"I Need An Adult!"

Yesterday afternoon I had just finished up my final preparations before the Trick-or-Treaters started showing up (making sure there were no wet leaves on the driveway and such) and was heading out to the shed to put everything away. Now, my shed is no different from any other shed in the universe in that it is full of creatures I would rather it not be full of. Given all the droppings I have found while putting the lawnmower away as well as the fact that bags of birdseed have been chewed through I know there are a couple of creatures which have made it their home along with many insects. While not pleased with this knowledge, I can at least accept it as long as they hide when I am around (it's a respect thing - don't shove it in my face). I'm sure I could clean everything out of the shed, seal every crack and make it animal-proof, but that seems like overkill considering the shed mostly hold lawn tools and not perishable items. The point is, every time I am in there I know I am not alone, I just don't like to dwell on this fact. Unfortunately, life has a way of shoving this stuff in my face. I was going to put a few things into the shed and as I was reaching to turn out the light I noticed what I thought was a piece of plastic which had broken and started to melt away. You see, the face plate for the switch has cracked and half of it is missing, so the electrical box itself is exposed. I was concerned melting plastic could mean something was wrong with the wiring. It was only when I went in for a closer inspect that I realized it was not a piece of plastic... it was a tail.

Because of its dark color at that moment I wasn't sure whether it was attached to a snake or a mouse, but it didn't really matter because it is not like discovering it was one or the other would make me feel any better in this situations. What I was sure of at that moment was I wanted just about anyone else to take care of this. One of the things I have learned as I have gotten older is that there are certain things I would gladly pay a total stranger to take care of. Normally they just involve basic labor that I just don't feel like doing anymore, such as raking or stripping wallpaper, so it seems almost obvious that pulling a dead animal out of an electrical socket would be on that list as well. However, even I would admit that seems like a waste of time and money. (Plus, who would I call: electrician or exterminator?) The more rational part of my brain was worried that if I left the creature in there for too long it would do something insane like burst into flames, so I figured I should just man up and get this over with. Still, there was nothing about the situation which said I had to be quick about it. Thus, I went in the house to stall for as long as humanly possible. You remember being back in high school and putting off homework by doing such time-sensitive tasks as organizing your sock drawer? Well, that was me times a thousand in this instance. I knew I didn't want to touch whatever this thing was which meant I had to find a pair of pliers. Then I wanted to kill the power to the shed in case this thing was electrocuted. (Overkill? Absolutely. But, it killed about two extra minutes.) Then I had to dig up a flashlight and a screwdriver to take the face plate off. My plan of inaction was working quite well.

Unfortunately this was a small enough job that it didn't really need many tools. I had soon rounded up all my supplies and could stall no longer. As I approached the outlet I took a couple good swings at the top of it, just to make sure whatever was inside it was dead. This was going to be unpleasant enough as it was, I didn't need to add to it by having something shrieking at me in terror and squirming while I was trying to get it out. Once I got the face plate off I was able to confirm that it was indeed a mouse which had wedged itself in the outlet. This left me with more questions than answers because first I am not sure if this thing electrocuted itself or simply crawled in, got stuck and died. But, the better question was just what did this thing hope to accomplish with this stunt? The body of the mouse was severely twisted down, under and then starting to come back up under the light switch half of the outlet. While I am impressed with the mouse's flexibility it doesn't change the fact that there is no food in this outlet, or in the entire shed for that matter. Where was this mouse trying to go? Also, how did it get into the outlet in the first place as the box sits in the middle of the wall, with no easy point of access if you were climbing. A common theme on this blog it is not what a thing is but where it is that makes the story and where this little mouse met his demise tells there was a lot more to this story which I will never know.

With the plate removed and the power off now it was just a matter of pulling the damn thing out. I don't know if you have ever touched a mouse's tail but even through the handles of the pliers that squishy feeling was enough to send a chill down my spine. The good news is that with the face plate gone I didn't have to worry about trying to get it back the way it came but it wasn't like I could just grab and yank because I didn't know how long this thing had been dead and the last thing I wanted was for the tail to come off and the mouse to remain mangled around the wires. Fortunately the universe was somewhat on my side (though if it was really on my side the mouse would have crawled around in someone else's shed) and the mouse came out largely intact. But because this all happened on Halloween you know it wouldn't end on such a high note as the four or five spiders who had begun making a meal out of the mouse came tumbling out of the outlet after it. Seriously, all we were missing was a snake to complete my wonderful afternoon. After that I just threw the mouse into the woods, close enough to send a message to the other mice that my shed is not their home but far enough away that if the rest of his group goes looking for him they will get lost and never come back. I know this much - if they ever do manage to find their way back into my shed the first thing they are going to notice is a new face plate covering that outlet.