Dinner and a Movie

Few things in life divide my family the way Domino's Pizza does. Half of my family loves it, the other half won't eat it. Don't ask me why, we're just weird that way. Anyway, I kept seeing ads for their new pasta bread bowls and really wanted to try them. With just me and my brother home last night (and he'll eat anything) I figured now was the best time to order one.

First off, you save a buck if you order online. I went ahead, did that and discovered that Domino's will let you track your order step by step once you place it. It seems like it would be a total waste of time... and you can bet your ass that I did it. It will be just the one time, as I was curious about how detailed they would get. It's official - we have entered the age of too much information. I don't need to know that someone named Giuliani received my order at 7:01, put my order in the oven at 7:04 and gave it to Thomas the delivery guy at 7:14. Just make sure it's still hot when it gets here and I'm happy.

As for the bread bowl itself, I went with the chicken alfredo. You get more than you expect with this thing, as it's almost the size of a small pizza. I would have liked to shown you a picture of it, but yeah, I hoovered it before that thought crossed my mind. It was really good. The sauce was good, and the bread wasn't too heavy on the garlic flavor. They even give you a fork so I literally had zero to wash after we ate. My only complaint was that I could have used a little more chicken in the mix, but still I was more than satisfied. It definitely met my expectations.

After dinner I felt like having a night in to watch some hoops and a movie. To be honest, I still can't get into the NBA without the Celtics, so I switched over to Starz to watch Wall-E, just to see what all the hype was about. Again, as with all Pixar movies, I am blown away by what they can do with computers today. The graphics on this movie are unbelievable. It's a little like a cartoon Cast Away, in that there are large stretches of no dialog. I can't imagine that this kept many kids attentions. Also, the story is a little heavy-handed for what you would want out of a kids movie. But, adults would enjoy it, so if you haven't seen it yet then you should try and catch in on the movie channels.

-I did catch the end of the Cavaliers/Magic game, just in time to lose respect for LeBron James. Dude, I know you're pissed that you won 66 games this season and yet lost in the Conference Finals for the second year in a row, but you need to man up and face the media. To not be a professional and take the questions is low. To not even shake Dwight Howard's hand after the game is worse. I know James is still young, but the man's been in the league for 6 years - he knows better by now. All this shows is that he can't handle losing with grace. People have more respect for a graceful loser than they do for a boastful winner. LeBron, if you can't do it in Cleveland, where you are a God amongst men who no one is going to blame for losing (sidebar: Mike Brown, you may want to update that resume), then you are going to have a really rough time in New York.

Almost Made It, Frenchie...

So, this guy decided that his calling in life is to row across the ocean from Massachusetts to France. Alright. Not my cup of tea, but I guess everyone needs a hobby. Personally, I never understood these people who decide that they need to do stupid things when no one really called for it. You see, we've come up with better systems of ocean travel than the row boat: sails, engines, planes. All of these are much more efficient ways to get to France. There is no need to row the Atlantic - you're just spitting in the face of progress. Girard is a mechanical engineer, he should be spending his time working on technology to move society ahead, not set us back 5 or 6 inventions. Also, he's not even the first guy to try this: some guy already did it in 2004, the new guy just wanted to do it faster. So not only is this idea not smart, it's not even original. But, I digress...

He tried this before a couple years ago and made it almost 50 whole miles before he called in the Coast Guard to come and save him. Not to be undone by his epic failure, he tried again 10 days ago and this time he made it 150 miles... before calling the Coast Guard to come and save his ass again. He told the Coast Guard that he didn't have any equipment problems and the sea was calm, he just became tired of rowing. Did no one telling him that rowing across the Atlantic Ocean would require quite a bit of... you know, rowing? It's not like he was trying to row across the Charles River - the ocean is quite large.

In his defense, his second attempt was wildly more successful than his first, as he tripled his effort from the first time around. But, it should be pointed out, he still missed his goal by about 95%. I guess that's better than going 95% of the way and then calling for help. Had that happened, he might be tempted to try again; as of right now he says that he's done. I think the best way to convince him to stay on shore next time is to tell him that the Coast Guard has better things to do and won't be coming to his rescue next time. That'll make him think twice.

I could be swayed into letting him try again, though, provided his sponsors pay the rescue fee. The 5 hour search to find this guy cost about $15,000 (as you can imagine, helicopter fuel is expensive). If he has to keep shelling that out every time he tries then that could be a nice economic stimulus for the state.

Now, to wrap up Video Week and in honor of our French friend, here's some classic Monty Python:

Friday Opinions...

Here are just a few things that I have decided on today:

- How can Kanye West call the book he "wrote" a book at all, seeing as how it only has 52 pages? That's not a book... that's barely a college thesis. It would take me 54 pages to explain why Kanye is such a douche.

- I don't like Kyle Busch (reminds me way too much of a guy I used to work with), but he's exactly right. After a while, Junior, it's you that's the problem.

- Watching 'Tek immediately stand up and get in the umps face yesterday, clearly diverting the attention from Beckett (who was about to go off), is the reason that the "C" remains on his jersey. Much better for him to get tossed than Beckett, who would be looking at an extended suspension if he did anything to show up the ump, due to already having a run in with the league over throwing at Abreu.

- I think the sizes for baby clothes are bullshit. I have yet to be related to a baby that actually fits into the month-appropriate clothes. And I refuse to accept this phenomenon is just relegated to my family. We're big people, but we're not circus freaks.

- When I hear Mark Teixeira say things like Joe Girardi is the best manager he's ever had, when he's been managed by guys like Mike Scioscia and Bobby Cox, I'm even more grateful the Sox didn't sign him this offseason. Texiera comes across as a guy who will say whatever he needs to at that moment. I bet in school he was the kind of kid who reminded the teacher she hadn't assigned homework yet.

- And now, some Family Guy to pass the time.

This Isn't Sports...

Today marks the start of the National Spelling Bee. Normally I wouldn't acknowledge it because I'm not planning on watching it. But, I can't escape it because I like to have ESPN on in the background for noise and they just keep running the promos for it, as if it were the Super Bowl. Let's all just agree to drop the facade, shall we? We're not tuning in to celebrate the mental brilliance of these kids or celebrate academia for the day. I know what this is, you know what this is: a chance to sit and giggle at socially-awkward and home-schooled kids. I especially find this ironic because these are the type of words that I would never have been allowed to use when I was at SportsTicker (owned by ESPN). They had the policy that if someone learned to read yesterday, then they should be able to read your recap today.

Look, it's not as if I don't appreciate good spelling. Hell, I'll correct misspelled words when responding to emails I receive (that's right, check your returned emails, kiddies). Also, I take great pleasure in hitting the spell-check button and seeing "no misspellings found." But, this is not a sport, so why the hell is it on ESPN? I understand that filling 5 networks with programming must be difficult, but you've got a ton of college sports wrapping up right now, you could have your pick of any of them to put on instead of a spelling bee. Maybe I'm the only guy who would rather watch college baseball, but I doubt that.

This is not the first time that ESPN has decided something qualifies as legitimate competition and therefore pushed it down our throat (poker, anyone?). And, I'm sure that it's merely a coincidence that they never talked about the results of the spelling bee until they signed a contract to show it on ESPN. Clearly, it gets good ratings, cause they have moved it up and will now show the finals on ABC in prime-time.

Really, though, this speaks to the awesome power of the brand that is ESPN. When they decide that something is important, god dammit, it becomes important. Sure, most of the country hates it when they take something insignificant and blow it up until it is the only aspect of the matters. But then every week we sit before game time and talk about whether or not Mangini and Belichick are friends based on their post-game handshake. Why should whether or not kids can correctly spell words with 15 letters be any different?

By the way, if you've ever wondered what it would be like to watch sports with me, this is the closest I can give you.

Manny Being an All-Star?

I find it pretty amusing that Manny Ramirez is doing well in the voting for the National League All-Star team. Ramirez, currently serving a 50 game suspension for failing a drug test, sits in 4th place in the standings. As of right now, that won't get him in the game, cause they only take the top 3 vote-getters as starters and then players and managers vote in the rest. Obviously, Manny won't be getting in that way. But, there is still time for fans to unite, vote him in and show major league baseball just how broken the system is.

You could make the case that it's not that big a deal, because this is just an exhibition. However, Ramirez will have just gotten back off of suspension and manager Joe Torre has said he'll start in the minor leagues until he gets his timing back. Essentially Manny Ramirez will make the All-Star team and effect who has home field advantage for the World Series, having played in 27 total games. Clearly, this shows just how stupid the voting system is for major league baseball. The fact that voting started about a week into the season is just another factor in this mess that baseball now has to deal with.

I'll be honest with you: my main issue here is that I hate fan voting. I've had a problem with fans voting players as starters ever since Kobe Bryant was named as a starter to on the NBA's All-Star team before he was even a starter on his own team. Too many knuckleheads out there don't take the time to do 5 minutes of research and actually see what kind of season a guy is having. I know, the game is supposed to be strictly for the fans and thus who plays and who doesn't won't mean that much in the grand scheme of things. However, whenever a player retires and we start to talk about whether or not that player is a Hall of Famer, the number of All-Star appearances they have is always thrown out as a consideration. If being an All-Star carries weight when it comes to the Hall of Fame, shouldn't the voting for it be taken a little more seriously?

Basically, I want fans to show how stupid this system is and therefore maybe they will change it so that fan voting isn't the only factor of who starts. I've never understood why you can't just name the team (two players at each position) and then fans pick from those guys. That way the team won't just be dominated by guys from St. Louis, New York and Boston.

I don't know; I'm getting off my soapbox. Now, in keeping with video week, here's a clip about Manny that also includes my favorite Dropkick Murphy song rolled into one.

Video Week

Seeing as how it is Tuesday and I've already posted a video everyday this week (plus, I have nothing exciting going on with me and thus nothing to write about) I've decided that this week will be "video week". I'm going to post some video every day, but do not expect a theme in here at all. Hopefully this will get some sort of creative juice going. If nothing else it will waste some of your time.

Today's video features the UConn baseball team and USF's baseball team passing the time during a rain delay by facing off in another type of competition: a dance off. I really wish that college baseball would use this instead of making teams play extra innings. Also, I wish college baseball would use wood bats versus aluminum. But, that's another topic for another time (see, this is already working to get the juices flowing).

All this really proves is that baseball can be damn boring if you have to stick around for a rain delay. Anyways, you can watch it for yourself, but I'm inclined to believe that UConn was the winner of the dance-off, if for no other reason than the human limbo pole. Also, USF totally stole my moves for the Apache dance.

Mailing it in for Memorial Day...

It's not like I'm not gonna post something just cause it's a holiday. But, at the same time, you won't be getting the A+ material today. Not to mention, I wrote this on Thursday and scheduled it for a late post time Monday just to make sure my streak of posting every day stayed alive. So, either nothing worth writing about has happened on my Memorial Day, or it's something so awesome that it's still going on. Ponder that while you watch this, a new video from Andy Samberg and crew. Props for including T-Pain, who is my favorite rapper... even if asking me who my favorite rapper is, is a lot like asking me which is my favorite soccer team.

Still, I want my brother to play this every time he launches his boat on New Pond...

Yard Sale Ramblings

For the better part of two years, my family has been threatening to have a yard sale. If we no longer needed something that could possibly be of value, we were told not to throw it away because it would be added to this theoretical yard sale. Well, yesterday it finally happened - we actually went through with the yard sale. My personal contributions were 12 VHS videos, 2 VHS racks (as you can see, my convergence to DVD is going well) and a mini zen-like electric fountain that has been collecting dust for 2 years. I was expecting the rest of my family's contributions to be around what I was offering... not much. But, that was not the case as my mom and aunt had boxes and boxes and boxes of treasure to try and sell. Clearly, they took the collecting of items a lot more seriously than I did. Despite some rain (and blood - mine. I always seem to find a way to cut my shins when moving stuff) right before we started, we pushed ahead with the sale and were rewarded with nice weather the rest of the day.

Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I must confess right away that I broke the cardinal rule of yard sales: I went shopping at my own family's yard sale. After all, the point of a yard sale is to get rid of this stuff, not simply move it around the family. But, hear me out first before you judge. As a new golfer, I don't have all the fun toys yet. There are tons of little gadgets and gizmos that the golf world makes you think you need when you're starting out. On the other side is my uncle, who's been golfing for years. He's got every toy you can think of, or in the case of a golf ball monogrammer, he's got 4 of every toy you can think of. I got a ball monogrammer, along with an electric club cleaner and one of those golf balls on a string that you can hit and it tells you how far it would have gone (by the way, of all these things are awesome). And, if I get sick of them by the fall, I'll simply add them to the next yard sale.

As for the rest of the crowd, I couldn't get over the vultures that stopped by this thing. Since this was my family's first yard sale, we were a bit discombobulated at the start. The sign said 10am - 1 pm, but we were still setting up tables at 10 am because of the rain. There were cars circling the block waiting for us to be done with setup. It was unbelievable. Even more surprising than the people who waited were the people who didn't. The first car drove by around 9 am, just trying to see if we had anything of value they could try and swoop in and nab before we officially started. Once we were up and running, there were a couple of notable characters, like the woman who spent 20 minutes going through all the old silverware we were trying to offload, but only wanted two or three specific spoons. Also the guy who tried to tell me that the linen set marked $10 was only marked as $2. Then again, most of the people that stopped were driving Audis, Lexuses and BMWs, so they clearly know something that I don't. After a huge flurry right when we started, when the pros were on the prowl, things slowed down to a normal pace the rest of the afternoon.

I think people got good deals from us. A big factor in this is the fact that my family is made up of people who want to buy really nice presents for each other, but also do not know how to haggle when it comes time to re-sell stuff. Also, we weren't looking to retire from the profits of the sales, we just wanted this stuff to not be cluttering up our homes anymore. So, if you stopped by you could get really nice stuff on the cheap. Most of the negotiations at the sale went like this:

Person, holding up item with the price clearly marked as $5:
How much is this?
Member of my family, fighting the urge to say, "Just take it":
Umm... $2.
Person, realising we're yard sale rookies:
Oh... Will you take $1?
Us, happy to have one less thing to put back in the garage:
Sure.

As for the stuff that I put up: we sold some of the videos, one of the VHS racks and I think one person looked at the fountain. But, there were people there asking for stuff that we didn't have (honestly, who expects Waterford to be sold at a yard sale?) and so I think it's appropriate to put up some yard sale thoughts from one of my favorite comedians, John Caparulo.

Jokes.com
John Caparulo - Yard Sale
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Joke of the Day Stand-Up Comedy Free Online Games

Easy There, Richie Rich...

So, I was watching the horse race last Saturday (I picked the wrong horse... who could have guessed my system of picking whichever horse is #6 was, in fact, quite wrong) and they were talking about the horses that were own by some Saudi Arabian princes and the way that they had to specially fly the horses over for the race. This got me to thinking: these guys are billionaires. Multi-billionaires, probably. But, do you think they ever get to the point where they are like, "Yeah, I'm not paying for that?"

As is often the case with people who do not have great wealth, I'm fascinated by those that do. I'm curious if people who have more money than they could ever spend in a lifetime reach a point when they still have that internal voice that says, "that's too much money." Like, do you think Oprah ever reaches a point where she sees something she wants, but tells herself to wait until it's on sale? I mean, she wasn't born into money, had to save every nickle and dime she made when she was starting out, but do you think she now has decided that she's saved long enough? Does Bill Gates uses coupons when he goes food shopping? Does he even do his own food shopping?

Now, as for these Saudi Arabian Princes, I highly doubt that they have that voice in their head. They grew up in palaces, have always had servants so I doubt they ever really knew the value of a dollar. I just think it would be funny to have heard this conversation in the stables before they put the horses on the plane:

Prince: Are you sure I needed to buy a jumbo jet just for this trip?
Horse Trainer: Oh, absolutely. These are delicate animals. Can't ship them just freight. Ok, your Highness. We've got the special harnesses for the horses during the flight...
Prince: Yes, of course, very necessary.
Horse Trainer: Then we've got special feed that they need to keep them in running form.
Prince: Sure, sure.
Horse Trainer: Then we've got my staff of 6 to monitor them on the trip...
Prince: Six? I mean, it's only two horses...
Horse Trainer: Add to that the band we booked for in-flight entertainment.
Prince: I don't remember agreeing to that.
Horse Trainer: Don't worry, you did. Also we have treadmill for the horses to train while in-flight.
Prince: It just seems like some of this stuff is unnecessary...
Horse Trainer: Then we've got the system to extra filter their water. They love water that's extra filtered.
Prince: Wait, extra filtered water? I mean, jees... it's a horse. Can't you just use water from a hose?... I'm just saying, this all seems very expensive.

-On an unrelated note: Really, Mets fans? Billy Buckner chants? Is that the best you're gonna do this weekend? Really? I expected better. You let me down.

Personalized Plates

As the Memorial Day Weekend arrives, it signals the start of people going down the Cape for short trips. My family is planning to use our beach house with regularity this year and as the self-appointed caretaker of the place, I wanted to make sure it was all set for the season. So, I ventured down this morning to make sure that everything was as in order as could be expected.

Traffic had already started to thicken up as I made the cross over route 24. That stretch of road dips from 3 lanes to 2 so you can't move around the slow cars as easily, and I was forced to reduce my speed and gather in with the rest of the people slowly making their way to the Bourne bridge (suckers, I get off before that and save myself tons of traffic). Since I was going slower I was able to take in some of the sights to my left and right and noticed quite a few personalized license plates. Seems like it must be easier to order them, cause every other car had one.

When it comes to the personalized license plate, I feel that's a tricky line to toe. It is much like the bumper sticker. As the hilarious Demetri Martin once said, "I like those cars that have the entire back covered with bumper stickers. It's a shortcut. It's like a giant sign that says "Let's not hang out. Ever." One or two is ok, anything more than that is excessive. With license plates you can risk giving away too much info about yourself or setting your fellow motorist up for a fall. For example, if your plate says FXY LDY, then you had damn well be foxy and a lady. When I pull up next to that car, I do not want to be greeted by a dude with more facial hair than me.

Whatever you want it to read, though, you should put it into a form other people could understand. The whole point of a personalized plate is to be notice, after all, so making it a word game that people have to guess at 80 mph is a pretty easy way to ensure you wasted your time thinking it up.

Star Trek Re-Boot

It's not often that I'll venture out to see a blockbuster movie the same week it opens. Most of the time I'm perfectly content to wait a week or two and see it once the dust has settled and the next big movie has come along. But, I'll make the occasional exception and go to a matinee during a school week, cause then you get the full theatre experience, without the hassle of all those people talking. For example, today's viewing was in a theatre with 6 total people.

I was conflicted about the new Star Trek movie. On the whole, I'm not a fan of these 're-boots' that studios have been doing with movie franchises lately. They can get a little fuzzy with the time line (this, I contend, is what killed Superman Returns - a movie I desperately wanted to like), and if it's a prequel, as this is, then going in you get the feeling that you already know how it's going to end, cause obviously everyone survived to see the future movies.

On the other hand, I was a bit of a Trekkie growing up (just The Next Generation, really.... Still, everyday that I think about it I am less and less surprised at my dating record growing up), so I still wanted to see how they were going to work this. Plus Josh, who is a HUGE Trekkie, gave me one of the better reviews ever: "I didn't blink the whole movie. That's how much action there is." Alright, considered me intrigued. Plus, it was a chance to finally go to the new Foxboro Showcase Cinema so you're getting two reviews at once: the theatre and the movie.

The movie first: holy... fucking... shit. This was such a good movie. Great special effects, great way of making old characters seem new again and great plotline. Without giving anything away, they were able to satisfy the hardcore fans and all their fears about how this would work, while at the same time making a movie that was hip enough to work at a level that even non-Star Trek fans could appreciate. It's a lot more character-driven than you would expect and not nearly as sci-fi geek motivated. I thought the casting was great - no one big star to pull all the attention away from anyone else. The biggest name in the film is actually the bad guy and it took me until the end of the credits to figure out where I knew that voice from. There are a lot of 'that guys' all over this thing. You know, when you're watching something and suddenly you recognize the face, but have no idea of the name. "Oh hey, it's that guy from Lord of the Rings... and the kid from Alpha Dog (under-rated movie, by the way)... and it's that guy from Shaun of the Dead... and oh, look, Harold, from Harold and Kumar." I can not recommend this movie strongly enough if you're a Star Trek fan. And, even if you hated the movie or the show growing up, give this thing a chance when it comes out on video.

As for the theatre: I really enjoyed the experience. Normally I'm hesitant to even go near Foxboro Stadium, cause when you work someplace for two years and only enjoyed about a third of that time, you're not really looking forward to being near it again. Honestly, I can't go into the Showcase Live half without thinking about bar setups. But, the theatre still has that 'new building' gleam to it, so it's nice. The floors aren't sticky, there isn't any graffiti anywhere and the chairs are comfy, even if they don't recline as much as you expect. If the Krafts make sure that the staff keeps up the maintenance on the whole place (not just the luxury level seats) then this could become my go-to theatre, replacing Randolph.

Also, as an added bonus, they had an extended preview for the new G.I. Joe, which, again I'm going to look into a midnight showing for.

-And on a side note: this "Thank You Fans" video that the Celtics put out is just further proof that if you put slow motion anything over a power ballad, even if it's not a very good power ballad and it's slow motion of people that I pray everyday don't sit next to me at Celtics games, I will watch it 14 times in one day.

The Perils of Sunroofy Goodness

For years, I've said that the best part about living in Massachusetts is that you get to experience all the seasons. Sure, occasionally, it seems like we skip right the hell over spring, but not this year. This year we've had a string of great days that are just the kind of weather I like: mid-60's, light breeze and cloudless. Apparently that's everyday in San Diego, but I assume you would get spoiled by that weather all the time.

Well, yesterday was one of those days. It was gorgeous out. So, as I was out doing various errands, I really wanted to open the sunroof in my truck. The only problem is that it's high pollen season here in Massachusetts. As a result my truck has been covered in spores and looks like someone poured yellow chalk dusk all over my car. I figured that I shouldn't risk opening the sunroof just yet. Once I got home, however, I hosed down my car and got most of the pollen off. Then I took heavy-duty spray cleaner and cleaned the sunroof from both inside and outside of the truck. It worked great and the window was spotless. Next time I had to go out I was all set to open the sunroof and enjoy the nice day. Almost.

You see, I love my truck. It's got all the bells, whistles and stupid little extra features that a guy like me, who is not really a car guy, just loves. There is just one thing that I forgot to take into account: the sunroof deflector. This piece of plastic sits in the front of the sunroof and acts as a rain shield so that the window doesn't rust and leak on the edge. Also, it has movable slots in the middle so you could actually force wind into the car for extra circulation (fancy, I know). What I forgot is that the deflector actually has another function: pollen collector. I had only given the roof of the truck a token spray with the hose in an attempt to get the large clumps of pollen off. I hadn't thought to get in close and get under the deflector. As a result, there were lots of little pieces of pollen under the shield and when I opened the sunroof and started driving they all started raining into my car.

I got covered in this crap. Pollen, pieces of leaves - even a couple tiny bugs: they all started falling into my truck. Now, another thing you may not know about me is that I am pretty crazed about keeping the interior of my truck clean. It's not like I won't let people eat in my truck... they just can't eat anything that may cause crumbs. I just like to keep a clean vehicle; it's an extension of my neat-freakness. So, as you can imagine, I was not happy with this little storm of crap being kicked up into my driver's seat.

Let this serve as a lesson, boys and girls: make sure you clean all around your sunroof before you open it.

This Guy is Both a Winner and a Loser

The last couple of days everyone has been weighing in on the story of The Happy Youngster. This is a guy who's main hobby in life is going to baseball games and catching baseballs; either foul balls or homeruns, he doesn't really care. He must be pretty good at it: to date he's caught almost 800. Now, that's fine, everyone needs a hobby. But, this guy apparently has a side business; holding those balls for ransom.

At a recent Marlins/Brewers game he caught the first ever home run by Marlins' player Chris Coghlan (wow, he must have had to fight off quite the crowd in the bleachers... I mean this is the Marlins playing the Brewers). Now, standard issue for a ball that isn't historic (sorry, Chris, this doesn't qualify) but is still a ball the player would want, is a signed baseball, maybe a bat if the player is feeling generous. But, The Happy Youngster (oh yes, he goes by the nickname... he even has tee shirts. I just hope he didn't give himself the nickname. Giving yourself a nickname is lame) wanted memorabilia signed not only by Coghlan, but his much more famous teammate Hanley Ramirez. Also, tickets to a Marlins/Brewers game in Miami.

Now whether he was asking for too much is up for debate. Personally, I think these baseball players are doing ok for themselves - they can afford to sign a bat for the guy. Also, it's not like you're ever going to find me taking the side of a professional team. They gouge fans with ticket prices - they can stand to be have their feet held to the fire every now and again. Would I have asked for all that stuff? Nope. But, again, this isn't my hobby. So, congrats, Happy Youngster, you got the memorabilia you wanted - you won.

But, dude, you also lost. The main issue I have with this guy is that I just don't think anyone over the age of 14 should be bringing a glove to a baseball game. Now, I've never caught a foul ball before, but at age 29, I've made my peace with that. If that's the worst thing that can be said when all is said and done then I'll be ok. I think shagging foul balls is best left for kids. Should it comes right at you then you may have no choice but to protect the family jewels, but no one over the age of 17 should be going after foul balls with vigor. It just looks wrong to see grown men scrambling to get a ball that means nothing in the grand scheme of things. That goes double for pro athletes (Ricky Henderson and Doug Flutie, I'm looking at you).

-Far be it from me to accuse the sport of Bodybuilding of having a steroid problem - but if the guy shows up to give the random drug tests and everyone in the competition runs for the door, well, I would imagine that can't help your image too much.

More Real-Time Ramblings

I've spent some time clicking around on Twitter lately and while I'm still not about to sign up for an account, I have started to see the benefits to some of them. The ones that comedians use to post jokes a couple times a week are quite amusing (Colbert's is especially funny). But, the main reason for doing this again is not Twitter envy, it's based more on the fact that it worked the last game 7 the Celtics faced and I'm not about to risk the mojo. So, get comfy, here we go again.

7:57 Ok, I'm strapped in and ready to go. I just want to say the NBA screwed this up royally. They should have switched the Celtics/Magic game with the Lakers/Rockets game. But, no, the West Coast game needed to be over by 2 pm local time while the Celtics game will be done at almost 11 pm local time when most people have to work the next day. Good looking out for your fans. And yes, this rage is based solely on the fact that I'm going to have to deal with the Family Guy season finale overlapping with this game.

7:59 Full confession here: I have no freaking idea how this game is going to go. The Celtics are the mentally tougher team, but the Magic are more talented and healthier. This could go down to the wire, or either team could win by 20. Then again, Patrick Ewing guaranteed a Magic win, so I think that bodes well for the Celtics.

8:02 Wait, are they showing the starting line-ups? On TNT? That's a pleasant surprise. Stan Van Gundy lounges on the bench and looks like he's just waiting for a table at AppleBee's. Nice and relaxed. Meanwhile the jumbotron shows a video chronicling all the game 7's in Boston. I need to download that immediately.

8:08 You ever know a guy who everyone tells you is so great, only when you see him it feels like he's trying too hard to convince everyone how nice a guy he is, so all it really does is make you convinced he's a giant douchebag? Dwight Howard, everybody!

8:09 The refs call an offensive foul on Ray Allen for trying to get away from J.J. Redick. Should have been a no-call, Stan Van Gundy tried for two years to get away from Redick. (rim shot) I'll be here all week, don't forget to tip your waitresses.

8:13 All the Magic points have come on 3-pointers. Please, fire away, I'll take my chances. You'll miss a lot more of those than you'll make and that'll lead to long rebound opportunities. Yes, take your big man out of the equation, Orlando. Good call.

8:18 It's 17-9, Orlando. I don't like the way this has started. The Magic are getting every loose ball, every rebound. They're just playing harder right now.

8:23 Pierce gets mauled on one end with no foul called, the Magic bury a 3 down the other end. This is going badly, quickly.

8:26 Paul is called for a foul, so he and the official talk about it. I can only imagine the official is telling him about the great deal he just got for his family to visit Disney World. But, Scal is checking in for the Celtics, we'll be ok now.

8:27 The Celtics have a 2-on-1 breakaway... and the layup is blocked. You ever get the feeling that it may just not be your night?

8:29 Again, the Celtics are expecting Pierce to find his own offense. He takes it to the hole and gets his first points of the night. But, no, let's run more offense so Scal can shoot three's.

8:35 Perk forces Howard into a terrible hook shot from 12 feet. Howard has no game from more than 7 feet. Why does everyone continue to tell me how great he is? Also, this is why I love Perk. He won't ever be a dominant center in the league, but he'll make guys like Howard work for the next 10 years.

8:36 At the end of 1 quarter the Magic lead 27-17. The Celtics need to pick up the intensity or this could get out of hand.

8:38 Just to clarify something: I don't care how great your mansion in Hollywood is. If you throw a party and the only alcohol to drink is Smirnoff Ice, I'm going to stop being your friend.

8:40 Ok, lets get this down to 4 at halftime. That's nice and workable. The lineup to start the second quarter: Pierce, Marbury, Scal, House, and Big Baby. This would be Doc's "throw a line-up against the wall and see what sticks" strategy.

8:42 The Magic go massive, bringing in Tony Battie along side Dwight Howard. Fun Fact: Tony Battie once hit on my sister Amy.

8:44 Howard travels and steps on the line at the same time. Begrudgingly, the refs call him on it.

8:50 Marcin Gortat slams home the dunk, making it 35-21. Unfortunately, he simultaneously poked 3 people in the 4th row with his nose. Oh, that's right: down 14, I've openly turned to insults.

8:53 Celtics get it to 37-27. They just can't seem to get the lead down to less than 10.

8:56 Howard body checks Perk and trips Davis at the same time, committing the rare double foul at once... so the refs call him for 3 seconds in the lane. I hate NBA refs sometimes.

9:00 Ray Allen finally shows up in the game, hits a layup and gets the lead down to 6. Maybe they can finally make that run I've been waiting for.

9:03 Howard gets called for his third foul... sure, it's actually the 10th one he's committed, but who's counting.

9:07 Ray Allen buries the Celtics first 3 pointer of the night. Took them long enough... and it's immediately answered by Rafer Alston. Man, they can not close the gap in this game.

9:10 Out of a timeout the Celtics commit a 24-second violation. That's a hell of a coaching job there, Doc.

9:12 At halftime it 45-38. Ok, they're down, but at least its a manageable deficit.

9:15 Hehe... Family Guy.

9:20 I got to be honest with you, Will Ferrell, I have no desire to see Land of the Lost. It's the first movie of yours that I'm planning to skip since Bewitched.

9:35 Celtics start the half on a mini 4-point run, cut the lead to within 3. They just need to get over that hump and get a lead here. Let Orlando fight to stay in the game for a change.

9:37 Rashard Lewis hits a 3. Davis was no where near him, cause he can't stick with him. He's killed us all series. Why not throw Mikki Moore at him, just to see if the height messes with him at all. What could it hurt, Doc?

9:42 J.J. Redick for a long 3. Now I remember why I hated him at Duke. Also, I take back my "fire away, I'll take my chances" comment from the start of the game.

9:47 Turkoglu for yet another 3. It's back to a 10-point Magic lead. The Celtics can not let this get back out of hand. Then you're essentially asking them to win the game twice.

9:54 Perk misses two really close layups. The Celtics have missed a bunch of layups tonight. Perk needed to dunk that shit.

9:57 Rondo buries a long two-pointer to beat the third quarter buzzer. It's 66-61 after 3 quarters. Ok, if the Celtics can stick around for the next 8 minutes they can make a charge and steal this game.

10:04 Instead the Magic hit a couple 3's and it's 74-61. Shit, did I miss a pre-game ritual that I forgot about?

10:06 TNT scans the crowd for 'celebrity' fans and comes up with Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner and Eliza Dushku. Really, this is the best we can do? Ok, I've been to dozens of games the last few years and I've never seen any of these people. Also, bandwagon celebrities suck worse than the average bandwagon fans cause they take the good seats.

10:08 Turkoglu hits another 3. I blame Ben Affleck for this. Isn't there a Red Sox game you should be fighting for camera time at?

10:11 Jees, the Magic lead is already up to 17. What the hell just happened? That escalated quickly. It definitely jumped up a notch. Ok, new goal: get it to 10 points with 5 minutes to go. That's a workable goal.

10:12 Howard picks up his 5th foul - that could help. Maybe we won't be so tentative on the drives to the hoop now.

10:17 I've never seen more commercials for a show where I don't know a single person that enjoys it than House of Payne.

10:27 With 5 minutes left the Celtics are still down double-digits, 90-75. I bet you $10,000 the Afflecks have already headed for the exits.

10:28 Howard checks back in. The Magic have only lost 5 points of the 17 point lead they had when he went out. I'm going to use that as ammo to prove Howard isn't as important to his team as the rest of the NBA commentators would like us to believe.

10:30 A personal 5 point spurt by Turkoglu makes it 95-78, Magic. Fine, he's a good player, but I bet he has really bad B.O.

10:31 I just want to give credit to the guy sitting behind Marv Albert and Reggie Miller. You were on TV for a solid minute and you didn't pull out a cellphone, wave or otherwise embarrass your family. Kudos to you, sir.

10:32 Alston nails another 3. The lead is 20 now as people start to head for the exits. Honestly, I can't blame them. Reggie Miller is talking up Dwight Howard. The dude had 12 points. It was Turkoglu and Lewis who beat us tonight, not Howard.

10:33 Doc is ready to concede the game. And you can tell, cause Tony Allen checks in. That's right, the Human White Flag is in the game. I guess you can't be surprised this team ran out of gas. We used to use Scal as our Human Victory Cigar; now we're expecting him to be the first guy off the bench and guard the other team's best scorer. When I actually type that out, I realize it's amazing we made it to 7 games.

10:35 Time to look to next season. Here are the free agents and what I expect: House (player option, probably sticking around), Glen Davis (someone is going to over-pay him this offseason. I hope it's not us), Marbury (yeah, the experiment didn't work - bye), Powe (can't expect people will be lining up to pay him coming off knee surgery, we could get him for cheap), Gabe Pruitt (saw no reason to bring him back), Mikki Moore (I always liked him, would like to see if he could crack the rotation with a full training camp). Speak of the devil, Moore checks in.

10:38 It's over. Final score, 101-82. Well, that sucked. Kind of a bummer ending to the title defense. I don't see Orlando beating Cleveland more than twice in the next series. Honestly, though, I'm just in the camp that's rooting for "anyone but the Lakers." Then again, I don't really care: I'm checking out of the NBA until next October. It's NBA draft and Red Sox until Patriots' Training Camp.

Power-Outage Ramblings

This morning I was awoken by a particularly loud beeping noise coming from the corner of my room. Now, it being Sunday I had not set an alarm, so I was both confused and annoyed at the same time. It was my cable box, unhappy that it was no longer receiving any power, letting me know that it was shutting itself off.

Apparently there was an accident a couple streets over that had taken down a pole and now I was without power for the foreseeable future. I wasn't too bummed, as long as the power was back on by the Celtics game tonight I would be fine (and, as you can see by the fact that I was able to get online and post this, we cleared that by a large margin). So, I spent the next couple of hours wandering my house, waiting for the power to kick back on. I few things occurred to me during that time and I felt like sharing them with you now.

• When there is no power, it is a great time to get things done. Without the constant voice in the back of my head telling me it's time to check my email again, I got all sorts of tasks done that I would normally put off. I cleaned my golf clubs, emptied and re-loaded the dishwasher and folded some towels. I was very productive.
  
• I'm extremely well-trained when it comes to turning off lights when I leave rooms. Even when there was no light on, I still went to turn it off as I moved to another room.
  
• I need to go to the library more frequently. I read the latest Golf Digest cover to cover and now not only do I have nothing to read should the power go out again, I've screwed up my bathroom reading until the next issue arrives.
  
• It's at times like these when you really notice and appreciate things like natural lighting in your house. The upstairs hallway is quite dark.
  
• Those people who voluntarily go on those shows where you live like it's the 1600's again are nuts. Yeah, I was fine for a little while, but I started to miss my iDock after noticing how quiet it was.
  
• For a man who can pretty much make his own schedule, I have a lot of clocks in my room. Not counting the cable box I had 3 clocks that I had to reset and it's not that big of a room - you would think I had somewhere to be or a time to be there.

Now, while I obviously prefer having power to, you know... not, it wasn't a bad couple hours. Also, I lucked out that it's kind of cold and crappy today, not one of those August days when it's in the 90's. Me without air conditioning would have been a completely different type of ramblings.

I Should Be in the Clear, Right?

A couple weeks ago, my dad hired a landscaper to come in and try to save our lawn. For years, my father and I have been trying all sorts of different techniques to try and fill in the patches, dead spots and moss that has covered the back yard for the last few years. We can get some sporadic results and by the end of the summer it starts to look ok, but every spring we're right back where we started. It was time for a professional.

The guy came in and laid down 100 pounds of grass seed. Right now, we're under orders to let it stay as it is and he'll come back and do the first cut of the season. In the mean time, we're just supposed to water the crap out of it and let nature do the rest. So far, so good as the lawn has lots of new grass coming in.

Eventually, though, the lawn care is going to fall back to me and so it was time to dig out the lawn mower and bury the snowblower. Last spring I did a massive re-organization of the shed (Does any one need a bike? Seriously, I have like 7 in there and no one in my family bikes. Anyone? Bueller?) so that it would be easier to do the Seasonal Shit in the Shed Shift (or the 4S, as I like to call it), which is when I put away the shovels and pull out the rakes. Now, Mother Nature has shown me that she has a weird sense of humor and it seems that she likes to mess with me when it comes to what I do in the shed. Plan to get gas for the snowblower tomorrow? It'll snow tonight. Get all set for the big snow storm that's supposed to come on Friday? The system will miss us by 50 miles.

So, you can imagine my trepidation when it came to finally putting the snowblower away for the season. I would hate to be the reason that it snows in May. But, I decided that since it was warm all week, then I should be safe. Still, since I did the 4S, the temperature has dropped 10 degrees in the last 2 hours. I'm sure it's a coincidence, but just in case I still know where my gloves are.

Quickies for Friday

-Now, I would never root against the Red Sox, cause that's not my style. But, when they're going against a guy with the last name Jakubauskas... well, you know I like it when the Litzskis represent. There aren't that many of us in pro sports today. This is just getting me one step closer to hearing Al Michaels actually pronounce my name correctly when I input myself into Madden. How about a nice outing for Jaku (see, we're already on a nickname basis) before the Mariners bullpen blows the game? Oh, and a homer for Junior Griffey to make me feel 12 year's old again.

- I guess Alan Keyes is all up in arms that President Obama will be speaking at Notre Dame's commencement this weekend. Good to see that Keyes, a Cornell graduate, is so concerned about what's happening in South Bend. Oh, and he's been caught trespassing on campus twice in the last two days. Dude, when campus police are busting you, it's time to give up the life of crime. I can't believe this guy was once a serious candidate in a Presidential campaign. By the way, the key line in the story is "None of those arrested were students." That's because they're all too busy already getting drunk.

-Speaking of commencement addresses that will be taking place soon, who do you think will get more security: Oprah on the campus of Duke University, or Vice President Joe Biden up at Syracuse?

-The NBA is debating whether or not to implement instant replay challenges into a game. Let me make it easy for you: NO. Look, I get that you want to get it right, but NBA officials are already allowed to check replay for whether a shot is a two or three pointer. Add a clause that allows them to check close out of bounds plays at the end of quarters and that should be enough. This isn't like football when you only get 4 or 5 possessions a game; in the NBA you get closer to 50. No one possession in the middle of the third quarter makes that much of a difference. Sorry to break it to you, Stern, but there are long stretches on NBA games that aren't crucial to the outcome.

-To answer your question: no, I don't want to talk about the horrific night that Boston sports teams had. I would have been better off going the Luke route: losing the right to watch sports on a coin flip and instead watching 2 hours of Grey's Anatomy. Wait, why am I in such a rush to date again?

It's Hard to Spend Just $10 on the Internet

At Christmas time I was determined not to use my credit cards. Money was tight enough for me, the last thing that I needed was to heap some interest charges on top of whatever I payed for gifts. But, the problem I faced was that I found some gifts that would be perfect, only I couldn't find them in any local stores, only on the Internet. I came up with the idea of buying one of those gift card that you could use like a credit card and using that instead; it would get me the gifts that I needed and wouldn't be paying interest charges, only shipping.

The plan worked pretty well for me (we'll discuss the outrageousness (damn you, spell check, it is a word) that is the cost of shipping in a minute) and I got all the gifts that I needed. I was left with just over $10 on the gift card. Then I got an email the other day and it turns out that I'm going to get hit with card "maintenance" fees if I don't use all the money up and so it's spend it or lose it time. To prevent this from happening I've spent the past couple days casually looking around on the Internet, trying to find something to buy. The problem is that the only things I really want right now (new driver, new golf bag) cost a lot more than $10. Anything else I either don't really need or don't really want. I was further constricted because, let's be honest, any shopping I do for myself is going to come from one of four categories: Celtics, Patriots, Notre Dame or golf.

The other issue is that you can't buy anything on the web without getting hit with huge shipping costs. The few things that I looked at were like $4 and then cost me $6 in shipping. So it's going to cost more to ship it to my house than it is to buy it? No wonder the economy is screwy (yeah, those two things are not at all connected, I know, but let me have my faux-political rage). Anyways, I found it was really hard to find anything on the Internet that was worth the money and would still allow me to stay under my strict $10 limit.

I ended up buying a 3-pack of Notre Dame golf balls (which, when it comes to my golf game, is the equivalent of throwing the money into a pond) for cheap and it actually left me with another $2.87 on the gift card. I found that much easier to spend, as it's exactly the cost of two songs off of Amazon at .99 cents and one at .89 cents. The only issue then was finding classic songs to download because, as I've discussed on this blog before, the music coming out today sucks. But, I was successful and cleared out the gift card without a cent left to waste.

So, go ahead, you try and spend under $10 on the Internet without buying totally useless crap. It's not as easy as it looks.

Sandals and Quick Hits

The other day I had some shopping to do and headed up to the Wrentham Outlets. First off, I don't know why I go there - it is exactly the opposite of the kind of places I should do my shopping. I like to be able to hit stores rapid fire; get in and get out. Instead the stores that I needed to go to were in different sections of the outlet, and that meant dealing with crowds of people, all of whom like to travel in groups of at least 6, walk slowly, then stop in the middle of walkways and just generally get in my way. Imagine driving in the left lane of the highway only to come across a line of sand trucks... in June. Now you get the level of my frustration.

As an added bonus, I thought since it was so warm on Saturday that it would have been a great idea to wear my Patriots sandals when I went shopping (I had also just finished laundry and was trying to avoid wearing socks). I don't usually wear these things. They're comfortable enough, but they're more 'checking the mail' footwear versus 'walking around outlet stores for an hour' footwear. As a result they aren't very broken in and so I'm now sporting a lovely quartet of blisters on my feet. I will, for the life of me, never understand why girls love wearing sandals so much.

Oh and, as it turns out, the Callaway shop just sells Callaway clothes.

-Far be it from me to try and council the opponent's head coach, but if I'm Orlando and I know that I'm down 3 with under 10 seconds to go and the Celtics having already shown that they will foul instead of allowing the three point attempt, thus turning the game into a free throw shooting contest, why the hell would Dwight Howard (a guy who shoots 55% from the line), even be on the court? It makes no sense. Yes, he made the free-throw, but it speaks to a larger issue of not thinking everything through. Again, just another sign that Orlando isn't ready to make the jump to NBA Title Contender.

-Most of the time the Patriots get things right. The times when I have thought they've screwed up are few and far between. But, re-issuing the #80 to a Alex Smith was a screw up. That number needs to be removed from circulation. No one else is ever going to wear #12, no one else should wear #80.

-Hey, you wanna go to a Red Sox game? I heard about a guy who needs to offload 13 games worth of tickets.

My Back Yard has become the Killing Fields...

Last week we decided that the weather had turned nice enough that we should fill the bird feeder that hangs in the back yard to bring some birds around. Predictably, it also brought the squirrels out of the woodwork, but you take the good with the bad, it seems. We had the typical assortment of cardinals, blue jays, orioles and other birds that I don't know what they are, because they don't double as mascots for professional baseball teams. But, over the course of the week we had lots of visitors and had to re-fill the bird feeder quickly.

On Saturday I was walking past the bay window in the kitchen that looks into the backyard when I saw a large bird near the deck. It was much larger than the typical winged creatures we have back there, so I slowly peered out the window to get a better look. Turns out it was a good sized hawk, with a smaller bird pinned beneath it's talons. I wasn't quite sure what to do - I mean, I'm not one to mess with the circle of life. But, the poor thing was still twitching. I got some nice pictures of the hawk, but since you can see the other bird being pinned to death, I'll spare you from having to see them here. Before I could decide whether or not it would be better to try and scare the hawk into leting the smaller bird go and just be wounded or to let the hawk finish his business, he took off with the smaller bird in his clutches. All that was left was a clump of feathers.

Well, that was four days ago and since then we've had a serious drop in our bird visitor activities. We didn't see a single bird for the rest of Saturday or Sunday and still have only seen a scant few birds drop in since. Apparently the word has gotten out that no one is going to help you if you're attacked while visiting the Rakauskas' feeder. If only that hawk had grabbed a squirrel instead - those guys still come around every day.

Busy Night on the Couch

Last night was a tremendously stressful night for my remote (note: it is not a clicker. Nothing clicks when you press any button. Stop calling it the clicker.). There was a lot of stuff going on last night and because the people controlling the networks wanted my head to explode, it was all happening at around the same time. Between the Celtics playoff game, the Bruins trying to fight off elimination, Red Sox versus Rays in what has become one of the better series in baseball and new Family Guy last night was not the night to have old batteries in the remote.

I have thoughts on all of them, taken in the reverse order of how much of them I watched.

- I'm not sure how much longer the Big Pop-Up experiment can go on here. We need to get some power out of the 3 spot in the lineup and right now Ortiz isn't providing any. You know it's bad when a double gets people that excited. We've been waiting for him to explode for about a month now and it still isn't happening. I don't doubt that he'll get it going eventually, but if he keeps going at this rate he's going to have to get dropped in the lineup until he does. Still, despite Ortiz's struggles right now I think it's only a matter of time before the Sox completely lap the Blue Jays. Tampa Bay is really in the midst of a World Series hangover and the Sox should put as much distance between themselves as they can right now.

-Carolina came out last night perfectly content to let this game go. I was shocked at how, once the Bruins went up 2-0, the Hurricanes started to just skate through the motions. I mean, they only had 19 shots on goal the entire game. You can't let a team as good as the Bruins off the mat, because the last thing that that Carolina team wants is to have to come back to Boston for a Game 7 in which the Bruins will have all the momentum.

-Family Guy is just brilliant. Even if last night's episode wasn't an all-time classic, it was still just great. Also, it almost perfectly synced with halftime of the Celtics' game, which I appreciated.

-Allow me to give you a stream of consciousness of the final 11 seconds of that game: "Too much dribbling... gave it to Pierce too far out... this is bad... get it to Allen... why did you pass it to Davis? No...No... NO... NOO....YESS!!!!"

And then there was much jumping and fist-pumping.

-So, I love the NBA "Where Amazing Happens" ads, and I also love that there is a guy on YouTube who whips them up almost immediately after the game ends. Here's the one from last night. Keep watching at the end when Davis just shoves the kid who think he's allowed on the court out of the way. That's the danger of courtside seats.

p.s. This reminded me, anyone know how to get YouTube videos onto my iPod?

Happy Mother's Day!

I want to say Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there. But especially to my mom.

My mom rocks. I'm sure the four of us were a handful growing up (especially Amy. Go ahead, mom, you can admit it) and still she was always tough but fair with us. When I took a special interest in sports she tried to follow along as best she could so we would always have something to talk about (just yesterday she was saying how much trouble the Celtics are in because so many players are "sick"). And now she's become a big softie as a grandmother, because at Mamo and Poppa's house there are no rules.

Please notice how my Dad is the only one facing at the camera. Just trying to keep order.

If you needed further proof of just how great my mom is, she was able to take these two handfuls...

My sisters were always snazzy dressers...

and show them how to be world-class moms themselves.

This picture is proof the "not looking at the camera" gene is hereditary...

...and so is being a snazzy dresser.

So Happy Mother's Day to Mom, Shiv and Amy. I love you all.

Quantum of... What the Hell?

I'm a little behind on my movie reviews, so you're getting a couple at once...

-In the interest of full disclosure, I am not a James Bond aficionado. I've watched most, but not all, of the previous films and read exactly none of the books - so I am far from an expert on the subject. Hell, I even thought Pierce Brosnan was an ok James Bond which, if you ask the hardcore fans, makes me an idiot. But, I know enough about movies that I feel I can tell you I wasn't feeling the latest James Bond movie, Quantum of Solace.

It picks up immediately where Casino Royale ended, which is fine. It's got a lot of action, fast cars, and shoot-outs, but I must say the quality of the Bond girls has slipped in the last couple. I guess after Halle Berry, though, anyone was going to be a step down. Daniel Craig is once again a solid choice as James Bond, but the problem is that you never really understand what the hell he's trying to do. Whereas Casino Royale goes about 20 minutes too long, Quantum of Solace ends too quickly. You expect more movie, but it just ends. It leaves the viewer very unsatisfied.

-I've always enjoyed westerns. I'm not sure why, as I have no love of horses nor do I feel the need to explore the plains. Still, it's a genre that I have always liked and in my lifetime some great ones have come out; from my personal favorite Tombstone, to the critically-acclaimed Unforgiven and even more recently the solid 3:10 to Yuma. Because of this I was excited to see Appaloosa. I enjoy the work of Ed Harris and Viggo Mortensen, I figured there was no way I wouldn't like this movie. The only thing that would screw it up was if it turned out that it wasn't really a western, but a slow, dragging plot with 5 minutes of actual action and an emphasis on a love triangle that had multiple people fighting over Renee Zellweger, who spends the entire movie with a look on her face that made you think someone just put an entire lemon under her tongue. I mean, but that would be crazy, right?

Only that's exactly what it was. If you edit out the stuff that I found boring, this movie would have been about 30 minutes long. I was very disappointed in the whole thing. There were some great interactions between Mortensen and Harris, but they weren't frequent enough to save this movie. I don't think either of these films are very memorable or re-watchable.

-But you know what is? Follow That Bird. We rented it for the little ladies to watch. Now, I hadn't seen it in over 20 years. But there were still lines that came up from the back of my brain and I was able to quote. In my opinion, if someone hasn't seen a movie in 2 decades but can still quote lines verbatim then that, my friends, is a solid movie.

-I understand that actors are paid to be someone that they are not. I get that. So if you meet an actor on the street then it's probably going to disappoint you. Case in point, my buddy Josh loves Evan Rachel Wood's character of Lucy in Across the Universe. Loves her. But, if he actually met Miss Woods my guess is he would be turned off by her love of goth and the fact that she dated Marilyn Manson for a while. See, too much information ruined it for him.

I think this is why movie stars back in the day had longer careers. Without the constant view into their private lives that we get today, actors were allowed to be as weird as they wanted to be and no one would care. In the early days of cinema no one would have even known about Angelina Jolie carrying blood in a vial around her neck. But, we did and now I know people (actually, just girls... funny how that worked out) who can't watch any of her movies today without feeling the need to point out that she's probably a bit crazy (oh, but that's what makes her so hot... crazy hot).

The reason I bring this up is because I can't watch any of Tom Cruise's movies now without thinking, "In real life, if we were at a party together, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like this guy, so why should I root for him to get the girl now?" But, I could at least still watch some of the older ones, like Days of Thunder, without that thought creeping into my head. But now that Kelly McGillis has come out of the closet it's hard to watch Top Gun without thinking, "Barking up the wrong tree there, Maverick." And so another one bites the dust.

My Banned List

Thanks to the Daily Show, it has come to my attention that England has compiled a list of people that it will not be allowing into the country (in that most British way of still trying to seem polite, they're calling it the "Not-welcome list"). Apparently, the plan is to use customs at the airport just like the clubs in Faneuil Hall use bouncers, only better armed. "I'm sorry, man, but we're at capacity for the country right now. Never know when the fire marshall could show up." They are doing all this under the guise that visiting England is a privilege, not a right and therefore they can keep anyone out that they wish.

The list actually isn't that shocking. It's made up mostly of people that are religious extremists, suspected terrorists and one radio shock jock, who I, frankly, had never heard of but after 5 seconds of research could understand why you might not want him around. To be honest, you shouldn't have needed a list to know that you shouldn't be letting members of Al-Qaeda into your country.

Still, this is a pretty sweet idea. Just telling people in advance that they aren't welcome into your space is a great time saver. So, I've compiled the list of people that I want to keep out of the personal space of the country of Tom.

• People who take the "friendly" out of "friendly competition." Yes, I am aware that picking up a ball from a hazard to check if it's mine is a 2-stroke penalty. I'm also aware that our foursome is carrying a combined handicap of 135 - why not let some shit slide. These are also the same people who call for a carrying violation in a pickup game.
  
  
• Yankee Fans. Now, not all of them. Actually, unlike most Red Sox fans, I like Yankee fans. Most of them are knowledgeable, articulate and can bring on a lively debate about baseball. No, the Yankee fans I can't stand are the ones from nowhere near New York, like Kansas. They've never seen Yankee Stadium (new or old) but the Yankees used to win all the time when they were growing up so the Yankees are their team. They are slightly above the typical bandwagon fans because they keep hanging on, but not by much.
  
  
• People who have litters of kids. Fertility drugs are awesome. They are a miracle of modern science and give hope to potential parents everywhere. But, they should be used in moderation. No one needs to have 7 kids at once. The only people that are going to be truly hurt by this action are those kids, who are never going to get the individual attention that kids need. Besides, if both parents suck at life (and having a litter of kids is a good indication that, yeah, you do), all you've done is bring more sucky people into the world. One kid would have been bad enough. You're trolling for a TV show on TLC - we all know it. While talking about bad parents...
  
  
• Parents who bring kids to political rallies. They do it under the guise that they want their kids to have an interest in politics from an early age. And that would be great if it were true, but it's not - you want them to believe what you believe. Do you really think that any kid under the age of 10 has an opinion on Stem Cell research? Of course not, but those kids holding home-made political signs always make the paper. You're using your kids for show.
  
  
• People who point out that "What we called 'soccer' is actually called 'football' by the rest of the world." No kidding, never heard that one before. Too bad you're not in the rest of the world. They use the metric system too, but you need to stay 50 feet from me.

So, yeah, if these people could just keep themselves away from me, that would be great. The rest of you are more than welcome to invade my personal space.

Yup, I'm Surprised

At this point in my life, the reality side of sports have made me pretty jaded. When I see a great individual effort, especially in baseball, I immediately wonder whether or not it's legit. Drug tests in sports are notoriously easy to fake your way through, so much so that when people actually do fail one people are more concerned about how stupid it makes you seem instead of the fact that you actually took the drugs. But, at the same time, with so much money at stake and an easy answer there for the taking, any player taking steroids should not stun me.

But, hearing that Manny Ramirez has failed a drug test did actually take me by surprise. Manny never had one of those dramatic shifts in body type that was the hallmark of a guy like Barry Bonds or a sudden surge in power, like a Brady Anderson. All we heard about was how much time he put into the batting cages and how natural he was with his swing. If you had asked me to list the 50 players who I immediately suspected took steroids, Manny would not have been on that list.

Now, of course, he's going the route of blaming his doctor for prescribing him illegal drugs for a different medical condition, but I would think that someone in Manny's camp would have double checked their legality before he took them. Then again, Manny never struck me as the type to make sure that he's done his due diligence.

Oh, and speaking of the mental side of sports:
-I've watched roughly 53,000 Celtics games in my life.*

At this point, I kind of feel like I know what I'm going to get from this year's Celtics team. I expected them to be dead for game 1 of this series and I also expected a much better effort in game 2. But last night's game taught me a lot more about the Orlando Magic than it did about the Celtics.

You see, here's the difference between a team that is the defending champs, and a team that is just going to be an also-ran for the near future. The Magic got up 28 in the first game and relaxed. The Celtics never stop playing, got the game back and almost stole a win. The next game the Celtics got up big and never stopped playing, keeping the lead in double digits for the rest of the game.

The Magic should have come in, ready to take the Celtics early run that everyone knew they would put up in an effort to avoid going down 0-2 and then getting the game back to a normal pace. They should have been a lot more determined to take both games in Boston, essentially ending the series. Instead, they gave it a go after halftime, getting the lead down to the teens, but other than that they seemed content to go back to Orlando with the series tied. Champions go for the throat. That's why, despite having a player inside that should dominate this series, no one would be surprised to see Orlando lose to a Celtics team missing their best inside defender.

* OK, that number may be kind of high.

An Ode to Chicken Roll

Some of you may know it by it's alternate name, chicken bologna. At least that's what we called it in my house. The reason for that is because it's made with the same principle that applies to regular bologna (you know, take whats left after you get all the good stuff, mash it up and put it in cold cut form) only it tastes like chicken at the end of the process. Is it good for you? Probably not. But if you don't think about what goes into it and just eat it then it's quite good.

Back in the day, I used to eat this stuff all the time. I don't like bologna at all, but I couldn't get enough of chicken bologna. I have a bit of an obsessive personality, in that when I find something I like, I stick with it to an excess (my new-found obsession with golf is a perfect example). But, I've got to be honest, even I have a breaking point. If I even saw the stuff after a while I got nauseous.

I hadn't had chicken roll in years and hadn't even thought about it. But, today when I was going through my fridge, some appeared in the container that holds the rest of the cold cuts. So, I made a sandwich and boom, I was back in junior high. All I was missing was long hair, braces (I was dead sexy at 12) and the rush to eat so we could claim the basketball court first during recess.

Cinco de Mayo Beers

I'm sure my loyal readers know that there is nothing I enjoy more than celebrating my Hispanic heritage. I don't technically have any, but not being Hispanic doesn't stop me and it shouldn't stop you either. This year's Cinco de Mayo plans are being seriously cramped here in Massachusetts for two main reasons:

1. It comes on a Tuesday.
2. It happens to be cold, raw and rainy.

But, that's no matter. Cinco de Mayo is also just another sign that spring is here and the weather is getting better (again, not today, but you get the idea). As a result, the traditional beers that you can roll with through the winter have to change. I love Guinness, but it's not the best beer to drink after a day of yard work in August. Instead, I offer you the top 5 beers to drink on Cinco de Mayo:

5. Corona Light. Or you could just drink water. It'll have the same effect.
4. Land Shark Lager. Back in the day Jimmy Buffett used to be sponsored by Corona. But then business got in the way and Jimmy instead decided to market his own beer. It's like a Corona rip-off, only not as good. Also, it can be hard to find unless Buffett is playing a concert in town. But, he's made enough money to name a stadium after it, so someone must like it.
3. Miller Chill. This was the first of those "light beer that already has the lime flavor in it" for those of you not coordinated enough to cut a frickin' lime (I shudder to think what you would be like after a couple of Miller Chills). I've tried this beer and it's just a little too salty for my liking, but it beats the two previous entries.
2. Bud Light Lime. This was Budweiser's attempt to jump in the lime-flavored beer market. It's better than Miller Chill, but they didn't quite get the mix right. Went a little too heavy on the lime juice. You should get just a hint of lime until those last couple sips when the lime is right at the lip of the beer, when it goes lime-heavy. Bud Light Lime tastes like that all the time.
1. Corona. It's the best of this group. It really is the best beer for any day that is 90+ degrees outside.

So there you have it. Hope you enjoy your Cinco de Mayo.

Is Boston about to become a 1 Paper Town?

As a guy who fancies himself a writer, what's going on with newspapers today saddens me. Every day you can find stories about how people in newsrooms across the country are being laid off and papers are shutting down. But, I have to be honest, I didn't think that would happen here. Oh sure, I figured the writers with the bigger contracts would be asked to take a buy-out and some local coverage would suffer, but I thought over the long haul both papers would be fine.

Turns out that it's not looking so great for the Boston Globe. The New York Times, which owns the Globe is looking to cut about $20 million in costs and is going to lean on the unions to do it. Unfortunately, this is a simple issue of economics that don't look too great for the unions: the workers can make less, or they can all make nothing. As a guy who grew up reading the Globe (and never the Boston Herald), I'm hoping they can come to some sort of solution to the problem and keep the Globe in business to see if they can ride out the current economic problems. To have only the one paper choice would be very weird.

This speaks to the larger issue of the health of the newspaper industry. Even if the Globe can stay afloat, is it going to make it the next 5 years? Or, is this cost-cutting drive simply going to delay the inevitable? A lot of people seem to blame the online versions of the papers, because why pay for the paper when you can get most of this stuff online for free? But, I think it's also an issue of time. Between 24 hour news channels and the Internet, you can find out more than you ever wanted to about the latest news story before most papers even go to print. Reading more about it in the morning can just seem like over-kill. I used to think that papers would be ok because it's not like a laptop is convenient to bring on the train in the morning, but with the advances in technology like Blackberrys, it's getting easier and easier to read news right of the Internet no matter where you are.

Also, you can blame Craig's List for some of this. Newspapers used to rely heavily on the money they would make from people placing personal ads. When was the last time anyone called and ran an ad like that? Today you put it on Craig's List; it's free and reaches a much larger audience.

Sadly, I feel that even if the Globe sticks around for a couple more years, it's not likely to be a bastion for news anymore. Even if sites like Boston.com start charging you to read their stories in the online versions it won't help. People will just look elsewhere for their local news - there's always a cheaper version somewhere. Then there will be no reward for a well-researched or in-depth story. The result will be that people will only put out what needs to be done and no one will go the next step. Then the people that suffer the most will be readers of newspapers.

No matter how you slice it, the face of journalism is going to be very different in 5 years.

Real-Time Ramblings

Hope you have a comfy chair, this is a really, really long post.

Game 7's are historic. Something memorable always happens and gets shown in NBA highlights every year after. So, I'm going to keep a real-time log of the game and post it here. Think of it as the answer to the question, "What would Tom's Twitter page look like if he didn't have the 140 character limit?" If you read ESPN.com you might recognize the format... just consider it an homage. But, without further ado, let's get to it.

8:02 pm. Going with the local announcers tonight. Won't have the chance to watch Tommy and Mike after tonight either way. Plus, they show the starting lineups, as if I needed more energy; I'm already bouncing off the walls. I think I've done every OCD-fueled ritual I can remember, it should be safe to start the game.

8:05. In my mind, this game can only go one of two ways:
1. close like 5 of the first 6 games.
2. blowout by the Celtics.

8:07. Chicago, I want to you know: whatever happens tonight, you've already won the battle for "better looking dance squad."

8:09 So far Glen Davis has two shots and Ray Allen hasn't touched the ball yet. There's a good idea.

8:16 Ben Gordon flies through the air after getting hit by... no one. He's going to the line as we have our first "Bullshit" chant of the night.

8:17 We also have the first time that I'm going to openly question Doc Rivers tonight as he brings in Scalabrine instead of Mikki Moore. Why Moore has fallen out of the rotation baffles me. With big men at a premium Scal at least needs to stay out of foul trouble.

8:18 ...and he immediately fouls Brad Miller. Sigh. With the Bulls up 7, five minutes into the game, scenario 2 isn't looking too plausible.

8:21 Scal gets blocked on a breakaway layup attempt by Derrick Rose. I kind of want to poke my eyes out right now.

8:34 Scal knocks down his second long jumper of the night. I appreciate the points, but are we really running drive and kick plays to get Scal long jumpers? That can't be by design, right?

8:44 Scal just picked up his third foul... hope he doesn't have to go to the bench. He's all we have for offense at the moment. Now I really want to poke my eyes out.

8:49 Here's why I love Tommy Heinsohn. Glen Davis runs full speed into Heinrich, obviously setting a moving pick. C's get a break as it's not called, but Heinsohn goes the extra step to declare it should be a foul on Kirk. Oh, I'll miss you next round, Tommy.

8:52 C's tighten up on defense, go on a 6-0 run to tie the game at 36.

8:55 The music at the timeout:
Shawty had them Apple Bottom Jeans,
Boots with the fur
The whole club was lookin at her
She hit the flo
Next thing you know
Shawty got low low low low low low low low

(Is that stuck in your head now? Good. Welcome to my world the entire second half and pretty much all of last January - April)

8:56 Eddie House hits a big 3 to give the Celtics their first lead since it was 2-0. Later, he follows that up with another to give the C's an eight-point lead. Did the bench finally show up for this series?

9:05 Mikki Moore finally gets off the bench... and gets to guard Joakim Noah. This is nice; they can compare elastics and hair care products.

9:08 Moore takes a charge on one end, gets the rebound, puts it back in and gets fouled on the other end. And Scal is better how, exactly?

9:12 Heinrich trips over his own feet and Pierce gets called for a foul while he's 5 feet away. But, no, the NBA doesn't have referee issues. At least Kirk missed both free throws for some justice.

9:14 Celtics end the half on a 22-2 run and go in up 52-38 at halftime. They should be pleased that Pierce and Allen haven't shown up yet and they're still up huge. I know I'm encouraged at least.

9:15 Studio Analyst Donny Marshall declares the game over. Oh, Donny, now I'm going to have to blame you if they blow this game.

9:20 I could use a refill of my drink here, but I don't want to screw up the mojo of the room. Screw it, I can be thirsty for the next couple hours. Small price to pay for my team.

9:35 The Halftime show reports that a Ben Gordon jumper that should have been a 3 was only called a 2 and Chicago has complained to the league already. I can't imagine that will be an issue later on. After all, it's not like 5 games have been decided by a total of 11 points...

9:37 As the second half starts Rondo is dribbling way to much. They got the lead by attacking, not being passive and methodical. This is not good.

9:39 Shot of Garnett on the bench. What do you think is the longest he can go without swearing? 8, 9 words?

9:41 Sideline reporter Greg Dickerson tells the crowd that Noah used to like Garnett a lot, but now hates him due to the way he's acted in the series. "Oh, go back to France," Heinsohn responds. You tell him, Tommy.

9:46 Perk picks up a cheap foul and heads to the bench, taking our rebounding with him. And, the Celtics are already over the limit. But again, no ref problems to see here, people. Move along.

9:49 The picture on FSN goes out. I freak out while I find the remote and switch to TNT, just in time to see Noah throw Rondo to the ground. Ok, all square on the flagrants that aren't called, are we?

9:53 Guess not. Miller smacks Rondo in the face on his way to the hoop. If Rondo has a knife wound would that get a whistle? The refs are scared to toss anyone out, I think.

10:00 Pierce gets tired of waiting and being passive, slamming home the drive. The Garden crowd just notice the second half has started and makes some noise.

10:10 Celtics up 7 at the start of the 4th quarter. Win the next 8 minutes, win the game.

10:13 Marbury starts at point for the 4th quarter. Probably a good call, Rondo looks like he has no energy right about now.

10:17 Celtics all have tired legs. You can tell cause all their free-throws are coming up short.

10:19 Eddie House hits a huge three in front of a yelling Bulls' bench, half of whom are leaning onto the court. He yells back and gets a technical for his trouble. Yeah, that seems fair.

10:23 The Bulls are already over the foul limit for the 4th quarter. This is in no way an attempt by the refs to make it equal for the Celtics going over the limit so quickly in the 3rd - that's just crazy talk. Besides, this will only be helpful if the Celtics could make a fucking free-throw.

10:31 The League, apparently figuring the Bulls may need that point after all, change the ruling from halftime that Ben Gordon should get the full 3 points. The lead is down to 4 with that correction. At least no one can complain about it later.

10:35 At the 4 minute mark the Celtics lead by 5. Didn't win the last 8 minutes, but at least they still lead.

10:37 Back to back bad turnovers on both ends of the floor. These teams are starting to look cooked. I guess 7 overtimes in 6 games will do that to you. I bet Aaron Gray has lots of energy for you, Vinny. You should totally put him in.

10:38 Perk gets blasted by Miller, potentially injuring his shoulder... and double technicals are called. For what, I may never know. I just know I hate all NBA refs.

10:43 Eddie hits another big 3 in front of the Bulls bench. They're screaming for a travel because... yeah, he absolutely did. But the refs missed it. I figure we're even from that horrible Pierce foul on Heinrich.

10:48 With a 5 point lead the ball finds its way into Scal's hands, who immediately calls for a timeout. Yeah Scal, what can they expect you to do with that thing? Again, Moore hasn't been heard from this half. Figuring out Doc's rotation is like asking my nieces to organize their blocks alphabetically. They get it right every now and again, but when they do it's mostly by accident.

10:51 Noah goes over Pierce's back for his 6th foul. Bye, Joakim, see you next season. You've been annoying as hell - but that's meant to be a compliment. Pierce can make it a 7 point lead if he can actually make his free throws (and he does).

10:52 The Bulls don't foul right away off their made basket, allowing Ray Allen to break away for a layup, where he gets fouled by Miller, but still hits the layup and the free throw. Also, Miller fouls out. I think that was my favorite 2 minute sequence this series. Celtics up 8 with 40 seconds left.

10:56 In a series where the lead is never safe people are walking to the exits. I would like security to take their picture and never allow them back into the building again.

10:57 Rondo nearly gives the Bulls the ball back with a bad inbounds pass after they make a hoop. He either wants me to have a heart attack or he had the Bulls +4.

11:00 Did we just run a play to specifically get the ball into Stephon Marbury's hands? Did that just happen or am I suffering from dehydration? Really? But, he makes the free throws and the Celtics are up 10 with 13 seconds to go. It may be safe for me to have my refill now.

11:03 And it's over. Thank God for that. I couldn't have done another overtime. Well played, Chicago. You're going to be formidable if you can keep Gordon around. In the immediate future, the Celtics look like the walking dead right about now. I think you can pencil the Magic in for a Game 1 win.