Devious DNA

A few years ago I read an article about the uphill battles police and district attorneys face while trying to get convictions thanks in large part to all the popular crime dramas on TV. Because so many people watch shows like "NCIS" or "CSI" where the issue of who did the crime is never in doubt, jurors have come to expect mountains of forensic evidence to go along with positive DNA tests on the murder weapon to prove once and for all the person sitting in the courtroom is guilty. Without that evidence juries can't shake the feeling of having reasonable doubt and are reluctant to send people to jail. (The number of stories in the news about people being released from jail after decades because they were wrongly convicted aren't helping either. I certainly wouldn't want that kind of thing on my conscience.) The reality is the prosecution just can't get results that fast and, oh yeah, half of the science on the show doesn't exist in the first place. This makes me sad for a couple of reasons, the first of which is the realization that the people who can send another human being to jail for the rest of their natural lives can't tell the difference between a television show and real life. But the other thing is it proves just how poorly this country is doing with science because clearly the average citizen doesn't know just how long it takes to process DNA. Untangling the human code isn't something which can be done in a couple of hours. Maybe if we all signed up for this next product they would gain a little more perspective.

I keep seeing the same commercial for a mail-away DNA test over and over again. (The crazy stuff which can be sold via infomercials once the clock strikes midnight could be a post unto itself.) Apparently for the low price of $99 you take a cheek swab, mail it to the lab and a few weeks later this company contends you will learn new information about your family history such as where your ancestors really came from. The test results will also help find long-lost relatives, provide you with insights into potential diseases you may have lurking under the surface, let you know how your body will react to specific medicines or if you should change your diet. If that isn't enough personal information for you, there is also a way to send it in with a spouse and learn about potential diseases your combined DNA could give your future children. (You know, just in case you needed a Valentine's Day present.) My first impression upon seeing this to assume it is all some kind of scam. My mind immediately thought of a service from a few years ago which alleged it could trace your lineage and, wouldn't you know it, everyone who paid the money got a certificate that they were somehow royalty. It was only after a large investigation that the company had to admit they pretty much just sent every subscriber the same story and hoped no one would catch on. But, even if this is totally legit, the idea of having my DNA going through the mail makes me rather nervous. I guess that is the best way to make sure it gets there but still, am I the only one who sees the problem with sending your DNA off to complete strangers?

Did we learn nothing from the early 2000s, when identity theft was rampant? Sure, thanks to the news and eventually all knowing someone who was a victim of it we became much more aware of how it happened, so now we are all a little more careful with our personal information but that doesn't mean we can relax. There are always going to be people out there who want to find your personal information and do bad things with it and you can't get much more personal than your genetic code. I'm afraid to throw away credit card offers without shredding them first because I am convinced my identity will be stolen and suddenly I am expected to be cool with mailing off my DNA to a random lab and assuming everything will be on the up-and-up? (It probably doesn't help that I keep seeing ads for LifeLock in the same commercial block.) They say in the future security is going to become increasingly personal, asking for things like thumbprints instead of simple passwords. It is not a stretch to assume some kind of DNA matching system isn't far behind for people with extremely high security clearance. That's just what could happen if you focus on the high-value targets - the reality is it will be the average citizen who will be targeted first. For all I know this is just an extremely complicated scheme to get a bunch of random samples to contaminate a crime scene and make the perfect getaway. I would hate to be a suspect in a murder when all I wanted to know was if I was a distant relative to Bill Gates.

Obviously I'm joking around because that is an extreme circumstance, but it doesn't change the fact that I am skeptical about this product because there is no way of knowing where else this DNA could be cataloged. Don't get me wrong, I actually think a national database with people's DNA would be a good idea - it would help identify remains of people who have gone missing, finally giving those families closure, or catch criminals who try and commit the same crimes in different states and assume the cops will never be able to make a connection. The number of false arrests would plummet. The only thing is that in my mind a database like that would be completely voluntary and people know what they are signing up for. This site claims it will protect your personal DNA, but I remember when cops used to catch criminals by telling them they had won a new TV and had to come pick it up, then would arrest them when they arrived. Is it so hard to imagine a scenario where some agency would set up this kind of operation and then keep your DNA on file, just in case? And that's assuming the people who are doing the collection have honest intentions, which we can't take for granted given the recent admissions by the NSA. (I know they aren't listening to 95% of us, but it still makes me realize we should stay on our toes... I'm trying not to sound paranoid, but at least I can admit I am failing.) When was the last time a person running a scam came right out and admitted that is what they were doing? Which is too bad, because if we could get more of them to do that we wouldn't have to worry so much about having DNA evidence to convict criminals.