Just Tell Me When I Need Gas

I have frequently used this space to compose love letters to my Mountaineer - how I love all the bells and whistles that make me happy (like the digital compass, sunroof and radio that will tell me the title and artist of the song currently on the radio), but have nothing to do with the actual performance of the vehicle. They are just the little perks that add to the driving experience. For example, Tuesday it was a temperature that allowed me to turn off the air conditioning, open the sunroof, roll down the windows, crank up the radio and just cruise. Days like that are among my favorite moments we get here in the Fall months in the Northeast and they are vastly improved when you are in a vehicle that is awesome. However, there is one thing about my truck that I could do without: the up-to-the-second gas gauge.

You see, the gas gauge in my truck could charitably be classified as 'sensitive.' Rather than simply give me a rough idea of how much gas is left in the tank once I get to around a quarter of a tank remaining, the gauge strives to be extremely accurate at all times. As a result, the gas needle is constantly bouncing up and down depending on things like how fast I'm going, how long I have been at that speed and how much fuel is at the section of the tank where the meter is. It's that last part the gets me because I have discovered the trick: if the front of my truck is tilted downhill is shows that I have less gas and it shows I have more gas if I'm driving up a hill. (Which, if you stop and think about it - and clearly I have - is the opposite of how you would expect that to work.) The only way to accurately determine how much gas I have before I run out is to find a stretch of road that is level and then drive on it for a couple of miles. While that sounds easy enough, do you know how many roads in Massachusetts are really and truly level? Let me tell you something, people: not many.

It's not that I don't appreciate the effort for accuracy, it is just that this constant shift in how much gas I have at my disposal usually serves to give me a heart attack because, as any guy out there will tell you, running out of gas is one of male society's greatest fears. There is something about the idea of someone having to come to our aid because of something so trivial that makes us want to avoid it at all costs. This fear is even greater if you are not a 'car guy'. While you might have made peace with the fact you have no idea how to fix a broken axle or make a timing belt out of a shoelace, even the most oblivious guy should be able to handle putting gas in a car when the needle approaches E. The other reason the constant changing gets to me is because, as any one who knows me is aware of, I am a double and triple-checker, so my eyes are glued to that gauge once I hit a quarter of a tank. And there is nothing worse than driving along, passing a sign that says "Next Exit: Last Gas For 50 Miles", checking that I have at least a quarter of a tank of gas left, only to look down again four seconds later and seeing the needle below E because I happen to be on a slight incline. Now I have to cross four lanes of traffic to get to the gas station, only to have the gas needle tell me once I arrive I have half a tank left because the exit ramp was downhill.

Now, I know what you're saying: "Tom, just get gas whenever the needle gets to a quarter of a tank! Problem solved!" Oh, if only it were that simple. Because, you see, there is another part of the male brain that is constantly chiming in when we are behind the wheel - the "let's see how far we can go on one tank of gas" section. Guys love to push the envelope to the point of almost running out of gas, but not actually doing it. I happen to know that my truck comes with a 20 gallon tank. If I stop to top off my tank and put in less than 17 gallons I feel like a giant failure. "Pansy," the Push-the-Limit side of my brain will say. "You're only in Worcester, you could have made it home without getting gas." Hopefully my next vehicle will come with one of those new displays tells you exactly how far you can go with the gas you have left. At least that way I will be able to drive up Mount Washington without thinking I have to stop for gas every 50 miles.