Weekly Sporties

-The biggest sports story of the week was the news that Peyton Manning was still not medically cleared to play due to a lingering neck issue and would not be starting game 1 of the NFL season, the first game he's missed since high school. As if that wasn't bad enough for Colts fans, later it was announced that Manning had undergone a second neck surgery and may not return until December, if at all. Immediately, everyone began talking about scenarios in which the Colts would go 2-14 and be able to draft Andrew Luck with the first pick in next year's draft. Personally, I say slow your roll. I'm not disputing that Manning is more important to his team than any other player in football (and I think the Colts are waking up this morning with the sudden understanding of why that is a bad idea), but Kerry Collins is serviceable and it's not like that division is full of powerhouses. Not to mention that team has a lot of veterans who want to prove they can play without Peyton. I could very easily see them going 10-6, getting a playoff spot and then losing in the first round. Which, ironically, was what I expect them to do anyway.

-Before the Manning news had engulfed ESPN, the other story from Colts camp was the news that Jim Tressel had suspended himself. You may recall that last week I mentioned the story of Tressel, the Ohio State coach who was fired after lying to the NCAA, and that many veteran players had wondered how the NFL was going to handle his situation considering they suspended Terrelle Pryor, the player who starred in the Ohio State mess. Well, early in the week the Colts and Tressel said they were going to sit him for the first 6 weeks of the season. While people being able to name their own punishments makes the NFL look really bad, that isn't what I wanted to discuss: I forgot to mention Tressel's new position last week - gameday replay challenge coordinator. Basically, he sits in a room, watches a monitor and tells the coaches whether or not to challenge a play. How the hell can I get that job?

-Lance Briggs of the Chicago Bears wanted to wear special red, white and blue shoes during tomorrow's game as a tribute on 9/11. At first the NFL said he couldn't, because they are notoriously strict with their uniform rules and didn't want this to open the floodgates of personal expression (because, yeah, we couldn't have that). "Where is the line going to be drawn?" they wondered. Allow me to answer that for them - right here. This is the line. A guy wants to wear 9/11 shoes, then you let him and anything beyond that is a no. Don't over-think this. Everyone knows this is a special circumstance. Thankfully, they came to their senses and will allow Briggs to wear the special cleats. you know, occasionally these sports leagues just need to get out of their own way.

-One last NFL note: after going all through training camp without being signed, former Giants running back Tiki Barber's agent said he was 'shocked' that his client didn't receive any offers. Really, you're shocked that a 36 year-old running back (ancient by NFL standards) who hasn't played in four years, who burned just about every bridge he had on the way out, who said he didn't really like playing football and who created a media shitstorm by dumping his wife (who was pregnant with twins at the time) for a 23 year-old intern didn't have people knocking his door down? Really? Are you new at this? I could have told him he wasn't going to get signed. Tiki should hire me as his agent.

-Notre Dame Head Coach Brian Kelly was under fire this week. Not only for a terrible loss to USF, but because he was repeatedly caught on camera screaming and swearing at his players while turning a lovely shade of purple. Personally, I don't mind the swearing - it's what football coaches do. Also, I get annoyed because the majority of the people complaining didn't even go to Notre Dame. Worry about your own damn program, thank you very much. No, I'm much more concerned by the flipping out after every negative play. Football coaches need to be the calm in the storm. When you're coaching a hundred teenagers, you need to look like you've got everything under control, even if you don't. Going insane after every negative play (which are going to happen no matter what level of football you are coaching) makes it look like you can't handle the situation. Kelly lack of poise on the sidelines made him look as though he's in over his head. To me, that was far more concerning than a few f-bombs.

-When Texas A&M was first approached by the SEC, they were told their invitation was only going to happen if they got assurances that no one from the Big 12 would sue to block their departure. They thought they had secured that, but this week it was revealed that Baylor, not exactly the gold standard of the conference, would not sign a waiver to let them leave. While it may seem like a dick thing to do to A&M, it's the smart move for Baylor. You see, if Texas A&M leaves, they will most likely be followed out the door by Texas, Oklahoma and Oklahoma State. That leaves schools like Baylor with no conference to play in and no real sex appeal to garner an invite to another major conference with an automatic BCS bid (frankly, I'm not sure what they are doing in the Big 12 to begin with). As such, Baylor is trying their hardest to hold on to what they've got. If A&M really wants to leave they have to do what guys in bars have been doing for ages: finding someone for the girl's unattractive, cock-blocking friend. If they can talk someone into inviting Baylor then they'll finally be allowed to leave for the SEC. What they really need is wingman with low standards... like the Big East. Those guys will take anybody.

-Weather has been playing havoc with the U.S. Open all week. Matches are constantly being rained out and players are being put on and off the court between raindrops. Watching all this go down has reminded me of something: I really don't like tennis players. All they ever seem to do is complain and whine. They complain about conditions, whine over referee calls and blast the schedule. Well, I got news for you guys - you're not the top concern. Tournament officials are much more concerned about the fans, as they should be. The fans are the ones who pay for this whole thing, some of them come a long way to see this and they only have one or two days of leeway. Not to mention, it's tennis - you really can't afford to piss off the few fans you have left. It's not life or death, so shut up and play.