Really... That's Enough

I'm all for progress. I like it when we come up with technology that cuts wood easier and makes cars safer. I think medical breakthroughs that cure and prevent disease are fantastic. However, I also feel that there is a point in life where we, as a society, should all step back and say, "That's good. Let's move on." In other words, that particular piece of technology is a very well done and any attempt to improve on it is a waste of time. Instead of trying to modify an already solid product for even more solid results, let us instead point our scientists and engineers in a direction that would have them working on something new to try and come up with a different breakthrough. I feel like the world would be a better place.

I bring this up because I recently got a new toothbrush. Now, I was under the impression that my current toothbrush was fine. It had bristles, held toothpaste and did as good a job as I allowed it to do cleaning my teeth (when it comes to toothbrushes you only get out as much cleaning effort as you put in, you know). Hell, it was even electric, so it could pick up my slack on those morning I only felt like giving the back teeth a few passes. But, my new toothbrush (which is not electric) comes with multiple types of bristles, a tongue cleaner and... wait for it... a specially designed handle for "ergonomic support and increased control". Ok, that's where you lost me. It's a toothbrush, not the pilot's seat in a fighter jet.

Once inventors and dentists passed the point of the electric toothbrush with the different type of bristles, that is when we should have asked them to move onto something else. We should have taken those inventors to other areas, cause after that time they got silly. Tongues scrapers and ergonomic handles are the cupholders of the toothbrush world. Yeah, it's cool to sit in your car and say to your passenger, "This car has 47 cupholders," just like it's fun to notice the new handle on your toothbrush. But, at the same time, cupholders don't help your car's performance. So, just like those car engineers would be better served switching over to working on planes so they won't be taken down by a flock of geese, maybe those toothbrush engineers should work on different medical issues. For example, coming up with a system for transporting vital organs which are intended to be transplants that would be slightly more complex than tossing a heart into a cooler next to the beer. There has to be a better way to do that.

No Deadlines In This Job

I don't consider myself overly environmental; I drive my big 'ole SUV and take long showers that waste water. But, I do try to make up for this by doing some smaller things: I recycle and advocate wind energy off of Cape Cod. The other thing that I've been trying to do is cut down on the amount of junk mail I get. I've attempted to get off many mailing lists, or at least transfer to email lists when possible in an effort to save some trees along the way. The less mail I get, the better. So, I emailed the Eastbay company and told them that since I get their emails every day I could stand to not get their catalog physically mailed to me. They said it would be no problem, but it would take a few weeks for the system to update and I will probably still get a catalog or two in the mail. I thought this was weird, because how long does it take to update a mailing list? Ten, maybe fifteen seconds?

But, I moved on. Next on my list of corrections to reduce my mail was a call to Sports Illustrated. I don't have a subscription to the magazine, but was getting copies of it anyway. There was a mix-up somewhere along the line and while it was my address, it was another guy's name. I would hate to think someone was being deprived of the chance to read Selena Roberts and see who's in this issue's "Faces in the Crowd" on a weekly basis. When I told the woman about it she told me that it would also take a couple weeks because the labels are printed in advance. Now, like all things in life I sort of accepted it in the moment, but in retrospect I have a ton of questions. How can you print labels weeks in advance when the label is on the front cover, not on a sticker? The cover isn't chosen in advance, so why (and how) would the label be printed this way? It makes no sense. I think the moral of the story is that you are looking for an easy gig, you should work in database management for a magazine, it appears to be one of the lowest pressure jobs in history: "Here's a stack of address to be updated. Get to it... I don't know... eventually."

-Recently I've been getting into Sudoku. A Sudoku puzzle was my brain teaser of the day on my calendar and I found it a challenge, so I wanted to try another one. I went online trying to find an easy puzzle, since I'm still new to them. Anyway, the center square of the puzzle I found online had 8 of the 9 boxes filled in. This puzzle literally insulted my intelligence. I wanted easy, but not toddler-level.

Techno Sucks

I treat gift cards like grenades, in that I get rid of them as fast as I possibly can. (I admit, I'm guessing my actions here, because I've never actually held a grenade. However, I don't think it's a wild stretch to assume I would not want to hold on to one for very long.) Despite normally being very organized I tend to forget about gift cards if they are not used in a timely fashion. Then, of course, when I find them months (or in some cases, years) later, it becomes a question of whether or not the gift card is still good. At this point it goes from being a gift to a errand, because now I have to get to the store and try to figure out how long a gift card is good for. So, really, it's for the best if I just use them up quickly.

I got an iTunes gift card for Christmas and have been steadily chipping away at it for the last month. Yesterday I was shopping on iTunes for some new music when I noticed a section of 'workout' playlist that you can buy which are meant to be sport-specific. I enjoy a well-thought out and put together playlist as much as the next fellow, so I checked them out. First off, there is no golf workout, though I imagine it would only be ambient noise anyway. However, that is not my real issue. I don't know if it is just me, but it appears that an unhealthy number of these playlists are full of nothing but techo (excuse me, 'house') music. When did repetitive noise over a base rhythm become the standard music for a workout? Give me some good old fashioned rock and roll any day of the week. Also, certain songs should never be 'remixed.' That is all.

-Here's a free piece of advice for Vince Wilfork: I know you want a long-term and lucrative deal this offseason because you played your first six years in the league under a pretty crappy rookie deal that netted you less than you were worth. Also, I know you're pissed because you're a huge piece of the defense (you can't run a 3-4 without a stud nose tackle) and yet you've seen lesser players get extensions while the organization keeps tell you they don't want to extend you with the upcoming labor uncertainty. You have every right to be annoyed at the double-standard. But, do not go around saying that "only" getting paid $7 million next season (which would be a $5 million raise) is a "slap in the face" and start talking about how much you would like to play in Florida. You're just going to turn public sentiment against you. I have every faith that Belichick will take care of you. Hell, if he traded Seymour under the guise that it was to clear cap space to give you extension and then you bolt he's going to start hearing a lot more people around here calling for personnel decisions to be handled by someone else. He doesn't want to give up control. Trust me, you guys will get this done.

Show A Little Restraint

Last night, in my attempts to avoid the State of the Union Address that was on damn near every channel, I found myself watching a couple different college basketball games. One of the games that I kept going back to because of the local implications was #19 UConn visiting unranked Providence. The game was close for most of the time, until Providence pulled away down the stretch for a double-digit victory. The students in the arena celebrated the victory by storming the court. Here's the thing: this was not a "storm the court" situation.

I understand that Providence basketball has not had a great deal of success the last couple of years, but they are not some bottom-feeding program that has never tasted victory. They are a very respectable Big East program that has had multiple NCAA appearances and has made a couple deep runs in that tournament. In addition, while UConn is ranked and just beat the then-#1 Texas Longhorns, they also have six loses and were not exactly on a hot streak having lost three of their last five games heading into last night. Plus, they were without their Hall of Fame coach who is taking a leave of absence to deal with a medical issue. In other words, this was not exactly a miracle win. I just think the Providence students should have shown a little more restraint.

I'm all for getting excited and filled with school spirit, but there is a point at which showing a little self-discipline is in order. You know, act like you expect to win. Here are the only times I feel like it is ok to storm the court:

1. When it is a Division 1AA school beating a Division 1 school: then it's truly a David beating Goliath situation. Unfortunately those big boys never travel to small schools, so those kids never get the chance.

2. A team with several years of losing records beats a traditional rival in a close game. And it has to be a real traditional rival, none of this manufactured "one side considers it a rivalry while the other side doesn't."

3. When your team beats an undefeated, highly ranked opponent. This also needs an add-on, because if you are in the Top 25 yourself, then no storming of anything.

Other than that, there is no reason to rush the court. Also, if you are at one of those traditional powerhouses, then it is really never acceptable to rush the court until you win the National Championship.

Up On My Soapbox

There is a writer for ESPN.com by the name of Paul Shirley. Shirley is a journeyman basketball player who bounced around various teams in Europe and wrote a fairly interesting book about the experience. He was discovered by the mainstream media while penning an "Inside the Locker Room" blog during his time playing for the Phoenix Suns and now writes as a music-snob for "The Life" section of ESPN.com, touting the latest shitty indie rock band. (Seriously, I want to like this guy because we're loosely connected through a friend, of a friend, of a friend, but his music columns are very much in the vein of, "You don't get real music. You probably like bands like Daughtry."... And yes, I love Daughtry.)

Anyway, Shirley also writes for various other website and wrote an essay for Flip Collective in which he stated that he would not be donating any money to any organization for Haiti relief. His main point was that he wasn't sure what they were going to be doing with the money and he doubted the Haitian government would really put it into things that would actually help the country. He thinks that we are being too quick and just blindly throw money at a problem. You can read the entire essay here, but the particularly damning quote that everyone seems to be ripping him for is when he compared giving money to Haiti to giving money to a homeless man. Needless to say, ESPN was quick to act and came out with a statement within hours saying because Shirley is not a full ESPN employee and just a freelancer they would be washing their hands of him and would simply not throw any more work his way (welcome to the world of freelance writing).

To Shirley's credit, he openly acknowledged at the top of his essay that this would be an unpopular view, but he went ahead and wrote it anyway. Now, whether or not you agree with Shirley, the fact remains he has the right to say what he thinks. [Sidebar: I actually could not agree with him less. I think that people helping others in a time of great tragedy is an act of kindness that routinely re-affirms my faith in humanity... (another act that does that is when people let you merge in traffic. Those people are saints.) Add in the fact that people have been so quick to donate in a time when money is tight for just about everyone is and it's an even greater show of the good in people. It's actually the kind of awesome that should be a bigger news story, not kid posting schoolyard fights on YouTube. But, one soapbox at a time.] The point is, the fact that ESPN was so quick to can Shirley without giving him a chance to expound on his point or defend his stance really disturbs me.

When did we as a society decided that having an unpopular opinion is a fireable offense? I thought the whole point of freedom of speech is that it is meant to protect speech we hate, not the stuff we all agree on. To me this is no different than if someone decided they didn't want to partake in the office Secret Santa. Ok - that guys being a dick, but you're not going to start calling for his job because of it. It's his right to not want to play along. When we start punishing people for speaking their minds then we have already started to lose focus on what is important. I'm not trying to make Shirley a martyr in all of this, but losing your job just for saying things that go against the grain sets a bad precedent. I just find myself wondering where the line is in all of this.

I also fear for the creative process when I see situations like this happen to writers. Any asshole with a keyboard can sit down and write about how rainbows are pretty, puppies are cute and mean people suck. But, it actually takes a fair amount of balls to say, "This is unpopular and people are going to hate this, but it will get a discussion going, so I'm writing it anyway." Now, I don't know is Shirley was trying to raise the level of debate in this country or if he just doesn't like giving to charities, but he has the right to voice that opinion and he shouldn't lose his job just because he feels a certain way. When unpopular opinions are enough to make you lose your job, we all should take a step back and wonder if we've gone too far into a politically correct world.

My Tabloid Post

Normally I try to avoid commenting on news stories that are unfounded, gossipy, contain subjects I'm not familiar with or are just plain stupid. But, at the same time I couldn't let these slide past my radar:

-Reports are that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are splitting up. While I am never overcome with shock when any Hollywood couple allegedly breaks up, I kinda feel like I should give some advice to Ms. Jolie in this instance:

Look, Angelina, it's been a while since the last time you were single. And, sure, you've dialed back the crazy since then; even becoming a UN ambassador. But, while you have certainly come a long way since the days of wearing vials of blood around your neck and are still smoking hot, it doesn't change the fact that you have six freaking kids. Frankly, single guys would rather deal with the crazy hot chick than the single mom. And, while you were in the throws of domestic bliss, we found other crazy/hot girls in your place. You're competing with girls like Megan Fox who, while they are not as hot (a little lasering away of some hideous tattoos would go a long way in closing the gap, Megan), they don't bring along the kids. Honestly, ask Kate Gosselin how well the dating scene is working for her right now. Maybe you should start looking past Brad's annoying little habits and see the big picture. Just my two cents.

-Apparently the cast of Jersey Shore is offended by the low offer that they got from MTV to do a second season. Now, I've never seen this show, but I have a hard time believing that these people are such creative geniuses that MTV couldn't find replacements by the time I've finished typing this sentence. They were clearly desperate to be on TV in the first place - now is not the time to start driving a hard bargain. I wrote about this late last week: a reality show will replace you, move on and no one will miss you - just ask anyone who's ever competed on American Idol. Their place on TV is very tenuous, the last thing they want to do is start over-estimating their worth.

-The rock band The Scorpions have announced their next album and tour will be their last. According to the band they want to, "Go out on top." If that's the case then they really should have retired in 1989 when the Berlin Wall fell. Now, of course The Scorpions will live on because you can't go to a hockey game without hearing "Rock Me Like A Hurricane." Also, the news of their impending break-up seems to have permanently gotten "Wind of Change" stuck in my head and that hasn't happened since a 7th grade dance, so they've got that going for them. But, still, my reaction upon reading the news was more along the lines of, "Didn't that already happen?"

Too Many Lotions

I find shaving to be a giant hassle. Fortunately, as an Irish/Lithuanian fellow, I don't have to worry too much about it. Face it, neither are particularly hairy people. Being a natural blond helped matters greatly as, even while the hair on top of my head got darker as I got older, my facial hair still grew in with a light blond hue and could be ignored even longer. Because of this I only have to worry about shaving once a week or so. It was allowed to do this even less during my last couple of jobs because I worked in places where "I'm growing a playoff beard" was a legitimate and accepted excuse for showing up to work looking like I was just rescued off the side of a mountain.

But, somewhere in my travels I picked up a sample kit for three kinds of shaving lotions: a pre-shave beard softener, shaving cream and a new post-shave lotion to prevent skin irritation. Normally I don't use anything when I shave, just water, but I figured I would try these because if I didn't they would just end up sitting on top of a bureau collecting dust. Now, I like to keep my bathroom as clutter free as I can. When I would stay at my ex-girlfriend's place she and her roommate had a three-shelf shower insert that was literally over-flowing with products. I strive to go the other way. Other than a radio (I like music while I shower) I've got it down to an electric razor, a regular razor, toothpaste and a toothbrush. In the shower it's one bottle of conditioner, one bottle of shampoo and a bottle of body wash. It is very streamlined. This is a trait a lot of guys share - there is a reason people who make person hygiene products keep combining more and more products into one bottle. So for me to invest in these products I would have to be bowled over.

The pre-shower beard softener was of absolutely no use to me. I don't know if I missed a step in the directions (Step 1: apply to face. There is no step 2. So, nope, that's not it.), but it just seemed a waste of time. I did like the shaving cream, but only until I went online and saw that a bottle of this stuff was $25. Then came the new after-shave lotion which not only made me smell fruitier than I typically like to, but also gave the added feel of setting my face on fire. I guess the lesson I want you to take from this story is the following: you don't always have to take free samples.

Who To Root For?

I don't have a team left in the NFL Playoffs that I feel particularly strong about. As a result, I'm not quite sure who I am rooting for in today's Conference Championships. Here's my problem: I could get behind either NFC team, but can't root for either AFC team. At this point I will probably be rooting for whoever would make the best Super Bowl matchup, because I would like there to be at least a couple of good games this postseason and so far, we're only about 2 for 8. The other thing I have to worry about is the coverage of the Super Bowl. Let's be honest, two weeks is a long damn time to have to breakdown one game. Every story line is going to be beaten into the ground by the time the game finally gets here on February 7th. So, I'm gonna break this down by how good the potential matchup is from 1 - 10, subtract how annoying the coverage will be and the highest combined score will be the matchup I spend my Sunday rooting for.

Saints vs. Jets

Super Bowl Matchup: This would at least make for an interesting Super Bowl because the Saints have an amazing offense and the Jets stake their claim on defense. Plus you would have the extra bonus of a revitalized Saints rushing attack against the run-stuffers of the Jets. Still, I don't know if Sanchez and the Jets can score enough to keep up with the Saints, so this one could get out of hand early.
Game Potential: 6
Pre-Game Media Angles: New Orleans is the New America's team, how far the city still has to go in recovery, the Saints first ever Super Bowl, Rex Ryan is loud, Drew Brees is a philanthropist, Revis Island, Bart Scott's mouth, Reggie Bush is dating a Kardashian, Jets laughable history and the fact that they were essentially gifted a playoff spot.
Angle Annoyance Rating: Lot to cover for two weeks. Enough that no one story line will be bashed into my head. 3
Combined Score: 3

Saints vs Colts

Super Bowl Matchup: This could be a great game with two teams that know how to score in bunches. Do the Colts have enough defense? Do the Saints have ANY defense? Can the Colts run the ball, do they even want to? Could be the highest scoring Super Bowl ever.
Game Potential: 9
Pre-Game Media Angles: Already covered the "Saints as America's Team" thing, but now we'd have to put up with a ton of stories about Archie Manning (Did you know he once played for the Saints? Well, get ready to hear about it 10,000 times...) and people wondering where a second Super Bowl would put Peyton Manning as an all-time great. I see too much of Peyton on my TV as it is.
Angle Annoyance Rating: 5
Combined Score: 4

Vikings vs. Jets

Super Bowl Matchup: Could be a great game with one of the league's best rushers (Adrian Peterson) against a tough Jets' run defense. Then you've got a great QB (Favre) going against one of the best young corners going today (Revis). If the Jets could count on any type of QB play I would definitely have put this higher, but I feel like Sanchez is just waiting to make a really bad decision at a really bad time.
Game Potential: 7
Pre-Game Media Angles: Does this make Favre the best QB ever? What about his waffling? Remember when he played for the Jets last year? Also, if he wins will he come back for another season? We can start the Favre-watch early this year... forget it, I don't need to go beyond that to make a ruling.
Angle Annoyance Rating: 5
Combined Score: 2

Vikings vs Colts

Super Bowl Matchup: Two great QBs against two so-so defenses, but only one team has a great running game as a compliment. Still, you know Jared Allen and friends would be coming all day against that Colt's line. So Peyton could get knocked around... a lot. That'll just throw off the Colts timing and this one is over early. Not to mention, the last Super Bowl the Colts were in was the worst I've ever seen.
Game Potential: 7
Pre-Game Media Angles: Superstar Quarterbacks always get too much attention during the week before the Super Bowl, so when you have two of them it could get even worse. I imagine the pre-game coverage in Miami would go something like this: "Manning, Favre, Favre, Manning, Manning, Manning, Favre, Favre, Manning, Manning, Favre, Favre, Favre, Favre, Manning , Manning, Man, Jared Allen is a quirky guy, Manning, Favre, Manning, Favre, Manning, Manning, Favre, Favre."
Angle Annoyance Rating: 45
Combined Score: -38

So, there you go. After breaking it down I'll be rooting for a Jets/Saints Super Bowl. In other words, the Colt and Viking fans can thank me later.

140 Characters... Or A Lot More

-As a big Conan fan, I was interested to see how his show was going to go out. I knew that Tom Hanks and Will Ferrell, both actors that I enjoy, we're going to be on as well as various other surprises. It was appointment viewing... right up until the time I forgot about my appointment. Completely forgot to watch even a second of it. Seriously, I have no memory when it comes to this kind of stuff. I have got to start using the "Reminder" feature on my remote.

-So, Bristol Palin is saying that she will not have sex again until she is married. Well, that's all well and good, but you're a tad late for this particular moral stance. The horse is already out of the barn, as it were. Perhaps she should start with something easier, like saying you'll start a blog and write something every day for 365 days. Really, it's not as hard as it sounds and if you don't quite make it no one will say anything anyways.

-Now various websites are saying that the pictures taken of Tiger Woods in Mississippi, which were supposed to prove he is being treated for sex addiction, might not be of Tiger at all. The National Enquirer is saying that it is in fact Woods and the new pictures are of a body double hired to thrown off suspicion. C'mon, National Enquirer, that would be as crazy as the moon landing being faked or a boy who is half bat or even President Obama having a love child... On second thought, the world's most popular athlete hiring a body double to fool paparazzi might be the most realistic thing the Enquirer has ever reported.

More NBA Ramblings

I'm not going to spend this entire post railing against the fan voting for the NBA All-Star team, because at this point I would just be repeating myself. Obviously, it's stupid that Allen Iverson was named a starter for this year's contest even though he couldn't start for a middle of the road Memphis Grizzlies team. However, I have made my peace with the fact that nothing I'm going to say will change the minds of those fans who vote for guys who don't deserve to go and are coasting on reputation at this point. (Yes, I will include KG in that category this year. I love that guy, but he hasn't played enough this season to warrant being an All-Star starter. Also, I would rather he take the 4 days off.) Instead, I'm much more offended that Amar'e Stoudemire is a starter. First off, he is not a center. Secondly I have no idea how this man earned the reputation as an All-Star, but he should not have it and he really should not have reached a point that he can coast into being named an All-Star for the 5th time. He is a product of playing alongside Steve Nash and if he was really this good, why would Phoenix shop him almost every single trade deadline? At least Iverson did something in the past and is a first-ballot Hall of Famer. I don't think Stoudemire ever gets to Springfield.

-There is talk that Danny Ainge has serious interest in acquiring Nate Robinson. I'm against this and thats before I find out what it would cost the Celtics. This would kill me. I can not stand Nate Robinson and having to root for him would really dampen the rest of my season. I had to root for Ricky Davis for an extended period and that was hard enough. At least with Ricky I could talk myself into him just being "quirky." Then last year I had to talk myself into Stephon Marbury. I just don't think I have it in me. Nate seems more like a guy just out for his stats who wants the spotlight. That's why he keeps putting himself into the dunk contest when everyone else tries it once and goes about their business. He's the perfect guy to be on a crappy team that would allow him to do that, not a member of a team trying to win a Championship. Ship him anywhere but here.

-Furthermore, I don't get Danny's obsession with certain guys. He loved Corey Maggette for years and brought in Darius Miles even though everyone else knew he was washed up. I almost feel like Ainge is sitting back and saying to himself, "I won a title, now I can do whatever the hell I want from here on out." It's a little dangerous when GMs start to think that way, cause thats how you end up with bench players like Bill Walker needing to play actual minutes in a playoff game.

-On a shocked scale of 1 to 10, put me down for a -3 that Glen "Big Baby" Davis yelled an obscenity at a fan the other night in Detroit. Really, he has never struck me as a guy with great impulse control and you can see the team starting to get frustrated with some of these losses. But, Davis needs to realise he will only be told so many times that he needs to grow up, before he'll find himself growing up on another team.

We're Sure He's Leaving, Right?

I love a good action movie, so Fox's new show Human Target looked like an enjoyable 44-minute movie for me to check out. I missed the pilot episode on Sunday, but I wanted to watch the second episode which premiered last night. I even set a guide reminder so that I wouldn't get distracted by some random 80s movie on another channel that would cause me to miss the first half of the show. Now, we'll get to Human Target in a second, but another thing popped up first. When you set a reminder through the guide, it brings you to the channel a couple minutes early. It was because of this that I watched my first-ever segment of American Idol and I have a few thoughts.

First off, I don't know why this show is so popular, as it is essentially a karaoke contest. These people don't have to play their own instruments or write their own songs. Really, it's just a singing competition. But, I accept the fact that it's huge because even though I've never seen a full episode (a point of pride with me) I can still name several of the people who competed on this show. But, that brings me to the second reason I can not understand the popularity of this show - the most talented people don't win. What is the point of calling it a "talent show" if the talented people are voted off? Seems to me that the most successful people who ever appeared on the show are the ones that didn't win. Meanwhile the winners are only around until the next competition, at which point we forget the previous season ever happened. Frankly, I find the whole process pointless. If we were actually finding people who would go on to have lasting music careers that would be one thing, but that is not what is happening. Right now I would say American Idol is 2 for 9.

But, the good news is that the foundation is starting to crack. Paula Abdul has already left (though, when Paula Abdul makes up your foundation, you were on shaky ground to begin with) and now Simon Cowell is on the was out the door. Now, I've never watched more than 5 minutes of this monstrosity, but even I know Simon is the straw that stirs the drink. I can only hope his departure means that soon he will be off on some other show I won't have to watch and Idol will go away. I only ask that he get a show on a cable channel, so he stops taking over a major cable network 4 nights a week. There must be something better we can put on.

-However, I don't know is Human Target is in that "much better" category. I know it's supposed to be an action-filled show, but that doesn't mean the plot should be paper-thin with large holes in it. If I can tell within 4 minutes that one character is going to turn out to be a bad guy and we're only two episodes into a season, that doesn't leave me with much hope for future episodes. You should have at least a few solid scripts to start a season before falling back to the predictable plotlines we've all seen before. Also, the "gifted computer wizard who comes up with an answer, but we're not really going to explain how" character is too dumbed-down for today's audience. But, hey, they've got a grown up Kelly Leak, so it can't be all bad.

The Aftermath

Elections are the only time I get into politics, because it is the only time that anything actually happens. One guy wins, the other loses and we can sit back and break it down like any other competitive event. The rest of the time it's meeting, hearings and back-room dealings that never actually get anything done. The thing I love the most on the day after elections? The map breakdown. I like to see who really cares and who just can't be bothered with pesky things like "the democratic process." (The winner? Lawrence, with just 28% of the eligible voters getting to the polls.) Also, I would have had this map guessed completely backwards, as I would have thought all the red would have come from the western part of the state.

-So, a year after sending the Patriots and the Buccaneers to England to play in the "We're Not Giving Up On This" International Bowl, the NFL has scheduled a game between the 49ers and Broncos for Wembley Stadium. In terms of the on-field quality, it'll probably be a better match-up than last year because the teams will be a little more equal, but can you really hype a game between Kyle Orton and Alex Smith? While the Patriots may have been a lot better than the Buccaneers, at least you could offset the game by bringing over one of the game's bigger stars in Tom Brady. If the NFL really wants to sell this thing then they need to stop dipping their collective toe in the water and instead just go balls to the wall: send the Cowboys to play the Steelers. Have two marquee franchises playing on the biggest stage. If that isn't enough to have the game catch on in Europe then nothing will.

-Can we stop making a big deal of the fact that Avatar will soon pass Titanic as the top grossing movie of all-time? This is just one terrible movie passing a worse movie. Also, it's easier to make a ton of money when today's matinee prices start at $9. Just note that at no point is anyone talking about Avatar being one of the best movies of all time. To make this analogous to sports: sure the Redskins may be worth more money, but wouldn't you rather own the Patriots or Steelers?

My Big Political Stand

Normally I stay away from big, political statements, because I don't consider myself invested enough in any one issue to do all the research that is necessary to form an actual informed opinion. But, I find the special election that is going on in Massachusetts right now to be particularly annoying, because you would expect Massachusetts to be firmly behind the Democrat, but we're being annoyingly self-policing. This is what happens with us: we get all high and mighty about checks and balances and suddenly decide that one party shouldn't have too much power, which is how we ended up with a guy like Mitt Romney as our Governor.

I do not appreciate the irony that a Health Care reform agenda, which was the late Ted Kennedy's biggest crusade, could be defeated by the guy who takes Kennedy's seat. Also, I hate that Coakley is catching flack for referring to Curt Schilling as a Yankee fan. You know, not everything in this state has to go back to being about the Red Sox. If that really is a factor in how you would vote, I'd rather you stay home. But, if it is, I feel inclined to remind you that in his final round of contract negotiating with the Red Sox, Schilling threw it out there that he would not be opposed to signing with the Yankees. Maybe it was a negotiating tactic, but I think it means Schilling should come down off his high horse and stop being so insulted that Coakley called him that.

But, hey, we got the entire first act of last night's Daily Show devoted to the election.

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Not All The Way Dead...Yet

For all the technological advances that we have made as a society, the fact that things still need to run on batteries is amazing to me. You would think we could figure out a way to have a self-contained power sources in more items. I mean, it's 2010, people! (Expect that to be a common cry in this blog for the foreseeable future.) It's a tremendous racket, the battery industry. "Here, these should last for a while." How long is a while? "I dunno. A while." In no other industry can you sell a product and not guarantee at least some period of good service. That's why items come with warranties: "This should work at least this long and if it doesn't make it to then we'll fix it. But after that don't call us if it breaks. Just know, after a certain point, you're living on borrowed time with this machine." Hell, even milk has a date that it will last until.

I bring this up because the batteries in my TV remote are dead. Mostly. Batteries in the TV remote are the worst thing in the world to figure out when to replace, because there is always some juice left. It is always just enough for you to get one more channel change before they die again. But then you watch 10 minutes of a show and by that time the batteries have steeled themselves for yet another change. As a result, you're never sure when they are all the way dead, and the cheapskate in me hates to throw things away before they have completely worn out their usefulness. At least in a clock you can pinpoint the exact second that the batteries died and once they are dead, you know they are all-the-way dead. With the remote batteries it's always a risk as to when they will go completely.

I think the sign that it is finally time is when they don't have enough power for two button presses, just one. When that happens you keeping ending up on the wrong channel. Batteries always seem to kick mid-channel change and the result is, even though you wanted channel 70, the remote instead take you to channel 7 and your stuck with something crappy like figure skating until the batteries can rev themselves back up for one more change. Once this begins happening it's probably for the best that you change the batteries, otherwise who knows what channel and subsequently what show you might end up on. There is nothing worse than trying to get to SportsCenter and ending up on Grey's Anatomy.

Like I'm Not Gonna Watch That.

The new craze in sports broadcasting is lying to the viewer about the starting time of events. The guide on TV will say a game begins at 8 o'clock, but that's actually when the network begins it's pre-game coverage, not the actual game. The game itself will kick off sometime around 8:15. The first 15 minutes are spent getting everyone's "final thoughts" about the game you are about to watch, which is what they could have done during the half-hour pre-game show that just finished, but that is neither here nor there. I just can't watch it, because I can't stand CBS's pre-game team. [sidebar: I actually don't know anyone who prefers CBS's studio team, but I could just need to expand my circle of friends.] I think Marino looks smarmy, Cowher is too happy to laugh at everyone else's bad jokes, Sharpe is a mumble-mouthed idiot and Esiason just wants to poke at Marino the whole time. I would feel bad for James Brown, but this is what he gets for leaving a good show over on FOX for this debacle.

The point is, I would rather watch 15 minutes of anything else and then change over when the game starts. So, I was flipping around the hundreds of channels that are available to me when I saw the single greatest show name in the history of television programming on the National Geographic channel: The Whale That Ate Jaws. I love everything about that title. How was this not the highest-rated show on television last night? Who can resist tuning into a show with that title? Jaws is one of my favorite movies and we all know that shark week is a rating boom every year. Now you're telling me that they can't even stand up to whales? How big was the shark? How big was the whale? What kind of whale was it? I was full of questions.

The show centered around video captured by a scientist a few years of a Killer Whale eating a Great White shark. Turns out there is a colony of Orca whales in the waters off of southern California who have learned to kill just about anything that gets near them because, due to a lack of fish in the area, they need to be able to eat whatever gets close. The list of options includes Great White sharks, which they have figured out how to kill quite easily. While the rest of the program was filled with the typical science show "Well, we don't know for sure, but here's our best guess" graphics that drive me crazy, it was still pretty interesting. The most unusual thing I learned was that the day after capturing the video of the Orca killing a Great White there were no Great Whites in the area. The scientist had been tracking the movements of over 100 Great Whites and they all took off right after the attack. So, for all the talk of Great Whites being badasses, in actuality, they're kind of pansies. In light of this revelation, perhaps we should re-think our position on the 1977 movie Orca. Maybe with this new information it should supplant Jaws as the best "killer-sea creature" movie?**

** Yeah, just kidding. Orca was terrible.

It's Subtraction By Addition

*Yep, another college football post. Sorry.*

There is a term I love: "Failing Upwards." It it used to describe people who, for one reason or another, are terrible at their jobs, yet are not punished for their failures or shortcomings and are instead rewarded with an even better job. I used to work with a guy who was always failing upwards and it drove the rest of us crazy. You can use it in all walks of life and for almost any business. Today we're using it to talk about new USC coach Lane Kiffin.

Kiffin was a USC assistant a few years back. He was good, but not great. He was working there at a time when USC was routinely pulling in the highest-level recruits. Basically, he would have had to work to be bad. He somehow parlayed this into a head coaching job with the Oakland Raiders, despite being only being 31 at the time. Normally this is something to be extremely proud of; Raiders' owner Al Davis has a history of finding good, young assistants and turning them into head coaches. Only Kiffin is no Jon Gruden and immediately started sparring with Davis, who wanted to fire Kiffin after just one season. Instead Kiffin was fired midway into his second season with a record of 5-15.

Despite all his history in football, at this point Al Davis is seen as senile, so when he held a ranting press conference to explain why he fired Kiffin, everyone began to assume that Kiffin just got screwed by working with this crazy old man. Instead of having to go back to being a coordinator, he was rewarded with the head coaching job at the University of Tennessee, which is one of the more storied programs in all of college football. His first season in Knoxville was filled with recruiting violations, potshots at other coaches in the SEC, but not many wins. He finished the season 7-6, which is not good enough in the eyes of Volunteer fans. Still, hopes were high... right up until he ditched Tennessee for the open USC job last week.

Now, I don't blame Kiffin for taking the job. If Tennessee is a Top 20 program, USC is in the Top 5. But, I just don't get why USC would be in such a rush to give this job to a guy who has never proven he can win, doesn't play well with other people and seems to have no idea what the inside of the NCAA rulebook about recruiting looks like. Given that USC seems to be under scrutiny for some of the things that went on during the Pete Carroll regime (which Kiffin was a member of, by the way), one would assume that they would be trying to distance themselves from someone who is a walking secondary recruiting violation. Instead they could be looking at some major issues down the line. Of course, that would only happen if Kiffin doesn't find that a better job has opened up.

-Happy Birthday, Jay!!

It Coulda Been Awesome

This afternoon, as I was getting out of a restaurant after lunch, two cars pulled into the parking lot at the same time. They came in from different side streets and both began heading towards the drive-through. First glance made it look as though they were going to get to the entrance at the same time. Both drivers seemed to notice what was happening and started to accelerate slightly, because no one ever wants to come in second. I started to get really excited, because if there is one thing I love it is awkward conflict where I can see it but at the same time not be involved in it; the really awkward conflict from people in cars is even better. Alas, one of them checked up at the last minute and allowed the other car to enter the drive-through first, robbing me of my afternoon's worth of entertainment. Instead, I will just have Demetri Martin show you how I thought it would go in my head.

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-Bonus points to this skit because the other guy in it is H. Jon Benjamin, who's new show Archer premiered on FX last night. It was created by the same guys who made Sealab 2021 (which was awesome) and reminded me of that show a lot. In other words, it was really funny. Seems as though everyone has finally figured out that if you're on cable and produce an animated show you can get away with saying pretty much whatever you want.

Tagged For Five 2009 Highlights...

I have been tagged by the Notorious EJR (EJC? ERC? EJRC?) from It Be Liz. I guess this makes me IT. Now, I was actually tagged yesterday, but I already had a post 95% done so I wanted to get that finished. Also, as I was thinking this out, I'm ashamed to admit I had trouble coming up with 5 things. It's not that 2009 was especially terrible, it's just that I am terribly boring.

I am supposed to list 5 highlights of 2009, then tag 5 other bloggers to do the same. Here goes:

1. Welcomed my niece Madeline Johanna Waldron to the world on September 3rd. My Goddaughter is awesome. Also, because she is a baby it seems she has doubled in size every time I see her, which is just fun.

2. Went to "The Wedding Strikes Back." Normally sequels are disappointing. Not this one, as it was awesome. It's not every wedding you get a chance to make friends with a wall.

3. Accomplished both my golf goals of breaking 50 at Willowdale and 115 at Chemawa. Right now, good golfers are laughing at how low my expectations are. Good golfers should shut the hell up.

4. Went down to Wareham. Did nothing. While doing nothing is not usually much of an accomplishment, in this case it means that there was nothing left we had to do down the Cape. The necessary construction was complete after three summers (building the new deck this summer will be more aesthetic than essential), so we were able to just enjoy the beach house for the sake of it being a house near the beach. I read, I played golf, I watched sports. At no point did I hammer, drill, saw or paint. It was nice.

5. Blogged here for 365 Days. As I went over old posts looking for another highlight, I realised that setting the goal of blogging for 365 days and actually doing it was pretty good. Pardon me while I pat myself on the back.

Now, most of my friends don't have blogs (they're patiently waiting for this whole "Internet" fad to pass) so I will just instead invite anyone who wants to be tagged to steal this and post it on their blog. All I ask is a link in return.

That Was Quick

Yesterday, the news broke that Tobey Maguire had decided not to make a 4th Spiderman movie, mostly likely because he remembers how Spiderman 3 turned out. Shortly after that came word that Marvel and Sony were going to take the Spiderman series and "reboot" (the catchy phrase of the year) it; getting a new director, a new actor to be the lead and taking Peter Parker back to high school for a new take on the series. Presumably they want to go the route of the Batman movies with Christian Bale, which was to let someone who actually likes comic books take over and make things a little darker and thus, truer to the actual comics. (At least, I would imagine. I never read Spiderman as a kid because G.I. Joe was, in every way, superior).

Here is my issue with this: you can not "reboot" a series where the first one was made less than 8 years ago and the last one came out in 2007. Just because they were in such a hurry to pump out sequels that they never bothered to secure a good script before hurrying everything into production is not our fault. This is what drives me crazy about movies - everyone is in such a hurry to make money they don't take the time to think of a fresh idea. They think if they can cash in on a movie that has made money before, then that's just as good. It's the reason there have been 24 versions of A Christmas Carol. They willingly go for profit over quality. I'm not surprised by it, just disappointed.

I don't always hate it when Hollywood takes movies that have come out before and re-makes them, but I just feel certain conditions must be met when they do it. Here are the only times I think it is acceptable to remake a movie franchise:

-It's time to introduce the franchise to a new audience. This was what made it ok for them to reboot the Star Trek franchise late this summer. The original cast is too old to keep making movies anymore (those that are even still alive) and there are almost two generations of people who have never seen the original TV series. If you're going to do it you need a very delicate mix of new people, better special effects, but you have to keep enough of the old gimmicks around to show proper respect to the original fans. Star Trek did this. To make it an even better idea, the movie also fell under the second condition in which it is ok to re-make a movie.

-You're taking things in a new direction. Not that I want to ruin it for people who haven't see Star Trek yet, but they do a plot twist that basically says, "Forget everything you thought you knew was going to happen from this time on." This allows them to do whatever the hell they want in future movies and they don't have to answer to the people who take their sci-fi too seriously. Basically they are keeping the name of the ship and the crew the same. Anything after that is fair game. It truly was a new start .

-It was a special effect-heavy movie at a time when special effects sucked. Recently I saw a trailer for the all-new Clash of the Titans. The original that came out in 1981 and became a cult classic, because now you can't look back without laughing your ass off at the 'special' effects. With the advances made in just the last couple of years, they're considered an entirely new kind of 'special'. The 2010 version that is slated to come out this summer looks like it has amazing stuff going on. I don't know how the acting or plot will hold up, but when has that ever stopped me from watching a movie?

-Let's pretend that last one didn't happen. Under these circumstances everyone sort of agrees that what started out as a promising movie series ended with such a clunker that it tainted the preceding movies and that situation should be remedied [see: Rocky 5 and Batman & Robin]. This is close to what the Spiderman people want to do, but they're trying way too soon. Even the Batman franchise gave everyone a decade to try and forget George Clooney as Bruce Wayne. Holy crap was that last one bad.

A View From High Above

I love watching sports with my dad. But, mostly we stick to watching the games at home so he can fall asleep halfway through the third quarter, only to periodically wake up and make a comment to try and act like he was not just sleeping. It's high comedy. At this point, the only way to get my dad to go to sporting events is to buy seats that are in unusual places that he has always wanted to sit: monster seats, really close to the court or, in the case of last night's game, promenade seating.

The promenade level at the TD Bank Garden are the seats that are way the hell up. They are literally the last row of the stadium and when you are in these seats you are eye level with the rafters. For years I sat in the 300-level seats to watch the Celtics, fully convinced that I could not get any further from the action. Turns out there was another 10 feet I could have gone. But, while it's a great view because you can see absolutely everything (even tell when a shot is offline as it is leaving a player's hands), the fact remains that we couldn't figure out why these seats even exist. This used to be where they did the broadcasts from, but I don't even think the Bruins announcers call the game from up there anymore.

It's a weird section. There is just one row of seats going all the way around the top of the arena. The level only has one food stand and it doesn't offer much in the way of variety. If you want more you'll have to go down two floors to the 300-level seats. You're actually above where the speakers are aimed, so the sound of the music is just distorted enough to notice. [sidebar: One thing we all heard loud and clear? That Brian Scalabrine was starting. You ever want to suck the air out of 19,000 people, just announced that to a crowd expecting Rasheed Wallace.] And, for all the talk of the 300s being the balcony, this place is truly a balcony. The level extends out until it is almost equal to the third row of 300-level seats, but there is nothing below the seats to support you. As a result, everybody that walks by causes the floor to feel as though it is bouncing slightly. Not the best place to sit if you are uncomfortable with heights.

It was nice because each seat was an individual folding chair, and so you could arrange yourself as you like and not have to share an armrest. Also, because everyone is in the front row, no one was standing over my shoulder making inaccurate statements about basketball that I needed to correct (always a hazard of going to a game with me), and everyone had a shelf in front of them to put their food or beverage on. If only the shelf was higher, because, again, it did not give you much in the way of comfort were you to lean too far forward. So, overall it was a great game (despite the refs), a fun time and an interesting night. I don't think we'll be clamoring to go back to the promenade anytime soon, but now I can say I have sat just about everywhere in the Garden.

This was the view down to the court from our seats.
Told you we were high up.

And here was the view looking straight out. Eye level with the banners.

Told You So

I get that successful people only become that way by taking risks. You can only achieve a great reward when you take a great chance and staying with the same formula will only get you the same result. That's all well and good, but if the formula is working and making everyone rich in the process, perhaps you should just stick with it anyway - variety be damned. Trying something new can only serve to complicate things and potentially ruin what you had working. I'm talking, of course, about this whole Leno/Conan/Tonight Show fiasco.

After a short 7 month try of having Leno be on at 10 o'clock, NBC realised that this wasn't working and will be moving him back to 11:35, after the local news. Conan O'Brien will have the option of staying with The Tonight Show at 12:05 (best line of the weekend was Seth Meyers, "Can it still be called The Tonight Show if it starts when it's tomorrow?"), or leaving to go to another network, which would give Leno The Tonight Show chair back. I'm not sure what the best move is here for O'Brien. NBC has made it pretty clear from the beginning that they favor Leno over O'Brien and therefore I can see no reason that the network deserves Conan's loyalty. Also, there is talk that Fox is interested in O'Brien doing a show over there at 11 o'clock, but I'm wary of how well that would work. I don't think the problem for Conan is the network, it's the time. I said when this move went down that if he dumbed-down his show for an earlier crowd he would still be too smart for Leno's audience and just end up pissing off his loyal viewers, which is just what happened. If Fox wanted to give him a show at midnight, then I think that is the formula that would work best for him.

In this situation in which no one wins, I think Leno is managing to come off the worst. The last week of monologue jokes have been all about getting cancelled and how bad NBC is treating him. Well, they are also paying him some outrageous figure like $25 million a year. I wish we could all be treated so badly. Of course, Leno makes no mention of the fact that this situation is of his own creation, because he was the one who came out years ago to announce his eventual retirement. He set his own firm deadline, when instead he should have quietly talked to people behind the scenes and said, "Hey, I'm thinking I only have a couple years left. Plan ahead." Then when he changed his mind no one would have been any the wiser and none of this would have happened.

What I can not get over is the fact that no one expected this to work, everyone told NBC this and yet they did it anyway. As soon as Leno started to have second thoughts about leaving The Tonight Show then they should have just shrugged their shoulders, given O'Brien a huge buyout and left things as they were. I mean, this isn't family - it's business and sometimes in business you just have to play favorites. Leno had great ratings. Instead they tried to shuffle things and make everyone happy and the result was that no one was happy: Leno was pissed he had to move, O'Brien was pissed that he still was in Leno's shadow and the affiliates were pissed because Jay Leno's rating sucked and killed their local news ratings. It was a giant mess. If only someone at NBC had listened to... everyone else. I understand that not everyone is privy to all the information available, but when 10 million people are telling you something is a bad idea, perhaps it's time to listen.

I Thought This Was Supposed to Be Fast Food

The other night I didn't feel like making any dinner, just running to the nearest Burger King. In addition to craving a double Whopper made my way, I also wanted to try the new funnel cake sticks that they have been advertising (I am a sucker for the chance to have anything that is like fried dough... I love me some fried dough). The bonus aspect was that I had a coupon so the funnel sticks were going to be free. Everything appeared to be coming up Tom. Now, because I was going to try to use a coupon, in addition to asking for multiple items to not appear on my Whopper, I figured it would be best to go inside instead of using the drive-through. I made this decision based on the premise that the people working the drive-through are not the sharpest knives in the drawer. While my reasoning was sound, it turned out to be a bad idea.

My timing was terrible, because I was behind the woman ordering for 10 people and who had a lot of questions about the menu. (As if there is a ton of rollover at the Burger King menu... it's been the same stuff for years. What are you asking about?) This large group sent the staff behind the counter into a level of confusion that I thought only came when things spontaneously combusted. Apparently the counter staff are the people who couldn't cut it in the fast-paced world of the drive-through. There was multiple counting and recounting of orders of fries, double and triple checking of the correct numbers of cups and just a general lack of hustle with getting this order squared away. As a result I was standing around in this Burger King for close to 20 minutes. Trust me, the last place you ever want to be just hanging out is inside a Burger King.

You know, I usually feel bad about using the drive-through because I ended up just feeling very lazy. Now I remember that it is actually the more prudent choice, because while they may not always get the order right when you do it that way, at least you get in and out in a couple minutes. Also, I don't want to see who is touching my food. There is a reason that nice restaurants have doors to the kitchen. All of this just so I could save $1.70 for some funnel cake sticks. But, dang, they were good.

Bad Idea, or Terrible Idea?

*If you don't care about the NFL or College Football, feel free to skip this post. We'll return to our usual program of talking about TV tomorrow.

So, late yesterday afternoon news began to break that the Seattle Seahawks had fired their head coach, Jim Mora. While it seemed a little fast to fire him after only one season, I personally never knew what the fascination was with him in the first place. I always thought he was better suited to stay as a coordinator or position coach. They brought Mora in two seasons ago to be a "Coach In Waiting" under Mike Holmgren, who was close to retirement. (The whole "Coach In Waiting" thing bugs the hell out of me anyway, but that is another post for another day.) Then Seahawk management kicked Holmgren out the door in favor of Mora when Holmgren was having second thoughts about retirement, despite the fact that Holmgren has won a Super Bowl and Mora's win percentage has gone down each year he has been a head coach.

Now, even though Seattle is one of my Top-5 favorite U.S. cities, this wouldn't in and of itself be worthy of it's own blog post. I'm not a big Seahawks guy and their success or failure is barely a blip on my radar screen. But, shortly after it was announced that Mora was fired, news started to leak out that Pete Carroll, the former Patriot and current USC coach, was the leading candidate to take the job. Ok, now color me interested. I've been intrigued by Pete Carroll ever since he turned USC back into a national powerhouse, because I truly did not see it coming after he left the Patriots. I assumed his rah-rah, hokey style would play better in the college ranks, but not to the point he would be considered one of the best college coaches of the era. That is what makes him leaving USC such a bad idea.

Carroll is a god at the college level and is in a perfect situation. He has a huge recruiting base, great tradition and a beautiful, southern California campus full of hot co-eds and beaches to use as a recruiting tool. Also, with no NFL team in the area, they only have to compete with UCLA for football dominance in the largest TV market in the country. USC doesn't have to recruit, they can sit back and let the best of the best come to them. They play in a very good conference, which means lots of games on national TV and with their talent level and reputation they are in the discussion for the National Championship at the start of every season. It is a great job, one that any college coach would love to have... which is why leaving it makes no sense. You know sometimes, when everyone is telling you how great your situation is, you should listen to them. Carroll is going from one of the great programs in college football with a stud sophomore quarterback who is only going to get better, to a rebuilding NFL team in a crappy division and a quarterback who is calcifying as we speak. The grass is not always greener.

Now, at least from Carroll's side of the aisle I can at least understand why he would considered this move. He probably thinks there is a huge hole in his resume due to his perceived lack of NFL success and he probably gets annoyed at how people consider his NFL coaching career as a failure, even though his career record is above .500 with only one losing season. It's not like he is Cam Cameron. In addition, he's got some upcoming NCAA violations to deal with, so maybe now is a good time to pull a Calipari and move on. Another factor is that Carroll is now in his late 50's, which means pretty soon people are going to stop putting him on their wish lists. There is a point that all college coaches reach where the professional ranks stop considering them for vacancies. For example, when Mike Kryzewski turned down the Lakers job a couple years ago, it pretty much signalled the end of any NBA aspirations he had. He's a college lifer now and I doubt he ever even interviews for another NBA job. Carroll's name hadn't come up in the past couple of years, so he must have figured this was his last chance to prove himself at the professional level. When you add up all the factors, I guess you can understand why he's doing this (still doesn't mean it's a good idea to take the job).

The side I don't get is with the Seahawks, because not only are they looking for him to coach, they want him to be President as well, having final say on personnel decisions. This is a horrendous idea. Nothing about Pete Carroll's job history makes me think he has any idea how a salary cap works. Also, the Seahawks just took this power away from Mike Holmgren a couple years ago because he couldn't do both jobs, so why give it to a guy with no track record of being able to run an NFL front office? I have visions of Steve Spurrier redux here, with Carroll just trying to pull in as many USC guys as possible. (Something tells me that he could have Matt Leinart, no problem.) By going to the NFL Carroll is stripping himself of his greatest weapon - his personality. The NFL is a business. You can try and coax a guy to sign with you and woo him all you want, but at the end of the day, it is about money. Also, you can have as rich an NFL owner as you want (and with Paul Allen, he does), but that doesn't mean you can buy a championship. Ask the Redskins how that is working. If you don't know how to structure bonuses and contracts, at some point you're going to hit the salary cap, no matter who is writing the checks.

It just seems like a bad idea for Carroll to leave a good situation just to prove a point. Lots of college coaches couldn't pull off success at the next level and it is eventually forgotten as long as they started winning again at the college level. For the Seahawks it just seems like they are desperate to make a splash in any way they can and have promised a guy with no experience too much power just to pull in a big name. Then again, this could set the USC program back and as a Notre Dame fan, I am all for that. So, even if Carroll and the Seahawks get screwed in this deal, at least I can walk away happy.

It's An MP3 Trip Down Memory Lane

I'm usually very good about keeping my bedroom clean. I try to not let the dirty clothes get too far out in front of my closet and put the clean ones away as soon as I can. I figure I've got the room clean, so keeping it clean at this point it is all about maintenance. There is just one area that I just can not get a handle on, though, and that is the top of my bureau. It is easily the worst area of clutter in my bedroom. But, I've decided that I want to try and lighten my furniture so that it will match the rest of the trim in my room (my bureau is stained wood, so this probably won't work, but I'm going to test a small area in the back and see what happens). But, before I do that I need to clean up the top of it, so that I at least have a better idea of what I am working with.

As I was going through the mess that had accumulated on the top (2 mugs full of pens, a large container of hair gel which I never use because I never use hair gel and various other knick-knacks), I came across my iRock, which was my first MP3 player. Now when I first got this it blew my mind, because you could make a playlist and then skip songs, which made it so much more convenient than tapes. It was not perfect, though, because it was a pain creating and then uploading that playlist, which took forever. Also, because I was not about to spend the money for the extra memory cartridge, I could only upload 15 songs at a time. So, really, the pressure was on to choose 15 good songs. And, you had to do it in the right order, because changing the song order once they were on the iRock was another chore. You had to get it right the first time. Really, these kids with their iPods don't know how good they have it. (Seriously, the other day a co-worker asked me to make him a romantic playlist for him and his woman and it took me 4 minutes.)

The battery in the iRock was long-since dead, but I wanted to know if it had maintained it's memory the entire time. I tossed in a fresh battery and discovered that the playlist had remained despite all the years of inactivity. What was still on there was a time-capsule back to the days of 2003. It was a mash-up of Staind, Saliva, Linkin Park, Evanescence, Trapt, Incubus and Hoobastank. In other words, I listened to some really crappy music back in 2003. But, it made me realise how far we had come in a short time. I got my new iPod in 2006, which means in 3 years we went from 15 songs to 10,000. That is some impressive growth. Anyway, it reminded me of this clip from Patton Oswalt (DO NOT PLAY IF YOU ARE AT WORK):

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New Theatre, New Movie

I've always enjoyed a good mystery movie. The best ones are the films where the audience actually has to think for itself and feature a twist towards the end which they never saw coming. I can't stand movies where you've figured out the "big twist" within 10 minutes. I've also always enjoyed reading the books of Sherlock Holmes as a kid, though I confess they were more the Holmes stories that had been sort of water-down for kids instead of the true Sir Arthur Conan Doyle books. Still, they served their purpose. Therefore, despite so-so reviews, I was actually pretty excited to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie that came out Christmas Day. And, as an added bonus, I made my maiden voyage to the new Dedham movie theatre in the Legacy Place. First a review of the movie, then a review of the theatre.

-The movie was really good - much better than I anticipated. It was a tad long, but it didn't feel as long as it was (if that makes any sense). From the previews you expect it to be nothing but action without much in the way of an actual mystery, but that isn't really the case. You have to put some serious thought into what the purpose of certain things might be as well as their context in the larger plotline. This is not a movie in which everything becomes clear within the first 45 minutes. I thought Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr were quite good and Downey as Holmes pulls off the last quips of each scene very well, even if his British accent occasionally had me wishing for subtitles. While the people who are hardcore Holmes enthusiasts probably won't like the way he is portrayed, I think that is about ten people, so we should be ok. For the rest of us, I don't think you have to run to the theatre to see this movie, but there isn't anything else out right now that I think is worth seeing, so give it a look. At the very least add it to your Blockbuster list when it becomes available.

-Now, as for the new theatre at Legacy Place, you would expect it to be pretty much the same as the one up at Patriot Place, because they are owned by the same company. Sure, you can get more than the typical popcorn and soda as well as luxury seating if you feel like springing the extra money, just like at Patriot Place, but I still would rather go to Foxboro. First off, it is kind of a pain to get to, buried in the corner of the new mall parking lot, which is not nearly large enough. They seem to want to funnel you towards the parking garage. Secondly, even though it's the same company, this movie theatre seems to have different chairs. And, let's be honest with each other, chairs are what make or break a movie theatre. These chairs don't seem to recline as much and instead spring forward, which would be great if I had either short legs or good knees, but sadly I am in possession of neither. Also, the seats were not very comfortable and I found myself shifting throughout the movie. Somehow, even though it is supposed to be the same movie theatre, it is just not as good. Make the drive up Route 1 to Foxboro.

I'll Sit Out This Upgrade

I have no desire to see the new movie Avatar. Seems a little long, too dependent on special effects for my tastes and the constant over-hyping of it has turned me off. Plus, something about James Cameron bugs me, even if I can't tell you exactly what it is. However, it's supposed to be stunning visually and even better if you can find your way to a theatre that is showing it in 3-D. That's right, 3-D is back in our lives. Personally, I didn't miss it all that much. I mean, it was always around with the occasional movie "event" in 3-D, but now it seems that it is back to stay. On the strength of movies like Avatar and the advances made in home theatre systems and with high-definition TVs, a few of the major cable channels (Discovery and ESPN just to name two) have announced that they will soon be able to broadcast certain shows in 3-D. Oh good, cause what I want most in life is Merrill Hodge coming out of my TV to tell me why he still thinks Jay Cutler is better than Vince Young.

I just have to say, I'm all set with skipping this latest technology fad. Normally I am all for new electronics and gadgets that will enhance my viewing pleasure. I love it when new video game systems come out and the switch to high-definition TVs has made watching sports all the more enjoyable. But, I don't think that I need 3-D in my home. I'm perfectly fine with the crystal-clear picture I get from HD and I don't need to feel like Tom Brady's pass is meant for me. Also, didn't we just get to high-definition a couple years ago? Seems like we're sliding past HD and Blu-Ray and moving as fast as we can to yet another fad. Is it suddenly going to be that Blu-Ray is like laser discs, which were supposed to be the next big thing, until DVDs came out and we all realised that laser disc stunk in comparison?

We're not even all the way into HD yet. I know of several stations that still do not even broadcast in HD, so what are the odds that I'm going to have a lot of channels that will be willing to broadcast in 3-D right away? I just wonder if buying a new TV for the sake of 3-D would be a terrible investment. I just hope that this doesn't become one of those things that I have no choice but to follow as so many things start to be broadcast in 3-D that if you don't have a TV capable of receiving the signal it instead just looks like the convergence on your TV is always off. That's how they eventually made the shift over to DVD, they just stopped putting stuff out on VHS. Also, I find it ironic that, as more and more people have Lasik with the intention of being able to stop wearing glasses, we keep finding ways for people to have to put glasses back on.

Complaints Should Be Directed Up

As I have been watching college bowl game after college bowl game, I have seen several guerrilla-style commercials that have come out in the last few weeks. Mostly they feature someone from one fast food chain going through the drive-through of another chain, speaking into the microphone and trying to either get a burger done their way or breakfast after 10:30. While I get the message they are trying to portray (our restaurant has features that your restaurant does not), I don't like these commercials because they basically come down to annoying the people working the drive-through. Really, those people have enough problems. Do you really think they would be able to give an adequate answer as to why McDonald's doesn't have breakfast after 10:30 in the morning? Of course not, they work the drive-through. Leave them alone.

This reminded me of my own time in retail. I once got a job at MVP Sports, a local sporting goods store, just as they were being bought out and transitioning over to an international chain, re-dubbing the stores Decathlon. One of the first orders of business was to completely change the layout of every store. Instead having all the clothes on those round racks at about chest-level that you see everywhere else, every store was switched to long aisles with more clothes on either side and up on hooks. It definitely felt more sporting goods than clothing store, but I doubt that was what they were actually going for. They probably just thought it looked pretty. (This new store was run by idiots. Once, my French manager sent me around to do pickups at all the other locations without telling any of the other managers, who then called my house demanding to know why I hadn't shown up for work that day. It was not a well-oiled machine. I was not surprised when the stores went bankrupt and the corporation retreated back to Europe a couple years later.)

Anyway, I was working as a cashier one day not long after the store change when a woman came up to my register and I attempted to do my best customer-service, "Act as if I actually care what kind of day you're having" routine.

Me: How are you today?
Her: I hate the new layout.
Me: Oh..... sorry?
Her: Why would they put things up high? It's so stupid.
Me: Ok.... you're total is $24.95.

What kind of reaction was she expecting? Did she think that I would put the store back the way it was before? Because clearly, as a man behind the register wearing an ugly vest, I would be the person who can make such a decision.

So, loyal readers, here is my plea: don't bitch to the people who are working the drive-through or working the counter. They don't have any power and they won't be able to fix any problems you may have with the corporate level. My guess is they don't even really care how your day is going, they were only asking to be polite anyway.

I Stand Behind Belichick

So, yesterday the Patriots took to the field with almost nothing to play for. They were pretty much locked into the number four seed of the AFC playoff bracket, though they could have won, Cincinnati could have lost and thus the Patriots would have jumped to number three. Either way they would still get a home game, have to go on the road the following week should they win and either way they would have a tough opponent waiting for them. Not really worth losing sleep over. Because of the lack of any real bonus for winning or losing, most people expected the starters to play a half, perhaps even less and then get the hell out of Houston. After all, preserving the overall team health was the most important thing.

Well, that didn't happen because Wes Welker, the team's leading receiver and Tom Brady's favorite target, tried to cut early in the game and went down clutching his knee. He wasn't even hit on the play, but was seen shortly after with his face buried in a towel. Not good. Later that night reports started surfacing that he had torn not only his ACL, but his MCL as well. Now everyone is talking about how screwed the Patriots are, how the team won't recover from this and, oh, by the way, what the hell was Belichick doing playing the starters to begin with? Just like after the Indianapolis game, people are coming out of the woodwork to open question Belichick.

I'm actually on board with playing the starters in the last game of the season. I think it creates the wrong mindset within a team to not play the front-line guys and give away a win. I also think that it's a worst idea to tell a team when you will be pulling those starters, because that leads to guys treating the game like a preseason game. That's all well and good if both teams are on board with that plan, but Houston had a lot to play for. If the Patriots sent guys out there who were only playing half-speed while the Texans were going for blood then a lot more guys would have gotten hurt.

The other thing to keep in mind here is, and I'm not trying to diminish what Welker has meant to the team this season, if you were going to lose one of the wideouts, he could be the easiest to replace. The team already has Julian Edelman ready to go, and he is essentially Welker's doppelganger. That's the motto of every football team on Earth: "Next man up." Yes, he's fighting an injury of his own and he is not the caliber of Welker even when he's completely healthy. But, he's a lot closer to Welker than anyone else on the roster is to Moss. So, of the two, the Patriots were actually fortunate to escape the game with Moss still upright. I am bummed for Wes, though, because with two torn ligaments, there is almost no way he is back by the start of next season. I'd be shocked if he was even back the first six weeks.

I kind of feel about the Welker injury the same way I felt last June when the Celtics lost Kevin Garnett. I thought they could have still beaten the Bulls, would not have been shocked if they beat the Magic, but feel like there was no way they could have gotten past Cleveland. Now, even with Wes out I wouldn't be shocked if the Patriots beat the Ravens, though I think getting past the Chargers would be a long-shot. Still, with this much time to get Edelman ready and maybe call up a guy from the practice squad, I'll say the Patriots can still beat the Ravens, 34-24.

Playing Chicken With Mother Nature

When it comes to snowstorms there are only so many possibilities. You can either get a lot or a little, and that snow can either be wet and heavy or dry and fluffy. That's pretty much it. There is not much you can do about this, you just have to sit back and wait to see what kind of hand you are dealt. As a born-and-bred New Englander, I am pretty indifferent by this point. I'll deal with whatever Mother Nature feels like throwing at me, just as long as she rewards me with nice weather come golf season. As a result, the only time I get annoyed at snow anymore is when it comes in the form we had this weekend: the slow-moving, light-snowing, multi-day storm.

This weekend we were scheduled to get snow starting Friday night around midnight and ending... maybe St. Patrick's Day. This storm was very hard to predict because it was coming at us from a Southwesterly direction. Apparently, that is the lunar eclipse of the winter storms. You knew it was going to be a problem because the weathermen (who are only successful around a 35% clip anyway) were trying to hedge their bets and kept reminding viewers how unpredictable this storm was. They were practically apologizing in advance as they predicted the time of the storm to be 12 to 48 hours and drop anywhere from 2 to 12 inches of snow on the ground.

As we awoke yesterday morning to find about 3 inches on the ground and a lull in the snowing, we debated going out to shovel. But, the thing about veterans of New England winters is that it is almost insulting to shovel such a paltry amount of snow. My house has 3 trucks in the driveway. Is three inches of snow really that bad? We just drive over that. I look at snow removal like removing a band-aid. Let me just do it once and get it over with. So when you have a storm that could last for 48 hours, you never know when is the best time to go out and shovel. Too early and you'll be right back out there later. Sure, you'll be moving less snow on that second trip out there, but it's still another hour of standing in the snow. If you move too late, however, and the snow has had time to pack down a little and then it's heavy and a pain to move.

We ended up gambling and letting the storm just play itself out. As it turns out, we gambled correctly, because by this morning only another 3 inches had shown up and it stayed light and fluffy and the snow was just about over. In fact, there were sections of my driveway (in the wind tunnel) where no snow ever accumulated. That is a new one. We had the whole area cleaned up before the Patriots game. Normally we are not gamblers in my family, but I almost feel like I should run out and get some scratch tickets.