He Actually Did It

One of the oldest jokes out there is the one where a comedian notices that athletes always want to thank God after a big win, but no one ever goes the other way and blames God after they lose. No one ever looks in the camera and says things like, "We would have won the game... if only Jesus hadn't made me fumble." Well, this week an athlete actually did that. After dropping what would have been a sure touchdown to give the Buffalo Bills a huge upset win in overtime against the Pittsburgh Steelers, Bills wide receiver Steve Johnson took to Twitter and appeared to blame God, Tweeting:

I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO...

First off, someone needs to explain to Steve that if God were to read Twitter he would probably be like everyone else and make fun of Johnson for the over-use of all caps and exclamation points. As it is, the editor in me really wants to ask if all those exclamation points were worth sacrificing good grammar. (After all, it does make the sentiment behind the 'thx' at the end ring a little hollow when you aren't willing to take out a couple question makes and exclamation points for the sake of fully spelling out an important word like 'Thanks.') And, if Steve were to think about it, at least the Bills covered the 11 point spread, so God probably made a killing if he backed the Bills.

-Besides, after reading another story this morning, I'm sure God is far too busy hating this next person to worry about Steve Johnson and his inability to catch easy passes: a couple week ago, long-time NHL coach Pat Burns died following a lengthy bout with cancer. Then, as his ashes were being interred into a mini-Stanley Cup for his wife, someone broke into her car and stole some of her dead husband's belongings. The thieves made off with watches, jewelry and 30 autographed jerseys, some of which were going to be auctioned off for cancer charities, and which police say prove that the thieves knew who's car they were robbing. They even took a family photo. See, now that guy just sucks at life.