An Act Of Tree-son

A couple of weeks ago, a man called into an Alabama sports talk radio station claiming that following the Iron Bowl (the annual meeting between the University of Auburn and Alabama, won this season by Auburn), he went to the campus of Auburn University and poisoned the famous 130 year-old oak trees at Toomer's Corner. Then, just in case you were wondering why someone would do such a thing, he ended his call with "Roll damn Tide." Horticulturists at Auburn conducted tests on the soil and found that the trees had, in fact, been poisoned. They say that the trees will most likely die within a couple of months and even if they don't die, they will still be severely damaged. After the tests were concluded, police managed to go back and trace the call to the radio station, ultimately arresting a 62 year-old man. According to this guy's Facebook page (really, if you're going to commit a crime, erase your page first) he used to work for the Texas State Police, has a daughter named Crimson and a son named Bear. Clearly, he's a little obsessed with the Crimson Tide. What is not apparent from the page is whether or not he actually went to the University of Alabama, but I would bet against it.

I don't know why this story bothers me so much, but it does. I guess it has to do with the fact that one whack job has decided to mess with an entire group of people's tradition and as a man who both has his own traditions and respects other people's, it really gets to me when someone doesn't. And while I'm all for a little hazing of a rival, this is more than just causing some property damage by stealing a statue or mascot costume - these things are going to be gone forever. You see, Toomer's Corner is where students gather after big victories. It's part celebration, part bonding. I used to know a girl who went to Auburn and she always talked about how special a place it was, saying once that she wanted to have her wedding pictures taken under the trees. Clearly, if you went to Auburn this is about a lot more than just a couple of oak trees. (Although, ESPN, you're starting to press your luck with this story. Let's not make this into a national tragedy on par with the death of a human.) Another reason this seems ridiculous is that I've always been a guy who believes in measured responses. Reportedly what angered this man so much was an Auburn fan placing a Cam Newton jersey on the statue of Bear Bryant. Feels like he went way overboard with the retaliation. If someone does something to you which ranks as a one on the hazing scale, your response does not need to be a twelve.

So far the man has only been charged with a few minor crimes, though he could face more should the trees actually die. And, with an on-air confession on tape, it could be tough to prove he is innocent. (Though you have to question if he would even want to plead not guilty, as from the audio clip I head he seemed pretty pleased with himself.) Oh, and this afternoon his road to freedom got a little harder when his public defender asked to be removed from the case. You see, the lawyer has a slight conflict of interest - he happens to be a part-time professor at Auburn. I guess removing yourself is a better than the alternative of just giving the man sub-par legal advice or pleading guilty to a bunch of crimes he didn't even commit. That would be some world-class rival hazing.