Winning Like Charlie Sheen

On Saturday I went in town to the Boston Golf Expo because while I don't enjoy crowds, I do enjoy trying new golf equipment without the hassle of a salesman sitting there watching me. There are far too many people who might actually buy something for them to concentrate on instead of the people like me, who they can tell have no intention of ever buying the product, and I am left alone to swing in peace. At this Expo you could buy clubs, balls, even clothes along with various health remedies for back or knee pain (golf is clearly not a young man's game). Also, I looked into how much it would cost to put a putting green in my basement and it isn't nearly as much as you imagine, so that dream lives on. There was a lot to look at, even if some of the booths are not very interesting. In the words of Mitch Hedberg, those are the booths when as the people are handing you their pamphlet it is really like they are saying, "Here, you throw this away."

The other big selling point of the Boston Golf Expo was trips. There were aisles and aisles of booths with information on just about every golf destination you can think of, all offering deals and the chance to win a free trip. I tried to win a get-away for almost all the destinations: Georgia, Myrtle Beach, Vegas, Florida and Western New York. (Hey, a free vacation is a free vacation.) Anyway, there was also a "Golf on Cape Cod" booth. The main reason I stopped at the booth was because they were giving away a map of the Cape with all the public golf courses marked down and I figured it would come in handy at the beach house. But, I got to talking to the woman working the booth and ended up entered my name into a raffle for a variety of 'Stay-and-Play' Cape Cod vacations. I don't need the free stay, but I'm always interested in free play. "You have to be here at 2 for the drawing," the woman reminded me. It was only 12:30 and I figured there was no way I would be still there in an hour and a half.

However, there were lines to try equipment, hold trophies, get my swing looked at and drink free scotch, so at 2 o'clock I found myself still in the building and back at the 'Golf Cape Cod' booth for the drawing. After spending a couple of minutes trying to convince us to play golf on the Cape (which was kind of unnecessary, as I would guess 95% of the people there already did and planned to again), the woman started giving away the prizes. She reached into the basket and pulled out a piece of paper to announce a winner:

"Tom... (heavy sigh)," [Sidebar: I have a long history of people not being able to either read my handwriting or pronounce my last name, so I immediately knew I won.] "Rak... Rasa... (sigh) Rah.... Rika... (sigh)." I figured I would put the poor woman out of her misery so I raised my hand and let her know it was me. "Are you from Norwood?" she asked, trying to get confirmation through something else on the paper. I told her yes. "I can't read your handwriting," she told me. I kind of declare bullshit on that, because I'm pretty sure I printed my name. I'll give you not being able to pronounce, but my handwriting isn't so bad that when I print it is still illegible. However, as I didn't have my prize yet, I wasn't about to say that part out loud.

Turns out I won a couple nights at the New Irish Village in South Yarmouth (no golf included). So on the one hand it's South Yarmouth, all of 30 miles from my beach house and no free golf. If I could have hand-picked my prize this would not have been it. On the other hand, I won and I never win anything. Therefore, I am not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. I'm giving it to my parents, who are more than happy to have a free weekend down the Cape. Besides, I got my map to plan out my summer golf course visits and that's all I need. However, if I found out later this week I also won a trip to someplace out of the state it wouldn't be the worst thing that could happen. Maybe next year. Winning!