Opinions That Stick

One of my favorite jokes is the oldie-but-goodie which goes a little something like this: "I think a car with a lot of bumper stickers on the back send a clear message. And that message is you and I should never hang out... ever." I think I like this joke so much because it perfectly sums up my feelings. I have never understood people who feel the need to cover the back of their entire car with bumper stickers. First off, the print on most bumper stickers is so small that you can't read them until you are just a few feet away, which feels like a really bad idea. I want the person four inches off my bumper to be thinking about the road, not impressed with how witty my sense of humor appears to be. Secondly, when you have 40 bumper stickers on the back of your car it takes a while to scroll through them all. I don't know about you, but I start to feel like a stalker when I am behind the same car for too many turns, so I'm not sure how the driver would feel if I follow them all the way home just because I want to figure out what that last, mostly-faded sticker in the corner says. The only good part is that while bumper stickers usually kill the resale value of cars, the people who cover their cars in bumper stickers are typically driving cars which are falling apart (ironically, they are mostly held together by the bumper stickers) and never have to worry about being resold. Even though it is probably isn't a concern, they got that part right.

I've said this before but bumper stickers are all about ego. These drivers, much like people who put the political signs in their driveway, have such high opinions of themselves they assume their neighbors simply must know who they plan to back or what they think about various topics. Still, for as much as I am not a fan of tons of bumper stickers on cars I at least respect the people for feeling so strongly about something. While a bumper sticker is not as permanent as something like a tattoo, you are making a serious commitment to that viewpoint. Unless you've got a few hours to kill in your driveway with a razor blade, some soapy water and a scratch repair kit, everyone is going to assume you still love that random band until the day you get a new car. Better hope their next album doesn't suck or you can expect some comments from fellow motorists. The jeopardy is only going to increase if you opt for a political sticker. I don't even like to put political signs in my yard, let alone allowing everyone driving behind me to know who I plan to vote for. (Mostly I don't tell people who I am voting for because I don't care who they are voting for. Much like "So, what have you been up to?", "Who are you voting for?" is one of those questions people only ask so they have an opening to tell you about themselves. And God forbid you aren't voting for the same person, because then you can expect them to try and convert you. All I was trying to do was put my groceries in my car, not attend a rally.) You have to be really sure about that candidate or else the entire road system will know you back losers. Unless you are the driver I saw this weekend.

To start with the car was an Audi, so feel free to start drawing your own picture of the driver in your head. In the back window was an Obama/Biden sticker. Normally any candidate stickers short of a Bush/Cheney one doesn't get a second look from me (because, really? You're still sticking to your guns that was a good idea?), but what made this particular window decoration stand out is that it was clearly just taped to the inside of the window, not actually stuck to it. It is entirely possible this person was concerned about the sticker damaging the window or, because it was a fairly new car, ruining the eventual trade-in value. However, the conclusion I immediately jumped to was that the driver must be rather noncommittal about who they are backing in the upcoming Presidential election. Either support the candidate or don't, but if you want to do it than jump all the way in, don't stick your toe in the water to see if the water is cold. Just taping it to the inside of your window gives the impression that either their mind could be changed or if the election doesn't go the way they expect the sticker will be taken down immediately and all records of who the driver originally planned to vote for will be wiped away. With that kind of backbone I half-expected them to have either a Cowboys, Heat or Yankees decoration hanging from the rear-view mirror.

I think another reason this taped-up sticker caught my eye was the clearly halfhearted effort put into it. The tape was very visible to anyone passing by, which normally seems like something which could be easily concealed. I've hung up a few things in my life and even some as bad as arts and crafts as I am was still able to make it appear a little less obvious the poster was hanging on with tape. So, not only was this person not sure enough to put this up on a permanent basis, they couldn't even be bothered to spend five minutes looking for some double-sided tape. I'm not saying that people need to either have one bumper sticker or 40 with no steps in between, but if you like something enough to advertise it for free than you may as well go all-in. And if you don't like it enough to make it a permanent fixture than you clearly can't like it that much. I understand that elections are a little different because, honestly, it's about picking the lesser of two evils, but if you can't get behind a candidate beyond November than why should anyone else? Considering you are trying to connect with people who are literally behind you, it seems like being passionate about it is the least you can do.