About Those Lights...

I got a late jump on my holiday decorating this year. (To be honest, I got a late jump on the holiday in general. I'm way behind on my shopping.) But, this afternoon I figured I should at least take advantage of the abnormally warm day and finally hang up some lights. Now, when it comes to me and ladders the only two days you will ever find me on one are the days when I hang up and take down my Christmas lights. And it was as I was standing on a ladder trying to hang the lights around my front door in just the right way that it occurred to me how strange a thing Christmas lights are. Not the idea behind them - I like that people decorate their houses for the season, even if I do think the people who sync the lights up to music have too much time on their hands. No, I mean the actual, physical Christmas lights.

For example, whenever a stand of lights won't come on after they are first plugged in, what is your initial reaction? Of course, you shake the crap out of them. Here's where it gets weird: more than half the time, that works. Now, I'm no stranger to getting frustrated to the point of wanting to shake a piece of equipment that isn't performing the way it should, but it is never supposed to actually accomplish anything. If my computer is taking forever to install a program I need I can't pick the tower up and shake it a few times to see if that will get it working. Yet, with Christmas lights it is not only acceptable behavior, it's the go-to move when trying to fix them. I've been thinking about it and the only other things I can think of that works like that are printer cartridges and juice drinks. When you can fix something by doing a move that would break almost any other electronics, that has to be a design flaw.

The reason people shake the crap out of their lights is because that is a far superior plan than the alternative: going light by light to try and find the one faulty connection which has caused the entire stand to go dark. For those of you who leave the decorating up to others, I can not tell you how much this sucks. Not to mention, it feels really stupid. We've come a long way in the world of electronics and electrical currents. You mean to tell me we can't figure out a way for Christmas lights to keep working if the 25th bulb on a 100-light strand gets a little loose? I think the Christmas light people are only allowed to get away with selling such a fickle little product because consumers only need them to work for a couple weeks at a time. You certainly wouldn't get away with selling a refrigeration that stopped being cold because the inside light burnt out.

My father probably has the best approach to Christmas lights. A few years ago he decided that he simply wasn't messing with them anymore. If they lit up, fine. But if they didn't they were going in the trash with no second chance. It's $3 for a strand of Christmas lights and at that price it simply isn't worth the time and aggravation to try and fix a broken strand. While I admire his attitude and agree there are better ways to spend the day, I'm not sure we should let Christmas light makers off the hook so easily. Christmas is a huge industry and the lights are a big part of that. So how about they stop making such flimsy lights and actually have a little pride in their product? It would certainly get rid of a lot of holiday frustration for a lot of people. I know I would appreciate not having lights flickering while I'm standing on a ladder trying to hang them up. They can even consider it their Christmas present to me.