A Prickly Situation

It's a well-established fact that when it comes to my yard I can not grow the things I want to grow, but the stuff I am trying to kill grows at a rate which is normally only seen in a science-fiction story. This is why despite over-seeding, consistent watering, fertilizing, and using the high-end feeding products, there are large patches in my yard where grass refuses to grow. On the flip side, despite two different landscaping crews rolling through in the last couple of months which took whacks at them, the front of my yard features several plants which not only grow in seemingly overnight, but appear to get bigger when they come back. (It's like the myth about shaving your chest, only there are thorns involved.) Seriously, I think the weed-killers I've used on these things have done nothing but make them immune.

It's the thorns that really kill me. I could live with a rogue plant popping up here and there, because at the end of the day I'm not trying to win any landscape awards. But the plants that keep coming back are really nothing more than thorns on sticks. They look like normal enough tress, so you are tempted to leave them be. But a closer examination reveals that instead of leaves, these trees just produced nothing but large and razor-sharp thorns. At least with a rose bush you get some pretty flowers once a year. These things are just ugly and annoying. As an added bonus, the thorns are roughly at eye level, so they can really do some damage. Frankly I'm surprised they haven't clipped someone that was walking by. I don't know who would plant these things. Hell, I don't even know why nature would create them.

That was why this afternoon I decided to break out the trusty Gator and at least cut them down before winter gets here. I'm hoping that we have a cold enough season that the roots won't be able to survive a couple months buried under some snow. However, these particular trees weren't going down without a fight. I was at least smart enough to go with two layers of long-sleeves and a pair of jeans I wouldn't mind seeing get shredded. I quickly discovered that the key to the entire operation was cutting away the individual branches before going after the sapling itself. What really killed me was trying to shove the branches into the barrel where I could throw them away. Even though I was wearing gloves I still had to spend most of my time trying to avoid grabbing a handful of thorns. While it wasn't a perfect solution, it did cut way down on the small cuts.

The problem was that there isn't much I can do about massive thorns. They are going to get you no matter what. At one point, one particular thorn got through the gloves and got me in the finger. I didn't think much of it until about an hour later when I looked down and saw that I had been cut so deep I actually bled through the glove. I'm fairly convinced I could spend the day cutting away rusty barbed wire and I wouldn't have been pricked so many times. If anyone knows what these damn trees are (or more importantly, how I can make sure they don't grow back) I would appreciate the answers. I do not want to do this again in the spring.