Their Wires Are Crossed

If you read this blog during the Christmas season you probably know that one of my favorite holiday decorations is when I wrap the two pine trees at the back of my yard in Christmas lights. I just really like the way the solitary lit-up trees look against the rest of the woods, especially when there is a little snow on the ground to cover the extension cord which makes it look like the lights came out of nowhere. The only thing I don't like is that the trees get a little taller ever year (as trees tend to do), which has meant leaving the lights on them all year round rather than breaking out the ladder every fall. It never fails that a couple lights fall off during the winter months and I have to spend some time finding and replacing the missing bulbs, but this year I hoped to put a stop to that by upgrading to these new, larger LED lights which are supposed to be able to take a little more abuse and keep going even if lights are missing. It certainly looked better when the lights went on, but by the end of the Christmas season half the trees' lights weren't working due to what I assumed were blown fuses. Considering the trees were in a part of the yard I never need to go to and spent most of February under a couple feet of snow I never got around to checking if it was just a fuse issue or something more serious. I just assumed I would find out when I tried to turn the lights back on this coming holiday season, though I think I may have gotten my answer a few months early.

You may be wondering why I am talking about this now and I will get to that in a second. But first you need to know this year I decided to let my lawn grow a little more to get the roots a little deeper in the hopes they would finally fill in some of the patches where grass simply refuses to grow. As such I hadn't been mowing my lawn as much this spring - only getting out there once so far this year. But with temperatures expected to be in the 90s this weekend, I thought I should get out there today and mow before the heat arrived and the lawn got out of hand. When I last mowed it a couple weeks ago I noticed a few of the LED bulbs down by the base of the tree. I assumed the snow had ripped them off the tree during the winter and thought I would just have to deal with them later. Fast forward to today and I noticed a couple more bulbs, which would be annoying in and of itself, only these new bulbs are actually nowhere near the tree. They were off in a totally different corner of the yard and a couple of them were half under the ground. I guess it is possible that I would miss one of them the first time I mowed due to the grass being so long, but the chances of missing three? That has made me think the reason all these bulbs are falling off the strand is the same thing people blame all their yard troubles on - squirrels.

If you want to know the biggest difference between people who live in the city versus people who live in the suburbs you simply have to ask their opinions on squirrels. People who live in the city don't actually have any opinions on squirrels because they rarely see them and when they do it is as the squirrels run from sidewalk to sidewalk, during which times the pedestrians are rooting for the squirrels to make it through traffic like Frogger. They think they a cute and harmless creatures. Meanwhile, people who live in the suburbs know all about squirrels and their opinions are quite different. Suburbanites hate squirrels because we know them to be what they truly are - rats with fluffy tails and better PR. It goes beyond the usual annoyances of knocking down bird feeders, going through trash cans or snacking on food from people's gardens just as the food is getting ripe. I've actually heard of squirrels which have dug their way into people's attics and then started chewing on the electrical wires. That can cause a fire, which means squirrels are actually arsonists and attempted murderers. It is because of their affinity for chewing on wires that I think these squirrels are eating away at the Christmas lights and then taking them into the yard to bury them because the idiots think they are giant brightly-colored acorns. Shouldn't they have caught on after the first couple?

I have to say this betrayal stings quite a bit because normally I am on the squirrels' side. Sure, I yell at them to get off the bird feeder and I've moved it a few times to try and get it out of their jumping range, but when they somehow find a way to still make it I've been known to allow them to hang out for a few seconds and help themselves because I am so impressed at their determination. I could have just as easily gotten one of those bird feeders which is supposed to act as a squirrel deterrent but I haven't. You would think they would recognize that I am paying them a courtesy and they could leave my lights alone in return, but no. What I think I am going to have to do is actually start collecting all these fallen bulbs in a box and start to reattach them when it is time to light the tree again. Also, I will have to step very carefully every time I mow the lawn or who knows how many the lawnmower may shred? On one hand I am interested in seeing how many bulbs the squirrels can take down over the next couple of months, but I can only hope the stupid rodents haven't eaten far enough into the wire to ruin the entire string. I would hate to have to go out and buy an entirely new set of Christmas lights for the second year in a row, especially since I think the chances I could get the squirrels to chip in are extremely low. I guess you can add cheap to their list of character flaws.