What An Uplifting Phone Call

Since we are on the national Do-Not-Call list, we don't nearly as many unsolicited phone calls as we used to. Pretty much the only ones that slip through now are charities and chimney sweeps. (I get why the first are allowed to keep calling, but don't ask me why the second keep ringing us up without hesitation.) But every now and again, we get a call from a company that I have never done business with and can't figure out how they got our number. While most of them are harmless, some of them blow my mind and last night there was a call from "TEXAS" featuring a very long recorded message that did just that. Here it is, with limited embellishment:

Hello. You may have seen our commercial featuring a senior citizen who has fallen in her home and can not reach the phone. If you are over the age of 60, someday this will happen to you. Especially if you live alone. It is only a matter of time before it does. There is a 100% chance that you will suffer either a fall or stroke in your home. You heard me - a 100% chance. It is going to happen. And, it will probably happen when you are alone. Your family can't be around all the time and screaming won't help - your neighbors won't hear you. (I swear to you, those last four lines are direct quotes.) You could be there for hours or even days. Once that happens your family is going to take your freedom away and send you to a nursing home. Unless you want to end up in a nursing home you need to buy our product today. Press 1 to buy our service. Press 1 now. 1. Press it. Or you can press 9 to hear this message again. But you should press 1. Oryoucanpress2toneverhearfromusagain. Press 1 now.

That was the short version of a fairly long message, but you get the idea. After a while I was just staring at the phone, shocked; not only that someone set up this auto-dial, but that someone sat in a room and recorded this message. I listened to it all the way through - partly because I was hoping for a number to press to be taken off this phone list, but also because I wanted to hear what other kind of crazy claim they might make. You know, you always hear about senior citizens being scammed on the phone by people who try and play on their fear, but actually hearing one last night was stunning. This kind of call can not be legal. Now, because they never actually said a brand name I'll give the good people of Life Alert the benefit of the doubt that this was not one of their representatives and instead some company trying to piggy-back their established brand. Someone needs to let them know what kind of message these people are using, because I found the entire thing disturbing. I would much rather talk to the chimney sweep.