I've Seen Too Many Movies

The other night I was meeting some friends at a restaurant. I was the first to arrive and after looking around, but not seeing any of the rest of my party anywhere, I decided to check with the hostess if they were in another room. When I inquired about the people I was supposed to be meeting, she looked at me and said, "Are you Tom? I have a message for you." Having seen as many sci-fi movies as I have, my first thoughts were: "Is is from myself... from the future? Am I in danger?" Actually, no. It was simply that the rest of my group was stuck in a lot of traffic and they were going to be late. So, there was no news about what will happen down the line, just the realization that I probably have to cave in and get a cell phone.

-Dear Indianapolis Colts,
Way to pull your starters early enough in the third quarter against the Jets to blow the game. I know you did it because you want everyone healthy enough to win a Super Bowl, but I got news for you - you're not going to. And you know how I know that? It's because you lack killer instinct. A champion knows that while having the chance to win is nice, the chance to be historic is better. There have been lots of Super Bowl winning teams (even the Colts, in the worst Super Bowl ever played), but only one was undefeated. There is a reason that you have the most regular season wins this decade, but are tied for third in number of Super Bowl wins. It's an organizational flaw. You guys are run by people who hang banners for simply making an AFC Championship game. The fact that you bitched out and rested your starters instead of going for an undefeated season was a stupid move. So, thanks a lot for making us hear about Mercury Morris and a group of crusty old guys for the next week. I can't wait for you to go 14-2 and then lose in the first round of the playoffs.

-I know that Charlie Sheen and Tiger Woods are not anywhere near the same level, but I'm just curious to see if TMZ is going to be covering the Sheen arrest with the same vigor and whether or not they will be running a tally to see if Hanes drops Sheen as a spokesperson. I just like things to be equal, is all.