Weekly Sporties

As I mentioned on Thursday, we're in a bit of a sports dead zone - there isn't a ton happening. Normally this would cause a bit of a problem for the "Weekly Sporties" but I lucked out, because this was the week everyone picked to say stupid things at the same time. So, consider this the Weekly Sporties:
Insane Proclamation Edition.

-First up, we have Randy Moss declaring he is ready for an NFL comeback on his 35th birthday. (It appears this was also the week for guys who didn't play last year to announce their intentions for a return because Clinton Portis also said he plans to play next seasons after taking 2011 off. Considering I didn't even realize Portis didn't play this year, we'll stick with talking about Moss.) Now, I'm not going to focus on the fact that I didn't believe Moss when he said he was done with the NFL in August because no one believed him, so I can't exactly gloat about that. Instead we're going to look at a few possible landing sites for him. Last year he said it was the Patriots or nobody. Well, after a year of nobody he appears to have soften on that stance, which is probably for the best, because I don't see New England in a hurry to welcome him back. Even though he still has the height, they need to get younger at wide-out. To me, this has the Washington Redskins all over it. They love to sign guys who are about two years past their prime and since I don't see them getting Peyton Manning (we'll get to him in a second), Moss is a nice alternative. Plus, they have a strong-armed quarterback in Rex Grossman and are desperate enough to think that combination might work. I could also see the Buccaneers, because they could use all the help they can get. In other words, I don't see contenders lining up to give Moss a call.

-This Peyton Manning situation has been full of insane proclamations. The problem is that Manning and Colts owner Jim Irsay aren't sure how this divorce is going to get finalized, but they both are desperate to make the other side look like the bad guy in the eyes of Colts fans. First Peyton had his team leak a statement saying that he is cleared to resume football activities and is good to go (which is most likely a lie). Irsay quickly fired back that Peyton hadn't been cleared by team doctors, so pay no attention to what Manning is saying, because he was just being a politician by leaking statements. Irsay than said that all of this talk should remain in-house and within the Colts family. He then followed that up by saying he would love to keep Manning if he's really healthy, but he would need to redo his contract to protect the franchise in case he gets hurt (apparently, "inside the family" is a relative term). The bottom line is that Irsay is eventually going to have to come to grips with the fact that he is going to end up as the bad guy here. The owner is almost always the bad guy in situations like this, especially the first time Peyton plays against the Colts. I know Irsay is sensitive to that since his dad is still hated in Baltimore for moving the Colts in the middle of the night, but the good news for him is that Indianapolis fans will eventually get over it, especially if Andrew Luck is as ready as advertised. Plus, Irsay has all the time in the world to win back Colts fans while Peyton will be playing another two years, maybe. Better to get it over with and release Manning to start the healing process. Stop delaying the inevitable and stop trying to fight your quarterback in the press.

-There were multiple reports this week that Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow was in Los Angeles, working out with UCLA quarterback coaches. Apparently, they are working on his mechanics to attempt to make him more accurate. For the moment we will ignore how strange it is that he went to UCLA instead of staying in Denver and working with John Elway, who happens to be one of the best passers in NFL history. This proclamation is insane to me because shouldn't he have already done this work? I mean, he was in college for four years, what the hell were they doing all that time? I know that he was winning and there is a feeling that you don't mess with a winner, but didn't the University of Florida have some kind of obligation to get him ready for his post-college career? Seriously, isn't that pretty much the exact job description of college? The thing is Tebow is hardly the first guy to come out of college only to have to re-learn his position by working on mechanics to try and become a better passer. The NFL quarterback might be the only job in the world where you go to school for four years and only once you have a job, then do you start to learn your chosen craft.

-However, just in case you think I'm picking on the NFL, there was plenty of crazy to go around in the NBA too. We'll start in a similar place as the NFL, with Allen Iverson putting out a statement saying he wants to return to the NBA. Iverson, who was probably the biggest star in the game for a couple of years at the start of the century, has said he is willing to take on any role, even playing overseas or in the NBA's Developmental League to prove how serious he is about this. He said he wants to return because he wasn't happy with how he went out last time and wants to end his NBA career in a better place, which is to say he most likely needs money. If you thought the market for Randy Moss was going to be slim, I can't see more than two or three teams even considering signing Allen Iverson, who hasn't played in the NBA in almost two years. No contender is going to sign him and even a bottom-dweller might be hesitant, worried he could be a bad influence on any young, promising players they may have (if you wonder how, look no further than the fact that he made $160 million during his career and is apparently broke). A really bad team might take a flier on him to sell some jerseys, but I don't think even that would be worth the headaches. (This is the part where he signs with the Celtics.)

-Speaking of former NBA MVPs, Shaquille O'Neal was in the news this week for weighing in on the Dwight Howard situation in Orlando. O'Neal said he doesn't think Howard should leave the Magic, especially not for the Lakers, adding it would be a "travesty" is Dwight left Florida just because he wanted to do things like movies or get more more endorsements. Or, you know, the exact things Shaq did when he left the Magic in 1996. Now, for those non-NBA fans out there, you should know O'Neal and Howard do not like each other. Shaq feels as though Howard is infringing on his "Superman" nickname and basically just copying Shaq's career, move by move. (I kind of agree with Shaq on that, though copying him right down to being a terrible free-throw shooter is a bit much.) Still, for Shaq to tell someone not to leave their original team to move to a more glamorous franchise would be like Madonna telling a young musician not to make a career out of being controversial. O'Neal claims he never would have left if the Magic could have offered him the most money like they can do for Howard, but no one believes that. I think the truth is closer to the fact that Shaq just doesn't want Howard, a guy he clearly doesn't respect, to be the next in the line of great Lakers' centers. The weirdest part of all this? Shaq could probably just come out and say that and no one would care, because Howard isn't all that respected around the game. But by trying to justify his stance O'Neal is coming across as disingenuous and a little petty.

-Still, the craziest proclamation of all this week came from LeBron James. James was getting ready for his second game back in Cleveland since leaving as a free agent and while doing an interview with a local reporter, said that he could very easily see himself coming back to play for the Cavaliers someday. James was very magnanimous in the interview, admitting he probably didn't handle his exit from Cleveland very well and was even gracious towards Cavs owner Dan Gilbert, who has been bashing James at every opportunity since he left. It was a sign of maturity. Of course, there is the little matter of James only being in year two of a six-year contract with the Miami Heat. Now, he can opt out after four seasons, but that makes it hard to fulfill all those promises to win "Not 5, not 6, not 7" championships. Also, there is a question of whether or not the Cleveland fans would even want James back after he left the way he did. I feel like they might take him back if LeBron never wins in Miami, but coming back after a Championship with the Heat would feel a little like a guy trying to get back with his high school sweetheart after dumping her to marry some girl whose father owned the company he wanted to work for. It would never be as good the second go-round. But, mostly this feels like Miami fans should be on notice: you are only renting James and it may be a shorter lease than you were expecting.

-Even cities are getting in on the crazy proclamations this week. A couple days ago officials for the city of Seattle announced that they have a 'mystery investor' lined up who would be willing to provide funding for a new area and they can begin construction on a new NHL/NBA arena as soon as they get confirmation a team is coming. Being so close to Vancouver I don't think they will get an NHL team, but they absolutely need a new NBA team - they were always supportive of the Sonics. Hell, the way some franchises are currently drawing, they might have a couple of options to pick from. Now, Seattle is one of my favorite cities in America and I am happy that they are in line for a new basketball team, even if I can't seem to have a rational conversation with any Seattle sports fan (they tend to ratchet the argument up very quickly). I just want everyone to appreciate the irony of a fanbase which had its team ripped away from them now trying to do the same to another city. I get that all is fair in love and professional sports, but you have to admit it is kind of funny. I just hope they have the common decency to change the name of whichever team they end up pilfering. "Seattle Hornets" just doesn't have a good ring to it.