You Win Some...

So, I spent most of the last three days glued to my television watching the Ryder Cup. For the first couple of rounds everything was going swimmingly for the Americans, but this afternoon they experienced a collapse of epic proportions, losing a 4-point lead to match the largest advantage blown on the last day in the competition's history. Now, a lot of people immediately began blaming Tiger Woods, Steve Stricker, Jim Furyk or Captain Davis Love III for the loss. Personally, I think the blame can be pretty well spread around here. While Tiger failed to get any points the first two days it is not like he played all that poorly and final his match didn't end up mattering anyway. Given that the Americans could have clinched if they had managed to win just a third of their matches it never should have come down to the last two players to begin with. But all that aside, rather than just crushing the Americans we should be giving credit to the Europeans who could have very easily rolled over but didn't. The biggest thing you need in a comeback like that is faith and they never gave up. It was painful to watch, but winning wouldn't be so sweet if you didn't know how bitter defeat tasted.

Weekly Sporties

-Well, our national nightmare is finally over. After three weeks of inconsistent calls and missed penalties with replacement refs, the NFL and the referee union agreed to a new deal late Wednesday night which will have the regular refs returned to the sidelines this weekend. The particulars of the deal were not revealed, most likely because no one cares what they are, they just wanted the refs back. Now, what I find most amusing about this agreement is that it came about 48 hours after what might be the worst call in NFL history, yet the NFL is insisting that had nothing to do with their increased negotiations to get a deal done. Right. If that were the case there wouldn't be the rush to get the regular guys back on the field so quickly. Previous reports were that even when a deal got done it would take a week for the refs to get back because they had to pass conditioning tests, get measured for new uniforms and be brought up to speed on rule changes which happened during the offseason. Suddenly all that could be done in less than 24 hours so a normal crew could work the Thursday night game and we're not supposed to think the NFL was just as desperate to have the refs back as the fans? Whatever the reason, I'm glad it got done. I know these refs won't get all the calls right, but at least we can be assured they will control the game better than the fill-ins, who were clearly too starstruck by the players to take control of the situation. I just hope this was fixed early enough that no team's postseason chances were affected.

-One league which really would be crippled by a referee strike is the NBA, because the professionals give the stars way too many calls as it is. I actually shudder to think what star-struck replacement refs would do. One of the most annoying calls the NBA refs routinely fall for is flopping, in which a player essentially falls down and pretends to have been fouled. It's annoying, it slows down the game, it makes defending players really hard and, in the most annoying aspect of all, it usually works. Well, this week the NBA announced they plan to do something about it. Commissioner David Stern said he wants to form a committee, a lot like the current one which reviews flagrant fouls to see if they should be upgraded or downgraded, to review flopping. While he doesn't think the NBA will adopt a rule like the NHL's 'diving' penalty, what they will do is look at the tape and fine players who act like they have been fouled when they haven't. This obviously isn't a perfect solution because the players who flop would still get foul shots in a game, but at least this way it would hit the worst offenders in the wallet, which may be the only way to get through to some of these guys. I don't think a fine will change the way the high-priced superstars fall to the court like they have been shot, at least we can be sure the rookie free agents won't be hitting the ground unnecessarily. Still, I will be interested to see if these rules get implemented and if fines get announced, because I feel like public shaming may be the only way to get players to man up and play hard defense.

-I'm glad to see the NBA is planning to get flopping under control because increasingly it looks like basketball will be our only professional winter sport for a while. Late this week the NHL cancelled the remainder of the preseason games, which means the regular season games can't be far behind. What makes this so frustrating is that there doesn't even appear to be much urgency to negotiate, as the two sides didn't meet for over two weeks before finally sitting down on Friday. But at least those meetings reportedly went well as they managed to hammer out several of the smaller issues. However, I don't think that should count as actual progress because I remember when similar reports were coming out of the NBA and NFL lockout negotiations and I had the same reaction then as I do now - there is no point working on the small stuff until you deal with the big sticking points. Deciding what color you want your new car to be doesn't do you any good until you figure out how the hell you are going to pay for it. And, since this lockout is happening over the issue of splitting revenue (like all lockouts are), until the two sides can agree to sit down and figure out how to split the profits having a plan for increased drug testing is a moot point. All each side is doing right now is meeting for the sake of meeting and attempting to make fans think they are not the side which keeps this lockout dragging along. It's nothing more than posturing. Unless they want to get together and start exchanging legitimate offers to one another I would almost rather they don't meet, because at least that doesn't give the hockey fanatics false hope.

-In one of the crazier scenes (and given the way this Red Sox season played out that is saying something), following the Red Sox final game at Fenway this year, manager Bobby Valentine held his normal press conference in which expressed his belief that he will return to manage the team next season. Now, given the fact that he also thanked the assembled media for their professionalism you have to wonder how much of that was lip service. Perhaps Valentine knows he is gone and is simply trying to butter them up so he isn't totally killed as leaves. (Sort of confirming that, General Manager Ben Cherington also gave an interview a day later in which he said the team spent too much time looking for a manager last offseason and wanted to spend less time doing that this year. If they were keeping Valentine they wouldn't have to anticipate spending any time doing it.) I know that Valentine never really got a fair shake because he never came close to managing the line-up he expected to have, but even if you excuse the injuries it was pretty clear this was a partnership that just wasn't going to work. I thought there may have been a chance Valentine would get a second season when the team traded Kevin Youkilis, because that appeared to be the team picking the manager over the player, but Bobby V simply didn't do enough the second half of the season to warrant another chance. You just worry if the game has passed him by. He need to go back to the booth where he belongs and the Sox simply need to chalk this season up as a failure, then go into 2013 vowing it will never happen again.

-Maybe Bobby V can go back to managing in Japan, where he is seen a baseball God, because the history of players brought over from the Japanese Leagues have been just as up and down as he has this season. Signing Japanese players has gotten very risky for major league teams as of late, because the results are too inconsistent. For every Ichiro Suzuki there are several Daisuke Matzusaka - players who have one or two solid seasons but never quite manage to have long careers. I wonder if that is because these organizations put too much pressure on them too quickly, thinking since they come from a well-run professional league they are more ready to handle the majors than they actually are. The leagues may be close, but it is still a new level of baseball in an entirely new country. Anyway, add another failed experiment to the results as the Minnesota Twins released infielder Tsuyoshi Nishioka. Nishioka was expected to be an everyday play for the Twins, but three years into a five-year, $9.5 million contract (that's on top of the $5 million the Twins paid his old Japanese club - not a small amount for a small-market team like Minnesota) Nichioka was still in the minors. So, he and the team agreed it wasn't working and released him from his contract. Normally that would be the end of it, but Nishioka went one step further by relinquishing the $3 million remaining on his contract and issuing a statement apologizing to the team and its fans for his level of play. Hearing about this, I can't help but wonder how many other baseball players would have done something like this or how many are sitting on bad teams wishing they could take a do-over on their contracts right now. (Hello, Carl Crawford). Sometimes it isn't about money, it's about personal happiness.

-When Notre Dame announced they were joining the ACC in all sports except football, but playing 5 teams from the conference every season, I was concerned about how their traditional rivalries would survive. I wasn't sure schools I like seeing the Irish play, such as Michigan State and Purdue, would stay in the rotation. However, I was extremely confident that at least their on-going series with Michigan would continue. Turns out I was wrong. Early in the week Notre Dame announced that the annual game against the Wolverines was going to be put on an undetermined hiatus following the 2014 season. I have to say I never say this coming and in my defense you could see why I came to that conclusion - a few years ago the Irish and Wolverines signed a contract to extend their match-up to last through 2031. But, like all sports contracts it wasn't really worth the paper it was printed on, because that contract featured opt-outs every three years and it appears the Irish are opting. They want to focus on California (better recruiting grounds) and will be making more of an effort to keep playing Stanford and USC every year. I understand the logic, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. While this year's game did not live up to last year's 'Instant Classic' status, it was still a very good contest. The two schools had already planned to take a couple seasons away from each other in 2018-19, but hopefully following that season they will get back together and find some way to play each other again, even if it is only every other year. College football is good when Michigan and Notre Dame are good and it is even better when they are not only playing well but playing each other.

-This one happened last week, but I didn't have time to get to it: Fred Couples was elected to the Golf Hall of Fame. His election raised a few eyebrows because while Couples is universally loved on Tour, he doesn't exactly have a Hall of Fame resume. He only has 15 wins and 1 Major Championship, which barely qualified him to be on the ballot. He has Captained a couple of President's Cup Teams, but those don't quite hold the same weight as being a Ryder Cup Captain, so I didn't think they would be enough to fill in some pretty obvious holes in his career. Turns out that the majority of golf voters agreed with me. Couples only got 51% of the vote. Normally induction takes 65% of the vote, but this was apparently a shaky year for nominees, because no one got to that magic number. In fact, Couples was the only one to get close and in a year in which no one gets the required 65% the Hall lets in the highest vote-getter, provided they have over 50% of the votes. Even by that lower standard, Freddie is barely a Hall of Famer. Now, obviously, barely is better than not at all and let's not pretend the Golf Hall of Fame is akin to Cooperstown. Still, I think this just goes to show you that demanding one person be elected every year doesn't necessarily work. Hey, everyone has down years and sports are not immune to that. I think it would be preferable to just not have a Hall of Fame class than dilute the waters with people who don't really belong. Either that or stop telling people how many votes a player got and we'll just assume they cruised over the necessary number.

Quick Hits

Once again we have a bunch of stories which don't warrant a full post, but are too interesting not to comment on...

-Late Friday afternoon my news feed started buzzing with the story that Fox news had just aired a live suicide. Now, I obviously wasn't watching, because it's Fox News, but apparently the network had been following a car chase in Arizona and when the suspect was cornered he decided to take his own life rather than be arrested. Despite being on a 5-second delay Fox didn't cut away in time, allowed the footage to go out to the world and the anchor quickly apologized for the mistake. Now, I would love to crush Fox News here and point out that they have officially lost the right to question violence in video games or swearing on celebrity Twitter feeds going forward. However, I'm willing to give them a pass on this incident simply because it is live TV and things happen really quickly. It is the same reason I never freak out when a celebrity says something crazy in an interview because I think we have all said something that we realized was going to sound wrong before the sentence even finished. Five seconds seems like it should have been plenty of time to cut away, but when it takes a couple seconds to realize what you just witnessed and then find the dump button your window has closed. So, we shouldn't be to upset at Fox News for letting this one slip through. But, if you really feel like crushing them, believe me, there are plenty of other things to choose from.

-Moving on to lighter news - Detroit police have announced they plan to start digging up a suburban driveway this weekend as they look for the remains of union boss Jimmy Hoffa. Apparently a dying man gave them a credible tip that people buried something in his neighbor's yard many years ago so police did a scan of the land and found enough intriguing evidence to follow up on it. Sure, because Detroit has solved every other problem facing the city. Look, I know that unsolved mysteries can be a lot of fun to dig into, but at some point this sort of stuff should be left up to amateurs. This effort seems like it could end up costing a lot of money and since I'm pretty sure Hoffa would have died from natural causes well before now, it is not like there is any hope for a happy family reunion. If any private citizens out there are really that curious they should foot the bill themselves. For example, there is new evidence which suggest Amelia Earhart's plane went down in the South Pacific. The person leading the search and coordinating all the digging and renting of equipment to find her plane is doing so with their own, privately-raised funds. Detroit needs to pour every cent it has into figuring out what to do with acres of abandoned neighborhoods and an economy that was in tatters before the latest recession. Besides, I'm not so sure that if I was running the city I would want this search to be successful. People looking for Jimmy Hoffa's body might be the second-most profitable business in town.

-If officials really want to find Hoffa's body they should be looking in random attics because, if you ever watch any of the dozen shows on TV about picking through other people's junk, that appears to be the sweet spot of treasure hunting. People are always finding paintings from famous artists in their grandparent's attics, or at least their bank vaults, which is where a painting allegedly done by Leonardo Da Vinci was stored for the last 40 years. The foundation which currently owns the painting claims it is a portrait of the same woman who would later pose for the famous Mona Lisa, except in their painting she is a decade younger. If you look at the two paintings there is a similarity, but the newly discovered painting looks more like what would happen if a talented artist was asked to paint their version of the Mona Lisa. Personally I'm always skeptical when stories like this surface, because aren't the odds overwhelmingly in favor of someone bringing this to light before now? The Mona Lisa has held the title as "most famous painting in the world" for almost 200 years. Even if this private art organization had been holding onto the painting for the last 40 years, shouldn't there have been a record of it before then? Wouldn't someone have come forward saying something like, "Hey, don't these two pictures look kind of alike? Maybe we should check if they were done by the same person." I'm not saying this second painting wasn't done by Da Vinci, I'm just saying that I will be more surprised if that is the case than if it turns out to be a fake.

-Speaking of things which need to be authenticated, today the Vatican put out a statement regarding the piece of parchment which alleges that Jesus may have had a wife. Now, this may shock you, but it turns out they think it is "probably fake". What? You don't believe a randomly-discovered text which could call into question several core beliefs of our religion, as well as key principles such as not allowing priest to get married may be fake? Never saw that one coming. At this point I think Jesus himself could come down to refute a couple things in the Bible and the Vatican would ask for six forms of identification, so this thing never had a shot to be taken seriously. But even with that as a given, to me they are going about this all wrong. Rather than trying to discredit the artifact, they should be attacking the fact that people are drawing pretty wide conclusions from a piece of papers which came from the year 400 and only says, "Jesus said to them, "My wife...". What I would have rather seen the Vatican do is release a statement of possible phrases which finished that sentence, like a Biblical mad-lib. At least then we could see which Bishop had the best sense of humor.

Lines Of Communication

Before we get into today's post I must put out a disclaimer: I don't have an iPhone and have no real desire to get one. First off, I have been led to believe they are rather expensive and despite all that money no one I know who has one seems all that pleased with it. Mostly it seems that, like every phone, they are only as good as the service provider you are working with and even if you have great service they still have several issues their users must deal with. Of course, most of these complaints are probably due to the fact that nothing gets people to complain faster than their cell phones. (Seriously, it doesn't matter what kind of phone you give someone, they will hate something about it within a few hours.) So, I'm willing to grant you that if someone were to give me one I would probably use various features of the iPhone, but currently they don't appeal to me enough to run out and buy one. And I certainly don't see the point in sleeping out all night outside of a store to be the first person in line to buy them. I never understood what those people were thinking and that was before I learned a very important fact this afternoon - they don't even have to do it.

I always assumed those people were sleeping outside their local Apple store the night before the latest iPhone was released out a necessity. The company only made so many, they were on a first-come, first serve basis and if you didn't sleep outside to get the first one the back-orders would be so immense you may not be able to get your iPhone for months, at which point they would be obsolete. It was like a Black Friday midnight sale on crack - buy it now or lose the savings forever. Turns out that is not the case. Today someone was bragging about their new iPhone and when I asked if they had slept outside to get it they said there was no need because they had simply pre-ordered the phone and had it delivered to their door. This blew my mind. You mean to tell me those people are sleeping on the sidewalk, desperate to pay hundreds of dollars for a phone which will be out-of-date at this time next year, are doing so just because they are too cheap to pay for shipping? I love to go camping as much as the next guy, but this seems like stretching reasons for it to their breaking point.

So, if people aren't sleeping on sidewalks just to be able to brag to co-workers, why are they doing it? I can only assume people are so quick to do an activity which they don't have to for a much more basic human reason - to feel like part of a community. Nothing is more disheartening than trying to tell a story about your favorite past-time to a person who doesn't also do that activity because you can just see the scroll behind their eyes repeating the message: "I don't care. Stop talking." (Believe me, I have both given this look and seen it while trying to tell a golf story.) So, it doesn't matter what a person's hobby may be, they are always going to be desperate to meet another person who is into that same thing. That need to feel part of something is exactly why places like message boards exists and this line was basically an iPhone chatroom come to life. I bet some of these people couldn't wait to get into line because they knew they could geek out about a new iPhone and not only would the person next to them actually be listening, but they may be even more excited than the person talking. There probably haven't been this many geek connections made at one time since people started sleeping out to see "The Phantom Menace".

All that being said, I'm not sure bonding with strangers would get me to pretend to be homeless for the night. However, at the end of the day people have the right to do whatever they want with their free time and as long as their lines don't interfere with the businesses around the store than there is nothing stopping Apple from letting this happen every time they release a new product. They probably enjoy the publicity. Still, I can't help but think that this seems like a lot of inconvenience just to not have to wait a couple extra hours to pick up a phone. (Again, this probably goes back to the fact I don't buy the newest gadgets and my new phone experience often consists of me typing in phone numbers of people I haven't talked to in years but keep their numbers just so I know not to answer should they inexplicably call me. Hence, I never really 'enjoy' the new cell phone experience.) Wouldn't it just be easier for someone to organize a hang-out the next afternoon where everyone with a new iPhone could gather and pretend to be impressed by each other's phones, since that is all these people really want? Hopefully, next year when the iPhone 6 is being released someone thinks to bring this idea up to all the other people in line.

Giving It Another Go

Back in 2005 MySpace was bought for a staggering $580 million. Even crazier was the fact that at the time the number seemed like a pretty fair price. Well, showing just how quickly things can switch when it comes to the hot website of the moment, last year MySpace was sold again, this time for just $35 million. (Let that serve as a cautionary tale for all social media sites.) One of the new investors in the site was musician Justin Timberlake, who said he would help with a redesign of the site, one which would focus on music. Rather than be a place for people to just share photos and connect with old friends, the new MySpace will focus on connecting artists to fans, letting people know what music subscribers are listening to and bringing undiscovered talent to a world-wide audience. Yesterday we got our first look at that redesign. I think it looks pretty good, even if it doesn't appear to have done anything but borrow aspects from Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram. (Whatever, if you can't beat them, steal from them.) Still, I'm not convinced the new look and focus will suddenly return MySpace to its previous pop culture status and that is due to the one thing it never got around to redesigning - the name.

On the surface, you wouldn't think keeping the MySpace name would be a problem. After all, reports say the site still has 54 million members. (No word on how many of those people have logged on recently versus people who were simply too lazy to delete their profiles and haven't been on the site for years.) Still, no matter how inflated the numbers may be, most sites would kill to have anything approaching that level of traffic. Also, by keeping the name it saves people the effort of having to explain the website and sell it a second time. People have a rough idea of what the site should be for, which means you won't be trying to build an audience from the ground up. In many ways it is like trying to spin off a successful show - the viewers already feel like they have a familiarity with a couple of the characters so you don't have to spend the pilot episode introducing everyone and can immediately start to advance the plot, which is a huge advantage. (Unless, of course, that show is "Joey.") Plus, it is not like Facebook has a perfect record for customer satisfaction, so some of those disgruntled users could be looking for an alternative but not tech-savvy enough to know where the next big thing in social media is going to come from. Being able to go back to MySpace may be just the out they were looking for.

With all that being said, I do worry the stink of failure will pollute the well, so to speak. After all, the brand has already had a rather public collapse. People are often reluctant to give things a second try if there is a new option available and MySpace has to compete with new websites which are launching every day. A lot of people made up their minds about the site a long time ago and no amount of celebrity investors will get them to give it a second look. To them MySpace is nothing more than a punchline - another flash in the pan fad that everyone was really into for an hour before the far superior Facebook came along and crushed it. Now it is just something we can all laugh about on "I Loved the 2000s" along with Napster and BlackBerrys. It would be the same conundrum if a band like Nickelback decided they were going to change a couple members and go for a heavier sound. The Nickelback fans would stay, they may get a few people to come around and hear them play just to see what the new music sounded like, but a large majority of those people are going to stay away just because it's Nickelback and they have already formed an opinion about them. Sometimes if you are going to change it is better go big and change everything.

This comes down to the battle between name recognition versus reputation. It is nice to be able to work with a name people know, but it would be better if people didn't hear that name and snicker. The good news for MySpace investors is that if anyone should be able to figure this problem out, it's Justin Timberlake. This guy started at the Mickey Mouse Club and graduated into a boy band, which honestly should have been the kiss of death for his career as soon as he hit 30. Instead he went solo, started doing bit parts in movies, killed in a few appearances on "Saturday Night Live", graduated to larger roles in movies and now he owns golf courses and is marrying one of the hottest women on the planet. Seriously, even if you don't like his music you need to respect his career longevity. Besides as long as they keep it free than you know unsigned musicians will flock to any place that will give them a chance to promote themselves, so their membership should see a surge as garage bands design their websites well before they actually have any music to promote. I do think MySpace will start to be relevant on some level once again, but I doubt it will ever get back to the popularity level it once had. The good news for the most recent investors is that the bar to make their money back is much lower this time around.

Registration Required

Today is National Voter Registration Day. On the one hand, I think it is great that we have a day designed specifically to get people to register to vote, which is one of the most important freedoms we have. Any effort to get as many people to the polls on Election Day is great in my book. On the other hand, it is kind of embarrassing that we need it. Getting people to express themselves at the polls really shouldn't be this hard. After all, normally Americans can't wait to tell people what they think about something, even when they haven't been asked. You would think we would all love voting, but every election (especially the non-Presidential ones) the numbers continue to dwindle. I know the system and the candidates aren't perfect, but it's what we decided to go with and it's all we've got. [Sidebar: Even though the numbers aren't impressive, I still don't agree with the people who say that "American Idol" gets more votes than the Presidential Election. First off, that show allows you to vote as many times as you want and secondly you can vote at any age. Clearly, that skews some numbers.] Normally, I am a little skeptical about voter drives, because I do worry they might have an agenda. But, this video is pretty funny. So, if you know someone who hasn't voted yet you should encourage them to get out and register. Remember, if you don't vote you don't get to complain about the way things work...

How Celebrities Rock the Vote with Miley Cyrus, Neil Patrick Harris, Jane Lynch from Miley Cyrus

Turn Of Phrase

It's interesting to hear which phrases people continue to use long after the main analogy no longer makes sense. For example, I still hear people describe how drunk someone was by saying they were "three sheets to the wind". Not only does this not makes sense since most people don't even know the origin, but the person being talked about is probably not a sailor and even if they are their ship probably doesn't have sails. Clearly, this one doesn't apply to the majority of society and yet we still use it. Another one is when people describe themselves out for a "Sunday drive". I'm sure this phrase comes from back in the day when there weren't so many cars on the road and not as many gadgets to occupy people's time, so driving around with no particular place to go was a fine way to pass the time. But with gas prices continuing to rise and even people's alleged days off often turning out to have more scheduled events than their work week, no one just goes for a cruise these days. That is why I'm not sure we can keep using this one. Besides, as I reminded yesterday, I'm not sure you want to be on the roads on Sundays, because it is the day all the crazies come out.

Yesterday morning I was driving around and felt as though I was constantly dealing with people who didn't know how to drive. The absolute worst experience happened as I was going down a street and a woman came out of a parking lot on the side of the road. She never even glanced in my direction, simply pulling out in front of me. Fortunately, I had a second lane to turn into with no cars in it, otherwise I would have plowed into the side of her as she looked on obliviously. I leaned on my horn and asked in a slightly agitated tone just what the hell this woman was doing before continuing down the road. A couple hundred feet later I came to a red light and the woman pulled up next to me. Now, my passenger's side window was already down so when I saw the woman roll her window down I prepared myself for a verbal altercation. I assumed this woman was going to claim our near-accident was somehow my doing or question why I took that tone with her and immediately began to mentally compile a series of snappy comebacks, most featuring the theme of, "Screw me? No, screw you!" (As you can see, I'm not exactly quick with comebacks in the moment.) However, what the woman actually said to me stumped me more than any clever insult ever could:

"Excuse me, do you know where Baker Street is?"

Have you ever been expecting a confrontation with someone only to find the other person is completely oblivious to that fact? It's rather jarring. I often think I know what people's reactions are going to be (despite evidence which has proven time and again that I really don't), so if I think an argument could get heated what I do is plan out the entire conversation in my head, almost like a one-act play. What happens then is people say something I wasn't expecting and it really throws me for a loop, because I'm suddenly like a director where the actors have gone off script. I got a little flustered and for half a second I honestly thought about telling her to pull over and we could consult my GPS before realizing that would actually be slightly more insane than what she did. (Although, now I kind of wish I had just to see if she would have taken me up on it.) From her question I couldn't tell if this woman either didn't notice the fact she nearly killed me, didn't care or was doing that move where you know you've screwed up but think by refusing to acknowledge it the screw up will go away. Well, if that last option was her plan it totally worked because rather than point out how insane I thought it was that she nearly rammed me and now expected me to give her directions, all I said was, "No, I'm not really familiar with this part of town." I'm sure that answered conveyed my annoyance with her.

The other thing getting a reaction you didn't anticipate can do is make you wonder if you aren't totally blowing the incident out of proportion. If the other party doesn't see what the big deal is, why should you? After all, it was not like our cars actually collided. I think we all worry about being seen a person who turns a minor things into a major issue, because no one likes being around that guy. Either way, I came away both angry at this woman for being so careless behind the wheel of a vehicle as well as annoyed at her for not even giving me so much as a 'sorry' wave before asking me for a favor. But, this is what happens on Sunday mornings - people who don't drive all week suddenly think the roads will be clear, not realizing that in reality they are slightly worse than normal because everyone is in a hurry to get their stuff done before the NFL kicks off and are probably driving while annoyed at have to do this stuff on a weekend morning. That is why I feel like we need to stop using "Sunday drive" for an expression. If you want to let people know you are out for a carefree cruise in a car use something more realistic - tell them you are taking a "cruise through the Dakotas" because the only way you can really enjoy a drive is with as few people around as possible and you can't get much more open road than in the 46th and 47th least-dense states. Considering how many people who aren't sailors still use nautical expressions I feel like this could catch on.

Tigers Hate Cinnamon...

I have never understood the people who taunt animals at the zoo. You see them every time you go - tapping on the glass, yelling out to get their attention or, worst of all, throwing things. I know most of the time the animals aren't actually doing much, just kind of laying around or sleeping, and that can get a little frustrating when you paid good money to see them moving around. (Worst of all are pandas. Seriously, people spend hours in line to see these things and they never want to come out of their cave. I think China is sending us the defective ones.) Still, that doesn't give anyone the excuse to mess with these once-wild animals. Never forget that they didn't sign up for this. It is one thing to be pissed if you go to a concert and the musical act refuses to get on stage because they were the ones who booked this show. In that instance you can voice your displeasure in any means you see fit. But these animals are there against their will and under no obligation to give you and your family a show. Not to mention, it is unrealistic to expect them to be active all the time and it is not like animals have any concept of 'business hours'.

Still, the people who tap the glass seem like model citizens compared to the people who take the insane step of entering the enclosures. It seems as though every couple of years someone decides to hop the fence and get up close and personal, forgetting that while these animals may be in a zoo that doesn't make them pets. Well, this week it happened in the Bronx Zoo where a 25 year-old man jumped into the tiger enclosure and was promptly mauled. He suffered numerous injuries before being rescued after about 10 minutes. When asked why he went in the man replied that he, "wanted to be one with the tiger." I guess he should have seen how the tiger felt about it. Now, I'm going to assume this man was either under the influence of drugs or should have been, because a sane person never would have tried this. Never confuse lackadaisical behavior with tame - that wild side is still in all those animals, they are simply looking for a reason to bring it out, which this man provided. On top of all that he will be arrested for trespassing as soon as he is released from the hospital. At least then we will get to see how he likes it when people start tapping on his cage.

[Sidebar: This may be the most unintentionally hysterical video in history. I have a thousand questions. For example, do you think they did this video in one take and without permits? Also, why is the piano player the only member of the band who doesn't have a leather jacket? Did he forget it on the day of shooting and not have time to run home? Also, who told them berets were a good look? I could go on for days...]

Weekly Sporties

-I'm a big fan of people writing messages in eyeblack. I find it amusing, so much so that when I play touch football with my family I often wear eyeblack and put my area code in it for comedy's sake. A couple years ago the NCAA outlawed players writing messages in their eyeblack because they were worried some of them were using it as a method to send out gang messages (reminding us all that the NCAA is run by old white men). Well, expect a similar rule to be in Major League Baseball pretty soon after Toronto Blue Jays shortstop Yunel Escobar trotted onto the field with eyeblack which had a gay slur on it. Yep, for reasons known only to him, one of his stickers said (in Spanish) "you are" and the other had a homophobic slur on it. Not surprising in this age of increased sensitivity, MLB quickly stepped in to suspend Escobar for three games. Yunel attempted to explain himself during a strange press conference after the suspension was announce by going to the old, "but I have gay friends" defense while never actually saying why he wrote this message in the first place. Clearly he had to know this was a bad idea. But, whatever his reasoning, I just think this should be a lesson for any player coming over from another country to play professional sports - language immersion works both ways. You may think it is great that people are making more of an effort to speak different languages to make your transition to a new country easier, but it also means the swears you mutter under your breath are going to be understood. You'd better learn to watch what you say around certain people because the days of insulting someone to their face and having it met with a "I don't know what you just said" smile are over.

-I was actually shocked MLB decided to suspend Escobar, because that meant righting a wrong rather than hoping it goes away on its own, which is their normal course of action. Last month I told you about Melky Cabrera, the San Francisco Giants slugger who tested positive for performance enhancing drugs and then elaborately tried to cover it up by making fake websites for the product he took before eventually getting suspended for 50 games. What I forgot to mention was that at the time Cabrera was only a couple points behind for the batting title. Since those other players had to keep trudging through a long season they obviously went through some slumps and today Cabrera finds himself with the highest batting average in the National League. Technically he is one at-bat short of being eligible, but there is a rule in place which would allow him to add and 0-1 at bat to his total. Not only would that give him enough at-bats to be the batting champ, it wouldn't lower his average. Commissioner Bid Selig was going to let Cabrera remain eligible despite his suspension, because Selig never knows what to do with the players who have tested positive for steroids. Well, the good news is that there was a voice of reason in this situation - Melky Cabrera, who took himself out of the running for the batting title by saying he wouldn't want to win a tainted award. I find it terribly ironic that Cabrera is able to see how crazy it is that he was still allowed to remain eligible for regular season awards and yet the Commissioner of the sport couldn't reach that same conclusion. Critics are constantly calling for sweeping changes to baseball, but this is just further proof that those will never come until MLB puts someone who can get the easy ones right in charge.

-There was a bit of a controversy at the end of last weekend's Giants/Buccaneer's game when Tampa Bay knocked down Eli Manning while he was kneeling to run the clock in the last seconds of the game. Tampa Bay coach Greg Schiano said he was simply trying to get his players to play for the full 60 minutes, while Giants coach Tom Coughlin thought it was unnecessary and dirty. I have to agree with Coughlin - not only did it seem like the kind of thing a high school coach would tell his team to do, it was also dangerous. One team going half-speed not expecting a full pass rush and the other team going full-out is a recipe for an injury. At first it seemed that everyone was on Coughlin's side, but strangely Schiano appears to have found an ally in Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. Jones thinks the NFL should eliminate the kneel-down play because it shortens the game and robs the fans, so he feels teams should be forced to run a play in those situations. Personally, I have no problem with the kneel-down play because if you have such a problem with the other team running out the clock you have 58 minutes to figure out a way to make sure the they won't be in that position. However, what this really shows me is how much of a joke the NFL's new emphasis on player safety really is. At that point of the game players are finally able to exhale and while they may be angry they lost at least they can be thankful they weren't seriously injured, yet there are owners insisting that they run one or two more plays, just to tempt fate a couple more times. The odds of a fumble in that situation are incredibly slim, so all you are doing is asking these guys to risk injury one more time. I would be fascinated to see Jones's feeling on the matter if one his players was hurt in that situation, because I feel like his tone might change a bit.

-I shouldn't have been surprised at the way it ended, because that Giants/Bucs game was actually pretty contentious throughout the afternoon. The reason for that falls squarely on the shoulders of the replacement refs, who have started to show that the lights may be a little too bright for them on this stage. After being adequate in week 1, their level of competence took a dramatic drop in week 2. The problem appears to be that the replacement refs are in awe of either the stage or the players, because even though they get most of the rules correct, they don't seem like they have enough control over the game, letting guys scrap well after the whistle has blown. As a result games are much chippier than normal. This is where the regular refs are miles ahead of the replacements - they may not get all the calls right, but at least they have the players' respect. These new guys haven't earned that yet and as such the players are pretty much doing whatever they want. There have been numerous plays where guys should have been ejected but weren't. Last week I said the only thing which was going to get the regular refs a fair deal was if the replacement refs were really awful one week. Well, that happened on Sunday and it still doesn't appear to have motivated the NFL to make a deal. Instead, the NFL sent out a memo essentially telling its coaches to stop being so mean to the replacement officials because it looks bad. This is insane tactic to me, because if the NFL really wants to stop looking bad than they should get the regular refs back and restore some sense of order to the field. Football may be a chaotic game, but at least with the normal refs it was controlled chaos. These replacement refs are letting things get out of hand and someone is going to get seriously hurt.

-In sports there is nothing quite as intoxicating as a hint of potential. Coaches and GMs are always convinced that if they could get their hands on a player everyone else has deemed a flop than they could be the one to finally turn him into the stud everyone once expected them to be. It is all about ego and that is why high draft picks are always able to hang around way longer than guys who may be slightly more talented, but weren't drafted as early. With that in mind I wasn't totally surprised when the Celtics announced on Thursday they had signed Darko Milicic to a one-year deal. Milicic was the second overall pick in the 2003 draft, behind LeBron James and just ahead of a couple guys names Chris Bosh, Dwayne Wade and Carmelo Anthony. Because of that he has always been compared to his more-accomplished draft class and needless to say the comparisons have not been favorable. Milicic has bounced between a few teams in his career and every place he lands the organization is convinced they will be the ones to finally be able to bring out the talent everyone thought they saw nine years ago, despite mounting evidence that the talent may never have been there to start with. And I'm one of those people because even though I should know better, I actually think this could be a good signing for the Celtics. First off, they need size, you can't teach height and Darko is 7' tall (there is that potential again). Secondly, he's coming to them cheap. The bottom line is that if he fails all it costs them is money and if he succeeds it will be an amazing steal. But even if he fails here, don't be surprised if he gets another shot somewhere else. After all, the Celtics will be his 6th team, which means there are 24 more GMs who haven't gotten their hands on him yet.

-As of Monday morning the NHL is officially in its third lockout in less than two decades and this one is looking as though it will be going on for a while. At the heart of the matter is, as always, money. Namely the owners think they are giving the players too big of a cut of the profits. What is crazy is the recent comment by one of the owners who said they gave the players too good of a deal following the last lockout. What makes that statement so insane is the fact that lockout wiped out an entire season and the owners had all the leverage in that negotiation. After missing a year of their careers those players would have taken just about any deal, so if the owners gave them too much money it is their own damn fault. Still, what makes this lockout different from the NBA lockout last season is that while several basketball players threatened to play overseas, NHL players are actually going to do it. Unlike basketball, which is played in many foreign countries but is largely disorganized and the level of play is several steps down from professional basketball here, hockey thrives in many European nations. On top of that, many of these players are from these countries, even living there in the offseason. Basically, they have legitimate alternatives to the NHL. It may be pretty much the only bargaining chip the players have, but it is a pretty good one and could make this lockout drag on. Still, even as a minor hockey fan I hope they don't lose the entire season to this. I'm hoping that both sides will be motivated to save the New Year's Day outdoor game and get a deal done with enough time to make it happen. Hockey has had a couple great seasons and finally has momentum back, it would be a shame for it to tumble back to irrelevancy now.

-In an interview he gave a few days ago, golf legend Greg Norman said he thinks Rory McIlroy intimidates Tiger Woods. Also, he said that Tiger is friendlier to Rory than he ever was to guys like Els or Mickelson because Woods can see the end of his reign coming, knows that Rory is the next big thing and sees McIlroy as being on the next level more than a competitor. For their part both McIlroy and Woods laughed off the thought, with Tiger saying it is not like Rory can tackle him like Ray Lewis. Personally I disagree with Norman's conclusion that Rory intimidates Tiger as well, because at this point in his life I don't think anything can intimidate Tiger Woods on a golf course. Sure, he may see a guy who he sees as an equal, but you don't get to where Tiger Woods has by letting another man get inside your head. If anything, I would expect the recent dominant run McIlroy has been on to motivate Woods to work on his game even more versus cause him to accelerate his plans to transition to the Champions Tour. Plus, while I no longer think he will pass Jack Nicklaus's record of 18 majors, I'm not convinced Woods doesn't have another run of excellence in him. It wouldn't surprise me to see him have a year with 5 wins and a Major. However, I agree with Norman that Tiger does seem more friendly to Rory. But I wonder if that is more maturity and finally realizing he doesn't need to keep every other golfer at arm's length rather than being resigned to no longer being the best golfer in the world. All I know is Tiger has a lot of years left on competitive golf and I'm looking forward to those two dueling it out for years to come.

Cold Remedies

If you want to be technical, summer doesn't officially end until tomorrow. However, if you have been in New England for the last couple of days you know that there has definitely been a Fall-like feel to the air. While the middle of the day still get pretty warm it doesn't get nearly as hot as it was just a week ago and once the sun goes down the temperatures take a really dramatic dip. Any way you want to look at it, the number of warm days remaining is rapidly dwindling. What has been interesting to me is the number of different ways people have chosen to attack this problem, all of which appear to be some form of denial. Mostly, they consists of people refusing to dress as if it is colder out. It is as if they think by dressing for warm weather they will somehow trick Mother Nature. Despite the drop in temperatures people are sticking with shorts, but fighting the cold by wearing sweatshirts. (If you have lived in this area long enough you know New Englanders are reluctant to make the switch back to pants full-time, because once they make that transitions that will be it for shorts until April. We're all about extremes here.) Personally, this is how I do it as well. I happen to think shorts and sweatshirts is a pretty good look. Given what I have other people are doing as alternatives I haven't seen anything to make me think otherwise.

The first odd choice I saw was a guy still rocking the shorts and short-sleeve shirt, but wearing a wool cap on the top of his head. Now, at first I wasn't positive this was how this guy was trying to hold on to summer, because you often see a certain type of person of person trying to pull off this look - namely idiots. I don't know how, but wearing a wool cap no matter what the weather outside became stylish at some point. I'm sure Johnny Depp was on the cover of some magazine during the height of his "Pirates of the Caribbean" popularity wearing a wool cap on a scorching LA day and suddenly it was thought to be trendy. A large chunk of metrosexuals then forgot they were not Captain Jack Sparrow and tried to pull it off themselves, failing miserably in the process. This man did give off the a vibe which made me believe he was the kind of person who would wear something just because he thought it made him look cooler to young girls. Rest assured that it did not. That is why I'd prefer to think he wasn't oblivious to how silly he looked, but was sacrificing style in the name of practicality, knowing heat can escape from the top of your head.

Still, that guy look like a MENSA candidate when compared to the next people I saw. They were driving down the street in a Jeep Wrangler with the top and sides removed and behind the windshield were two of the coldest-looking people I have ever seen. Not only were they wearing long pants, jackets and sweatshirts, but the sweatshirt hoods had been pulled up and the drawstrings pulled tight. Only about 4 inches of these people's faces were visible as they drove down the road. Never mind the safety issue of the driving having his peripheral vision taken away, I could only think these people were extremely lazy. I don't know how hard it is to put the top and sides back on a Wrangler, but I can't imagine it would take so long that this was the only alternative. Either they really want summer to last a few more days or, like a lot of Wrangler owners, they feel like they need to be tough to justify driving it. [Sidebar: Seriously, someone needs to explain that to me. I've known lots of people who have owned Wranglers and they all act like their cars somehow reflect their personalities. They honestly believe buying a Jeep makes them more of a legit outdoorsman than the rest of society. Believe me when I tell you it doesn't. You can buy a car with sides and doors that don't come off and no one will stop you from hiking this weekend. [Sidebar within a Sidebar: Since we're bursting bubbles, no one at your job wants to hear about your hiking trip, either. We're not impressed. Just eat your lunch of trail mix in silence.]] No one will think less of you if you cave and pick warmth. The same goes for anyone who feels like they still have to ride their motorcycle but must do so wearing a winter coat.

Now, even though I am poking fun at them, I do appreciate their efforts to hang on to summer just a bit longer. As awesome as I think Fall it, I have to admit that I wouldn't mind another couple weeks of warmish weather and the sun staying in the sky passed 6 o'clock. Sadly, no amount of bargaining or denial is going to change the fact that we will be breaking out the shovels before you know it. I'm just happy we are making the transition at a more normal pace this year, because last year it felt as if we totally skipped fall and went directly into a mild winter. This year we have a chance to bid farewell at our own pace. I know it isn't fun, but if you don't like the change in seasons you can always move to California and get to deal with mudslides and earthquakes. (Suddenly not being able to wear flip-flops to the store doesn't sounds so bad, does it?) And as much as it stinks, part of that goodbye has to be putting the warm clothes away and breaking out the cool weather gear. Actually, I think the absolute first step is putting the doors and roof back on your vehicle, but after that you should probably start looking for warmer clothes.

A Pretty Pass

I'm not usually the type to be impressed by cars. Mostly that comes from the fact that I don't know much about engines, so when someone starts quoting stats about how much horsepower is under the hood they may as well be speaking a foreign language. That level of ignorance really takes some of the admiration out of it. Also, the practical part of me happens to know that a new car is a pretty terrible investment. I don't care how good a deal a person thinks they managed to talk the sales guy into, deep down they have to know that the dealership really won, because that car went down in value the second they drove it off the lot. I can never really get passed that part. All that is not to say I don't appreciate the engineering or the craftsmanship which goes into building a new car, just that I'm not necessarily the guy you should come to if you want someone to ooh and ah over your latest purchase. However, lately I have been noticing expensive cars more. It could be that in a summer of reruns I have been watching more "Top Gear" on BBC America than usual. But whatever the reason, in paying special attention to the more expensive brands of cars on the road I have made a somewhat surprising discovery - they are really good at getting me to move.

No one likes to have the car directly behind them riding so close you can hear their radio louder than your own, but that is just part of driving. They say you should keep 100 feet between cars, but most people get a lot closer than that if they think the car in front of them is going too& slow. Normally I think of myself as pretty good about keeping up with the flow of traffic so that no one has to get that close, but lately my fellow Massholes have made it clear they think I could be doing a little better. They seem intent on getting me to pick up the pace and think the best way to do it is ride 5 feet off my back bumper even though they could simply go around me. Typically I will take the hint and switch lanes (while hoping there is a speed trap set up down the road), but not always. If I feel like I'm at a speed which is keeping up with the traffic around me sometimes I get stubborn and decide that if you are in such a damn hurry than you can be the one to go around me because I don't want to go any faster. It can simply depend on my mood that day, but in thinking about it I have also discovered that whether or not I feel like getting out of someone's way is directly related to how nice their car is.

The other afternoon I was driving around and a man in a beat-up Jeep was riding close behind me. I could have gotten out of his way, but simply didn't feel like being charitable and moving over. For whatever reason I got a bad vibe from him and decided in half a second that if this guy wanted to get passed me he would have to go around. I wanted to know what his big hurry was, but then I figured you can't enjoy driving in car like that, so he was probably speeding to get his trip over as quickly as possible. Or maybe he has to get to places early enough to find a parking spot behind the building so no one sees what a crappy car he drives. Whatever his reason for driving like a maniac, I wasn't inclined to reward him for it. However, this afternoon a very nice new Mercedes was doing pretty much the exact same move and without giving it much thought I merged over and let the guy zoom passed me. While I was changing lanes it hit me just how quick I was to accommodate this driver, despite the fact they were being just as much of a jerk for tailgating as the douchebag in the Jeep.

Some of my haste to move may have to do with knowing a newer car has more power and therefore I don't have to worry about this car pulling in front of me and then slowing down, but I think it mostly has to do with respecting a nice car more than a piece of crap. As someone who honestly doesn't believe people should be defined by what kind of car they drive or what brand of clothing they were, the fact it may subconsciously be part of my brain kind of disturbs me. I'm sure that at its core this instinct to get out the way of expensive brand of automobiles goes back to the same thing which makes babies in studies gravitate towards people with symmetrical features - namely, people naturally prefer to look at nice things versus things which have gotten a little worn down. Still, the rest of my brain has had 32 years to figure out that cars don't mean anything, because often the guy with the nicest car is just a superficial jerk. You would think all those years of experience would over-ride that ingrained instinct but apparently it doesn't. At least I finally understand the point of every car commercial I have ever seen.

A Gaffe Riot

I've been sitting back these last few days and watched with a slight level of amusement as Republican Presidential Nominee Mitt Romney has been trying to distance himself from comments made at a fundraising dinner back in May in which he said that 47% of Americans don't pay any income taxes and will never vote for him because they are dependent on the government and think President Obama will keep the money flowing to them. While the figure Romney mentioned may be technically correct, like all comments made in an election year, they require some context - most of that 47% is made up of the elderly, children, soldiers who are currently deployed and the working poor. I don't think anyone would argue that there aren't people out there who abuse the system, but to make it sound like half of the country is doing it isn't exactly Presidential. Many pundits are saying that this comment could be the fatal blow for a Romney campaign which was already experiencing some sagging poll numbers. This is the part where I would like to point out to the pundits of the world that it isn't close to the end for Romney, because he wasn't totally wrong. Not about 47% of Americans not paying income taxes, but about the fact that they were never going to vote for him anyway.

For people whose job it is to talk about politics for a living, it never fails to stun me how often these pundits forget that the election is about the voters more than it is about the candidate and many of those voters are firmly entrenched in their political party no matter what. The number of people willing to vote for the better candidate, regardless of political party, are in a severe minority. Most voters are just going to stick to whichever party they have been voting for the majority of their lives, despite the fact that if they sat down and went issue-by-issue with their beliefs many of them would find they actually line up more with the other side of the aisle. It doesn't matter - for some of these people voting for a different political party would be like fighting muscle memory and it would take an act on the level of punching a baby on TV to get them to vote for the other guy. That is why before the candidates are even decided the people making predictions can call certain states in their favor. What all this means is that it doesn't matter how many 'gaffes' they make, politicians are still going to garner a healthy percentage of the final tally.

If you don't believe me, check out the latest polling numbers in Missouri, an historically conservative state, where Todd Akin is still in the running for their Senate seat despite saying that he didn't believe woman could get pregnant during "legitimate rape" because women's bodies were equipped with ways to fend it off. You would think a comment that idiotic and insensitive would kill any chances of winning, but he only lost 10 points in the polls after he said that and now he appears to be mounting a comeback. Even in the sketchy world of political polls, where numbers not only come with a margin of error but can be easily manipulated by how questions are phrased and who is asked to participate, Akin's ability to rebound appears to be genuine. [Sidebar: Seriously, Missouri??? Aren't you guys supposed to be the "Show Me" state? Because I believe Akin has shown himself to be unqualified to be a US Senator.] If that guy's political career wasn't immediately shut down than Romney will have no problem bouncing back from something as relatively minor as this.

The point is that you can say pretty much as many stupid things as you wish and as long as you have enough money to pump out commercials appealing to your party's base you will still have a chance to come back and win. So every can have their fun with the video, but it doesn't come close to signaling the end of Romney's run for the White House. If you think about it, all he was really saying was what everyone in that room (who paid $50,000 to hear Romney speak), was already thinking. I'm sure there are plenty more people out there who agree with Romney and just couldn't afford the lunch. He certainly didn't lose one Republican vote. That is why I fully expect him to close the gap the President has opened up between now and November, leading to people crowing about how he is the comeback kid. In today's political climate all it will take is someone to take a quote from the President out of context and the shoe will be on the other foot. The only thing this video clip actually decided is that I really wish November would hurry up and get here so we can be done with this stuff.

A Man Of Influence

Earlier today it was announced that Steve Sabol, the co-founder of NFL Films along with his father Ed, had passed away after a battle with brain cancer. Tributes immediately began to pour in from all corners of football and they are incredibly well-deserved. You could sincerely argue that the Sabols have done more to advance the popularity of professional football in this country than anyone with the exception of the man who invented the forward pass. The Sabols paid $3,000 for the right to record the 1962 Championship game, never looked back after that and along the way NFL Films became one of the greatest PR machine sports has ever known. Football is a sport which is made for television, but NFL Films took it to an entirely new level of popularity with unprecedented access through innovations like miking up players and coaches. Entire generations of fans don't know what it is like to not have shows like "Inside the NFL" or "Hard Knocks" in their lives and neither of those things exist without the simple yet brilliant idea to slow down tight shots of collisions and put them to music with John "The Voice of God" Facenda narrating the action. Every high school team video is nothing more than that school's AV teacher attempting to audition for NFL Films.

To me, the music was always an inspired choice. The easy and obvious solution would have been to use rock or the occasional hip-hop song. They did veer off and try that tactic every once in a while, but most of the time they stuck with a formula which largely consisted of original orchestra music. You have to be willing to go pretty far off the board to decide that the perfect musical choice for your sports movie is heavy with flugelhorns, but damned if it doesn't work every time. Now seeing an NFL highlight set to any other kind of music almost feels foreign and you know it didn't come from NFL Films. Honestly, their music makes even the most boring game of the week seem like a life of death struggle between good and evil with the fate of the world hanging in the balance. I have a CD of nothing but NFL Films music and it even makes things like mowing the lawn feel infinitely more dramatic. What's weird is that it really doesn't work for any other sport. Basketball highlights set to this kind of music wouldn't work and baseball highlights combined with orchestra music might put people to sleep. They really captured lightning in a bottle with that one.

But to just call NFL Films mini-documentaries almost cheapens their influence. I feel like watching these clips over the years has actually changed the way fans watch football. Being able to hear what the coaches were talking about before they made various decisions gives people a level of understanding that they wouldn't otherwise have gotten. Fans still may not have agreed with a particular decision, but at least they knew why the coach of their favorite team came to that conclusion. You could argue whether or not it actually made football fans smarter about the game, but there is no doubt it made them think they were. That also gave fans a more intimate feeling about their teams and coaches, making them feel more connected and also more invested. Until HBO recently launched their "24/7" series, no other sport let you go in the locker rooms after the games and gave you a look at what players were like off the field. I know plenty of people that have said they root for certain players more after watching "Hard Knocks". Like I said, it was a hell of a marketing campaign.

While they personally only worked on NFL football, the Sabols' influence can also be seen in just about every sports movie made in the last 30 years. Everyone knows filmmaking is full of copycats and they don't care where they steal their ideas from, so a sports documentary is as good a place as any. Not only has their style been duplicated by everyone who films sports today, if you have ever watched a sports movie which featured a slow-motion training montage set to dramatic music and gotten goosebumps you probably should send the Sabols a thank-you note. And in case you think this is just one football fanatic and movie buff blowing smoke, it should be pointed out that Steve Sabol alone won 35 Emmys through the years in several different categories, so clearly the man knew how to put together a film. They would have been successful no matter what topic they decided to focus on, and fans as well as the NFL should be thankful they decided it would be football. The good news is that despite Steve's passing and Ed being nearly 100 years old NFL Films will just keep chugging right along, which is what I'm sure Steve would have wanted. I'm also pretty sure he will have the most epic tribute video ever.

Ninjas To The Rescue

Just last week I was writing about how much more I prefer watching movies at home instead of in a theater because too many people in theaters feel as though everyone around them has paid to hear a recap of their day and are dying to know their opinions about the action on the screen. Honestly, my last movie experience made me long for the old days when movies has ushers who would walk around with little flashlights and tell people to shut up. But, clearly movie chains decided it wasn't worth spending the money once they found out that movie goers could pretty much talk as much as they want and the majority of people are just going to sit there and quietly fume, but ultimately not doing anything about. Why pay someone to do a service most customers appeared willing to live without? A few instances of mob justice weren't enough to bring the ushers back and now the closest thing we have are a couple kids who walk around after the PSA before the movie with donation cups. If you want a loud movie-watcher to quiet down you are going to have to take matters into your own hands. Well, unless you are at the Prince Charles Cinema in London, because they have ninjas to shut those people up.

The Cinema has begun recruiting what it calls "Volunteer Ninjas" who watch the movie while wearing all-black jumpsuits and whose job it is to go around and reprimand anyone who is talking too loud, has a screaming child or is using a cellphone. No word on if they have the power to eject anyone who doesn't listen to them, but I would think the specter of a person appearing out of the totally darkness and telling you that you are being too loud would be rather persuasive. Since they are volunteers their only compensation is getting to watch the movie for free, which probably makes the theater happy as it doesn't increase their costs. My only remaining question is whether they have to pay for the suit or if they have to give it back at the end of each screening? This idea hasn't come state-side just yet, but I would imagine it is only a matter of time and when they do get here the line of volunteers is going to be long. Hell, we have people over here who dress as ninjas just because it is Friday, so giving them a chance to do it for a legitimate reason would be a bonus. Of course, that does make me wonder if this idea would work over here. So many people dress up in costumes to see a movie the night it opens that the ninjas may be the most normal-looking person there. Whose going to listen to a ninja while dressed as a pirate or a hobbit? (Actually, "Deadliest Warrior" may have done this one for us.)

That's not the only flaw in the plan, either. The biggest potential downside is that some people really don't like being shushed. Nine out of every ten people may blush with embarrassment and get off the phone, but that tenth person could have just been itching for someone to fight. Much like the news stories about people dressing up as superheroes to fight crime in their neighborhood only to discover they don't actually have superpowers, this could end badly for some 15 year-old who suddenly feels 10 feet tall and bulletproof because of an imaginary title and a suit, only to find out the hard way he isn't actually either of those things after he tries to tell the wrong person to be quiet. Also, those body suits do not leave much for the imagination, so I'm not sure volunteering will be for everyone. I've never worn one (obviously), but I also want to know how well you can actually see through them, because if you can't then suddenly this is a pretty raw deal for the ninja. Lastly (and probably most importantly), people are still on edge after the tragic shooting in a Colorado movie theater this year, so any theater that wants to employ this plan had better make they have plenty of signs up letting everyone know who these people are before the lights go down.

Those issues aside, it is hard to imagine anyone not getting behind any idea meant to get people to be quiet in a crowded movie theater. People who talk during movies are generally regarded as some of the worst people on the planet and I don't see them getting much in the way of sympathy just because they were publicly reprimanded. Any plan which gets frequent offenders to quiet down and turn off their cellphones is going to be accepted by the majority of movie-goers. This may seem both silly and a little extreme to some people (which it is) but we are talking about a fairly low-priority problem, so we may as well have a little fun with the solution. People talking at the movies is a huge annoyance, but it is just an annoyance so no need to have cops on duty or to start arguing for jail time. This is basically an inexpensive way for the theaters to go back to the old days of having ushers patrolling the aisles, but with a unique twist. Considering I'm unlikely to ever volunteer or get a visit from them I say we give the ninjas a try. Anything has got to be better than letting things keep going the way they are.

A Bubbly Interlude

Recently a team of researchers at Northwestern University was able to successfully conduct an experiment where they boiled water without having it bubble. It's all very scientific, but it comes down to the scientific principle that if a surface is hot enough a vapor layer forms and water never touches the material, thus getting hot without evaporating which means no bubbles as a result. I have two thoughts about this: the first one is that these people may have gone into the wrong field. Clearly they are a smart group of researchers and as such I truly believe their considerable talents could and should have been focuses elsewhere. I'm not saying water conservation isn't a problem. Humans waste far too much drinkable water and every little bit that we could save would help, but I just believe there are more pressing issues which could use the best minds working on them. If you can figure out something this complex than go into curing diseases and make yourself some real money.

My second thought is that this seems like a really bad idea. People need little warnings like this in our lives. If you walked into your house and saw a pot on the stove where the water wasn't bubbling than it would be perfectly logical for you to assume the pot is cool and it is ok to grab the handle. As you are laying in the hospital with second-degree burns on your hands I don't think your first thoughts will be to congratulate the team on their scientific breakthrough. It just reminded me of a story I read about a Japanese car maker who was able to make a transmission which seamlessly switch gears without any noise or hitch to the car's ride. Consumers hated it. They found that little hitch or change in pitch as the car transitioned to be comforting because it let them know that everything was working. Using that logic I guess sometimes bubbles in water aren't the worst thing in the world. Still, congrats on the experiment.

Weekly Sporties

-The biggest news in college sports this week came when Notre Dame announced that it was leaving the Big East and joining the ACC in all sports except football, where they will remain an Independent. Personally if they were going to switch conferences I would have preferred they join the Big Ten to keep most of their natural rivals on the schedule, but the ACC is still a fine conference with many good teams and I'm sure they will make new rivals in the coming years. As much as I do not like change, it is not like they are losing any big traditions by departing the Big East. Despite playing there for almost 20 years they never developed any rivalries like people would have expected, which is why I'm not all that sad to see them go. Not to mention their biggest battles in basketball the last few years have been with Pittsburgh and Syracuse, both of whom were already headed to the ACC anyway. But even though I think the move will benefit all of Notre Dame's teams, football remains king, which is why the most important part of this story is that even though they will be scheduling 5 ACC teams per season, the University will still be free to fill out its remaining schedule against traditional rivals such as USC, Stanford, Michigan, Michigan State and Navy. While they may not play all those teams every year, they will still be in a regular rotation, which is all I care about. They won't be able to play for an ACC Championship, but they will remain in the discussion for a major bowl should the season be a success. Overall I think this is both good for the ACC and good for Notre Dame.

-Only slightly less important was the news that basketball Hall of Famer Jim Calhoun retired as head coach at UConn. Normally this would have been the bigger news, but speculation about this move has been simmering for a long time, so it is not exactly surprising. Most people are assuming Calhoun knew he was retiring months ago but waited until the season was only a few weeks away to formally step down because he wanted assistant Kevin Ollie to take over and the Athletic Director wanted to conduct a national search for a new coach. Well, Calhoun got his way as Ollie was named coach, even if it is only on a one-year deal. (Considering the rumors that the two of them never got along, I guess you could consider this Calhoun's final middle finger to the AD.) In the last couple of seasons Calhoun's reputation had taken some hits, especially since UConn is ineligible for postseason play this year due to their continued poor graduation rate, causing some to compare Calhoun's retirement to Pete Carroll leaving USC right before the school was put on probation. However, whatever you think of the man, there is no denying he was a tremendous basketball mind. It takes a heck of a coach to turn a school in the middle of Connecticut into a basketball hotbed, but Calhoun not only made it a destination, he won three National Championships without ever considering a move to a more glamorous location. You may have to argue with his methods, but you can't argue his results. Personally I am fascinated to see what happens to UConn now. Without Calhoun you have to wonder how much longer they will be able to stay relevant. They were already in for a tough couple of seasons and now you have to wonder if they will ever get back to where they were just two seasons ago.

-Of course, Calhoun is hardly the first basketball coach to have some allegations of academic misconduct among his basketball players and he won't be the last. Hell, it is even happening at schools which are supposed to be above this kind of mischief, like Harvard. Early this week Kyle Casey, captain of the basketball team and a first-team all-Ivy League player, was implicated along with over a hundred other students in a cheating scandal. Apparently too many students gave similar answers in a take-home test for an "Introduction to Congress" class, which sounds an awful lot like the kind of class you take when you are a business major and just need to get your political science requirements out of the way. Personally I'm wondering exactly what the school expected to happen with a take-home test. Of course most kids were just going to copy and paste from Wikipedia. Just because they are Harvard students doesn't mean they aren't still 19 year old college kids. So, the school has launched an inquiry. In the meantime Casey has withdrawn from the basketball team to try and save his last year of eligibility, which would have continued to tick away had he been on the team while the hearing to determine if he will be allowed to stay in school is heard. When Tommy Amaker took over as head basketball coach after years of coaching at higher-profile program a lot of people wondered how Harvard's attempt to push themselves into the world of high-level college athletics was going to work. Seems to me they are getting the hang of college sports rather well. Then again, it is Harvard, so you wouldn't expect much of a learning curve.

-After a second successful outing for the Sugar Land Skeeters to prove he still has a little gas left in the tank, it seemed a foregone conclusion that Roger Clemens would make an appearance for the Houston Astros before the season ended. But, there is suddenly a fly in the ointment. Astros owner Jim Crane said he doesn't want Clemens pitching against any teams in contention for the postseason, because he doesn't want to impact the race. Clemens, on the other hand, doesn't want to come back and pitch unless it is against a contender. Now, everyone knows I don't like Roger Clemens, but I have to say I'm on his side in this one. The Houston Astros are about as close to irrelevant as you can get for a professional baseball team and they need all the interest they can muster. Seriously, last Sunday the Astros game was watched by about 1,500 people in the Houston area, so they can't exactly get on their high horses when it comes to fighting the 'stunt' label. On top of that, they happen to be the worst team in the league and probably going to lose 100 games, which throws their "we don't want to impact the playoffs" stance right out the window. Unless, of course they mean they have rolled over for everyone else, it would be unfair to make a playoff team actually earn a victory in front of a loud crowd for a change. What's funnier about this whole story is that we are acting like Clemens is some kind of secret weapon who is going to come back and dominate, when the reality is he will probably pitch 4 innings and get shelled. It's a big jump from Independent Leagues to the Majors. Personally I think if he wants to get embarrassed on national TV in front of as many people as possible we should let him. Clemens said he wants to change the memories of a lot of Hall of Fame voters, he never said the new memories would be positive.

-After the Dodgers were sold for over $1 billion earlier in the year there was a report in a New York paper which said the Yankees might possibly be for sale. At the time I wrote that I didn't think the Steinbrenner boys were planning to sell the team, but I could totally understand if they had asked around just to see how much the franchise was worth. This week a report surfaced claiming the Red Sox are "quietly" for sale and I have to say that I think the same logic applies here. Principle owner John Henry immediately blasted the report as false, but I wouldn't be surprised to learn that this was one of those "We aren't actively trying to sell, but if you blow us away..." kind of situation. Clearly the owners don't appear as invested as they previously have been and Henry made his fortune buying assets, building them to their peak value and then selling them off. You could argue that this ownership group as made this franchise as profitable as they can make them and since they will easily get the $700 million they paid for it back now could be a good a time as any to sell. (Not to mention, they just shed a quarter of a billion in payroll, which would be attractive to a potential buyer. The Celtics did the same maneuver by getting under the salary cap right before they were sold, which is one of the reasons I thought this report could be true.) In the end I don't expect the team to be sold just yet. It is not like it will suddenly decrease in value, so there is no urgency to offload the team right this second. That being said, where there is smoke there is usually fire and I think the countdown clock on the Henry group has officially begun.

-Heading into the season, everyone feared the NFL replacement refs would negatively affect the outcome of more than a few games by missing crucial calls. And while they had their moments of ineptitude during Week 1 of the season and seemed to call more pass interference than normal, they weren't falling over themselves or calling penalties on players who weren't in the game. By the low standards everyone set for them their first outing was deemed a success. Personally, I would give them about a B-. That doesn't sound great, but in thinking it over I decided that is probably the grade I would have given the regular refs during a random week last year. Now, it appears to have been worse if you were closer to the action, as the players are calling for the NFL to get the regular refs back as soon as possible, but once they are back it isn't like the players won't be complaining about them as well. People talk as if those guys never blew any calls, but history is full of questionable flags being thrown, which is why the league eventually went to replay. If anything the replacement refs' performance gave the NFL even more power at the bargaining table because it showed that they were capable, which is all anyone really wants. That leverage is only going to increase in the NFL's favor as the season gets on and the replacement refs get more comfortable with their surroundings. Look, I'm well aware the refs are getting screwed in this deal. They have done a great job over the last couple of years and their reward is to have their benefits cuts. But if they are waiting until a replacement ref botches a call in a big moment and swings momentum back on their side to cut a deal they may be waiting longer than they originally expected.

-After winning back-to-back tournaments in the PGA's version of the playoffs, Rory McIlroy is sitting pretty to win his first FedEx Cup. However, lest you think everything is cruising along for the kid, early this week someone raised the issue of his citizenship for the Rio Olympics, which will feature golf for the first time in over a century. McIlroy is from Northern Ireland which means he has the option of playing for either Ireland or the UK in the games and he raised more than a few eyebrows when he said he, "always considered myself more British than Irish" in an interview. This has lead to people calling for clarification as to which flag he intends to play under in 2016. It makes for an interesting and complicated dilemma for Rory, but I just can't get passed that last number when thinking about this story. We just finished the London Games and are a full four years away from Rio. Hell, they haven't even decided on a format for golf in the Olympics yet and one man is supposed to decide today what country he wants to play for? For all we know four years from now his game will be in the crapper and neither side will want him. You would expect someone who has grown up in the public spotlight to handle questions like this well and Rory did, sending out a very well-written open letter essentially saying that everyone needs to calm the hell down and we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, which isn't going to be for a long while. I don't envy him, because no matter what decision he makes there is going to be some tension, which is why I think Rory should spend the next four years applying to be a US citizen. I'm sure no one would have a problem with that.

Number Crunch

No longer content to simply derail us using mini video games made into the shape of their logo, yesterday Google introduced its latest creation designed to bring workplace productivity to a halt when it unveiled the "Bacon Number" search option. Based on the classic movie nerd game "6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon", which claims that all actors can be linked to movie star Kevin Bacon in less than 6 steps due to the number of films he has appeared in, this feature allows users to find out the most direct route from any actor in history to Kevin Bacon. All one has to do is go to Google, enter the actor's name followed by the words "bacon number", hit search and the above the normal result you would get for that actor Google will show you how quickly that person can be traced to Kevin Bacon. (There was another site which has been able to do this for years, but apparently Google is trying to set it up so that theirs is the only website you need in your life.) This new program makes it incredibly easy to get your answer and it also shows you connections from movies you probably never knew about. That's probably why I'm not a fan.

The internet has long been a place for people to finds cheat codes to help them beat video games but even those are only supposed to make it easier, not actually finish the game for you. With this program not only will it give you an answer but it will do so providing links you may have previously been unaware of. It's the second part where I take exception. For example, if I wanted to link Alfred Hitchcock to Kevin Bacon I would only be able to use about 7 of Hitchcock's films because that is all I have seen. The fact that Google has his entire library to comb through gives them a bit of an unfair head start. Essentially it has removed all the advantage from people who actually watch movies while paying attention and given it to the people whose phones have the best service, which means this program has also removed all the skill from the game. It used to be that if you wanted to know every random person who was in a movie to make an obscure connection you had to actually watch that movie and remember who was in it. Honestly, on more than a few occasions being able to add a few more links for the "Kevin Bacon Game" or "M-O-V-I-E" (another great road trip game) was pretty much the only redeeming quality of watching some truly dreadful films. Instead I'm back to watching a bad movie meaning nothing other than I have wasted hours of my life. I'm not saying that remembering which mid-level actor made a cameo in an otherwise forgettable movie is an important skill to retain, but it was still a skill on some level. But thanks to this program that is no longer the case. Suddenly it is a skill on par with knowing exactly how far to rewind a cassette to get back to the start of the song you just finished.

Still, the bigger issue I have with this new program is the same one I have with most of the things which come from Google or smartphone apps and that is they allows people to not have to actually know anything anymore. Thanks to having the internet at our fingertips at all times there is no urgency to actually retain knowledge because we can always look up our answers. Worse yet, that safety net has caused most people to doubt things they were previously sure of. If you say you are 95% sure of an answer that 5% of doubt will cause the other people in your group to think that means you don't really know and double check through their phones. Even worse, we blindly accept the machine's answers and we shouldn't. In messing around with the "Bacon number" a little this afternoon I have found a few flaws in the program, which clearly just does a common term query. Some links the program uses enter into fuzzy areas by connecting through movies that not even the stars themselves remember working on. And in one example the movie doesn't even exist. I have always said this game should really be based around Christopher Lloyd, because that guy has been in everything. So naturally one of my first attempts was to form a link between Lloyd and Bacon, which Google made by telling me they appeared in a movie called, "Tremors V: The Thunder From Down Under." A quick (and ironic) Google search reveals this movie was never made. It was rumored and a page exists which lists the potential plot, but the film never made it passed the development stages, where I'm sure both actors' names were attached at various points. Score one for the humans.

Look, I appreciate what Google is trying to do here, but they simply seem to have missed the point of the game. Life is not always about being as quick as possible and road trip games are the perfect example of when that applies. The main point of "6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon" was supposed be a way to kill time and getting an answer in less than a second doesn't really accomplish that. Sometimes the roundabout way of making the connection is what makes playing fun and that only comes from the fact that no one can see every movie ever made. Trivia games exist specifically to test the trivial knowledge we have acquired over time and few things are as trivial as which person was in which movie. Forgetting a piece of knowledge because it never comes up in your life is normal. I'm sure at some point I knew the capital of Bolivia but it just hasn't come up recently so my brain expelled it. The interesting part of games like this is exploring the strange corner of your brain which was decided to hang on to the fact that Alfred Molina was in the first 5 minutes of "Raiders of the Lost Ark" with Karen Allen who was in "Animal House" with Kevin Bacon. And while that may not be the quickest connection between those two, at least I'm sure both movies existed.

Objects In Motion...

If you need something to do with your night and own a mildly powerful telescope, you could always head outside and look skyward to check out a passing asteroid. A pretty large rock (reports of its size range from 625 feet to 1400 feet wide, which seems like kind of a lot of wiggle room) is going to pass roughly 1.8 million miles of Earth and since it will be opposite the sun it should catch enough light to be visible if you know where to look. I know that sounds like a very wide berth, but when compared with the vastness of space, it isn't quite as roomy as people would like it to be. We've had asteroids pass closer in the last few years, but this is by far the largest asteroid to come near the plant in a long while and as such it has been classified as "potentially hazardous." This planet was hit once before (sorry, homeschoolers), but that was a few million years ago, so we're probably due for a good brushback pitch from the universe. Of course, this news has led to a day full of jokes about sending Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck to save us if the asteroid suddenly made a sharp turn, but it does raise kind of an interesting question to ponder: if scientists found out we were going to be hit by an asteroid which would wipe out a large part of the planet, would they even tell us?

My immediate reaction is that of course they would, because they would have to. Governments are supposed to work for the people and keeping our imminent demise from us so we keep buzzing like good little worker bees would be cruel. However, the news would undoubtedly plunge the world into chaos as people abandoned their desks and went on treks to do everything on their bucket list in the next three days, because no one wants to die while formatting an Excel spreadsheet. So you can see why they wouldn't want to tell us until they were absolutely sure there was nothing they could do to prevent it from happening. Also, we may have to question just how much of a warning they would even have. According to a story in today's "Washington Post" a 200-foot wide asteroids passed within 40,000 miles of the planet in 2009 and scientists didn't see it until it was nearly on top of us. (In their defense they are trying to patrol a very large, very dark expanse that we can only see a small percentage of.) All we can really do is hope whatever is coming our way is large enough to be seen in time.

Still, these are the kinds of thoughts which are quickly followed by the reality of the world we live in today, which is the fact that no one is capable of keeping secrets anymore. Oh, sure, there are plenty of documents that have been deemed "classified" and which haven't come to light yet, but that is only because no one is looking into them. I hate to break it to the government workers, but most of the country doesn't care what you are working on. I know you went through a big screening to make sure you could keep a secret, but that was mostly unnecessary. Trust me when I tell you, a secret is much easier to keep when the gossip isn't very interesting. As soon as a cute reporter started showing interest in their work most of those nerds would crumble like wet cardboard. (This is also the logic I used to convince people that there is no way the government could cover up aliens. Someone would have blabbed to someone by now.) News of this level is the kind of thing which would send some low-level aide running to the first media outlet they saw so they could be the one who told the world that this time the end actually was near.

So, if an asteroid were coming we would know about it. That means the only real question left is what we would do with this knowledge. A couple months ago a quirky little movie quietly came and went titled, "Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World." It starred Steve Carrell and Keira Knightley and it explored this exact topic, namely people got a two week warning that an asteroid was coming which would wipe out the planet. And sure, the movie features a fair amount of people who go off trying to find long-lost loves, build bomb shelters and reconcile with long-estranged family members, but there are also a lot of people who just keep doing what they were doing because they didn't know what else to do. For example, they keep showing up to work at chain restaurants because people still have to eat for the two weeks until the asteroid got here. While I don't see that level of dedication to the workforce continuing, I actually do think there are people who would still try and keep basic services running out of respect for the rest of society. Just don't expect this blog to be one of those services because if I hear an asteroid is coming I will not spend a single moment working on coming up with a topic for a blog post. So, consider yourself warned - if this asteroid gets closer than expected you will be on your own for witty Armageddon observations.