that Brett Favre hasn't decided what he is going to do this upcoming season. I would respect him a lot more if he would just come out and say, "You know what? I'm old, I'm tired and I know the offense. I don't need training camp. See you at the third pre-season game." This constant, "I'm retiring... Well, maybe not... I haven't decided... Ok, I'm back" melodrama got old when he first did it three seasons ago.
-So, it turns out that the only true statement ever to come out of the Golf Oil spill happened when the oil first started leaking and British Petroleum said that it would probably take until August for the thing to be fully sealed. Because of that track record I do not believe the report that 75% of the lost oil has either evaporated or been collected. I still suspect that we're going to start seeing balls of oil washing up on East Coast shores in the Fall.
-I really like that Notre Dame football will be added a four-game tilt with the University of Texas to their schedule in the future to go along with a series against the University of Miami. While I liked Charlie Weis, one of the things that bothered me was the soft scheduling that started to occur while he was there. I would rather the Irish lose games against tough opponents than beat up on the likes of Nevada and San Diego State. (Of course, I'm pretty sure that Charlie never envisioned losing to those alleged 'soft' opponents, which was what got the Irish a new coach to begin with.) Still, I'd be happy to see them go back to the days when the opened against schools like Georgia Tech and the Naval Academy was the easiest school on the schedule.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Talking Myself Into It
A couple weeks after saying that it probably wasn't going to happen, the Boston Celtics have agreed to terms on a contract with Shaquille O'Neal. This comes on the heels of signing Jermaine O'Neal last month and it gives the Celtics five members of the 2004 All-Star game, which would be huge news if it were still, you know, 2004. Unfortunately, it is 2010 and three of those guys (Garnett, Shaq and Jermaine) have spent the better part of two years dealing with various leg problems. Age and injuries aside, the biggest factor going forward that will decide whether or not this move works will be how Shaq handles being the fourth option on a team of players he used to be able to dominate. He appears to be a very gregarious guy, that doesn't change the fact that O'Neal is bound to have a large ego befitting of a man who ruled the NBA for a decade. Clearly he had issues with a reduced role on his last few teams, which all ended with Shaq leaving on less than cordial terms. However, this is not the first time Danny Ainge and Doc Rivers have decided to roll the dice on guys with slightly checkered histories at their last NBA stops. The Celtics have lucked out that players like Rasheed Wallace, Stephon Marbury and Nate Robinson have stayed on their best behavior while playing here, but at some point that luck is going to run out. If Shaq decided to cause problems (admittedly, that is unlikely as long as the team is winning) it could effect the entire locker room dynamic.
Still, I like the Shaq signing. First off, I think Doc is the kind of coach who can handle a locker room with all these over-sized personalities. Also, it just makes basketball sense. With Kendrick Perkins getting hurt so late in the playoffs I doubt he'll be back to playing they way he was before his injury for at least two seasons, which is coincidentally how long Shaq's deal could potentially be for. His signing will allow Perkins to work back to full strength without rushing and risking further injury. Also, while Shaq isn't a defensive presence anymore, his wide body will still make guys like Dwight Howard work for rebounds, which would have been helpful against Pau Gasol in Game 7. As for the offense, no one will be asking O'Neal to put up huge numbers - if he can give the Celtics 25 minutes, 10 points and 8 boards a game I will be thrilled. Anything more than that should be considered found money and if he gets worn down or in foul trouble, Jermaine O'Neal (who somehow managed to be the higher-paid-while-at-the-same-time-second-best O'Neal on his own team) can fill in the rest of time. Not to mention, this Celtics team has the perfect mindset for Shaq: he doesn't like to exert himself until the playoffs and the defending Eastern Conference Champions proved that they don't feel the need to either. Just be ready by the playoffs and you can fit right in. No, really, I can talk myself into this. It could work... I think.
-Let me go on record right now as saying that I have no doubts that a) Mark Cuban will put in the highest bid for the Texas Rangers and b) he will still not be awarded the franchise. The Rangers are currently up for auction because they did stupid things like give Alex Rodriguez $200 million without making nearly enough money to cover that kind of salary and plunged themselves $500 million into debt. A group led by all-time great Nolan Ryan put in a bid, as did Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban. Cuban's was the higher bid, but MLB awarded the franchise to Ryan's group, which seriously pissed off all the people the Rangers owe money to, which is why the team is now once again up for auction. If Cuban were to win, he would probably become one of the best owners in baseball pretty quickly. When he bought the Mavericks they were one of the worst teams in the league and he got them to the point where they are competitive every single year by doing what fans always want an owner to do: investing his money back into the team. There is not a question in my mind that he could do it again, especially in a league with no salary cap. However, he is not like one of the stuffed shirts that currently own baseball teams and would probably start pushing for things like replay, time clocks between pitches and increased technology throughout the game. That is why I assume his still-highest bid will be rejected and the second-highest bid from the group led by Nolan Ryan will get the team. This is why baseball continues to fade as the National past time. They need to be embracing guys like Cuban, not pushing him away. The Rangers are in a good-sized media market and yet they only contend once every five seasons. Cuban would be the better choice to own them, I just hope baseball isn't so set in traditions they refuse to see that.
Still, I like the Shaq signing. First off, I think Doc is the kind of coach who can handle a locker room with all these over-sized personalities. Also, it just makes basketball sense. With Kendrick Perkins getting hurt so late in the playoffs I doubt he'll be back to playing they way he was before his injury for at least two seasons, which is coincidentally how long Shaq's deal could potentially be for. His signing will allow Perkins to work back to full strength without rushing and risking further injury. Also, while Shaq isn't a defensive presence anymore, his wide body will still make guys like Dwight Howard work for rebounds, which would have been helpful against Pau Gasol in Game 7. As for the offense, no one will be asking O'Neal to put up huge numbers - if he can give the Celtics 25 minutes, 10 points and 8 boards a game I will be thrilled. Anything more than that should be considered found money and if he gets worn down or in foul trouble, Jermaine O'Neal (who somehow managed to be the higher-paid-while-at-the-same-time-second-best O'Neal on his own team) can fill in the rest of time. Not to mention, this Celtics team has the perfect mindset for Shaq: he doesn't like to exert himself until the playoffs and the defending Eastern Conference Champions proved that they don't feel the need to either. Just be ready by the playoffs and you can fit right in. No, really, I can talk myself into this. It could work... I think.
-Let me go on record right now as saying that I have no doubts that a) Mark Cuban will put in the highest bid for the Texas Rangers and b) he will still not be awarded the franchise. The Rangers are currently up for auction because they did stupid things like give Alex Rodriguez $200 million without making nearly enough money to cover that kind of salary and plunged themselves $500 million into debt. A group led by all-time great Nolan Ryan put in a bid, as did Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban. Cuban's was the higher bid, but MLB awarded the franchise to Ryan's group, which seriously pissed off all the people the Rangers owe money to, which is why the team is now once again up for auction. If Cuban were to win, he would probably become one of the best owners in baseball pretty quickly. When he bought the Mavericks they were one of the worst teams in the league and he got them to the point where they are competitive every single year by doing what fans always want an owner to do: investing his money back into the team. There is not a question in my mind that he could do it again, especially in a league with no salary cap. However, he is not like one of the stuffed shirts that currently own baseball teams and would probably start pushing for things like replay, time clocks between pitches and increased technology throughout the game. That is why I assume his still-highest bid will be rejected and the second-highest bid from the group led by Nolan Ryan will get the team. This is why baseball continues to fade as the National past time. They need to be embracing guys like Cuban, not pushing him away. The Rangers are in a good-sized media market and yet they only contend once every five seasons. Cuban would be the better choice to own them, I just hope baseball isn't so set in traditions they refuse to see that.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
How Much Do I Weigh Now?
I've always been a double-checker. Hell, most of the time I'm a triple-checker. I like to be sure that addresses are correct and emails have been received. I'm especially bad about this in restaurants. There is something in my brain that always managed to convince me I have miscounted the money, am consequently leaving an insufficient tip and will now have a reputation at this particular restaurant as a bad tipper, even though I've already counted it twice and closed the folder with the bill inside literally four seconds ago. At this point I simply have to look again and make extra, extra sure. But, at least I know I'm an idiot for doing this. I'm even worse when there is a fun gadget to give me data I can constantly check and re-check. Down at the family beach house there is a gauge that tells you the temperature outside versus the temperature inside. When I was down in Wareham for the latest heat wave and slowly sweating to death I must have looked at this thing 400 times a day. "What is the temperature inside now? 94? How about now? Still 94? It feels like it's getting slightly cooler, what is the temperature outside? Also 94? Really, it doesn't feel over 92."
Because of this personality trait, it was probably not good that we recently got a new digital scale that will tell you how much you weigh to within a tenth of a pound. I'm obsessed with this thing and I check it all the time. Not because I care how much weight I'm carrying - I'm not on a diet and frankly, I don't care what I weigh (welcome to the wonderful world of being a dude). No, I constantly look at it because am consumed with finding out how much weight I lose or gain while doing small activities. Walked down the driveway to pick up the mail - do you think that could be worth .1 of a pound? Oh, I ate a huge meal - I've got to be up 3 pounds after that. And, of course, I need to know the number after bathroom pit-stops (again, welcome to the world of a dude). The best part is that the scale doesn't give you a number right when you step on it. Instead you pick up a little controller, push a button and then it tells you the number, so you have the chance to guess how much your weight changed. It's like a game. For those of you wondering, my record shift came one afternoon after skipping breakfast, playing 9 holes of golf in 90 degree heat, making a pit-stop and weighing myself before lunch, at which point I was down eight pounds from the day before. Even I was surprised at how much that number dropped. Now, if you'll excuse me, I want to see how much weight I lose while typing a blog post.
-I have spent many a blog post deriding the reality TV show. I don't like the people on them who over-react to situations, the manufactured drama or the fact that there is very little actual 'reality' to be found. But, I have stumbled upon a reality show this season that (so far) has avoided most of those trappings. It's called Big Break and it's on the Golf Channel. The basic premise is that they take 11 golfers (this year it's female golfers) put them through a series of challenges to pick them off one by one until the last golfer standing gets a lot of money, an endorsement contract for new equipment and some sponsor exemptions into actual LPGA tournaments. What I like about this show is that it doesn't go too heavy on manufactured drama and instead focuses on the competition to create the tension. Yes, they have the contestants live in one house and use those tried and true editing techniques to try and make things appear more dramatic than they probably were at the time, but they don't try to get the people drunk and have them fight. The main focus is the golf and the drama comes from the strategy of game-planning. Also, the show moves quickly: there is first challenge to save one person who gets a prize, a second challenge to save all but two golfers and finally a third challenge between those two and the loser goes home. Very little downtime of people sitting around talking about each other behind their backs. It's probably helping me that I jumped in late with only seven golfers left and thus could keep track of everyone easier. The only downside is this: apparently this is the fourth of fifth season and so far none of the winners have done anything once they get to the pro circuits. They need someone to start doing something big with the opportunity they have been given or else it's going to turn into a sports version of American Idol where we care for that season and then forget about who wins just as quickly.
Because of this personality trait, it was probably not good that we recently got a new digital scale that will tell you how much you weigh to within a tenth of a pound. I'm obsessed with this thing and I check it all the time. Not because I care how much weight I'm carrying - I'm not on a diet and frankly, I don't care what I weigh (welcome to the wonderful world of being a dude). No, I constantly look at it because am consumed with finding out how much weight I lose or gain while doing small activities. Walked down the driveway to pick up the mail - do you think that could be worth .1 of a pound? Oh, I ate a huge meal - I've got to be up 3 pounds after that. And, of course, I need to know the number after bathroom pit-stops (again, welcome to the world of a dude). The best part is that the scale doesn't give you a number right when you step on it. Instead you pick up a little controller, push a button and then it tells you the number, so you have the chance to guess how much your weight changed. It's like a game. For those of you wondering, my record shift came one afternoon after skipping breakfast, playing 9 holes of golf in 90 degree heat, making a pit-stop and weighing myself before lunch, at which point I was down eight pounds from the day before. Even I was surprised at how much that number dropped. Now, if you'll excuse me, I want to see how much weight I lose while typing a blog post.
-I have spent many a blog post deriding the reality TV show. I don't like the people on them who over-react to situations, the manufactured drama or the fact that there is very little actual 'reality' to be found. But, I have stumbled upon a reality show this season that (so far) has avoided most of those trappings. It's called Big Break and it's on the Golf Channel. The basic premise is that they take 11 golfers (this year it's female golfers) put them through a series of challenges to pick them off one by one until the last golfer standing gets a lot of money, an endorsement contract for new equipment and some sponsor exemptions into actual LPGA tournaments. What I like about this show is that it doesn't go too heavy on manufactured drama and instead focuses on the competition to create the tension. Yes, they have the contestants live in one house and use those tried and true editing techniques to try and make things appear more dramatic than they probably were at the time, but they don't try to get the people drunk and have them fight. The main focus is the golf and the drama comes from the strategy of game-planning. Also, the show moves quickly: there is first challenge to save one person who gets a prize, a second challenge to save all but two golfers and finally a third challenge between those two and the loser goes home. Very little downtime of people sitting around talking about each other behind their backs. It's probably helping me that I jumped in late with only seven golfers left and thus could keep track of everyone easier. The only downside is this: apparently this is the fourth of fifth season and so far none of the winners have done anything once they get to the pro circuits. They need someone to start doing something big with the opportunity they have been given or else it's going to turn into a sports version of American Idol where we care for that season and then forget about who wins just as quickly.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Leftovers
-Just in time for the start of Shark Week, five Great White sharks were spotted off the coast of Massachusetts. Even though they were drawn in by a large number of seals, scientists were still puzzled as to why they were here so early, because Great Whites don't usually come into these waters until later in the year. However, rather than let this opportunity pass them by, a boatful of researchers went out determined to tag as many sharks as they could to collect data from them. They got one. That is a horrible percentage. Hell, a fishing boat tagged one almost by accident a month ago. The only conclusion I can draw is that the West Coast has recruited all the experienced, first-round draft pick taggers by now. Still, it makes me sad to know that Massachusetts apparently has the AA-level shark scientists.
-It was announced that the Little League World Series will give managers one challenge a game where they can ask for an instant replay review in the first six innings. Congratulations, Major League Baseball, you got beaten to the punch by an organization that can't even tell when a twelve year-old's birth certificate has been forged.
-I was sitting down the other day to cut the address labels off a couple month's worth of old magazines before we donated them because, while I am happy to give them to the local emergency room so people have something to read while they wait, I don't need those patients swinging by the house to thank us in person. Mostly it was "People" magazines, which gave me a chance to go on a quick trip down pop-culture memory lane. I don't know who Jake and Vienna are, but they sure seemed to fall out of love quickly. Two covers after professing their love for each other, their break-up was front-page news. If those crazy kids can't make it work, what chance do the rest of us have?
-Speaking of pop-culture people that I want to go away: who do I talk to about never getting another Lindsay Lohan in jail and/or rehab update? Seriously, updates on the some-of-the-time actress are usually at the top of the page for news updates and they all say the same basic thing: she's not enjoying her time. I have news for Lohan: it's jail. It's supposed to suck. That's kind of the point so that you don't want to keep going back.
-So, Jets' cornerback Darrelle Revis has decided that being one of the best cornerbacks in the NFL while simultaneously being the seventh-highest paid corner on his own team just isn't going to work for him and has begun what appears is going to be a lengthy holdout. It has gotten nasty quickly, with the Jets saying they've tried to talk to Revis's people and been rebuffed, while those same people have said the offers that the Jets made were insulting. As a Patriots fan, I think this is awesome and feel no sympathy for the Jets. Also, I think this could lead to the best season of Hard Knocks ever.
-It was announced that the Little League World Series will give managers one challenge a game where they can ask for an instant replay review in the first six innings. Congratulations, Major League Baseball, you got beaten to the punch by an organization that can't even tell when a twelve year-old's birth certificate has been forged.
-I was sitting down the other day to cut the address labels off a couple month's worth of old magazines before we donated them because, while I am happy to give them to the local emergency room so people have something to read while they wait, I don't need those patients swinging by the house to thank us in person. Mostly it was "People" magazines, which gave me a chance to go on a quick trip down pop-culture memory lane. I don't know who Jake and Vienna are, but they sure seemed to fall out of love quickly. Two covers after professing their love for each other, their break-up was front-page news. If those crazy kids can't make it work, what chance do the rest of us have?
-Speaking of pop-culture people that I want to go away: who do I talk to about never getting another Lindsay Lohan in jail and/or rehab update? Seriously, updates on the some-of-the-time actress are usually at the top of the page for news updates and they all say the same basic thing: she's not enjoying her time. I have news for Lohan: it's jail. It's supposed to suck. That's kind of the point so that you don't want to keep going back.
-So, Jets' cornerback Darrelle Revis has decided that being one of the best cornerbacks in the NFL while simultaneously being the seventh-highest paid corner on his own team just isn't going to work for him and has begun what appears is going to be a lengthy holdout. It has gotten nasty quickly, with the Jets saying they've tried to talk to Revis's people and been rebuffed, while those same people have said the offers that the Jets made were insulting. As a Patriots fan, I think this is awesome and feel no sympathy for the Jets. Also, I think this could lead to the best season of Hard Knocks ever.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Don't Vote For Me
There was a mini-scandal this week when it was revealed that Massachusetts Senator John Kerry was trying to avoid paying sales and excise taxes on his $7 million boat by buying and then docking it in Rhode Island. I say mini-scandal because while it made some waves on the national news, it was barely a blip here in Massachusetts. I think I know why: while I understand that it doesn't look good when a Senator actively tries to circumvent the tax laws of his own state, I don't think any Massachusetts resident can get too mad at Kerry for doing this, because we have all done this kind of thing ourselves. It would be very hypocritical. I bought my truck in Rhode Island and there is a reason that there is a huge mall right over the border from Massachusetts in tax-free New Hampshire. Those stores do a good chunk of their business from all the consumers who want to save some money on high-ticket items and it was getting so bad that the state had to start enacting "tax-free holidays" in an attempt to stop Massachusetts money from funnelling into other states. Still, Kerry isn't a normal citizen. This is one of those "higher standard" moments that make me realise I never want to be a State Senator. I'm perfectly content to fly under the radar, save myself some money and not have it end up in the newspaper.
-Speaking of my Rhode Island-bought truck, I have never been one of those people that is maniacal about keeping my vehicle shining. I strive to keep the inside clean, but I've never felt the need to be able to see my own reflection in the hood at all time. What I do instead it spend one day going all-out: cleaning, vacuuming, washing and buffing my way to a showroom-level shine, at which point I'm good and don't do it again for a year. I normally like to get to it before now, but between a very rainy June and an extremely hot July, I didn't have a chance until yesterday. Anyway, one of the last things I do is clean the tires so they have that shiny, "new tire" look (ironic, considering that two of the tires are, in fact, new). I wanted to make sure that I was using the product correctly and read the directions on the back. What caught my eye was actually the warning label. As with any cleaning chemicals, it had the typical "Don't Eat, Don't get in your eye" kind of thing. But, there was another part of the directions that said, "Do Not Use In Windy Conditions." I've never even heard of that kind of warning. What the hell is in this bottle that is so strong you don't even want to risk it accidentally blowing away and landing on something important? As you can imagine I don't need my tires to look that good and simply washed the rims without the chemicals.
-The other night I started to watch a documentary called Bigger, Stronger, Faster. It was about the steroid culture in this country and was pretty much an hour and half of 5'3" men trying to justify why it was ok for people to take steroids. (The old "Cigarettes kill thousands of people a year and they're legal!" argument was quite popular.) But, their addict-like stereotype of continually making excuses for their behavior wasn't what caught my attention. No, what stayed with me was one exchange between a father and his son who was playing football at college and couldn't keep up with his teammates who were on the juice. The son called the father and asked for money for steroids. The father said he wasn't going to send him money for drugs and if he wanted steroids he should get a job. Let's pause for a second here: remember a couple months back when I told you the story about the kid who ran onto the field in Philadelphia and got tasered for his trouble? He called his dad before he started running and asked his dad if he could. That kid's father just said, "I don't think you should." He never told the kid a flat-out "no", which was probably the smart thing to do. Just like the steroid-taker's father never told his son he shouldn't be taking steroids, he just told him he wouldn't be the one paying for them. The point being, there are some stupid parents out there.
-Speaking of my Rhode Island-bought truck, I have never been one of those people that is maniacal about keeping my vehicle shining. I strive to keep the inside clean, but I've never felt the need to be able to see my own reflection in the hood at all time. What I do instead it spend one day going all-out: cleaning, vacuuming, washing and buffing my way to a showroom-level shine, at which point I'm good and don't do it again for a year. I normally like to get to it before now, but between a very rainy June and an extremely hot July, I didn't have a chance until yesterday. Anyway, one of the last things I do is clean the tires so they have that shiny, "new tire" look (ironic, considering that two of the tires are, in fact, new). I wanted to make sure that I was using the product correctly and read the directions on the back. What caught my eye was actually the warning label. As with any cleaning chemicals, it had the typical "Don't Eat, Don't get in your eye" kind of thing. But, there was another part of the directions that said, "Do Not Use In Windy Conditions." I've never even heard of that kind of warning. What the hell is in this bottle that is so strong you don't even want to risk it accidentally blowing away and landing on something important? As you can imagine I don't need my tires to look that good and simply washed the rims without the chemicals.
-The other night I started to watch a documentary called Bigger, Stronger, Faster. It was about the steroid culture in this country and was pretty much an hour and half of 5'3" men trying to justify why it was ok for people to take steroids. (The old "Cigarettes kill thousands of people a year and they're legal!" argument was quite popular.) But, their addict-like stereotype of continually making excuses for their behavior wasn't what caught my attention. No, what stayed with me was one exchange between a father and his son who was playing football at college and couldn't keep up with his teammates who were on the juice. The son called the father and asked for money for steroids. The father said he wasn't going to send him money for drugs and if he wanted steroids he should get a job. Let's pause for a second here: remember a couple months back when I told you the story about the kid who ran onto the field in Philadelphia and got tasered for his trouble? He called his dad before he started running and asked his dad if he could. That kid's father just said, "I don't think you should." He never told the kid a flat-out "no", which was probably the smart thing to do. Just like the steroid-taker's father never told his son he shouldn't be taking steroids, he just told him he wouldn't be the one paying for them. The point being, there are some stupid parents out there.
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