On Soccer

You know, soccer, I want to take you seriously. Really, I do. You are the most popular sport world-wide and being a fan of you will only be to my benefit. It will be an instant personal connection with millions of people and only add to my sports knowledge on trivia night. Also, it has everything a sports fan in today's world looks for: quick action, no commercials until halftime and a time limit that guarantees you know pretty much right when the game will end and thus you can plan your night accordingly. But, I'm going to have a hard time taking you seriously as long as you keep deciding major championship games on the basis of penalty kicks. Last night's MLS game between the Los Angeles Galaxy and Real Salt Lake (and you thought "Jazz" was a weird name for a team in Utah) ultimately came down to penalty kicks, which Real Salt Lake won, 5-4.

Now, we won't get into the fact that Real even got into the playoffs with a losing record (11-12-7), because every league has issues with that. Teams at .500 have made the playoffs in both baseball and football. But, I don't like a gimmick like penalty kicks deciding who wins a league championship. You're completely taking any aspects of defense or team passing out the equation. Say what you will about pro football's overtime system (and I have) but at least with that you need to play good special teams and defense, or else you won't see the ball again. This is the equivalent of deciding the World Series on a homerun derby. I'm not saying don't use penalty kicks at all - during the regular season it makes sense not to make people stick around for hours on end for a meaningless game in May. But playoff overtime hockey is some of the most intense action in all of sports because they play until a real goal is scored. You would be wise to re-think your strategy is all I'm saying. I mean, if you at least switched to corner kicks you could involve both sides and the championship isn't decided simply because the goalie guessed wrong.

-Shockingly, the French decided against a replay. Why is it that I have this vision of the Irish Soccer Federation at the airport, waiting for the French response to their request for a replay of the World Cup Qualifier looking exactly like Russell Crowe during the first 3 minutes of Gladiator? Then I envision a headless body falling out of the plane as the Irish Prime Minister sighs dejectedly, adding, "They say no."