Weekly Sporties

-Every year ESPN goes all-out to try and make people watch the ESPYs. In the last couple of years they've started doing a pre-show red carpet broadcast and having the "SportsCenter" set out front of the theatre. Still, no one watches this show. It's starting to remind me of that one guy who goes all out for his yearly Christmas party, fully unaware that everyone in his office spends the day whining about how much they don't want to go and trying to figure out their excuses for leaving after an hour.

-In an attempt to get back to its Southern roots, NASCAR held their first-ever Sprint Cup Series race in Kentucky this week. While the race itself went off without much of a hitch, the same can not be said for the area around the track. Apparently, they weren't ready to handle all the cars that come with a sell-out crowd of nearly 200,000 people, resulting in a 20-mile traffic jam, spectators getting turned away because of full parking lots and people spending as much as six hours in their cars before they could leave once it was over. As such words like "logistical nightmare" are being thrown around. But, hey, they way I look at it they got lucky - NASCAR fans love cars. This was just extra bonding time.

-With the NFL lockout winding down (an agreement is expected within a week), people are beginning to look towards the free-agency frenzy that will erupt when teams try to cram four months of transactions into a one-week window. One of the big names out there is that of Randy Moss. Moss's agent claims that Randy is in 'freakishly' good shape for the upcoming season. That's got to make Patriot, Viking and Titan fans feel good. Being paid million last season wasn't enough motivation. Now Randy wants to prove he's still got it.

-Following last week's fight with a Baltimore pitcher, David Ortiz was suspended four games for charging the mound and throwing a couple of punches. Ortiz has since said he will appeal the suspension. Here is what I have always wondered when I hear about players appealing this kind of stuff: what, exactly, are you basing your defense on? The entire incident was captured on video for all to see at five different angles and in super-slow-motion. Everyone is well aware of what happened. It is not like you can introduce new evidence. I don't have high hopes for his suspension being reduced.

-Speaking of appeals and such, Roger Clemens's perjury trial was thrown out this week after just two days of court proceedings because the government lawyers repeatedly showed inadmissible evidence to the jury. It was a mistake that the judge said a first-year law student wouldn't make. This makes me believe that even the lawyers know what an annoying process this entire exercise has been and don't want to be a part of it anymore. I really hope the government doesn't decide to keep this waste of time and money going. However, I just want to make something clear to Roger Clemens: just because you weren't convicted it doesn't mean you won. You're still not getting into the Hall of Fame. As we all learned last week with the Casey Anthony verdict, when it comes to the court of public opinion 'not guilty' is not the same as 'innocent'.

-There is a rash of NBA players saying they would consider going to play overseas if the NBA lockout continues into next season. If I'm the owners, I totally call their bluff on this one. First off, there is a limit to the number of foreign-born players these teams are allowed to have. Secondly, these players would be looking at about 1/10th of their normal pay and that's only when the checks actually clear (which doesn't happen as often as you might think). Frankly, after a couple months of playing in high school gyms with crowds throwing batteries and fireworks at them, the players might finally realise how good they have it.

-In anticipation of the World Cup arriving in 2022, the country of Qatar has been busy building new stadiums. The problem is they are having some issues getting these indoor stadiums to cool enough. While 90 degrees indoors might seem like an improvement when the average temperature outside is 120, that is still too hot for a sporting event to take place. In response people have started to float some radical solutions such as playing 3, 30-minute periods instead of the normal 45-minute halves. Considering people are pretty sure that Qatar was only given the World Cup because they bought it, this kind of solution makes FIFA look even more idiotic. Just in case you're wondering what the scale is, when the place you have picked as the host of the premier event of your sport might need to change the rules that have been in place for 300 years, you made a dumb-ass decision.