The Fight Is On

If I could pick my perfect summer weather, it would be what we have had the last couple of days: mid-80s, low humidity and sunny skies. I like that it is warm, but not so hot you have to hide inside with the air-conditioning blasting. If you keep a few windows open and turn on a fan to keep the air moving, you should be fine. However, there is a drawback to this nice stretch of weather we have been having and that would be all the bugs which can find their way in those open windows.

First off, since all my windows have screens in them, I'm not totally sure how all these bugs are getting in. Still, every time I look up it appears another spider is moving across my ceiling or spending all night spinning a web for me to walk into first thing in the morning. It is really annoying. Also, I don't know what happened in the last month, but it appears all the insects in my neighborhood have gone on steroids. Everyday I'll spy a different moth trying to discreetly hide out in a corner. (Perhaps their plan to stay out of sight would be a little bit more successful if they weren't the size of a small plane.)

The thing is, I don't want to have to spent my days killing all these damn bugs. I would be perfectly content to let them be, because I assume most have a life expectancy of a week and since I'm not going anywhere I'm happy to let nature take its course and declare myself the long-term winner. But, on the other hand, I'm certainly not about to allow trespassing. Also, I refuse to be one of those people who tries to capture spiders and release them back into the wild, because if they got in once they can get in again and I'm going to assume next time they will bring friends after talking up the nice house occupied by the pansy who won't kill you.

This afternoon I spotted one of these huge moths trying it's damnedest to blend in with my brown couch. Unfortunately for him, the colors weren't even close. So, I went to get a tissue to crush the guy into his next life, where hopefully he will be reincarnated as something less annoying. [Sidebar: I swear, 98% of the time I use a tissue it is to crush a bug.] He was still where I left him, so I pressed down for what I felt was an appropriate time and then lifted my hand, at which point the moth came flying out. The flaw in my plan was trying to crush him on a couch cushion, which in this case is over-stuffed and very fluffy. I can only assume I pissed him off, because now the moth counter-attacked by going for my eyes. Apparently, he wanted to play dirty.

For the next few minutes I chased this thing around the room, attempting to crush it whenever it landed, only to end up getting it's backside every time. With each swipe of the tissue, I would get a little more and think I had killed it, only to watch it fly away as soon as I lifted my hand enough for it to escape. I had my door open and if it has flown outside I would have bid it a good remaining life, but it just wouldn't leave. Only when it made a move for my Celtics jerseys did I truly know enough was enough. I'll put up with a lot, but moths chewing on my personalised Celtics #54 jerseys is not on that list. I finally cornered my winged combatant and put the little bastard out of its misery.

So, let this serve as a message to any other insects who are around (and have Internet access and can read and somehow stumble upon my blog after Googling any one of the strange combination of words which brings strangers here every day): just stay outside. I've got lots of room for you to chill out in and I'm willing to let you have the yard. But if you come inside I can't be held responsible. I've got the law on my side and more than enough tissues to take you all out. You've been warned.