Internet To The Rescue

If I have learned anything over the last month it is that you should never use the Internet to self-diagnose a medical question. The worldwide web is full of people who are going to jump to the worst-case scenario in any situation and would like you to come along with them. Just know they are wrong and all you are doing is making yourself sicker with worry. Leave the medical stuff to the people with degrees. Instead you should use the Internet for its real purpose: saving you from having to watch terrible movies by revealing their endings.

The other night I was flipping around and landed on a channel which was about to start a movie titled, Wristcutters: A Love Story. Intrigued by the title, I clicked guide to gain more information. According to the summary, it is a comedy about a guy who kills himself after a tough break-up and find himself in a limbo-like world in which everything is just like it is here, only slightly worse because all the colors of the world are muted and no one has the ability to smile. I know it already sounds like a laugh riot... but wait, it gets funnier. The man finds out that his ex-girlfriend killed herself a month after he did and that she is now in the same limbo world, so he sets off on a quest to find her, meeting a cast of strange characters along the way.

Here was where my problem started: I wasn't tired and there was nothing else on. Plus, according to the menu it was only a half an hour long. I figured I could sit through a quirky short film for thirty minutes. Not to mention, with the way movie channels work I figured it was closer to twenty-five. But, twenty-eight laugh-less minutes later the movie showed no signs of being even remotely close to a conclusion (or being quirky enough to be funny). It was at that point I realised the other thing working against me: daylight savings. This was the night we rolled the clocks back an hour and it had obviously screwed up the cable menu. They took the step of rolling back everything on the guide starting at midnight instead of 2 AM. That meant that this terrible movie wasn't ending for another hour.

I thought about forgoing the rest of the film but, dammit, I had already invested the half-hour and I hate not finishing things. I just wanted to know if he ever found his ex-girlfriend. It was at that point I remembered my dear friend, the Internet. A thirty-second Google search led me to a Wikipedia page for the film. (By the way, I never know who the people who update Wikipedia pages are to begin with, but if you're the person updating the Wristcutters' Wikipedia page and you didn't write, direct or star in it, you need another hobby.) Fortunately for me, this page also revealed the ending to the movie. Now, I'm not going to tell you how it ends in case someone stumbles upon this post by accident while looking for a review of the movie or something along those lines. Just know that it sounds like a pretty stupid ending and if had I stayed awake to see it I would have been pissed at myself. So, thank you, Internet. You really are good for things other than fantasy football stats and videos of bears falling out of trees and onto trampolines.