The Cash-Only Lane

I have made my peace with being the last person who still prefers to pay for stuff with cash. I get it - getting change in the form of coins is a pain and debit cards are easier and faster than a trip to the ATM. While I concede those points, I would still rather simply give people actual money in exchange for their goods or services and then be given back any money that may be left over. However, I understand I am fighting a losing battle. I'm sure we are just a few years from companies not even accepting cash and everything will have to be done through cards. I guess my only request is that if the rest of the world is going to keep swiping cards through every time they want to buy a pack of gum, then the least you could do for me is speed up the transaction.

Recently I was in the grocery store. I needed one item. I located it quickly and discovered it was $7.28. I happen to have $8 in my hand. I went back to the front of the store, to the express lanes, where people are allegedly limited to 12 items or fewer. This entire process was looking as though it was going to take me less than 4 minutes. I had the option of two lines. In the right line was an old lady who appeared to be 90% done scanning her basket filled with way more than 12 items and a teenager with only a drink in his hand. The left lane was three middle aged people, a man, a woman and then another man, all who had 5-10 items. Thinking that clearly two is better than three, I went with the right line.

It was the wrong choice.

First, the old lady kept pulling items from her basket like it was some kind of damn magic show. Then, she decided to pay by check. While that itself was odd, I could have lived with it if she had been ready. Of course she was not. First she had to find her checkbook and then she was on the hunt for a pen. Meanwhile the line to my right was already halfway through the second shopper. By the time the old woman had her bags ready to go the third guy was preparing to have his items scanned. Still, I didn't think it was that big of a deal because in front of me was the teenager. He clearly had just left school was buying cookies and soda as a snack. Surely, he would be fast and I would get to the register at roughly the same time I would have had I been in the other lane. Alas, I was wrong again. This kids whips out a debit card for his purchase of $2.77. Making matters worse is that his card was unsigned, so the clerk had to ask for ID, which of course he did not have ready either. I was still standing in line as the person who was in what should have been my spot in the left lane paid for their items and left.

In this day and age of self-checkout and express lanes, I'm kind of surprised to see that more stores don't have a cash-only lane. There is a gas station near my house where it costs less for a gallon of gas if you pay with cash because it saves the station from paying an additional card fee. I have to imagine this is something grocery stores would be interested in as well. Announce beforehand that you plan to pay with cash and get a discount. (Oh, and if you try and be all sneaky by announcing after everything has been scanned that you don't have enough cash and have to pay by debit the amount will revert back to non-cash prices.) Not only will this save the companies the fee they are charged by bank cards, increasing the company profits and allowing them to hire more people but the cashiers will have to deal with actual money and make real change, so they have to stay competent with math. I just fixed the economy and the sagging U.S. test scores in math. You're welcome, America. Now, please, get the hell out of my line if you have more than 12 items.