Their One Moment To Shine

I love everything about Patriot's Day here in Massachusetts. I love the early Red Sox game, the exclusivity of only being one of three states with the day off and the fact that the holiday comes right when the weather is getting nice so we can enjoy the day off (let's be honest, a free day off in mid-January wouldn't be nearly as much fun). But, I would have to say that my favorite thing on Patriot's Day is the marathon announcers who get brought out once a year and are then forced to try to fill 4 hours of airtime as people run on-screen. It is some of the funniest TV you will get to see all year. It really is too bad that in the last couple of years we have seen two of the three major local networks stop carrying live coverage of the marathon, because now, instead of anyone who speaks English and has ever run a marathon getting hired by one station or another, the lone station that still carries it live has been able to only hire the best of whats out there for their marathon coverage, leading to the awkward pauses only coming every 5 minutes or so.

Seriously, I do kind of feel bad for these people, because there is not much you can say when people are running. Repeating, "he's got a good rhythm and pace going" can only take you so far. Imagine watching a NASCAR race in which the cars never bumped each other and it was just 500 miles of a car (very politely) searching for an opening to go through. Well, that's what watching a marathon is like. As a result, the announcers have to make some of the more awkward conversation that you are every going to hear come through your television. As a man who takes great delight in awkward conversations, it is one of the highlights of the television year. One of the better ones that I heard this morning was when the normal sports anchor asked one of the race announcers why some of the elite runners would be wearing gloves. Her response? "It's cold this morning." Well, thank God you were here to bring us that informed opinion, because us non-runners never would have figured that out. Later this same woman mentioned that the defending men's wheelchair champion had had a baby recently and that "can really throw off your training." Again, way to keep your priorities.

Now, I'm sure it's not easy to comment on running, because much like a pitching motion or golf swing, each person's is unique and tailored only to the person who is actually doing the motion. If someone has a funky running style, but it works for them, who are we to comment if they run more upright than most? That's why I think it would be better if the announcers just decided to give the marathon the Mystery Science Theater treatment and crack jokes for four solid hours. I imagine that they could have had some real fun when the woman leading the marathon almost threw up around mile 24.

-While we're cleaning up marathon coverage, can we do away with the interview with the race winner once they have crossed the finish line? What are you expecting these people to say that could be so important we need to hear it the second they break the tape? They've just put their bodies through hell and probably want to collapse as soon as they make it to the end, but instead we feel the need to shove a microphone in their face and ask how they feel about the race they just finished. Mostly, the answer is something along the lines of "Grahksladshda... tired... dsahdasjhs... good time.... fsadhsadasd... pushed me at the end." I think, much like asking boxers who have just been punched in the face a hundred times, that this is a giant waste of time. We're not going to learn anything different if we first let them have a drink, a seat and a rest before we start bombarding them with questions. In fact, the reporters would come off as much less intrusive.