Chapstick Etiquette

The other day I was standing and talking to a guy inside his office. We were talking basketball, National Signing Day, the Super Bowl... you know, normal stuff. Then, in mid-sentence, he pulls out his Chapstick and starts applying it while not breaking from the conversation. He then tried to keep the conversation going, but I was momentarily taken aback and it ruined the flow of what we were talking about. I'm sorry, am I supposed to pretend that didn't happen?

Dude, you essentially just put on man-lipstick in the middle of our conversation. There are few things that a guy can do to seem less manly than to break out the Chapstick in the middle of a conversation with another guy. Anyone who does that immediately takes a hit. I think it has to do with the fact that to apply Chapstick, you need to first purse your lips to get it on and then do that little lip-smack thing when you're done to ensure that it has been distributed evenly on both lips. There is no way to make that look tough. He may as well have asked me to help him put lotion on his back.

Now, I'm not anti-Chapstick. I don't use it (just something about the feel of it I do not like), but I don't begrudge people who do. I understand that most guys have not been blessed with my naturally soft lips and it's a struggle for them. I'm sure it's terrible for them. It's not like my lips never chap (go ahead, Shivaun, you can re-enact our home video from 1986) but not to the point that I carry Chapstick around with me. I feel like it should be either left in your car or in your desk. Just deal with dry lips for a couple extra minutes and then you can apply it until your heart's content. It's just an issue of courtesy.