Bait And Switch TV

I've used this space before to talk about my displeasure with channels like Discovery and National Geographic when they air hour-long specials that do nothing but fail to deliver. Shows that suck me in because we're on the hunt for something awesome, but then the show just ends with the host saying, "Nope, we didn't find anything. Didn't even come close, actually. Sorry for wasting an hour of your life." [Sidebar: The science channels are the only ones with the guts to even attempt airing a show like this. Could you imagine an episode of Extreme Home Make-Over where they just didn't build anyone a new house?] Now, if we're hunting for the Loch Ness Monster or Big Foot then, yeah, I expect the hunters to come up empty. However, last night was an entire new low for the "tease documentary" genre. I was watching a show called Expedition Great White. Basically the premise is this: a few months ago National Geographic filmed a crew that went out to catch, tag and release Great White sharks, which is a Nation Geographic channel staple. What made this expedition different from all the others (other than the fact that actor Paul Walker was randomly among the crew) was a new system on this modified ship which literally lifted the entire shark out of the water on a platform. This would give the team easier access to the sharks, allowing them to use better tagging equipment, collect more data than normal and conduct multiple experiments in the 20 minutes they had before it was time to set the shark free. The special featured multiple shots of massive Great Whites thrashing around completely out of the water. It looked very cool.

That special led to this crew getting their own series. (Minus Paul Walker, though. Guess he had to film yet another Fast & Furious movie.) After months of collecting data from the tags they had placed on the sharks they had caught, the crew discovered the sharks seemed to be hanging out in this one section in the middle of the ocean, about halfway between San Diego and Hawaii. Using the logic that a few Great Whites probably were a harbinger of more Great Whites, the crew wanted to go out, catch and tag as many different sharks as possible and also see if they could re-catch a couple of sharks to track their growth. It sounded interesting enough and the ad for the show made it look pretty good (it featured a clip of the crew locked in a battle to pull a Great White on board), so I tuned in to the premiere episode last week. Turns out the entire first episode was spent documenting them just getting out to the patch of ocean and the problems that occurred along the way - dying bait, clogged toilets and spotty Internet service. As hard-hitting science went, this wasn't it. There wasn't a shark sighting the entire first episode. It was less "informative documentary" (which I like) and more "reality TV" (which I hate). But, I was willing to give it a pass, thinking that they just wanted to use the first episode to build drama for the rest of the series.

Therefore, I expected a little more action for last night's second episode. After all, they were finally in the area of the ocean they wanted to be, so now it was time to start catching sharks. Nope. They saw plenty of whales and squid, which in and of itself is nice, but the show isn't called Expedition Whales and Squid. After that they hit some bad weather, resulting in "rough seas" and the shark platform can only be used in calm waters. [Sidebar, Part 2: I've seen several episodes of Deadliest Catch with 20-foot waves so they had better plan to step up it up if they are trying to convince me 5-foot waves equal rough seas.] The hour ended with them deciding that the weather wasn't going to improve anytime soon, so they may as well turn back. That would be two episodes, zero sharks. Now, look, I could understand this taking a while if they were on the hunt for a rare animal or even one specific shark in the vast Pacific ocean. But, how hard is it to find any old Great White? Hell, one was discovered by accident off the coast of Massachusetts just last week and that shit is only supposed to happen in Jaws. So far the producers have lucked out in the fact that there is almost nothing else to watch on Sunday nights, but if the National Geographic Channel wants to keep viewers they need to start finding some sharks, fast. Think about it: how bad do you think Discovery Channel's ratings would be if they had "Shark Week" with no sharks? After all, the show is called Expedition Great White. Without any Great Whites you've just got a bunch of people on a ship and I believe that show already aired: it was called The Love Boat.