As I was shopping for a Mother's Day card the other day, I had a hell of a time finding one that was not awful. I don't know what is going on with the people who write greeting cards today, but apparently they all have some serious issues with their moms. I didn't want to go the ultra-sappy route, because at this point I leave that to my sisters and their daughters (besides, let's be honest, for the time being I can top neither cards made by grandchildren or the act of actually having produced any grandchildren). Instead I chose to go the other way, so all I wanted was a light-hearted card that would perhaps get a chuckle. However, all the ones that I flipped through had a theme along the lines of "sorry I was such a terrible kid" and "I know we didn't always get along when I was growing up." There were no really funny cards - they were all about making it through a tough childhood and moms that drank a lot of wine or constantly burned dinner.
Well, I don't know about the card makers, but my mom and I got along just fine when I was a kid. But, in the case of someone and their mom who didn't, do you think they would want to bring bad history back up on Mother's Day? That seems like a pretty surefire way to wreck what is usually a very nice day. Honestly, Hallmark, you can do better. Maybe you should stop cranking out terrible movies for the Lifetime Network starring Dean Cain and funnel your better thinkers back to the card-writing end of the business. Remember where you came from, my friends. I will check back in at Father's Day to assess your progress over the next month.
-While we're sending open letters:
Dear Maxim Magazine - No. Nope. Wrong. I understand you want to have a little variety and not just the same 10 women in a slightly different order making up the Top 10 every year. But, nope, sorry, not giving you this one. Try again. If you need help I can offer my services.
No comments:
Post a Comment