Quantum of... What the Hell?

I'm a little behind on my movie reviews, so you're getting a couple at once...

-In the interest of full disclosure, I am not a James Bond aficionado. I've watched most, but not all, of the previous films and read exactly none of the books - so I am far from an expert on the subject. Hell, I even thought Pierce Brosnan was an ok James Bond which, if you ask the hardcore fans, makes me an idiot. But, I know enough about movies that I feel I can tell you I wasn't feeling the latest James Bond movie, Quantum of Solace.

It picks up immediately where Casino Royale ended, which is fine. It's got a lot of action, fast cars, and shoot-outs, but I must say the quality of the Bond girls has slipped in the last couple. I guess after Halle Berry, though, anyone was going to be a step down. Daniel Craig is once again a solid choice as James Bond, but the problem is that you never really understand what the hell he's trying to do. Whereas Casino Royale goes about 20 minutes too long, Quantum of Solace ends too quickly. You expect more movie, but it just ends. It leaves the viewer very unsatisfied.

-I've always enjoyed westerns. I'm not sure why, as I have no love of horses nor do I feel the need to explore the plains. Still, it's a genre that I have always liked and in my lifetime some great ones have come out; from my personal favorite Tombstone, to the critically-acclaimed Unforgiven and even more recently the solid 3:10 to Yuma. Because of this I was excited to see Appaloosa. I enjoy the work of Ed Harris and Viggo Mortensen, I figured there was no way I wouldn't like this movie. The only thing that would screw it up was if it turned out that it wasn't really a western, but a slow, dragging plot with 5 minutes of actual action and an emphasis on a love triangle that had multiple people fighting over Renee Zellweger, who spends the entire movie with a look on her face that made you think someone just put an entire lemon under her tongue. I mean, but that would be crazy, right?

Only that's exactly what it was. If you edit out the stuff that I found boring, this movie would have been about 30 minutes long. I was very disappointed in the whole thing. There were some great interactions between Mortensen and Harris, but they weren't frequent enough to save this movie. I don't think either of these films are very memorable or re-watchable.

-But you know what is? Follow That Bird. We rented it for the little ladies to watch. Now, I hadn't seen it in over 20 years. But there were still lines that came up from the back of my brain and I was able to quote. In my opinion, if someone hasn't seen a movie in 2 decades but can still quote lines verbatim then that, my friends, is a solid movie.

-I understand that actors are paid to be someone that they are not. I get that. So if you meet an actor on the street then it's probably going to disappoint you. Case in point, my buddy Josh loves Evan Rachel Wood's character of Lucy in Across the Universe. Loves her. But, if he actually met Miss Woods my guess is he would be turned off by her love of goth and the fact that she dated Marilyn Manson for a while. See, too much information ruined it for him.

I think this is why movie stars back in the day had longer careers. Without the constant view into their private lives that we get today, actors were allowed to be as weird as they wanted to be and no one would care. In the early days of cinema no one would have even known about Angelina Jolie carrying blood in a vial around her neck. But, we did and now I know people (actually, just girls... funny how that worked out) who can't watch any of her movies today without feeling the need to point out that she's probably a bit crazy (oh, but that's what makes her so hot... crazy hot).

The reason I bring this up is because I can't watch any of Tom Cruise's movies now without thinking, "In real life, if we were at a party together, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like this guy, so why should I root for him to get the girl now?" But, I could at least still watch some of the older ones, like Days of Thunder, without that thought creeping into my head. But now that Kelly McGillis has come out of the closet it's hard to watch Top Gun without thinking, "Barking up the wrong tree there, Maverick." And so another one bites the dust.