I don't know what it says about me when the good, well-produced commercials never seem to stick in my brain, yet the ones which look as they they were done in one take with a home video camera are forever burned into my memory. For example, because I watch a lot of the Golf Channel I keep seeing this commercial for a particular brand of putter. While that in and of itself isn't special because every third commercial on that channel is for a club, what makes this one stick out is the ending. Towards the end you see a ball trickle to the hole and disappear, as you would expect with any putter commercial. What makes this one different from the other putter commercials is that the ball is clearly CGI'd in and the work is terrible. (In an ironic twist, this is also one of those national commercials which clearly took the cheaper option for how often it is run and therefore can be dropped for a local ad. You can tell when this happens because the local ad is never long enough and after it ends the channel cuts back and you still see the last couple of seconds of the national ad. In this case all you see is the crappy CGI'd golf ball. I guess that is why they say you should always make sure your last impression is a good one.) Naturally, because this commercial is so bad, I love it.
Now, if you ever take the time to browse through my movie library, you will quickly be able to tell that I don't hold anything against movies which rely heavily on Computer Graphic Imaging because they make up the majority of the collection. But with that being said, I'm just not sure this was the place to break out the big computer special effects. After all, the shot was fairly straightforward: it was just a ball rolling 8-10 feet and then disappearing into a cup. Wouldn't that seem like the kind of shot you could get without much effort? Sure, you may need a few takes, but I still don't think it would take much in the way of resetting. Just get the old golf ball out of the frame and try again. Even if the green was really tricky I think it would be more advisable to mess with the putting surface. Gently pressing down and creating a rut that leads to the hole would essentially do the same thing without being noticeable unless you were standing over the putt. All this particular effect has done is make me question how good the product is, because if they couldn't even make one putt in the commercial with all the time in the world, what chance would I have on an actual green?
This probably speaks to the larger issue of quality graphics programs becoming too available for too many people. My father was saying this the other day - it is getting harder and harder to tell if anything you see in an ad is real anymore. On the commercials with really high-production value and the budget to hire the best people, it is damn near impossible to tell if the perfectly normal thing you are seeing is real or fake. (At this point "MythBusters" could probably do a season on nothing but the things people see in ads.) I think the car commercials are the worst, because with those you can never tell if it was done with fancy driving skills on a closed course or some guy behind a desk in a darkened studio. I'm not saying CGI doesn't come in handy. I'm sure it is much more cost-effective to use a graphics program which makes it look like there are 30 cars doing a stunt the same stunt at the same time versus actually hiring 30 stunt drivers and a film crew, then spending the day trying to get the right light and hoping no one wrecks the $70,000 automobile on the first take. But when you can't tell if something as simple as a car pulling into a driveway is real or the product of a computer, that could be a sign things have gotten out of control.
It just makes me worry that we're all getting too lazy. It is one thing to use technology to get a shot because the real thing is impossible, it is entirely another to use it when the real thing is easy to accomplish, but people just don't want to put in any effort. Not to mention, it takes focus away from what it really important - I don't need a car which can go backwards down a windy mountain road, I need one which will start every time I turn the key for the first 8-10 years I own it, hopefully gets good gas mileage and doesn't mysteriously turn itself off at 70 mph. (Tells you all you need to know about my vehicle history.) Excessive CGI, whether it be in a movie or a commercial, just leads me to believe the producers are trying to hide how bad the product behind the special effects really is. Face it - there is a reason you never see flashy commercials for things like ice cream. Those guys know they have a great product and there is no need to distract people from that fact with a big production. Honestly, I think the day I see an ice cream commercial and the spoon has been CGI'd in will be the day I stop watching television.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Adjusting Again
Once again it is time to start messing with the clocks. Now, I'm not really going to complain about losing an hour of sleep because I'm sure I'll make it up before too long. That being said, it does seem like we're shifting the clocks super early this year. Don't we usually do this in April? Again, if we're going to be so arbitrary when we adjust our clocks let's wait until we actually need more daylight because we really want to be outside. I don't care how much sunshine I'm getting when it's only 30 degrees outside. All I'm saying is those months and months of continuous brightness don't seem to be helping the people in Alaska work on their tans. Also, didn't we just mess with time a week and half ago when we invented a day out of thin air to get the Earth back on track? Honestly, the planet just got close to where it is supposed to be at the time it is supposed to be there and now we're deleting an hour from the clock for kicks. Apparently we just can't leave well enough alone. Here's my advice: don't stop and think about it too much or you're going to give yourself a headache.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Weekly Sporties
-Early Wednesday afternoon the Indianapolis Colts officially released quarterback Peyton Manning during what had to be one of the most awkward press conferences ever. (Seriously, they were talking about him like his career was over and the entire time there was this, "Yeah, I'm not dead yet" vibe.) Anyway, I was kind of happy at the news - not because I have a horse in that race, but because I was just excited to know the story had finally reached its conclusion. Everyone pretty much knew Peyton was getting released back in January, so it being dragged out this long had gotten on my last nerve. I thought with his release I might finally get a break from Peyton Manning news every day but, of course, I should have known better. Instead I'm getting wall-to-wall speculation about where Manning might sign now that he is a free agent. Local news reporters in Miami and Denver literally followed Manning's car around like a faster version of the O.J. Simpson car chase. Allegedly Manning wants to make a decision within a week, but given how long this has taken so far color me skeptical. I hope he signs during March Madness, so it's almost an after-thought.
-It was really funny to watch a couple teams react (or overreact, as it were) once they slowly which came to the realization that Manning was never sign with them. First there was the Redskins, seriously over-paying for the right to draft Robert Griffin III and essentially clinching that he will be a bust. Then it was the Jets giving Marc Sanchez a massive contract extension while saying this was their plan all along, even though if it was they would have done it months ago. Anyway, since everyone else has weighed in, allow me to speculate where Manning may go. While I believe that Peyton doesn't like playing against his brother, I do not believe the ones which say he wants to avoid the NFC entirely because he doesn't want to have to go through Eli in the playoffs. I think he's going to find the best situation for himself and if that is a team like the Cardinals where he would get to throw to the best receiver in football in Larry Fitzgerald, then so be it. I like the idea of Manning with the Broncos, mostly because I want to see how all the Tebow fans who were defending his passing motion justify the fact that they are now only too happy to throw him overboard for Manning. (Seriously, just trade Tebow to Jacksonville and get it over with.) I don't know if he would like the higher-profile scrutiny which would come with playing in a place like Miami, plus I can't see why he would want to play Brady twice a year. That's why I feel like he will eventually end up in Arizona. Of course, this is all just a guess and given my track record you can pretty much put him in Miami.
-On the other end of the spectrum are all the guys in the NFL who were hit with the franchise tag this week. For those non-NFL fans out there, the franchise tag is what happens when a team has a free agent they don't want to lose, but the sides can't agree on a long-term contract. What the tag does is basically give the player a one-year deal at the average salary of the top-five paid players at their position. The organizations like it because it keeps players who might normally leave in the fold, while the players hate it because they want long-term deals for security and it essentially prevents them from getting the best deal on the open market. At least they get paid a lot of money to ease the sting. Now, normally the franchise tags is used on high-profile, highly-paid guys that would get a lot of attention from a lot of teams, like the Patriots using the tag on Wes Welker this week. However, this year a lot of teams used the tag on special teamers. Five teams used the franchise tag on kickers or punters. Really, the guys you can sign a week into training camp are too valuable to test out the market? Someone needs to explain to these franchises that just because you can use the franchise tag it doesn't mean you have to. It is not like they take it away when you don't use it.
-Late in the week there was a disturbing story about a potential point-shaving scandal involving an Auburn basketball player. Now, point-shaving scandals have been around almost as long as college basketball because they are pretty simple to execute. All you need is one dirty player who has the ball in his hands a lot, like a point guard. Then you bet something like the over/under and the guy just has to bounce the ball off his foot at the wrong time or commit what everyone thinks is a dumb foul and next thing you know the other team is shooting unnecessary free throws. It's one or two simple plays that can make all the difference while going relatively unnoticed. This kind of thing tends to happen at schools or in sports which don't have much to lose, which is what gives this story a little bit of credibility. After all, it's not like Auburn is a basketball powerhouse this season. But, serious gamblers have been quoted as saying they don't think the story is legit because there wasn't the big jump in betting normally seen when a game has been fixed. Now, I'm not trying to disparage the decisions someone else makes in their lifetime, but I don't think being the first person people call if they are curious about something shady is a good thing. If you are the reigning expert on telling whether or not a basketball game has been fixed, it is a pretty good assumption you have made a wrong turn somewhere along the line.
-When Jonathan Papelbon left the Red Sox for the Phillies, there were no hard feelings. Sox fans would have liked him to stick around, but not at the price he ended up getting in Philadelphia. He didn't sign with the Yankees, so Sox fans had nothing but fond memories of his time here. At least, that was until this week, when he told a Philadelphia radio station that the Phillies have smarter baseball fans. He said that Sox fans were passionate, but Phillies fans knew more about the game. So much for not burning bridges on the way out. Now, Pap was never known for being a big thinker, so he probably was just trying to endear himself to his new team and never thought it would get back to Boston. This also comes on the heels of Dropkick Murphy's lead singer Ken Casey saying he didn't want Papelbon to use the song "Shippin' Up To Boston" as his bullpen entrance music anymore (don't know why Pap would use that in Philadelphia anyway, but that is another topic for another day). Casey said he was joking, but Papelbon has said he won't be using any Dropkick song as his entrance music, so you have to wonder if there were some hurt egos. Again, in a break-up there are no winners, everyone just kind of loses equally.
-A couple days ago there was a news story which said Jose Canseco was being released by the Mexican Baseball League after testing positive for high levels of testosterone. Canseco claims he was taking the medication for legitimate reasons after it was prescribed by his doctor, but he was still kicked out. Canseco then went on to say that his banishment only came after Mexican League officials were pressured by Major League Baseball, because they are still out to get him. Now, I have no doubt that there are people who work for MLB who can't stand Canseco after all the grenades he has launched in their direction. Also, I'm sure MLB doesn't like that some people occasionally give Canseco the benefit of the doubt because some of the things he said in his book turned out to be accurate and thus they would love it if he were further discredited. However, I have a hard time believing that those officials still have an axe to grind or are spending their time working on ways to ruin Jose Canseco's life. Because for the last few years Canseco has been bouncing checks, playing in Independent Leagues, appearing on reality shows and in celebrity fights (where he sends his brother in his place) - basically doing anything that provides some cash. In other words, he's doing a fine job of discrediting himself. Canseco said there are people in MLB will stop at nothing to get him out of baseball. Jose, you're 47 and taking steroids just to keep playing in the Mexican League. Dude, you are out of baseball.
-Since we're on the subject of crazy people, every time there is a story about a stupid sports parent I have the same thought: Just don't be from Massachusetts. I like to keep telling myself we're above that kind of stuff around here. Alas, my plea went unanswered this week when Joe Cordes admitted he shined a laser pointer onto the ice during last week's high school girls hockey game between Winthrop and Medway-Ashland. Cordes's daughter plays for Winthrop and he was using a laser pointer to distract the freshman goalie for Medway-Ashland. Winthrop did eventually win the game (they have said they will not forfeit the win, either). Cordes has since said he now feels "like a complete jerk", which is good, because he should. I'm not even going to blast this guy for embarrassing his daughter like that, because I'm pretty sure it's all been said already. Instead, here's my question: who still carries a laser pointer around? Is this still 1999? If his ban ever gets lifted and he's allowed to go to one of his daughter's games again (unlikely) I hope he will have at least learned to heckle like an adult. In the meantime, Cordes has been charged with disturbing the peace and also is officially out of the running for sports-parent of the year.
-It was really funny to watch a couple teams react (or overreact, as it were) once they slowly which came to the realization that Manning was never sign with them. First there was the Redskins, seriously over-paying for the right to draft Robert Griffin III and essentially clinching that he will be a bust. Then it was the Jets giving Marc Sanchez a massive contract extension while saying this was their plan all along, even though if it was they would have done it months ago. Anyway, since everyone else has weighed in, allow me to speculate where Manning may go. While I believe that Peyton doesn't like playing against his brother, I do not believe the ones which say he wants to avoid the NFC entirely because he doesn't want to have to go through Eli in the playoffs. I think he's going to find the best situation for himself and if that is a team like the Cardinals where he would get to throw to the best receiver in football in Larry Fitzgerald, then so be it. I like the idea of Manning with the Broncos, mostly because I want to see how all the Tebow fans who were defending his passing motion justify the fact that they are now only too happy to throw him overboard for Manning. (Seriously, just trade Tebow to Jacksonville and get it over with.) I don't know if he would like the higher-profile scrutiny which would come with playing in a place like Miami, plus I can't see why he would want to play Brady twice a year. That's why I feel like he will eventually end up in Arizona. Of course, this is all just a guess and given my track record you can pretty much put him in Miami.
-On the other end of the spectrum are all the guys in the NFL who were hit with the franchise tag this week. For those non-NFL fans out there, the franchise tag is what happens when a team has a free agent they don't want to lose, but the sides can't agree on a long-term contract. What the tag does is basically give the player a one-year deal at the average salary of the top-five paid players at their position. The organizations like it because it keeps players who might normally leave in the fold, while the players hate it because they want long-term deals for security and it essentially prevents them from getting the best deal on the open market. At least they get paid a lot of money to ease the sting. Now, normally the franchise tags is used on high-profile, highly-paid guys that would get a lot of attention from a lot of teams, like the Patriots using the tag on Wes Welker this week. However, this year a lot of teams used the tag on special teamers. Five teams used the franchise tag on kickers or punters. Really, the guys you can sign a week into training camp are too valuable to test out the market? Someone needs to explain to these franchises that just because you can use the franchise tag it doesn't mean you have to. It is not like they take it away when you don't use it.
-Late in the week there was a disturbing story about a potential point-shaving scandal involving an Auburn basketball player. Now, point-shaving scandals have been around almost as long as college basketball because they are pretty simple to execute. All you need is one dirty player who has the ball in his hands a lot, like a point guard. Then you bet something like the over/under and the guy just has to bounce the ball off his foot at the wrong time or commit what everyone thinks is a dumb foul and next thing you know the other team is shooting unnecessary free throws. It's one or two simple plays that can make all the difference while going relatively unnoticed. This kind of thing tends to happen at schools or in sports which don't have much to lose, which is what gives this story a little bit of credibility. After all, it's not like Auburn is a basketball powerhouse this season. But, serious gamblers have been quoted as saying they don't think the story is legit because there wasn't the big jump in betting normally seen when a game has been fixed. Now, I'm not trying to disparage the decisions someone else makes in their lifetime, but I don't think being the first person people call if they are curious about something shady is a good thing. If you are the reigning expert on telling whether or not a basketball game has been fixed, it is a pretty good assumption you have made a wrong turn somewhere along the line.
-When Jonathan Papelbon left the Red Sox for the Phillies, there were no hard feelings. Sox fans would have liked him to stick around, but not at the price he ended up getting in Philadelphia. He didn't sign with the Yankees, so Sox fans had nothing but fond memories of his time here. At least, that was until this week, when he told a Philadelphia radio station that the Phillies have smarter baseball fans. He said that Sox fans were passionate, but Phillies fans knew more about the game. So much for not burning bridges on the way out. Now, Pap was never known for being a big thinker, so he probably was just trying to endear himself to his new team and never thought it would get back to Boston. This also comes on the heels of Dropkick Murphy's lead singer Ken Casey saying he didn't want Papelbon to use the song "Shippin' Up To Boston" as his bullpen entrance music anymore (don't know why Pap would use that in Philadelphia anyway, but that is another topic for another day). Casey said he was joking, but Papelbon has said he won't be using any Dropkick song as his entrance music, so you have to wonder if there were some hurt egos. Again, in a break-up there are no winners, everyone just kind of loses equally.
-A couple days ago there was a news story which said Jose Canseco was being released by the Mexican Baseball League after testing positive for high levels of testosterone. Canseco claims he was taking the medication for legitimate reasons after it was prescribed by his doctor, but he was still kicked out. Canseco then went on to say that his banishment only came after Mexican League officials were pressured by Major League Baseball, because they are still out to get him. Now, I have no doubt that there are people who work for MLB who can't stand Canseco after all the grenades he has launched in their direction. Also, I'm sure MLB doesn't like that some people occasionally give Canseco the benefit of the doubt because some of the things he said in his book turned out to be accurate and thus they would love it if he were further discredited. However, I have a hard time believing that those officials still have an axe to grind or are spending their time working on ways to ruin Jose Canseco's life. Because for the last few years Canseco has been bouncing checks, playing in Independent Leagues, appearing on reality shows and in celebrity fights (where he sends his brother in his place) - basically doing anything that provides some cash. In other words, he's doing a fine job of discrediting himself. Canseco said there are people in MLB will stop at nothing to get him out of baseball. Jose, you're 47 and taking steroids just to keep playing in the Mexican League. Dude, you are out of baseball.
-Since we're on the subject of crazy people, every time there is a story about a stupid sports parent I have the same thought: Just don't be from Massachusetts. I like to keep telling myself we're above that kind of stuff around here. Alas, my plea went unanswered this week when Joe Cordes admitted he shined a laser pointer onto the ice during last week's high school girls hockey game between Winthrop and Medway-Ashland. Cordes's daughter plays for Winthrop and he was using a laser pointer to distract the freshman goalie for Medway-Ashland. Winthrop did eventually win the game (they have said they will not forfeit the win, either). Cordes has since said he now feels "like a complete jerk", which is good, because he should. I'm not even going to blast this guy for embarrassing his daughter like that, because I'm pretty sure it's all been said already. Instead, here's my question: who still carries a laser pointer around? Is this still 1999? If his ban ever gets lifted and he's allowed to go to one of his daughter's games again (unlikely) I hope he will have at least learned to heckle like an adult. In the meantime, Cordes has been charged with disturbing the peace and also is officially out of the running for sports-parent of the year.
Friday, March 9, 2012
The Art Of Self-Diagnosis
Faced with record-warm temperatures yesterday afternoon I decided to brave the high winds and head to the driving range for the first time in a few months. I actually hit everything better than expected given the length of that lay off and the fact that I was constantly being pelted by sand blowing off a nearby mound. In fact, the only thing which was bad about the experience was the guy a couple stalls down from me who was taking a lesson. At least, that is what I think he was doing - it was kind of hard to tell who the older man with him was, because the person doing the swinging wasn't letting the other guy get a word in. After every swing the student would self-critique what he had done wrong or right and the older man leaning against the fence wouldn't have time to either agree or correct him before the guy hit another ball and diagnosed that shot. Once this had been going on for a while I was tempted to ask the guy if he was so sure of what he was doing wrong, why did he even need an instructor (who was probably charging him $50 an hour)? Seemed like a waste of money to me.
There are several reasons I am in no rush to take golf lessons, but the main one may be that I don't think I would enjoy having someone stand behind me, observe every part of my swing and then offer suggestions. First off, having someone staring at me doesn't make me very comfortable and I play much better when I am comfortable. It is why I would much rather let a foursome play through instead of teeing off with them all watching me. Secondly, I don't really need constant feedback. Trust me, I know when the shot sucks - I don't need to hear your opinions on the matter. I would much rather hit four or five and then see if there is something I am consistently doing wrong instead of what I did wrong on that particular shot, because there is a chance it was just a hitch that one time and I may never do again. However, with that being said if I did have an instructor there, I would certainly use him. What is the point of hiring an expert to teach you and then not letting him teach? I can't imagine doing this anywhere else. You're not going to go to the doctor's office, let them take an x-ray and then push the doctor of the way to see if you can spot the break first. The man is there for a reason, so either let him do his job or send him home.
Admittedly, I do the same evaluation after each shot, but I keep it to my damn self. Even more annoying was the fact that the guy was doing his self-correcting out loud and his voice was high-pitched and piercing enough to cut through the wind. Every few seconds it was the same thing: (swoosh) "Oh, caught it thin. (swoosh) Man, I hooked it. (swoosh) Got under that one." Yeah, buddy, the rest of the driving range actually don't need a progress report on every shot and neither does your instructor - we don't care and he saw what you did wrong. The other thing, for those of you who don't play, is the fact that golfers are kind of a superstitious group. That is why the last thing we want to know about are other ways our swings could go wrong. Much like you shouldn't talk to a pitcher when he in is the middle of a no-hitter, no golfer wants to hear about someone else's swing problems because we think we might catch them like a bad cold. Thus, hearing this guy constantly complain about hitting his ball thin was making me worry about hitting my ball thin. I have enough thoughts going through my head about my own swing, I don't need concerns about a problem I don't even have showing up as well.
Now, obviously, this guy is not the first or the last person who has a habit of talking to himself out loud. Pretty much every place you go in the world you will find people narrating their life story to everyone and no one at the same time. Often these people are doing it as a way to engage people in conversation. They think if they make some comment about the weather or the service you will feel compelled to add your two cents to the conversation. [Sidebar: Take it from me - do not fall for this. If you engage them these are the people who will subsequently talk your ear off for the next two hours.] But, seeing as how this guy had someone to talk to and wasn't utilizing him, I think he just wanted attention. Thankfully I was mostly done with my bucket of golf balls by the time he showed up to begin this little act, because I'm not sure he was interested in the kind of attention I was thinking about giving him. If nothing else it reminds me that I have got to remember to bring my iPod next time I go to the driving range.
There are several reasons I am in no rush to take golf lessons, but the main one may be that I don't think I would enjoy having someone stand behind me, observe every part of my swing and then offer suggestions. First off, having someone staring at me doesn't make me very comfortable and I play much better when I am comfortable. It is why I would much rather let a foursome play through instead of teeing off with them all watching me. Secondly, I don't really need constant feedback. Trust me, I know when the shot sucks - I don't need to hear your opinions on the matter. I would much rather hit four or five and then see if there is something I am consistently doing wrong instead of what I did wrong on that particular shot, because there is a chance it was just a hitch that one time and I may never do again. However, with that being said if I did have an instructor there, I would certainly use him. What is the point of hiring an expert to teach you and then not letting him teach? I can't imagine doing this anywhere else. You're not going to go to the doctor's office, let them take an x-ray and then push the doctor of the way to see if you can spot the break first. The man is there for a reason, so either let him do his job or send him home.
Admittedly, I do the same evaluation after each shot, but I keep it to my damn self. Even more annoying was the fact that the guy was doing his self-correcting out loud and his voice was high-pitched and piercing enough to cut through the wind. Every few seconds it was the same thing: (swoosh) "Oh, caught it thin. (swoosh) Man, I hooked it. (swoosh) Got under that one." Yeah, buddy, the rest of the driving range actually don't need a progress report on every shot and neither does your instructor - we don't care and he saw what you did wrong. The other thing, for those of you who don't play, is the fact that golfers are kind of a superstitious group. That is why the last thing we want to know about are other ways our swings could go wrong. Much like you shouldn't talk to a pitcher when he in is the middle of a no-hitter, no golfer wants to hear about someone else's swing problems because we think we might catch them like a bad cold. Thus, hearing this guy constantly complain about hitting his ball thin was making me worry about hitting my ball thin. I have enough thoughts going through my head about my own swing, I don't need concerns about a problem I don't even have showing up as well.
Now, obviously, this guy is not the first or the last person who has a habit of talking to himself out loud. Pretty much every place you go in the world you will find people narrating their life story to everyone and no one at the same time. Often these people are doing it as a way to engage people in conversation. They think if they make some comment about the weather or the service you will feel compelled to add your two cents to the conversation. [Sidebar: Take it from me - do not fall for this. If you engage them these are the people who will subsequently talk your ear off for the next two hours.] But, seeing as how this guy had someone to talk to and wasn't utilizing him, I think he just wanted attention. Thankfully I was mostly done with my bucket of golf balls by the time he showed up to begin this little act, because I'm not sure he was interested in the kind of attention I was thinking about giving him. If nothing else it reminds me that I have got to remember to bring my iPod next time I go to the driving range.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Another One Becomes Extinct
The other day it was announced that Steven Spielberg's science fiction television show "Terra Nova" was being cancelled by Fox after one year. For those of you who didn't watch it (and, given the fact it was cancelled, I would guess that would be most of you, including myself) the premise was that in the future humanity had so screwed up the planet with over-population a group of people were sent all the way back to prehistoric times to start humanity over. You might think that if people were capable of time travel they would also figure out an easier way to improve air quality, or at least wait until after the asteroid which would eventually wipe out the dinosaurs had hit and the subsequent ice age had passed, but it is entirely possible that issue was address and I simply wasn't paying attention. It had the villain from "Avatar" basically playing the same role, but he was the only guy I recognized on the cast. I guess when you are spending all your money on CGI'd dinosaurs the money starts to get a little thin by the time casting rolls around. It was half "Jurassic Park" and half "Avatar" and if nothing else it just proved once again why "The Flintstones" was full of unrealistic promises.
Given that the show was very expensive to produce and the ratings were very low, it is not surprising that the show was cancelled. Hell, there isn't even an angry message board full of internet nerds trying to save it, which probably tells you all you need to know. I guess you could argue that the show isn't totally dead yet, as the show's producers are attempting to find a new network for the show to be shown on, but I wouldn't hold my breath. (In my opinion there is a natural fit should they want to continue. I mean, let's not over-think this: "Terra Nova" should be on the SyFy channel, where it belongs. However, given the campy level of special effects usually seen on their original programming I doubt they could afford the costs, so that should just about be the end of that.) Now, I certainly don't care that it was cancelled, because I didn't watch it before and I'm not going to start now, no matter what channel it is on. Still, I thought it was interesting that the show received such a short run because it had the backing of a guy like Spielberg, so you would have expected it to have a longer leash. I guess that speaks to the larger issue of putting a niche show on mainstream TV.
No one needs to look any further than Comic Con to see that there are plenty of science-fictions lovers out there. But, sci-fi is one of those things where you are either all the way in or all the way out - no one dips a toe in the nerd pool. (You may try and hide it but at the end of the day your inner dork is coming out, one way or another.) So, a show about time travel with humans and dinosaurs trying to coexist has lost a big chunk of the audience before they ever start. Anyone can be talked into checking out a detective drama because we all like to solve mysteries from the comfort of our own couches, but not nearly as many people are interested in a show which wants us to believe there are aliens walking among us. Not to mention, while a lot of sci-fi geeks think nothing of plopping down $300 bucks on a rare comic or a piece of movie memorabilia they aren't as likely to spend it on a car or jewelry which, just in case you haven't watched a commercial in a while, are among the big-ticket items advertisers love to try and sell you during prime time. I'm not saying that sci-fi fans are any more or less fanatical about the thing they love when compared to any other fan group, because there are conventions for all sorts of hobbies where people freely put down money on things 'outsiders' may think are silly. I'm just saying you don't see a show about it in the middle of your weekday, national TV line-up.
You have to give Fox credit - they keep trying with the science-fiction shows and they do it more than any other major network. Personally, I'm left to wonder why. Seriously, do these shows with confusing premises about ghosts, aliens, dinosaurs, alternate universes, killer robots or some kind of 'big brother' messing with people's lives ever last? Sure, they make for cool and successful movies, but it is one thing to create something which is only has to keep you entertained for two hours, it is entirely another to try and create something which needs to last for 20 episodes every year. By the time season two rolls around the plot starts to wear pretty thing. (This is where I remind a lot of people that the original "Star Trek", which is now celebrated as classic television, only lasted three seasons and never did all that well in the ratings.) I know that "Saturday Night Live" is on another channel, but someone over at NBC needs to explain to the people who green-light the shows at Fox what the people over at SNL have finally started to learn: you shouldn't attempt to make every sketch into a movie and not every movie idea can be converted into a television show. And for the love of God don't try to make a sketch into a TV show, because that is how we end up with crap like "Shit My Dads Says".
Given that the show was very expensive to produce and the ratings were very low, it is not surprising that the show was cancelled. Hell, there isn't even an angry message board full of internet nerds trying to save it, which probably tells you all you need to know. I guess you could argue that the show isn't totally dead yet, as the show's producers are attempting to find a new network for the show to be shown on, but I wouldn't hold my breath. (In my opinion there is a natural fit should they want to continue. I mean, let's not over-think this: "Terra Nova" should be on the SyFy channel, where it belongs. However, given the campy level of special effects usually seen on their original programming I doubt they could afford the costs, so that should just about be the end of that.) Now, I certainly don't care that it was cancelled, because I didn't watch it before and I'm not going to start now, no matter what channel it is on. Still, I thought it was interesting that the show received such a short run because it had the backing of a guy like Spielberg, so you would have expected it to have a longer leash. I guess that speaks to the larger issue of putting a niche show on mainstream TV.
No one needs to look any further than Comic Con to see that there are plenty of science-fictions lovers out there. But, sci-fi is one of those things where you are either all the way in or all the way out - no one dips a toe in the nerd pool. (You may try and hide it but at the end of the day your inner dork is coming out, one way or another.) So, a show about time travel with humans and dinosaurs trying to coexist has lost a big chunk of the audience before they ever start. Anyone can be talked into checking out a detective drama because we all like to solve mysteries from the comfort of our own couches, but not nearly as many people are interested in a show which wants us to believe there are aliens walking among us. Not to mention, while a lot of sci-fi geeks think nothing of plopping down $300 bucks on a rare comic or a piece of movie memorabilia they aren't as likely to spend it on a car or jewelry which, just in case you haven't watched a commercial in a while, are among the big-ticket items advertisers love to try and sell you during prime time. I'm not saying that sci-fi fans are any more or less fanatical about the thing they love when compared to any other fan group, because there are conventions for all sorts of hobbies where people freely put down money on things 'outsiders' may think are silly. I'm just saying you don't see a show about it in the middle of your weekday, national TV line-up.
You have to give Fox credit - they keep trying with the science-fiction shows and they do it more than any other major network. Personally, I'm left to wonder why. Seriously, do these shows with confusing premises about ghosts, aliens, dinosaurs, alternate universes, killer robots or some kind of 'big brother' messing with people's lives ever last? Sure, they make for cool and successful movies, but it is one thing to create something which is only has to keep you entertained for two hours, it is entirely another to try and create something which needs to last for 20 episodes every year. By the time season two rolls around the plot starts to wear pretty thing. (This is where I remind a lot of people that the original "Star Trek", which is now celebrated as classic television, only lasted three seasons and never did all that well in the ratings.) I know that "Saturday Night Live" is on another channel, but someone over at NBC needs to explain to the people who green-light the shows at Fox what the people over at SNL have finally started to learn: you shouldn't attempt to make every sketch into a movie and not every movie idea can be converted into a television show. And for the love of God don't try to make a sketch into a TV show, because that is how we end up with crap like "Shit My Dads Says".
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Product Tester
Yesterday my aunt was coming up my driveway when she found a cellphone off to the side. It wasn't mine or anyone in the family's, so the best guess was that it belong to the paperboy and it fell out when he was making his delivery that morning. [Sidebar: How weird is it that we still call those guys 'paperboys'? Does anyone actually get their paper delivered by a kid anymore? Most of the people delivering newspapers are up at 4 AM, driving around in cars and their average age is around 35. I don't even think most papers offer afternoon delivery anymore. I had two friends growing up who delivered papers after school and I went on their routes a couple times (they never paid me, either). All I could think about was how much the job sucked. No wonder it died out. The days of the kids from "Newsies" is long-gone and yet the the term remains. Very strange.] Of course, the first thing we attempted to do was to call the person and let them know we had their cellphone, but ran into a slight problem when we couldn't figure out how the hell to do that.
I really don't want to sound like a grumpy old man here, but there was a time when a cellphone was a fairly straightforward thing. You would flip it open and there would be a button labeled "contacts". After that you could scroll down until you found the name you needed, press a button and it would call that number. Very simple. Now you have to unlock the phone, figure out how to open up the 'phonebook' app and browse through dozens of numbers. Also, everything is done with touch screens and I do not have fingers built for that - I like having buttons to press. And, not that I want to disparage this man or his organizational skills, but it wasn't like he had a number listed as "Home" like I do on my cell, making it convenient and easy should someone stumble upon my cellphone somewhere. On top of that this was one of those slider phones which is designed more for texting than calling, so even if I did figure out how to make a call it still wouldn't have been easy to accomplish. I played with the phone for a few minutes before I came to two conclusions: 1. I needed a new plan. 2. I would not be getting a Metro PC slider phone when my current contract expires.
The next plan of attack was to simply wait for the person to notice that his phone was missing and call it, at which point I would tell him I had it and where he could come pick it up. By this time the phone had 15 missed called, so clearly he had tried to call it earlier and I just had to wait until he tried again. However one of the times the person called I was out voting (it's your civic duty!) and the other time someone called when I was close enough to answer there was a slight language barrier we had to fight through (unsuccessfully). The problem was I don't speak Portuguese and the person who called didn't speak English. The call went something like this:
Caller: Hello? (Hi, I found your friend's phone in my driveway.)
Caller: Hello? (Um, hi. Yeah, I found your friend's phone?)
Caller: Hello? (Your friend's phone? I have it?)
This went on for a couple minutes before I gave up. I basically just yelled the message that I had the phone and would leave it outside in the morning for him to pick up, which I'm sure was never relayed. Fortunately I know someone who works for the Globe, who called the person in charge of the delivery people, who let the carrier know where his phone would be. It might not have been the most stream-lined system, but the phone was successfully retrieved this morning and all is right with the world.
Well, not everything. I remained perturbed at my inability to figure out the how to make a simple call on that cellphone. I used to be tech-savvy, dammit. I know that my cell phone is seen by techies as one step above a landline because not only is it a flip-phone (blasphemy) but it only takes calls, sends texts and snaps pictures. It won't run apps, play Angry Birds, tell me the current temperature in New Guinea or call in a tactical airstrike. Despite that, I still thought I was smart enough when it came to technology that I would be able to navigate my way through any gadget I came across without giving myself an headache (or at least fake it until I figured it out for real). I'm starting to realize that is no longer the case and it kind of bums me out. I knew this day was going to come eventually, I just didn't think it was going to happen so fast. At least if this happens again in the future I have nieces and a nephew to hand it off to. They're aged 5 to 1, so I'm sure they'll have to show me how things work soon enough anyway.
I really don't want to sound like a grumpy old man here, but there was a time when a cellphone was a fairly straightforward thing. You would flip it open and there would be a button labeled "contacts". After that you could scroll down until you found the name you needed, press a button and it would call that number. Very simple. Now you have to unlock the phone, figure out how to open up the 'phonebook' app and browse through dozens of numbers. Also, everything is done with touch screens and I do not have fingers built for that - I like having buttons to press. And, not that I want to disparage this man or his organizational skills, but it wasn't like he had a number listed as "Home" like I do on my cell, making it convenient and easy should someone stumble upon my cellphone somewhere. On top of that this was one of those slider phones which is designed more for texting than calling, so even if I did figure out how to make a call it still wouldn't have been easy to accomplish. I played with the phone for a few minutes before I came to two conclusions: 1. I needed a new plan. 2. I would not be getting a Metro PC slider phone when my current contract expires.
The next plan of attack was to simply wait for the person to notice that his phone was missing and call it, at which point I would tell him I had it and where he could come pick it up. By this time the phone had 15 missed called, so clearly he had tried to call it earlier and I just had to wait until he tried again. However one of the times the person called I was out voting (it's your civic duty!) and the other time someone called when I was close enough to answer there was a slight language barrier we had to fight through (unsuccessfully). The problem was I don't speak Portuguese and the person who called didn't speak English. The call went something like this:
Caller: Hello? (Hi, I found your friend's phone in my driveway.)
Caller: Hello? (Um, hi. Yeah, I found your friend's phone?)
Caller: Hello? (Your friend's phone? I have it?)
This went on for a couple minutes before I gave up. I basically just yelled the message that I had the phone and would leave it outside in the morning for him to pick up, which I'm sure was never relayed. Fortunately I know someone who works for the Globe, who called the person in charge of the delivery people, who let the carrier know where his phone would be. It might not have been the most stream-lined system, but the phone was successfully retrieved this morning and all is right with the world.
Well, not everything. I remained perturbed at my inability to figure out the how to make a simple call on that cellphone. I used to be tech-savvy, dammit. I know that my cell phone is seen by techies as one step above a landline because not only is it a flip-phone (blasphemy) but it only takes calls, sends texts and snaps pictures. It won't run apps, play Angry Birds, tell me the current temperature in New Guinea or call in a tactical airstrike. Despite that, I still thought I was smart enough when it came to technology that I would be able to navigate my way through any gadget I came across without giving myself an headache (or at least fake it until I figured it out for real). I'm starting to realize that is no longer the case and it kind of bums me out. I knew this day was going to come eventually, I just didn't think it was going to happen so fast. At least if this happens again in the future I have nieces and a nephew to hand it off to. They're aged 5 to 1, so I'm sure they'll have to show me how things work soon enough anyway.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
You're Not Worthy
One of the jobs I used to have in town required me to be at work before the trains were running, which meant driving into the city every morning. While I never had to worry about fighting for a parking spot because there aren't many cars out at 4AM, I often witnessed battles for the parking spaces I was about to vacate when I left work later that morning. It usually went like this - one car would show up the second I got into my car, almost as if a signal had been thrown up. They would pull ahead of the spot and wait to back in with their turn signal on while I started my car and drove away. At the same time a car would come from the other direction and attempt to pull in to the spot. This happened all the time and in each instance I would take sides on which car I wanted to get the spot almost immediately. Usually, I would be rooting for whichever car had been there first or whichever driver was cuter. (Either way, I wasn't motivated enough to get out of my car and tell the second person on the scene that the first car had been waiting for the spot or stick around long enough to see who eventually wound up with it.) The point is that I had a strong feeling about who would take over the space I had vacated. Even though I haven't been in this situation for years, it appears those feelings haven't left me.
As I wrote about yesterday, over the weekend I went in to the Boston Golf Expo. What I neglected to mention in that post was that I seriously lucked out with my parking space. I decided to make one drive around the area to see if I could find an open spot at a meter instead of just automatically driving into one of the many lots in the area and I found one that was damn near perfect: first spot at the start of the row, making for easy access in and out and yet still close to event. The only thing which was missing was time left on the meter. But, I wasn't about to be greedy, so I filled up the meter to the maximum two-hour limit and went inside. [Sidebar: really, City of Boston, a quarter buys you 12 minutes worth of parking? You used to get half an hour for that. It'll be 25 cents for 5 minutes before too long. Even though that totals out to be cheaper than the $12 the nearest lot was charging, still feels like a rip-off.] Turns out I didn't need all that time and came out of the Expo with about 20 minutes to spare. I figured that would be a nice treat for the next person and a little karmic "Thank You" to the universe for giving me such a nice spot. At least, that was my thinking right up until I saw the person who was about to grab my spot.
You ever just get a vibe about someone, even without formally meeting them? That was what happened here. The driver of the car which would have gotten my space came to my attention due to the loud honk of a horn as they cut a person off at the intersection at the top of the street. That was when I first saw the little BMW Sportster with the guy behind the wheel talking on his cellphone coming down the street and immediately began praying he would zoom passed me. Instead he did that slow roll behind me as I walked towards my truck which is usually reserved for mall parking lots at Christmas time and is an exceptionally bad idea on the streets of Boston, as it caused a mini-traffic jam behind him and pissed off even more people than he already had. It took all of one second for me to decide that I didn't think this guy deserved my spot and made the decision in my head to give him the wave off. Besides, I figure if anyone could afford the parking fees it was that guy. I tossed my bag full of travel literature into my truck, shook my head at the guy and headed back to the nearby convenience store to buy a drink I hadn't known I wanted until a second ago as the BMW pulled into the nearby lot.
Admittedly, it probably doesn't help that I'm a little particular about where I park my car. I have said on many occasions I can live anywhere as long as it has off-street parking because I just don't want to have to fight for a spot every day. I highly doubt I'm the only person who acts this way - a lot of people are very protective of their parking spaces. Why else would people who live in the city pay hundreds of dollars a month just to make sure they have a space waiting for them when they get home? And it is not just the spaces where people live. Ask yourself this: have you ever been waiting for a spot with your blinker on and the person in the car seems to be taking forever to get their seat belt on and go? It's probably because they don't want you to have that spot and are hoping you will get frustrated and leave.
But, at least I know this is stupid because I recognize that I don't actually have ownership of that spot and who parks there next has no reflection on me. It is not like anyone is going to say, "Oh, see how that one guy left and the next guy took the spot? That makes me think that guy in the Mountaineer and the douche in the BMW are totally BFFs. I bet the guy in the Mountaineer is just as much of a douche." Hell, it is entirely possible that the next guy to come along was even douchier, driving a Prius with a sweater tied around his shoulders. But, as is often the case in life, you can only deal with the facts you have at the moment and in that moment I just didn't want that guy to have a good parking spot. I'm sure karma wasn't happy with me and that is probably why I didn't come away with any of the dozen or so vacations I attempted to win at the Expo, but I stand by my decision. Sometimes you just have to make sacrifices. As the saying goes, "With a great parking space comes great responsibility."
As I wrote about yesterday, over the weekend I went in to the Boston Golf Expo. What I neglected to mention in that post was that I seriously lucked out with my parking space. I decided to make one drive around the area to see if I could find an open spot at a meter instead of just automatically driving into one of the many lots in the area and I found one that was damn near perfect: first spot at the start of the row, making for easy access in and out and yet still close to event. The only thing which was missing was time left on the meter. But, I wasn't about to be greedy, so I filled up the meter to the maximum two-hour limit and went inside. [Sidebar: really, City of Boston, a quarter buys you 12 minutes worth of parking? You used to get half an hour for that. It'll be 25 cents for 5 minutes before too long. Even though that totals out to be cheaper than the $12 the nearest lot was charging, still feels like a rip-off.] Turns out I didn't need all that time and came out of the Expo with about 20 minutes to spare. I figured that would be a nice treat for the next person and a little karmic "Thank You" to the universe for giving me such a nice spot. At least, that was my thinking right up until I saw the person who was about to grab my spot.
You ever just get a vibe about someone, even without formally meeting them? That was what happened here. The driver of the car which would have gotten my space came to my attention due to the loud honk of a horn as they cut a person off at the intersection at the top of the street. That was when I first saw the little BMW Sportster with the guy behind the wheel talking on his cellphone coming down the street and immediately began praying he would zoom passed me. Instead he did that slow roll behind me as I walked towards my truck which is usually reserved for mall parking lots at Christmas time and is an exceptionally bad idea on the streets of Boston, as it caused a mini-traffic jam behind him and pissed off even more people than he already had. It took all of one second for me to decide that I didn't think this guy deserved my spot and made the decision in my head to give him the wave off. Besides, I figure if anyone could afford the parking fees it was that guy. I tossed my bag full of travel literature into my truck, shook my head at the guy and headed back to the nearby convenience store to buy a drink I hadn't known I wanted until a second ago as the BMW pulled into the nearby lot.
Admittedly, it probably doesn't help that I'm a little particular about where I park my car. I have said on many occasions I can live anywhere as long as it has off-street parking because I just don't want to have to fight for a spot every day. I highly doubt I'm the only person who acts this way - a lot of people are very protective of their parking spaces. Why else would people who live in the city pay hundreds of dollars a month just to make sure they have a space waiting for them when they get home? And it is not just the spaces where people live. Ask yourself this: have you ever been waiting for a spot with your blinker on and the person in the car seems to be taking forever to get their seat belt on and go? It's probably because they don't want you to have that spot and are hoping you will get frustrated and leave.
But, at least I know this is stupid because I recognize that I don't actually have ownership of that spot and who parks there next has no reflection on me. It is not like anyone is going to say, "Oh, see how that one guy left and the next guy took the spot? That makes me think that guy in the Mountaineer and the douche in the BMW are totally BFFs. I bet the guy in the Mountaineer is just as much of a douche." Hell, it is entirely possible that the next guy to come along was even douchier, driving a Prius with a sweater tied around his shoulders. But, as is often the case in life, you can only deal with the facts you have at the moment and in that moment I just didn't want that guy to have a good parking spot. I'm sure karma wasn't happy with me and that is probably why I didn't come away with any of the dozen or so vacations I attempted to win at the Expo, but I stand by my decision. Sometimes you just have to make sacrifices. As the saying goes, "With a great parking space comes great responsibility."
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