A Letter To My New Nephew

Dear D-Mac,

First off, welcome to the family. I can't even begin to tell you how excited we all are that you are here. It's going to be a little odd dealing with a little boy after the onslaught of girls that came before you, but we're going to do our best. Actually, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. You see, I'm sure your dad is going to do a great job of teaching you all the 'guy stuff' that you need to get through life: spitting, how to change a tire, how to throw a baseball and, because of who your father is, how to build a lightsaber and play Frisbee golf. But, the thing is that your dad never had sisters and you've already got a couple older sisters waiting for you at home. This is where I come in. You see, I also grew up with a couple older sisters, which is why you and I are going to share a special bond. I've lived through it and I figured I should give you a heads up on some of the things you want to know going in, to save you the time of having to learn it on your own.

-One of the first thing you need to know about having older sisters is that you're going to learn a lot of unwanted information. This comes with the territory of bringing up the rear in any family because until you get old enough to be left home alone, you get dragged to a lot of functions you normally wouldn't choose to attend. Unfortunately, since you're following two girls, that means you are going to learn some things that won't be very helpful in the long run. You're going to know a lot about things like Barbie Dolls, Disney Princesses, ballet, gymnastics, making a French braid, lyrics to songs by boy-bands and picking out a prom dress. And, for some reason, these will be the things that stick in your head.

-Another thing I want to clue you in on, because I know you and you sisters are sharing a wall: when your sisters knock on your bedroom wall and ask you to come in for a second, don't go - it's a trick. They're going to tell you that they need to talk to you about something really important, but that's a lie. They just want you to either turn off their lights or bring them some water without having to get out of bed. I know that in your mind you'll think this could be the one time that it actually turns out to be important, but it won't be. It's never important. I fell for this every time. Don't repeat my mistake.

-So, there is one last thing about sisters and this is very important. No matter how frustrated you get with them, you can't hit your sisters. Oh, and this is strictly a one-way street. Welcome to being a brother. I know your mom and Mamo are going to tell you that the girls shouldn't be hitting you anyway, but when you get a little older I'll tell you about the time Auntie Amy gave me a black eye after she hit me in the face with Barbie's Corvette. The good news is that they stop hitting as soon as you get bigger than them which, because you are a male Rakauskas/Brenizer hybrid, should be by the time you're seven.

Now, I don't want you to think that having older sisters is all bad. Actually, it's a pretty sweet deal. Plus, you lucked out because not only are your sisters already pretty great, they're being trained by my older sister, who was awesome. Older sisters means you always have someone to play with, there is always someone there to help with things like tying your shoes until you get the hang of it and older sisters are some of the best bodyguards you could ever find once school starts. Not to mention, siblings share all sorts of fun secrets. (You should know, however, that while your parents will pretend they are completely unaware of these secrets, they know everything because you and your sisters aren't nearly as slick as you think.)

So, David, there's a couple things to get you started. There is a lot more you'll find out about as you go along, but I'm going to let you find that out for yourself. I wouldn't want to ruin the surprises. Just know that if you have any questions, I'm always here to help.

Love you,
-Uncle Tommy