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Last night I had a chance to go see two comedians, Jared Logan and Dan St. Germain, tape their comedy specials at the Royale in Boston. The tickets were free, which meant that I was automatically going to have good time because two of things I enjoy the most in the world are stand-up comedy and free tickets to things. However, I was slightly nervous because I never actually got any tickets. I was told by confirming my intention to show up I would be placed on a list and just had to check in at the door. I was strangely excited by this because I don't think I have ever been able to tell a bouncer I was "on the list" before. I left for the show early anticipating a crowd and traffic. As is always the case when I plan for traffic, I set a world-record pace and got to the venue far too early. I could have been the first in line but didn't want to appear too eager and hung back, settling for being third. Sadly, at no point did anyone come along and ask me if I was on the list, so I never got my moment. In fact, the list never came up, which makes me wonder what the purpose of making the list was. The only enjoyment I got out of that fact was when two girls showed up 15 minutes later and tried to skip us all by telling the bouncers they were on the list, only to be told to head to the back of the line because everyone was on the list.

We were led inside and down to the waiting area, which was the nightclub section of the building. This was helpful, because I hadn't been to a nightclub in a few years and had started to forget why I never go to nightclubs. (I'm sure the club is popular among a certain set, but it was just never my scene.) Here we were told for the first of roughly 50 times that we should go to the bathroom now because once the show started we would not be allowed to get up from our seats for any reason. Honestly, they did everything short of squeeze us to make sure we had gone. After that we found a spot and sat back to observe the other people in the crowd, which served as a great reminder that free tickets will bring people out of the woodwork, It was about as diverse a crowd as you will ever find. Young and old, everyone wants entertainment they don't have to pay for. Also, we were given bracelets and told they would be calling us up by color, which sounds like a very straightforward system, except the bracelets were not bright colors and the club had a strobe-light going, which meant depending on how the light was hitting it the bracelet looked several different colors. At different points of the night I was convinced my wristband was brown, gray, then purple, then black before ultimately deciding to call it 'smokey'. When they told us anyone with a black wristband should come forward we took the chance and by sheer dumb luck we had the right color.

At this point we were lead back up the stairs to the actual venue, where we were told to wait to be seated. This was a really nice way of telling us that we were about to be judged by the seating coordinator. The email confirming that I had tickets had come with a litany of rules for people going to the show such as not wearing too much white, no hats and nothing with big logos on it. Apparently, we had followed those instructions well, because we were seated in the third row, four seats in. For a while the seats in front of us remained empty and we got the speech from one PA about how important we would be for the comedian as the front row to bring energy and enthusiasm, but after that they filled in those seats with hipsters, blonds and various minorities and the idea of being in the front row went away. With that incentive gone I just kept watching the seating coordinator as she put some people here, other people there, left gaps to break up the groups of all men or all women and went about her task of trying to make an extremely well-thought out system look random to the people at home. It was interesting to watch. I took plenty of TV production classes in school and audience coordination never came up. She did have one big miss though, when she put one person in front of me who did not laugh the entire time. I know you want to have the crowd look like a Benetton commercial with all the races of the world represented, but I would think someone who actually looks like they like comedy would have been a better choice.

After everyone was settled in the warm-up act, Baron Vaughn, came out. He was really funny, even as he tried to remind everyone of the rules for yet another time. In addition to peeing now or holding it for the entire length of the show as well as the standard request to turn our cellphones off, we were told to put our coats under our chairs (he pointed out that it is a very strange request, but it can be distracting when you are watching at home), not to chew gum (that one was for our own benefit since we didn't want to be on camera with our mouths open) and to pretty much refrain from talking the entire time as the microphones around the stage would probably pick it up. I felt kind of bad for him trying to keep the mood light while going over all this stuff because nothing is better for comedy than a long list of rules. After Vaughn was done the show actually started with Logan going first and St. Germain second, both of whom were really funny, which was helpful. I was ready with my best fake laugh, but thankfully I didn't have to break it out. I don't want to tell you anything they said because I think you should just watch the specials but I can honestly say that I would have paid to see this show. (Please, Comedy Central, don't take that as an invitation to send me a bill.) We would have given them a standing ovation, but I think the crowd was too scared about being thrown out if we stood up.

I guess my only complaint about the entire evening was the way the seating was done. Sending us down into the club and then calling us by section felt a lot like how you board a Southwest airplane and there is a reason people prefer to fly almost any other airline. (Come to think of it, the venue was also a little like an airport because in the club they told us we couldn't bring our drinks up to the stage area, but once we were up there they had beers on sale. It's like how you can't bring a soda into the airport, but as soon as you are through security sodas are fine... and cost $6.) This is probably just my own neurosis, but I'm much more relaxed once I know I'm going to get a good seat, which is what makes me such a crappy airline passenger. I would have preferred it if they had made more of an effort to seat people in the order they arrived. I know it has everything to do with TV, but I watch a ton of comedy shows and I can assure you most comedy fans don't give the audience a second thought. Also, I know that it is a comedy show and as long as you can hear where you sit probably doesn't matter, but I think the comedians would appreciate having the audience members who were the most excited to see a show closer to the stage. And this is coming from a guy who had a good seat - I never saw the people ahead of me in line again, so God only knows where they ended up. I can only tell you where I ended up - third row, to the right, wearing a blue sweater. Feel free to look for me when these specials air.