The Light Switch Challenge

When I was still working in sports talk the one week everyone dreaded was baseball's All-Star break, because it meant there was absolutely nothing going on. With every other sport in the offseason, baseball is already the only game in town and then for four days all you've got going on is a homerun derby that lost its appeal 15 years ago and a game that doesn't count (I don't care what anyone says). This year will be even worse because not only will there not be any games to discuss, but there also won't be any potential off-season moves to distract us, as both the NFL and NBA will probably still be in lock-out mode.

Therefore, the thing we always did during that week was to think of some kind of inane topic that the hosts could throw out there, where the discussion could last for hours. Something just controversial enough that it would get the people to call in and keep talking, but not anything that was going to get someone fired. Going off the Jerry Seinfeld logic that sports is nothing more than rooting for laundry and a rival becomes a fan favorite the second he signs with the hometown team, the question I always wanted the hosts to ask was, "Is there one athlete you dislike enough that if your team traded for them, you would stop being a fan until they left?" Alas, no one ever took my suggestion and asked it on the air.

Still, I love questions like that which you can ask anytime a conversation hits a lull and it will reveal a lot about the person through their answer. (Clearly, as evidenced by this blog, I just like inane things in general.) Then, a couple weeks ago I was reading Drew Magary's mailbag column when a reader tossed a doozy of a question in his direction: If some eccentric millionaire offered to give you $70,000 should you be able to successfully go through your home and correctly tell them what every single light switch controlled, would you be able to?

It's an interesting question, because I don't think people ever take the time to memorize this kind stuff. Naturally, if you're in a small room you don't need to worry, because there is only so much it could control, but as a result of not having to remember this kind of thing because there is no consequence for being wrong, very few of us ever do. As you would expect, this got my brain churning about my own abilities. At first I thought I would do well, but then the more I thought about it I realised I wouldn't make it out of the hallway.

Next to the front door is one of those panels with two switches: one for the outside light and one for the inside light. Even with a 50/50 shot I never remember which does which, so there is no way I would get those right under pressure. Actually, I'm not sure thing even when my choices are limited: I was down the beach house a couple weeks back and totally forgot that one bedside lamp was controlled by the light switch next to the door. I was about to replace the light bulb before finally remembering I had to flick a switch for the light to have power.

Clearly, I shouldn't start to think about how I would spend my prize money, but what about you: how confident would you be that you will know for sure what every light switch in your home turns on?