Weekly Sporties

-On Thursday, Rory McIlroy was playing in the first round of the PGA Championship when his ball came to rest just in front of a tree root. Against better judgement, he tried to fire through the root, hurting his wrist in the process. Almost immediately, a "Rory McIlroy's wrist" Twitter account was started. Now, I've come to really like Twitter since signing up two years ago and some of the mock accounts are quite funny, but can we be done with the ones based on athelete body parts? There are only so many jokes you can make about subjects like this before the joke goes stale. If you can't be clever for more than 72 hours then you shouldn't start a fake feed like that.

-The other day, two members of Earnhardt-Ganassi Racing (one of the better NASCAR teams around) were arrested for drug trafficking after police found them growing large quantities of marijuana. One of the guys was a tire-changer and the other built engines. First of all, I would have thought these guys made enough money that they wouldn't have to do this kind of thing. But, secondly, I would love to know how they got caught. I mean, c'mon. If anyone should be able to build a car that could evade police, you would think it would be these guys.

-In the middle of the week there was a 16-inning baseball game which was decided when the batter at the plate was hit by a pitch with the bases loaded. This gave way to a heated discussion about whether or not this was the worst way to lose a baseball game. I say no. When you lose on a HPB, it means one pitch went the wrong way. Maybe the ball just slipped - it can happen to the best of us. Plus the guy has to suffer a little pain if he is willing to stand in the way and win like that. I find the bases-loaded walk to be far worse. That means you missed four times, it happened much slower (like water torture) and the batter got to stroll home without a care in the world. If I'm going to lose, let's just get it over with.

-I always have to laugh when I watch analysts try and use what happens in an NFL preseason game to draw conclusions about how the regular season is going to play out. It as if they forget that none of the veterans are going all-out because they don't want to get hurt and all the great plays made in the 4th quarter are done against guys who will be unemployed in a week. I look at it like this: having a good preseason doesn't mean you are going to be great, but if you stink in the preseason it's a good guess you're about to have a rough regular season. In other words, you can go ahead and make plans for Sundays in January, Jacksonville fans.

-Patriots wide receiver Chad OchoCinco is in the market for a roommate until he can find a place of his own and wants to room with a Patriots fan. Chad said he just needs his own room, Internet access and an X-Box. (Sorry, Chad, but I live in a strictly Playstation-only household.) Still, I've got to wonder just how funny Coach Belichick thinks this is. I guess as long as this little publicity stunt is over by the time the real games start everyone can laugh it off. The first time someone asks about it during an actual game week, the joke is going to be over quickly whether Chad wants to keep it going or not.

-Speaking of fan participation, during last week's arena football league Conference Championships a man reached out of the end-zone stands and grabbed a player from the visiting team, not allowing him to start to return the ball on a kickoff. (For those of you who don't watch arena football, which I'm imagining is most of you, it's like regular football but in a much more enclosed area. Picture a hockey-rink with no glass barriers and you've got the idea of an arena league football field.) Now, at a normal sporting event this guy would not only get thrown out, but he'd probably get arrested. In the arena league he was given high-fives from the home team. And they wonder why no one wants to take their league seriously.

-A few days ago, Real Madrid signed a 7 year-old to a contract. Now, he's not going to be on the pitch this weekend like some kind of Disney movie come to life - it's a futures contract. Basically, his expenses are covered and unless he makes the junior team by the time he's 16 he's not going to make any money. Sounds innocent enough, but then I thought about it like this: my oldest niece is 4 and a half. That's just 2 and a half years younger than this kid. He probably still thinks there are monsters in his closet. Does he even understand what the hell is going on? When you use that perspective the entire thing suddenly feels kind of "To Catch A Predator"-ish.

-On the complete other end of the spectrum is 84 year-old Penn State football coach Joe Paterno. Joe was watching practice over the weekend when he was run over by a wide receiver and went down, suffering a hairline fractures to his pelvis. Now, Penn State is saying that this could have happened to anyone. Um, no, it couldn't. I'll grant you that collisions like this, when one guy is running full speed while looking for the ball and not where he is going, happen all the time during a football practice. However, most coach survive the collision without breaking a hip. I'm not saying that Joe has to retire, but what the hell is he even doing on the field? It's time for Joe Pa to start coaching from a booth permanently.