So, I have no desire to talk about the result of last night's Heat/Celtics game, but there was one thing I wanted to discuss this afternoon and that is the list which appeared in the local paper of the all celebrities who were seen at the FleetCenter last night. Now, every year come playoff time I expect a large number of bandwagon jumpers to come out of the woodwork. It comes with the territory, as it is human nature to want to associate yourself with a winner. Hell, I am as guilty as the next person because I watched more playoff hockey when the Bruins made their run to the Stanley Cup Finals last year than I had in the previous 4 seasons. I just take comfort in the knowledge that when the team I follow the most finally wins again it won't mean nearly as much to the guys who have only been paying attention for the last few weeks and who spend the entire first half looking over the roster to see who is actually on the team this year. It's not much consolation, but it's all that I've got.
Still, even more than the guys who are only at the game because their company has great seats and whose jersey will have been tucked into their slacks with the tags still attached because they bought it at the Pro Shop 10 minutes before tip-off, the bandwagon jumpers who piss me off are the celebrity ones. While the local guys are annoying, they are also harmless. But when the celebrity bandwagoners show up not only do they get the best seats for free they are also lavished with swag, most of which will never be worn again. Frankly, it drives me crazy. Today's paper featured a quote from someone named Aubrey O'Day who is apparently famous. In it she said she her favorite Celtic is Paul Pierce - I'm assuming this is because she doesn't know anyone else on the team. This is exactly the kind of person I want to stop pretending that they care about the Celtics or any other sports team. Fandom is grown - not adopted. With that in mind, here are a few ways to separate celebrities who are actually sports fans versus celebrities who are fans of people thinking they are.
1. Do they have a project to promote? I will grant you that it is just good marketing to sit a person with a new movie coming out in the first row of a sporting event which will probably be the highest-rated show on cable that night. It just gets their face on people's minds. Hell, at this point I think Adam Sandler times his movie releases just so he never pays for courtside seats to playoff games. However, the time you cross the line is when they dress from head to toe in the home team's gear. It is one thing to try and pass off that you are a generic basketball fan, but trying way to hard to pass yourself off as a fan of a specific team is when they cross over into fake celebrity sports fandom.
2. Have you ever seen them at another team's game, wearing that team's gear? I'm all for travelling to another team stadium, even if your favorite team isn't playing there. Sometimes you just want to see what a new stadium is like, especially when our baseball stadium is a hundred years old. But where it goes cross-eyed is when you are sitting behind the dugout at Miller Park wearing a Brewers hat one night and sitting in Dodger's Stadium with a blue LA hat on a week later. Perfect example: a couple years ago wrestler John Cena (who is from Massachusetts) was sitting courtside in Orlando, wearing a Celtics jersey. Someone from the Magic asked him to put on a white short to blend in with the rest of the sheep... I mean, fans... in the arena. He did it. A real fan doesn't change allegiances based on where they can get the best seats.
3. Have you ever seen them at rival's stadium wearing their "favorite" team apparel? You see, honest-to-goodness sports fans have no trouble wearing the logo of a rival into a hostile environment even though they know they are going to hear about it. With that in mind you could make the case that there is less jeopardy for celebrities because no one is honestly going to take a swing at them - not in the sections where they would be sitting. At worst they will take some ribbing if the team loses. If you aren't willing to put up with that than you shouldn't even try to pretend you care.
4. Do you feel like they have to justify their fandom? I admit, there are certain people (like Ms. O'Day) who I will just never believe are real Celtic fans. Short of giving her a quiz in which I point to retired numbers and she tells me who the player was, I'm never going to believe she is anything but a celebrity-hunger no-talent who thinks this will extend her 15 minutes of fame by a few seconds as evidenced by the fact that she and the people of her ilk are looking at the camera before it even comes on. Look, I'm not trying to make it sounds as if I have some kind of 6th sense about these things, but at the end of the day you just can't fool the diehards. We know.
5. Have you ever seen them at a non-nationally televised game? To me, this is the biggest one. Of course the stars are going to come out for the playoffs or the mid-season Lakers/Celtics games. But it isn't until you are showing up for a mid-January game against the Bobcats than I am willing to believe you are a true fan. If every time you attend a Celtics game Mike Breen and Jeff Van Gundy are the announce team than you are clearly just going to the game to be seen. However, that does lead me to perhaps the easiest way to tell if the star is a true fan or just an attention-seeker:
6. Have you ever seen them make out with the local announcing team? Yes? Ok, she's a fan.
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