Weekly Sporties

-Apparently, this was the week for hockey players to throw little one-man protests. On Monday we had Tim Thomas and his White House boycott and just a day later we had Alexander Ovechkin saying that because he was suspended three games for an illegal hit in a game against Pittsburgh, he would be skipping the All-Star game. Now, I get that Ovechkin is annoyed with being suspended, especially since he wasn't even called for a penalty in the moment, so if he wanted to beg out of the game citing a mystery illness or injury with a wink and a nudge, no one would have said anything while at the same time acknowledging what was really going on. Instead he was quoted as saying, "My heart is not there. I got suspended, so why I have to go there [sic]?" I like how he started by saying it was because he just didn't feel like he would be putting out enough effort (you know, for the fans), but that lasted all of one second before he admitted it was because he got suspended. This kind of pouting is the hockey equivalent of taking your puck and going home. For the last couple of years hockey experts have been saying that the Capitals are the favorites to win the Stanley Cup, but the team keeps underachieved in the playoffs. Considering Ovechkin is supposed to be their best player and leader, I think we just got our answer as to why.

-Honestly, though, I'm thankful for hockey players throwing temper tantrums, because otherwise I don't know if I would have enough for the sporties. The Super Bowl isn't for another week, professional basketball players are dropping like flies due to the compressed scheduled and the NHL is at its All-Star break - it's a bit of a dead zone. Fortunately, the NFL is so tightly scripted I knew I would have some NFL coaching hires to talk about, because you know damn well the Commissioner's office wasn't going to let anyone get hired next week to distract from the game. I always like it when coaches get hired in the NFL because then we can play the game of guessing how many season they will last until they get fired. I have to be honest, with this crop I would take the under, no matter what the number is. It makes me laugh when NFL owners try to out-smart the competition, because all they end up doing is over-thinking and making the wrong choice. Most of the coaches hired this week are defensive guys who have never been head coaches before, because every owner is trying to find the next diamond in the rough while also bucking the current NFL trend of offenses running the show. It's not going to work. The simple truth is that these guys have never been head coaches at any level for a reason and a couple of them have only been coordinators for a year. It is one thing to try and find a hidden jewel, it is entirely different to try and pass a lump of coal off as a diamond. I'm going as record as saying at least 4 of the jobs which were open this year will be open again by 2014.

-I did forget to mention one thing that was going on during this lull period, but that was for a good reason. The Pro Bowl is on Sunday, but no one cares. At this point the Pro Bowl is a waste of everyone's time. The only players who play hard are the first-timers and even then "hard" is a relative term. Showing just how seriously they take it the NFL is going to set up a computer on the sidelines and allow players to Tweet during the game, which they are not allowed to do during regular games. While I appreciate what the NFL is trying to do, I think they are missing the point. No one follows an NFL player (or any professional athlete, for that matter) because they want their insight into the game. People follow them on the off chance they will screw up and Tweet out what was supposed to be a personal message (usually to a woman who is not their wife) to all their followers, then quickly follow that with the ever-popular "my account was hacked" excuse. Having players Tweet from the sidelines, most likely with an official from the League Office sitting over their shoulder checking what they are writing, defeats the purpose. The only things the players are going to Tweeting will be the basic, count-the-cliches statements we get in press conference. It takes on a feeling similar to throwing a party with chaperons - it removes all the danger and thus all the fun. The NFL does a lot right, but not everything and certainly not this.

-Personally I can't wait to get to the Super Bowl and not just because I think it is going to be a very good game. I just can't take the same stories over and over again. With so much time to kill between games every aspect has already been looked over a dozen times and will be looked over a dozen more by next Sunday. A perfect example are the daily updates on Patriots' tight end Rob Gronkowski's ankle. Now, Gronkowski will play in the Super Bowl: I know that, you know that, the Patriots know that and the Giants know that. But, because he was injured in the last game he will be on the injury report. The Patriots injury report has always been kind of tongue-in-cheek because Belichick obviously doesn't want his opponent to know if a guy is really hurt, so he just messes with people. Since the league forces him to put out a report, he'll do things like list everyone on the team as questionable just to be kind of a dick. And this week he had to put out an injury report even when the team had the day off. So Gronkowski was listed on the projected injury report. Meaning, "We didn't practice, but if we had, we don't think he would have been out there. You know, hypothetically." Alright, when you as a guy like Bill Belichick to make up a projected injury report you are just asking for trouble. Can we get to the game already? Please?

-The Winter X-Games kicked off this week, which means this is a fantastic time to remind people that I don't get the X-Games during any season. I can't even go all old-man-river on you because I never got the X-Games, even when I was in their target demographic. I think the problem is that I can't see the difference between the guy who comes in first and the guy who comes in fifth. Yes, the guy who wipes out loses, I get that. But what makes one guy so much better than the guy who came after him when they do all the same stuff? Now, because this is an ESPN creation they have to pretend it matters and have been giving it equal time as sports like basketball and hockey. They even included the scores on the crawl at the top of ESPN.com. While this was most likely intended to get people more interested, it just added to my confusion. For example, one guy won with a 95.33 next to his name. The next guy was at 82.66. I don't know what either of those numbers mean. Are they points? Judges totals? Times? You could tell me any of those answers and I would have to take your word for it, because I don't know. And, in what might be a sadder statement about my aging habits, I don't care enough to learn.

-While we're on the subject of sports that ESPN has invested so much time and money in to that they will never let them fade away, the Australian Open Tennis Tournament has been going on. Now, I will say this for the tournament: at least it is on in the middle of the night, so as to not block any good games from appearing on TV. There was also one other strange news item which happened during a Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal match. They were playing on Australia Day, which means midway through it a scheduled 10-minute firework display started going off near the stadium. The match was stopped while the celebration went on, but when it came back the fireworks had clearly rattled Federer, who lost the next 11 points in a row. Now, I'm always saying that it is impossible to defend golf as a real sport because they want total silence while they hit. Well, tennis wants that as well, but at least I've never heard of a golfer getting rattled because of some fireworks and a pause in the action. Hell, I remember a tournament in Florida a couple years ago where a golfer was in the middle of swinging as the space shuttle was landing nearby and the sonic boom went off. He held off on the swing, but completed it a minute later with no issues. That means I can officially call it: in the sports hierarchy, golfers are tougher than tennis players.

-Last weekend British adventurer Felicity Aston became the first woman to ski alone across Antarctica, making the journey is 59 days. She is also the first person to do it using all her own power, as the previous people used either kites or some machines to aid their journey. It is an amazing accomplishment of the human spirit. With that out of the way, this is the part where I get kind of snarky. First off, is this one of those world records which was only set because no one else thought it was necessary? For all we know it's not even all that hard, people just think it is too stupid to try. I mean, is this getting put into that same world record category as the guy who put the most snakes in his mouth? Secondly, she was the one who Tweeted out, "!!!Congratulations to the 1st female to traverse Antarctica SOLO. V proud." Apparently, grammar is optional when you are that cold. Also, I think most of you know how I feel about people who promote themselves this way. This Tweet feels a lot like the people who wish themselves Happy Birthday just so that people will Tweet it back to them. If you have to call attention to the fact that you just set a World Record, than I would say it probably wasn't worth doing in the first place.