Phone Tag

Even though I am not thrilled when they call my house (especially since I'm supposed to be on the National Do-Not-Call list), I try not to be a dick to telemarketers. First off, I'm sure they aren't any happier about the situation than I am. I highly doubt many of them sat around when they were younger dreaming of being yelled at and hung up on for 8 hours a day and I really don't think the younger versions of themselves wrote essays about how when they grow up they want to call total strangers in the middle of dinner to try and talk them into having their chimney swept. If they could they would probably switch careers in a heartbeat, so I'm not going to hold their current job against them. But all I ask in return is that they start respecting my wishes when I tell them I'm not interested. Seriously, some of these guys just will not take no for an answer.

The first one happened last week. My phone rang and on the other end was "Rachel" from some credit card, with a recorded message offering the chance to lower my interest rates. Now, this is not the first time "Rachel" has called. A little Internet research (so you know it's true) reveals that this is some kind of loophole from the last government stimulus package that allows them to keep calling, even after you put your number on the Do-Not-Call list. Anyway, after listening to the entire message I was told that if I pressed one I could speak to a live operator, but if I pressed 2 my number would be taken off the list and I would not be contacted again. I pressed 2. I then waited... and waited... and waited for the cheesy music to stop, at which point I was connected to a live person. "Hi," he said. "Did you press 1 to learn about lowering your interest rates?" No, I informed him, I pressed 2 to be taken off this list. I then heard a disgusted grunt as if the guy had been personally insulted and he hung up on me. Awesome. Did he forget that his company were the ones that called me? "Rachel" has called my house since then, meaning I wasn't even taken off the list.

Then yesterday I received a call from a very pleasant lady who wanted to know if I would be interested in donating money to breast cancer research. Now, as awful as that disease is, my family has chosen another charity for our donations so I politely told her that I was not going to be donating. But, she kept pressing:

"Sir, are you sure?" I told her that I was. But, have a good day.
"You couldn't even make a small donation?" No. That's what I meant when I said I wasn't interested in making a donation. Did I need to be specific about the size of the donation I didn't want to make?
"Not even $20?" When did we start haggling? And if $20 is on the third no, how much were you planning on getting from me when you first called?
"Any bit would be appreciated." Bitch, are you not listening? I said no. How many times do I have to tell you that? Maybe you should go work for a foundation that works with people who have hearing problems.

Now, obviously, I didn't say that last part. I tried to keep my voice down and remain calm, but she was really starting to piss me off. The quickest way to get on my nerves is to make me say the same thing over and over again and that is what this woman was doing. She had my answer and she wasn't changing my mind. So, here's the deal telemarketers: if you call my house I won't scream, cuss or talk down to you. Hell, I'll even go so far as to listen to your entire sales pitch just to be nice. But when I tell you no (and, spoiler alert, I'm gonna tell you no 100% of the time), please accept my decision and get the hell of my phone. Otherwise, I'm just going to be added to the long list of people who hang up on you in mid-sentence and neither of us want that. Unless, of course, you were the weird kid who wanted to be hung up on. In that case, you definitely made the right career choice.