A Monopoly On Boredom

There are some traditions which exist because the activity at the center of them is timeless and meaningful. For example, even though it is easier to use a propane grill some people still insist on using charcoal on the 4th of July because that is how their father taught them to do it and grilling that way makes them feel connected to the past. However, there are just as many things which hang around way beyond their usefulness simply because people have been raised that they should be around, even though if we stopped to think about it we would realize no one likes them. One of the longest-standing icons in this country is the board game Monopoly and I don't know why. Seriously, I have never met anyone who enjoys this game which can't be played in less than a 6-hour session and is essentially about the thrilling concepts of math, real estate and economics, yet it continues to be produced in mass quantities. I have begun to suspect it is like a giant pyramid scheme, where everyone plays one game and has a horrible time doing it, but rather than warn people who may be thinking about playing for the first time about how terrible it is, they decide to let them find out for themselves because no one told them how awful it was, so why should the next generation get a head's up? In other words, I firmly believe Monopoly continues to be one of the highest-selling games of all-time in America based on nothing more than spite.

I think Hasbro started to catch on to this as well and knows that this scheme can't go on forever, which is why a few years ago they started to produce themed versions of Monopoly, based on popular movie franchises and sports teams. For example, rather than get the traditional version you can now buy "Star Wars" Monopoly in which the game pieces are characters and ships from the movie and the streets names have been replaced to contain references to famous scenes. Sure, the basic principles of the game still suck, but you don't know that until you get it home because you think they may have changed something else. But, then you open it up and never actually play the game because you can't find anyone who wants to waste their afternoon with you. Worse yet, you didn't even bring this on yourself, because I am pretty sure no one has bought themselves a copy of Monopoly in the last 10 years - it has been nothing but gifts from distant relatives who once heard you like the Red Sox and now that is the theme of every gift from them. You just know they couldn't think of anything else to get you for your birthday and stumbled on Red Sox Monopoly at a local sporting good store and figured it was better than nothing.

It is because of this that I was genuinely surprised to learn of the high voter turnout when Hasbro announced they were retiring one of the traditional game pieces (the flat iron) and allowing people to vote on its replacement. After a heated race between a robot, a ring, a helicopter, a cat and a guitar, late last week it was announced that the people had spoken and decided to go with the cat. (A terrible choice, by the way. Looking at that list of candidate the cat should have been no higher than third.) I can only assume people were so quick to vote because we all have attachments to certain pieces. Frankly, racing to get your favorite game piece was the best part of playing Monopoly. (Obviously you wanted the car. If you got the thimble than you may as well have just quit before the game started, because you already lost.) But even then the attachment wasn't too strong because the pieces were the first thing to get lost. I don't think anyone has a Monopoly game which is more than 5 years old and still has all the original game pieces. Once you started losing pieces it was all about finding the most interesting knick-knack to replace the lost piece with... which was also more fun than actually playing Monopoly.

Just make sure you pay no attention to the people who think the high interest in this story has something to do with how much people love this game. Turnout was so high because Hasbro made voting so easy. Much like the fact "American Idol" get so many voters because 13 year old girls can vote 10 times without leaving their homes, more people will vote the easier you make it. In this case people were allowed to vote online, which I'm sure brought in more voters than people who actually enjoy playing Monopoly. Of course, this simply allows Hasbro to market yet more versions of the game - first the new one with cat piece and then a 'traditional' version with all the original pieces still there. (Probably just to replace the ones you lost.) The bad part of this for Hasbro is that their is no guarantee all the people who cast a vote will translate into sales of the game. If all the singing competition shows which have failed to produce lasting stars have taught us anything it is that people love to vote for things, but they rarely care once a winner has been declared. I guess that is why it feels strangely fitting that there is an "American Idol" version of Monopoly, but I would guess even the former contestants on the show have never played it.