At Least He's Working...

It's always frustrating to know a face, but not where you know it from. As I have been lying around letting the poison ivy medication do it's thing (I'll tell you the whole story when the story has reached it's end), I have been watching a lot of TV and I keep seeing this one Staples ad where a customer keeps getting annoyed because another customer keeps yelling about low prices over and over again. I knew I knew the annoyed actor from somewhere, but I could not remember from where. I could even picture him sitting at a computer in some movie. Now, this happens a lot, but since I've got the time on my hands this week I was determined to find out where I knew this guy from. I don't want to tell you how long it took me to find out his name, but I did finally track it down (Joey Slotnick) and IMDB page.

I'm not sure how I feel for Mr. Slotnick, because this guy had some appearances in a couple big movies through the years and keeps popping up on TV shows, so you would have to figure he keeps getting checks. But, there has always been a stigma about actors doing commercials so you know he would rather be doing anything else. After all, there has to be a reason that big-name actors like Brad Pitt and George Clooney will only agree to do TV ads if they will only be seen overseas. But, Slotnick seems to have been working pretty steadily thorough the years, so maybe they just offered him so much money he felt he couldn't turn them down or maybe he has family who could use a large discount on office supplies. Either way, at least I can stop trying to remember where I knew him from.

-The Masters kicks off tomorrow, so here is my official preview: I don't expect Tiger to win, but I do expect him to be in contention. I think Woods will have a rough go the first 4 holes, before snapping his head back into the game and finishing in the top 25. My pick for the win is Padraig Harrington. Harrington is playing well, but also staying far enough under the radar that he comes in with no pressure and could sneak to the 54 hole lead. Plus, he's never won this tournament and if he wins it would be his 4th Major, putting him second only to Tiger for Major wins by an active player. He mentioned the other day he was well aware of that stat, so I bet he's very motivated to distance himself from everyone else. Then again, I'm completely guessing.

Couple Fast Ones

I'm still covered in poison ivy and so I don't feel like writing a ton, so you're just getting a couple quickies today to keep the "Drive For 500" alive.

-You know, all the love that Pedro Martinez got on Opening Night is going to make it really awkward when he signs with a team like the Angels in mid-July, comes back for a big game and gets booed. You know he doesn't think of himself as retired, so he'll wait and see which teams are contenders before signing in the middle of the season, just like last year. I like this new mercenary phenomenon that has come around with aging pitchers in the last couple of years. I think baseball players should just all sign one-year deals - it would make July a lot more interesting.

-I was really surprised that Donovan McNabb was traded in the division, but I guess that speaks to the level of confidence that the Eagles have in not only Kevin Kolb, but also their defense playing him twice a year. The Patriots did this with Drew Bledsoe and after the first game it never bothered them again. But, on the other side of the coin, the Packers fought tooth and nail to keep Favre out of the division and now we know why.

-Hey, Basketball Writers of America, great job on putting Dennis Johnson in the Hall of Fame. Sure, you're only about 8 years too late, but I'm sure you thought putting coaches no one had heard of before into the Hall of Fame was a more pressing matter.

This Sucks

Remember how I said I like yard work? Well, I forgot that yard work doesn't always like me, because of poison ivy. I'm extremely allergic and if I just look at this stuff I break out. Normally I can just deal with it and move on, but this particular outbreak has spread to my face. I'm red, swollen and look like I got punched in the right eye. Fortunately it's not itchy, just swollen. Still, it has not been a good day.

Opening Day/Night

So, today is Opening Day for the Red Sox, marking the beginning of the two weeks that I care intensely about baseball, which ends as soon as the Celtics start the playoffs. [Sidebar: the caring begins again once the Celtics are eliminated and ends pretty much for good once Patriot's Training Camp starts. Really, I would like to care more, but there are just too many games during baseball season. Also, it should be noted that while my "not caring" leaves me at a 4 out of 10 on the interest scale, but when it comes to sports my 4 is equal to most people's 8.] Now, as much as I enjoy the sideshow that goes along with Opening Day, I think that there will be a few things missing from it this year.

The first thing you are missing is that it is happening on a weekend. Opening Day is one of those rare days that isn't actually a holiday, but no one will say anything if you treat it like it is one at work. It lessens some of the importance of the game when it could just be like any other day of the rest of the season. The other problem is that the game isn't starting until 8 pm. Here in the Northeast it still gets pretty cold at night during spring and even though today is warm, that doesn't mean it won't still be chilly in Fenway around midnight, which is when a typical Sox/Yankee game gets to the 7th inning stretch. Afternoon games are the best in April and May, where it doesn't start to chill until the game is over. Lastly, I don't think Opening Day should ever be a game between the Sox and the Yankees because each one of those games is an event unto themselves - they don't need the extra boost that comes from Opening Day. [Extra sidebar: Not that I'm a Yankee sympathiser, but they seem to be getting a raw deal here. When was the last time the World Champions had to open their season on the road against their biggest rival? What ever happened to the victors getting the spoils?] With all that being said, I am still excited for tonight's opening festivities and game.

As for the Red Sox outlook this season, I am concerned that they didn't go out and add some power to the lineup. I know that Matt Holliday was the big fish this offseason and while I wouldn't have wanted the Sox to throw a big contract his way, but they still could have made a trade for a bat. Given the signing of John Lackey, it's not like they wouldn't have had a pitcher or two to make a deal with. I appreciate Theo's idea of pitching and defense leading the way, but that can lead to a lot of 4-3 wins and if a starter has a bad first inning and the Sox find themselves down 5 runs, I'm not totally sure they have the offense to make up that kind of deficit. You have to think that Ortiz's days of being a feared hitter are behind him. They could have used more protection in the line-up. Still, if everyone stays healthy the rotation will get them 90+ wins and into the playoffs, which is really all you want. You can't win the Series without first making the playoffs. I still think the Yankees will be a major hurdle, but I didn't fear them last year and I don't think they are significantly better this year. A third World Series Title in the last seven seasons is not out of the question.

Ode To An Alligator

Met with an absolutely gorgeous day I figured I should begin the process of cleaning up the yard after a tough winter. With the exception of raking, I actually like most yard work. I find it very satisfying to get a project done, especially one which makes things noticeably better immediately. It also helps that there are often fun tools to use to get those projects done. Today I was trying to clear a section of the yard that has been over-run by thorn vines. Now, more on those vines in a second, but to clear the area I used the Black & Decker Alligator and I have to say that this thing was really cool. It is basically a small electric chainsaw with guards on either side to make it work more like a clipper than anything else. It's small enough to get close to the ground to take out vines, but has enough power to take out bigger saplings. I wish I had taken a before picture to show you how much it cleared out, but you'll just have to take my word for it when I tell you it did an outstanding job. Plus, it has a picture of an alligator on the saw, which just looks cool.
-These vines that I had to fight with were driving me crazy. I have no idea what these things were, but I can tell you they were annoying. They were a purple color, only produced thorns (no flowers) and they were everywhere. In one instance there was literally an inch of dirt between two rocks and there were vines growing in that one inch. I can't imagine that anyone would ever plant these on purpose because they didn't look good or seem very inviting. I mean, even a medieval king trying to repel commoners would have thought planting these things was a dick move. But, on the comedy side of things, every time I recoiled my hand after getting pricked by a thorn my father would point out that getting a tattoo probably hurt a lot more. Makes you feel good when that is the jumping-off point on the pain scale.

This Is Great... Let's Wreck It

As I wrote when it started, I happen to love the first days of the NCAA tournament. I find them to be two of the best sports days on the calendar. I actually like the entire concept of the NCAA tournament. I think that having an open competition where everyone starts on (mostly) equal footing with an even chance to win is exactly what you want in college and amateur athletics. Now, sure, every year there is a team or two who can complain about being left out the brackets, but I've always felt that if you took care of your business during the regular season then you don't have anything to worry about. Besides, the teams who are borderline entries are rarely able to make deep runs anyway. Basically, the tournament is as close to perfect as we can get in college sports today... which is why it is so terrible that the NCAA Presidents seem determined to mess it up.

Currently there is a proposal to expand the tournament to 96 teams, which would give the top eight seeds in every bracket a bye and would expand the tournament a couple extra days. On the surface there doesn't seem much wrong with this because it really just means more basketball for everyone. However, it is not like you are letting in more quality teams. All you are really doing is letting in a few more small schools be fodder for the high seeds and allowing more bad teams from major conferences to save face by saying they have made the NCAA tournament. Also, I don't like the higher seeds getting byes, because I feel like this gives them an unfair advantage with a couple extra days rest. Basically, they want to wreck what might be the best aspect of the sport. Plus, I just don't see why they are messing with a good thing when there are other things they should be addressing first. I have never heard a single complaint before this year or anyone calling to expand the tournament, but every year people complain about the BCS from August - January. The BCS remains, but they want to mess with the NCAA Tournament just to make even more money (none of which, by the way, would lower tuition costs). It is such a mistake which, sadly, makes it pretty much inevitable.

-I don't pretend to be a gun guy. I don't own a gun and can't see any reason that I would own a gun in the future. (Maybe if I got a sweet gun rack or something, but that seems unlikely.) The point is, I don't want one, but if you want a gun and you a licensed to carry in your state, then it is your right to have one. But with that being said: Shaun Rogers, if you have so many guns that you forget where they all are and accidentally try to bring one on a plane, then it may be time to take a step back and re-assess whether or not you own too many guns. Also, I would recommend taking a gun safety class as soon as you get out of jail.

They're Getting Bolder

Remember back when 'product placement' was one of those terms that only people who worked in entertainment would know? We could watch movies and be mildly surprised when we saw one of the people onscreen drinking out of a Dunkin Donuts cup, thinking that it was just a coincidence - completely unaware that the reality was Dunkin had paid millions upon millions of dollars to have their cup onscreen for 30 seconds. If the actor was driving a new Mustang we figured it was because the director loved the imagery of a classic American muscle car and never suspected it was because Ford was anxious to start pimping next year's models. I miss those days, because now people are just becoming blatant with product placement in TV and movies.

I get that with the rise of DVRs more people started skipping commercials and so advertising people had to get more creative. It started with logos becoming clearer, bigger and easier to read in the background of scenes. I was fine with that. But, somewhere along the way people just started blatantly putting ads in the middle of television shows. A couple months ago an episode of Bones may as well have been an hour-long commercial for Avatar. Yesterday I was watching Human Target when a commercial for the new Chevy Camaro broke out in the first three minutes. They did everything but begin talking about sticker price. But the worst was when I was watching a show and the actor had dubbed in a line (you can always tell the dubbed in lines, cause they sound just off enough to notice) specifically to mention how roomy her new Toyota was. Seriously, this is getting out of hand. I don't care about products being precisely placed around a movie set, but shows are already down to 44 minutes with the commercials, don't cut into that time further by putting commercials in the dialog.

-So, not that I want to gross you out with details, but after reading the excerpts of the new Tiger Woods "Vanity Fair" article, I bet those guys working for the "National Enquirer" are really proud of themselves and what they do. They probably went to college and got degrees and everything. Nice use of that journalism education.

-Driving around today I saw a sign saying that a water ban was in effect and that people shouldn't be watering their lawn on odd-numbered days. I have to figure that's an old sign. No one would be dumb enough to put that up when roads are still closed because of flooding, right?