Failing Never Felt So Good

A few days ago I was talking about how spring had sprung in the area and even though I do not like high temperatures I was very quick to pat myself on the back since I didn't run to turn on the air conditioning just because it had gotten slightly hot, slightly quickly. Well, my self-control apparently only applies to days in the high 70s and as today was going to be near 90 I seriously contemplated turning on the A/C. Still, I wanted to hold off for as long as I could because if my air conditioning was humming before the calendar flipped to June it was a clear signal that this was going to be a really long summer. (On top of that it can be kind of a pain to install the window units in the rooms without any A/C vents. It really is the kind of project you should do well before you need it to be done, but that only happens when you are smart enough to think it through. Ironically, getting very hot while carrying the units up the stairs is enough to sway you into turning the A/C on.) So, I had decided that I was going to see if I could hold out for the day and not crank up the air conditioning unless things got unbearable. Just using fans to move the air I was fine as the day started and as I left my house to do errands I was convinced I would make it because thanks to a breeze I hadn't even had to turn it on in my car. I had convinced myself the 91 degree my dashboard was telling me wasn't very hot at all. Everything was going really well, right up until I went into a store whose manager didn't possess my level of self-control.

I have no idea why I do these kind of silly self-challenges, but I do them all the time. The majority of them are so stupid and inconsequential I don't even want to admit to anyone else they are even taking place, but some I end up taking far more seriously and eventually I feel like it would be a huge failure to stop them (which is why I've been posting on this blog for 1,600+ days in a row). The only comfort I can take is from the knowledge that I am far from the only human who does this. I mean, history is literally filled with people who did things for no real good reason and many of the challenges which started as nothing more than a quest for personal glory have turned out great for all of us. Think about it - as far as I know no one order Christopher Columbus to sail across the ocean to find a shorter route to India, he just wanted to do it probably to test himself, which is why he had such a hard time convincing people to give him ships and money. (It should be pointed out he also failed but no one would have known that part if he hadn't been so public with his intentions. Plus, people are pretty quick to forgive you when you accidentally land on a country no one in your land knew existed.) I know my goal of sweating through this mini heatwave is not on the same level, but the principle is the same.

Anyway, because I do these all the time I have found that the key to these kinds of little tests of self-control is to not press your luck and tempt yourself because that is when resolve fails. If you are trying to diet don't tell yourself you will eat just one scoop of ice cream because we both know that as soon as it hits your lips you will be going back for a second and third scoop. The better recipe for success is to avoid it completely and not remind yourself what you are missing, so out of sight and out of mind is the better course of action. This meant that if I wanted to convince myself it wasn't hot enough for air conditioning I needed to stay out of places where it was on. In that regards a store was probably a bad idea, because those guys turn on their A/C at the drop of a hat and the store I was in had to be run by polar bears, because it was downright frosty... and it felt great. As I walked in I immediately felt refreshed by the cooler temperatures and found myself stopping to look at things for much longer than I probably needed to because I was in no hurry to walk back out. It was at that moment I realized just how stupid I was for depriving myself of perfectly good air conditioning for no reason. That first step back into the heat was like someone had turned their hair dryer on in my face and I knew that as soon as I got back home the windows were being closed and the A/C was coming on.

As my house quickly started to cool down I felt much better and actually got a lot more done in the afternoon than I had in the morning because I wasn't pausing every few seconds to think about how hot I was feeling or debate whether leaving the fan stationary or allowing it to oscillate back and forth was going to give me an extra degree of cold. Still, I felt a somewhat bad about how my little self-challenge hadn't even survived 10 hours. But then I reminded myself the wonderful thing about most self-challenges - you're the only one who knows you failed (well, in this case you guys also know, but that is because I have little-to-no self control about sharing most aspects of my life). But, it is not like by caving and turning on the A/C some charity will no longer get the money it needs to put a new roof on the orphanage or anything quite so important. In fact, the only way this is an issue is if I allow it become a precedent, which I do not want. I mean, it is one thing to fail in what is essentially an inconsequential challenge, it is another issue entirely when I start quickly allowing myself to opt out of the things which matter. I certainly wouldn't want that to happen in the future... but I have to admit that is a problem for another time and right now I am too cool to care.