That Escalated Quickly

There is an elementary school a couple blocks from my house which lets out every day at 2:30. But without fail, if you drive by it around 1:30 in the afternoon you will see parents in their cars already lined up to pick their kids up from school. Now, I would love to think these parents are there so early simply because they are eager to get their little bundles of joy home since they love and miss them so much and that all the stereotypes I have heard about parents who consider the first day of school the best day of the year are just advertising cliches. However, I am a realist so I know the real reason these people are in line so early is probably that the school has a very small parking lot and a flawed pick-up system so these parents have decided they would rather waste an hour sitting quietly in their car before the kid get released than an extra 30 minutes sitting in crowded parking lot with their kids in the car. While that could be considered prudent planning I can't help but feel like these people really need to come up with a better use of free time and every time I drive by the school and see people volunteering to sit in their cars for an hour I vow that if I have kids I will never be that kind of parent. But this afternoon I was reminded it is very easy to judge how people act when you are on the outside looking in.

My sister needed me to go and pick my niece up from school this afternoon, which I was happy to do. I don't get a lot of one-on-one time with my ladybugs, so I thought this would be nice even if it would be quick. Since my niece just started the first grade at a new school my sister even went so far as to draw me a treasure map of sorts to let me know exactly the route I should take to get to the school. (I will say this: for an art major, the map was not exactly drawn to scale.) Anyway, school let out at 2:45 and it was recommended that I get there around 2:30. Living 20 minutes away and not wanting to keep my niece waiting I started debating if I should head out at around 1. (Keep in mind the last thing I ever want to do is let my nieces down about anything and I was unfamiliar with the protocol regarding this school's pick-up routine, which only added to the feeling that I should be extra early.) Fortunately I had a few things which had to be cleared up first and I arrived at the normal time, about the fifth or six car in line. The teacher came around to ask which kid I was picking up [Sidebar: they are a lot more loose with the pick-up in first grade than they were with her kindergarten. I assume it is because the kid's are now old enough to say, "I don't know this person."] and waited for the kids to be released. Knowing I was where I needed to be when I needed to be there allowed me to relax a little but I quickly noticed that I couldn't relax too much.

It was while I was sitting there that I started to realize exactly why parents feel the need to get to school super-early and that is all the other parents use this time to silently judge one another. It's a little crazy, but it really seemed like every mom that got out of their minivan gave me a very thorough once-over before moving on to the next car, where they did the same thing. It would be one thing if I felt this inspection was for the safety of the school and its occupants but I got more of a judgmental vibe than anything and suddenly I found myself feeling like an asshole for not taking my truck for a quick cleaning before I got in line. Also, I got the impression that when you got in line was a badge of honor for a few of these parents, as if having an hour to sit in front of their kid's school proved that they were doing so well financially that they could afford to waste that kind of time or that it somehow showed they loved their kid more than all the other parents. Additionally, you could tell that a few of these parents had worked very hard to make it look like they were not trying very heard. You may be familiar with the type - designer workout clothes which have never been worn during a workout and a full face of make-up even though they are just going back home after this. Had I known part of the pick-up process was a fashion show I may have trimmed my beard this morning.

I have to be honest, the entire thing definitely threw me off a little. Every other parent I met when picking my nieces up from kindergarten seemed nice and chatty but the mood has clearly shifted here. It is like now that "real" school has started the niceties are over because there are only so many spots in the Harvard class of 2028 and they will be damned if their kids is the one who misses out. I mean, from watching a few parents interact with one another previously I could always tell their was a bit of a competition about whose kids was doing better, but I didn't know the competition was constant and involved every little detail. Getting dropped in as an impartial observer who obviously skipped a few steps was pretty jarring. Normally I am a pretty competitive person but even I thought these people would be well served by turning it down a couple notches. I know every parent wants the best for their kids but how about they agree not to start worrying about SAT scores until after the kids have been out of diapers for more than 5 years? If nothing else I have a new understanding of those parents who feel like they have to be there to pick their kids up from school extra early. I'm not saying if I had kids I would be in the parking lot an hour before the school day ended, but if the alternative is 12 years of dealing with people like this you could start to sell me on the benefits of home schooling.