My Internal Clock Is Broken

Last Friday I was telling someone a story about a guy I used to work with at Gillette Stadium. During the telling of the story I said something along the lines of, "this happened a couple months ago." It was at that moment my friend who was with me pointed out that I haven't worked there for almost two years. I do this frequently, because I have come to realise I have no concept of time when it comes to storytelling. I don't know why this is, as I usually consider myself a stickler when it comes to telling stories accurately and also making sure that others do the same. In addition, I'm very good with being on time and I know how clocks and calendars work. My punctuality is actually a source of pride and so it really doesn't make sense that I am this bad about recounting exactly when something took place in my personal history. But, if it didn't happen within the last week and therefore I can't tell you the exact day, then it all may as well have been years ago. Anyway, I'm trying to be more conscious about it, but until I get to that point I've decided to make up this chart which will help guide you to when the event I'm about to tell you about actually took place versus when I say it did.

"The other day..." = It was probably a month ago.
"A couple weeks ago..." = This happened within the last six months.
"Within the last couple of months..." = This was at least a year back.
"A year or two ago..." = Try more like five years.
"A few years back..." = Right around when I turned 21.
"Five or six years ago..." = It was in the 1990s.
"Several years ago..." = When I was in junior high.
"A while back..." = I was probably 5 five when this happened.
"A long time ago..." = The Mesozoic Era.

There you go. Please print out a copy of this chart to keep with you in the event I have a story to tell.

-Dear Tom Izzo: I'm going to ask you not to take the Cavaliers job, at least not yet. First off, I don't know why you would ever want to leave a good situation at Michigan State to go to a player's league in the NBA. You won't have the power of scholarship over your players like you do now. There is a reason that it's much easier to fire a coach than trade a player at the NBA level. In addition, if you've never coached in the NBA before it makes no sense to take a job where it is title or bust. But, the main reason I don't think you should go to Cleveland is because you don't know what LeBron is going to do. If you want the job at the very least wait until you see what James plans to do this summer. No point in giving up the Michigan State job unless you are sure of who is going to be on the roster. If you don't believe me, ask Rick Pitino whether or not he would have taken the Boston Celtics job if he had known he wasn't getting Tim Duncan. (Allow me to answer that one for you - he wouldn't have.) Trust me, Izzo, the extra money isn't worth the aggravation.