Cold Ramblings

So, I've been fighting a cold for the last few days and, sadly, the cold appears to be winning. I won't gross you out with details, just know it's one of those really fun ones. Now, you may be thinking that this is my own fault for golfing in 40-degree weather last Thursday, but I want you to know I woke up that morning already feeling the beginnings of a cold. Sure, I went golfing anyway, which probably didn't help, but my point is you can't blame this on my winter golf. Anyway, my cold medication has produced some really interesting thoughts over the last few days and I thought I would share them with you now.

-It is a long-held belief by conspiracy theorists that most diseases are the result of drug companies putting more money into treatment instead of looking for cures. The thinking is that if these researchers find a cure for something that would be the end of it, but by focusing on treating the symptoms instead of the disease people have to keep buying their medicine. Like most conspiracy theories, it works because everyone views the central figure behind it (in this case drug companies) as evil. But, to me the companies which shouldn't be let off as easily are the people who make cold-adjacent products. There are certain companies who are very happy that cold and flu season exist. Think about it like this: do healthy people ever drink Ginger Ale? Of course not. When you see someone buying Ginger Ale you immediately go to a different register because you don't want their germs infesting your cart. If colds didn't exist they would sell about half the product they do now. Don't think you can fly under my radar, Canada Dry!

-While we're on the subject of cold-adjacent products, it is amazing to me that more people don't use handkerchiefs. As I was literally blowing my way through a box of Kleenex, I couldn't help but think about how much trash I was creating. In this age of recycling and going green, you would think that a reusable product such as handkerchiefs would be all the rage among the Whole Foods crowd. Yet, handkerchiefs are actually less prevalent now than at any point in history. It used to be a sign of sophistication, but somewhere along the line that changed. Now people have handkerchiefs which match their shirt and tie, but if you tried to blow your nose on them you'd get punched in the face. I can only guess this is because people can't get over the idea of carrying around a snot-filled rag in their pocket. Certainly wouldn't want to put that in the same place as your car keys. They make a lot of sense in theory, but in reality they far fall short.

-I was out getting some stronger medication when I came across a product which made so much sense I was stunned it hadn't been developed before now: Nyquil and Dayquil in the same box. Rather than making me buy multiple weeks' worth of one or the other in separate containers, you got one box containing about a week's worth of each in one package. Considering that if you are fighting a cold for more than a week you probably need something stronger than Day/Nyquil, it is the rare product which seems like it would save a person some money. When I saw this at my local CVS I had to fight the urge to run up and down the aisles, shouting, "Congratulations, human race, we did it!" We have officially reached our apex as a society. Unfortunately, it is all downhill from here.

-Since we are talking about Nyquil, how is this stuff legal and yet marijuana is not? I've never been a drug taker, so I admit that my system might be a little more affected by medications, but I have met enough potheads in my life to know for certain they can still move around after they smoke. I took some Nyquil the other night and barely made it to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Once I was finally in bed I was dead to the work for a solid 10 hours and awoke the next morning feeling like I had gone 15 round with Mike Tyson. You ever see one of those stories on the news about a moose which wandered into someone's backyard and had to be tranquilized? Fun fact: I'm pretty sure they shoot the moose with Nyquil. The last couple of mornings I have been very relieved to wake up in my bed and not find myself in the woods, having been 'relocated' back into the wild.

-I currently can't taste anything - it's like nature has turned off my taste buds for the last couple of days. Honestly, this was the week to get me to eat onion and curry-heavy foods, because I would be none the wiser. Which leads to one last free tip for you guys: if your significant other has ever been pestering you to try a new type of food which you really don't want to do because you think it will taste awful, volunteer to do it during cold and flu season. You can just sit there, smile and nod while they tell you how awesome the food is. They finally get to try a new restaurant and you get the brownie points without even having to subject yourself to eating ingredients you can't pronounce. Hell, you might even get bonus points for going out when you are sick. At least something good can come out of having a cold.