Sex Doesn't Always Sell

I don't know why, but I can't help myself when it comes to survival shows on the Discovery Channel. There is just something about them which prevents me from changing the channel. Even if I don't catch them the first time around I know I'm going to get sucked into a marathon of them at some point. I think my interest comes from the fact I am always fascinated to see what type of crazy tests people are willing to put themselves through in the name of entertainment and the survival guys are the craziest of the bunch. Two guys strand themselves out in the wilderness for a couple of days, so the next guy has to get himself trapped on a glacier for a week and the third stick himself on the side of a volcano for 10 days. Honestly, sometimes it feels like it is a competition to see who can get closest to killing themselves without actually doing it. And even though I won't go camping at a site which doesn't have wi-fi, I can't get enough of these shows. That is why I was interested to check out Discovery's new show, "The Naked Castaway." A former member of the British Army was going to strand himself on a remote tropical island for two months and prove that if you have the right skill set you can make a pretty nice life for yourself, no matter what the conditions. Sadly while it made for a fascinating idea, it didn't exactly make for fascinating television.

Like me, you are probably wondering about the name. At first I assumed the title was some kind of a play on the guy's habit of walking around naked. And while it is not the way I would want to spend two months, I can understand the nudity as a personal choice. I mean, when it's just you on the island why bother wearing clothes? But, in watching the first episode I discovered the title was actually because the guy was getting dropped on the island naked. He wanted to do this trip without any type of modern comfort, even clothes. You may be asking yourself why (I know I was)? Unfortunately, I really don't think there was a good reason why, he was just throwing this in as random part of the experiment to make it harder on himself. At the very start of the first program the explorer stated that he would be the first person to try to survive on a tropical island for two months while nude. (I disagree with that premise, by the way. I think he's just the first guy to do it on television. I'm sure there were plenty of naked people on islands in the past.) On top of that the first thing he did once he was on the island was work on making something to cover up his nudity, meaning that not only was this stunt unnecessary, it wasn't even all that accurate.

As I watched a couple more episodes, I came to the conclusion that this is just the kind of guy this adventurer is - he feels the need to make things harder for himself. While listing his qualifications for the show he stated he was the first person to walk the length of the Amazon River. Clearly that challenge happened because no one was willing to take this man aside and tell him there was probably a reason for that - the rest of humanity never thought it was necessary. Early humans were pretty quick to come up with the concept of the boat and even their primitive minds were able to figure out that letting currents do most of the work was a lot easier, which made walking the length of the Amazon something people haven't had to do for thousands of years. (Apparently they don't teach that adage to work smart, not harder in the British military.) I have to admit this revelation did not boost this man's credentials to me. You see, this goes back to one of my biggest annoyances with stunts like these - people creating an extravagant clause where there doesn't need to be one. It's like the guy in Texas who puts rattlesnakes in his mouth and just keeps breaking his own record because no one else is trying. When you are the only person doing something it doesn't make you a hero, it makes you an idiot.

Unfortunately for this show the fact the guy was naked for the first few minutes was the most memorable thing about it (hence why I've been calling him vague things like "that guy" and "the explorer" because I can't remember his name and don't think it is important enough to look up). And clearly the Discover Channel recognized that as well, because they crammed two months of tape into a few hours. There is a chance this guy simply isn't very good with a camera and they have a lot of video which was just unusable, but the fact of the matter is Les Stroud can turn 5 days of camping into an hour-long show and this guy spent 60 days living off the land and it was all cover in 4 episodes, which makes me think there were just really long stretches in which nothing interesting happened. (Case in point, it took him 30 days to build a proper shelter because he was very particular about the roof (again, creating extra challenges). At that point why even bother?) Call me crazy, but based on the quick way this show came and went I don't think he will be working on a second survival situation any time soon. It's probably too bad because I'm sure his friends and family were looking forward to his next challenge in which he tried to do another task which was both complicated and unnecessary. At least this way he won't have to worry about getting sunburned in any particularly sensitive areas.