"Does Your Girlfriend Sleep Around?"

So, yesterday I had a doctor's appointment to check out an internal issue. If you know me at all you know that I normally avoid the doctor's office unless my face has swollen to twice its normal size, which should give you an idea of just how concerned I was about what he might have to tell me. (I'll immediately put you at ease and let you know it was absolutely a non-issue - happens all the time, just not to me. It appears that I get a little health insurance and suddenly I turn into quite the hypochondriac.) Anyway, what I found about going to the doctor's office with any sort of plumbing concern is that the doctor immediately goes to one thought: you must be a dirty, dirty boy. Apparently, the issue that I was dealing with is the first red flag of about a dozen different sexually transmitted diseases. It is also the first red flag of several hundred non-sexually transmitted diseases, but I would guess those just aren't nearly as much fun when it comes to getting a patient history.

The thing is, because of the way my doctor's office is set-up I don't always see the same person - I get whichever doctor is available when I can come in. As such, this was the first time I was meeting this particular doctor. Therefore we don't have that familiar, comfortable relationship where he can just fire off the questions he needed to. And while I respect his polite nature, it really made for some awkward pauses as he would repeatedly take a moment to try and figure out the best way to ask me just where I had been dipping the company pen. The conversation went a little something like this:

Dr.: You know, it's important that you stay safe out there.
Me: I know that.
Dr.: And I mean, every time.
Me: Yep, got it.
Dr.: And... the thing is... it can't just be on your end. You have to make sure that your... (Long pause while he guesses if I'm gay or not.) ...partners are as well.
Me: Understood. (Inside voice: First off, not gay. But please, God, just end this conversation.)
Dr.: I mean, even if they say they are, you should be diligent. (Raises eyebrow slightly, with a please-understand-what-I'm-implying head tilt.)
Me: Message received.
Dr.: I'm saying your girlfriend could be a slut and cheating on you.

Alright, I made that last line up. Still, it was like the worst birds-and-bees speech ever. Now, while I really did like this doctor and will have no problem going back to him, I just want to say I do not envy this man's children. Aren't doctors supposed to be experienced professionals at talking about this sort of thing?