Get This Man A Good Script

Having taken several marketing classes in college, I'm probably over-sensitive to ads on TV. I study them a little too closely and read way too much into what programs they are shown on, as if the fact I keep seeing the same ones repeatedly says something about me as a person. I almost get personally offended by the the fact that marketing professionals assume because I like golf it automatically means I must need investment advice, erectile dysfunction medication and a Cadillac. (Alright, I do want an Escalade.) But what really annoys me is when I keep seeing the same action movie trailer over and over again. Just because I watch a lot of sports does not mean I don't occasionally want to see a movie that makes me think. I was reminded of this over the weekend as I saw the trailer for the new runaway-train movie, Unstoppable, roughly 200 times. The movie is about a train that has mysteriously bypassed every one of the 400 safety measures that would realistically be in place and is now speeding down the track at roughly 4,000 miles an hour with no one behind the controls. And, wouldn't you know it, it is carrying a deadly substance that will wipe out the known universe if it crashes (which means in reality it would be closer to 800 safety measures). Now the only ones left to stop it are the crusty veteran engineer who has seen it all in this job (Denzel Washington) and a rookie on his first day (played by the new Captain Kirk). It's Speed meets Silver Streak meets an episode of Thomas the Tank Engine. In other words, it's probably gonna suck.

Now, watching Hollywood change one aspect of a movie we've already seen 100 times and then trying to sell it to us as a completely original idea is nothing new. ("This time the main character is black and the car is actually a boat! It's totally different!") Frankly, I have come to expect the lack of creativity. The person that I feel the worst for in all this is Washington. I've always like Denzel Washington and this trailer just bummed me out. Seriously, this is the best movie we could find for a two-time Oscar winner? This looks to be a role that could have been filled by any number of the good-but-not-great actors working today. You don't need serious acting chops to pretend to drive a train. I get that by adding a name like Denzel Washington to the project the budget probably tripled, but most of that had to go to paying Denzel. And what could Washington possibly get from this movie, other than a large sum of money? Also, if he needs the money this badly I really think he needs to talk to whoever is managing his finances. The sad thing is that this will be just another in a long line of misses for Denzel. If this movie is as bad as I think it is going to be, that means it will have been 4 years since his last good movie, American Gangster (and even that wasn't all that great). Watching him turn out clunker after clunker is getting sad.

Hollywood needs to get together and start offering Denzel Washington better movies to do. A quick look at Washington's IMDB page shows he only makes around one movie a year. You mean to tell me that Unstoppable was the best of the scripts that landed in his lap during that time? The only conclusion I can reach from all this is that he isn't being offered anything better, which I have a hard time coming to grips with. I once heard an interview in which Washington mentioned that he would love to do a comedy, but he never gets offered those kinds of roles. That is unthinkable to me. It sounds like people are so convince he'll say no that they don't even ask. What is the worst thing that happens? So he says no and he doesn't want to be in your movie - at least you tried. Also, what makes you so convinced he's going to turn your movie down? He's making movies like The Book of Eli. I seriously doubt he's got stacks of scripts to sort through and he's agonizing over which of these potential blockbusters he is going to choose from. Denzel is going to turn down 100% of the scripts he is not offered, so someone out there, I'm begging you, offer him a good movie. Otherwise he's going to keep making terrible career choices and someone is going to come and take his Oscars back.